Sunday August 27th

5 minute later

Still in the park, under our tree, still with Jas

Rosie has joined us, along with a stuffed pig. And I don't mean like those a pig with stuffing, like they do in Hamburger-a-gogo because the pilgies, and hawain tribes came together over a turkey with stuffing in it. I mean like a stuffed owl only it's a pig. Like Jas's owls. Only it's still not an owl.

5 seconds later

I said, "Rosie, why do you have a stuffed moose?"

Rosie said, "It's my spiritual adviser." She squeezed his nose.

1 second later

And it doesn't even oink. It makes this high pitched squealing sound, and then it chirps.

Rosie said, "His name is didgeridoo, because of his love for peace, carpets, and music."

She has completely lost it. Again.

5 minutes later

We're trying to have a guy-ey conversation. But Rosie keeps shouting out "Nungas!", and squeezes Didgie's nose, so it's not really going anywhere.

30 minutes later

Dave the Laugh has joined our conversation.

Dave said, "So what's the goss, girlies?"

I said, "Dave we don't say girlies."

"Well, whatevs. I have a hair-care question. You know when you put conditioner in your hair and it gets all soft, and smells nice? Well-"

Rosie said, "Dave, we're boys, we don't know about hair-care. Ask Sven."

"Ughh! Fine." He got up and hip wiggled, hair flicked over to Sven.

Dave was getting even more into it than Sven was.

2 minute later

Rest of the Ace gang showed up with their girlfriends. Wait a minute. I just realized something…when we were girls we didn't play footie. So that means that the guy-girls can't play footie.

30 seconds later

Middle of field

I explained to the guy-girls, Edward, Dave, and Ellen's newest love interest, and friend of Rollo's, Declan, who had recently joined us, after the falling out, of Peter and Ellen, oh, and Sven, that the guy-girls can't play footie, because the girl-guys never would.

Declan said, "That means that you guys, I mean girl-guys have to play footie then. And we get to talk about make-up, shoes, and beards."

He is not on my good side.

Merde.

20 minutes later

I already don't like games during Stalag 14, outside of it is just unbearable. I keep tripping over my pants, and my hair is getting in my eyes. Why did I get the long haired wig? I have to look in to shaving it.

Thursday September 1st

Robbie's House

5pm

I forgot how good of a snogger he was.

He randomly stops though, and just looks into my eyes. I like to think he's thinking, "Cor, and also phwoar. I can't believe I ever chose marsupials over this beautiful creature. But I really would love to know the reason behind her pants (oo-er).

20 minutes later

I heard the front door open, we both stopped snogging.

It was Tom.

Merde. And also crap.

He was doing something on his phone so he didn't notice me right away. I took this time to jump up, grab my wig, and run out of the house saying things like "Must dash, things to see, people to do….pip pip!"

I wish I didn't have jelloid knickers around the SG. But he is a Sex God, how else CAN you act?

30 seconds later

I'll tell you this for free, not un-jelloidly is the only option you have. I just wish when I was around him that I could take my jelloid knickers off (oooo-er), and be normal(ish).

8:30pm

Bed of whatsit

Uncle Eddie is here. God help us all.

5 minutes later

I'll just use what's left of my strength, because I've been snogging the SG, to recount on how we came to be again.

Jas and I had ended the footie game, which had been going horribly, because we had to go work. When we got to the grocery, Robbie was there, and he smiled at me and said "Hey, Gee, Jas." He has a gorgey porgey smile.

Jas said, "Hi Robbie, were you just leaving?"

He said, "Actually I was, but I had needed to talk to Georgia. Will you come outside with me for a second?"

He took my hand and led me outside to the side of the store. At this point, I was just focusing on sucking in my nostrils. Then I remembered that I was dressed as a guy, who had just played footie in the heat. Oh God. I probably looked like a shiny and red faced loon. On loon tablets. In loon land.

Once I got a hold of my brain, I noticed that he was doing that staring-at-me-waiting thing.

I let a smile play around my lips; in a way that I liked to think was attractive, even though I had NO make-up on.

Then he snogged me. (As we were walking around the corner, I took my wig off, so it wasn't like Robbie was on the turn or anything.) Like he couldn't get enough of me. And who could really blame him? We snogged for a while, until Jas came around to get me.

She kept saying things like "What?" and "How?" and "What?"

But I was on cloud 9 1/2, and was not going to let her ruin it by yelling at me over what happened. So I hummed merrily as I worked. Or whistled as I worked, like those dwarfs in Snow Blanc do.

I guess now I can say Robbie and I are official snogging partners. He says he doesn't want to go back to Kiwi-a-gogo land for a while, that he wants to stay here, and be with his family. AND ME!

9:00pm

Uncle Eddie knocked on the door. Well I'd like to think he had that much courtesy, but he doesn't. He just walked right into my room.

He looked especially red and baldy. He was wearing a shirt that said "She wants me" with an arrow pointing right. How funny.

2 seconds later

Not.

Anyways, he was laughing really hard. Once he finally composed himself, he said, "Gee, you'll love this one. What did the hurricane say to the volcano?"

I sighed, "I don't know. What?"

"Hold on to your nuts, this ain't gonna be your typical blow job!"

And he fell to the ground because he was laughing so hard.

10:25pm

He finally left after about a million years of laughing.

I've just realized something. Does this mean I'm finally off the rack of love? All my days of nib libbling Robbie have led us to this.

No, that's Dave who does the nib libbling. Oh, Robbie was the one who did varying pressure.

1 minute later.

Damn. That was Masimo. Speaking of the Lurrrve God, when does he get back?

I got out the letter he sent me, he also included a picture of him on the beach. Phwoaaar!

2 minutes later

Right. He's coming back the 25th.

I hope this stupid bet is over by then. If it's not, then it will be even harder to be with him. It's already hard enough to talk when I'm not a transvestite. Now that I am, he's going to be losstererer than ever.

By why should that matter? I'm off the rack of love, I've bought my Robbie the Tart, and am leaving the cake shop of agony.

30 seconds later

Isn't it Dave the Tart?