Iodine ch.3: Truth

"So mom. When I was away... It wasn't all sunshine and smiles." Eric started talking. He was speaking slowly carefully choosing his words. "Do you remember that bartender course I did? Well it was all part of my plan to get out of here. I needed change and that's why I left." Liane was just silently listening to her sons story. She was looking at him not daring to take her eyes off, on other side Eric was looking everywhere but at her. "I did this course to find myself part time job as bartender in one of clubs near university. Those all always well paid and not too hard so it was perfect. I still got plenty of time to study. Well aside from studying there wasn't much I was doing, I just got no free time... People there... there wasn't lot of fat people and those weren't people I'd like to hang out with... I wanted to change since nobody really talked with me. And that's where problems started..."

…

It was around second month of school year. I started to hate how I looked. At first I tried to take my mind off of it eating, but it made me hate myself even more. Then I tried eating less. It was awful.

Each time I ate I remembered how fat I am. From day to day I gradually ate less and less. Each time I've ate I heard 'fat ass', and so one day I stopped eating. I kept it for two days. Yes. Two day with no food. Then I broke up an I decided it's no use. For next few days I was constantly eating. I didn't matter if I was hungry or not. I just did.

After those few days I came to my senses and started hating myself even more. I was constantly angry, people around were too afraid to even talk to me, except those two. Niko and Steph, they were my room-mates. I was doing my best to avoid them, to act casually near them. It was hard, just like work. Smiling at people ordering drinks and looking friendly was hard for me then.

I was so depressed I was considering worst scenarios. But each time memories from past were coming up and I'd stop and continue.

I was jumping from not eating to eating without restraints. Constantly in bad mood and depressed. Steph was first to notice, and act. One day she just came to me and started talking how balanced diet is important and how exercising helps it. And she got those meal plans. And rambled how not eating is unhealthy. At first I was mad and shouted at her to leave me alone. She just said it's just a random thought she wanted to share and left, leaving papers for me to look at.

At first I ignored it. And circles continued.

When decided to finally start diet like Steph recommended. At first I started loosing weight and my mood wasn't as bad. I wasn't constantly hungry so I guessed it was good. And I started exercising. Nothing to big so that no one would notice.

It lasted week, then weight gain started. I thought it's happening at beginning of diet, so I just tried ignoring it. After another week I started loosing weight again. I calmed down a bit.

When process repeated itself again I decided to throw my pride out trough window and told Steph about it. She was surprised about weight jumps and recommended visiting her sister who was doctor working near university. I did. I wasn't beaming with enthusiasm but I did it go anyway. I got some of my blood taken and some test were made after which I was send home. Week later results came in.

It wasn't good. Sugar, some vitamins... Everything was off. Since then I have to take all kinds of pills to keep those in check. And iodine for metabolism.

After this I got to go to psychiatrist with my mental problems. Depression and shit. I... my mind stopped acknowledging sugar. I just started vomiting at it's sole sight. And psychiatrist was supposed to help with this. And I got to start taking insulin.

Getting it all sorted out took me two years. During this time I befriended Steph and Nico. And lost weight. Too much of it as some say, for me it's fine I'm me no matter what. I'm still wondering how I managed to keep top grades trough all this. What was hardest was not calling here and just crying it all on phone. But I kept repeating myself that I don't want you to worry mom. And I was ashamed. There were days when I'd not think about you, but there wasn't a single day I'd forget...

…

"Forget who popkins?" Liane asked as Cartman stopped. She wasn't mad. Just shocked. And bit mad at herself she never pushed him to tell her what he's doing. She always knew he was lying when calling her but she never pushed it.

"Kyle, mom. And I left to forget him." Eric finally said after long silent pause. Liane wasn't surprised. She always knew Eric got some sort of obsession towards his friend. "Why? Even now he won't stop haunting me. He never did. I don't remember how often I'd turn around whenever I'd see ginger. I don't remember how many love letters I wrote to him and never send – the all got burned. It shouldn't been happening. Five years I tried to forget, but I didn't. I occupied myself with studies and work to no think, but everyday before I'd fell asleep I keep thinking about how I apologised and how he hadn't believed me." he started silently crying.

"Come on popkins. It happens." Liane rubbed her sons back in attempt to calm him down.

"I never fell in love. No matter who confessed to me I never felt it. Seeing Niko and Steph get together... I was jealous. Jealous that me and Kyle would never have this kind of relationship. All I could think about was Kyle mom.

"Maybe You should tell him how you feel?" Liane proposed. "I'm sure it will make things better."

"It won't mom. His other hates me, I know it. I've seen her look at me. Even if she's impressed by my achievements... Besides we're both guys... She'd never say 'yes' to it."

"Well, she accepted fact hat Kyle is gay." Liane said.

"She did?" Now Cartman was lost. It was impossible. She was worse than he when it came to this. He wanted to laugh. "And I guess she tries finding Kyle some nice guy?"

"She does." Liane confirmed. Now Cartman broke and started laughing historically. All his hopes crumbled down shattering by his feet.

"It's done. I'm out of chance. She hates me." Eric mumbled.

"Don't say that. I'm sure you can still get her to like you. She invited us for dinner." Liane noted. 'Great. Eric thought. He was sure Sheila will also invite one of Kyles potential boyfriends. He was so done...

Still bit short. Next time Eric confronts his rival and Sheila Broflovski at dinner. Will both sides come out alive or will heads roll? Will Eric be able to keep calm?

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