Chapter XVIII - Now I know you are safe

Sarek determined that Spock would redo his training. Kirk felt offended at not being consulted, but even more offended because Spock wasn't consulted. It didn't seem fair that he didn't have the right of self-determination, even if he wasn't in his perfect state of mind. However, there was nothing he could do about it. He was sure that Sarek wanted the best for his son, even if he was acting in his own Vulcan emotionally constipated way.

As he was forbidden to meet with Spock during this training, he didn't know what to do with his free time. He hadn't had free time from what seemed like years, and felt lost. Free time indulged his mind in unwanted thoughts easily, and he wasn't able to handle it. He was almost deciding that surrendering to the Federation wouldn't be so bad. Damn, if he continued so bored for any longer, even surrendering to the Klingons would begin to seem like a good idea.

He heard a soft knock on the door he had learned to recognize in recent months, it was Amanda. "Come in" he said as he sat on the bed.

"Jim, I'm sorry for how Sarek excluded you from Spock's recovery. My husband is a brilliant diplomat, but sometimes he can be a bit... I guess you know what I mean, Spock is in many ways similar to his father."

She was smiling, and her voice was cheerful and gentle again. In recent days, the weight of recent months has been lifted from her shoulders and she felt light again. Kirk couldn't forget that the return of Spock was also a miracle for her. He had lost a piece of his own soul, but she had lost her only son. He couldn't say what suffering was greater. No parent should bury their child, but he was certain that Spock's death affected him far more than David's death. Still, he met his son for only a few weeks, and hardly spent any time with him, while Amanda had already proved that she was a devoted mother. Spock could have picked much from his father, but it was Amanda's touch that he saw more.

"It's alright, I understand why he's doing it. What happened was scary, it was like I ceased to exist. I understand why he thinks we need space."

He blushed slightly when he realized that Amanda had seen him and Spock kissing in desperation, as if they needed the contact to live. But she graciously said nothing about it.

"Sarek wants Spock to become the perfect Vulcan again, but don't think he despises the humanity in him. And don't worry, I will ensure that Spock remember exactly how human he is. Vulcans can be very stubborn, and Spock's biggest tantrum was ignoring his human side, but there is something of me in him and I know I can reach it."

Kirk smiled. "There's a lot of you in him as well, although it took me too long to figure it out."