A/N I'm so full of hilariosity. Tell me what part you think is the funniest. And 10 points if you can guess what part made me laugh the hardest. Hint: It's a little phrase. Oh God…hahahahahahahahaha, it's so funny!
Saturday September 9th
Bedroom
9:30am
Do you know what I would be doing right now if I weren't a transvestite and didn't have mononucletitis? I would be doing my facial mask, and have cucumbers over my eyes. And I'd be thinking about how much fun I'd have during the gig. And how much snogging Masimo and I would be doing after the gig. And- what? Masimo! Blimey.
30 seconds later
Damn, damn, damn, and thrice merde! He's coming back in 15 days. I'll have to explain to him about me being a sudden transvestite, only I can't even tell him why I'm a transvestite, because I'm not allowed to, because that will break my transvestite rules. I'll also have to explain the Snogging Sickness fandango, without actually saying that I have a Snogging Sickness. I'll also have to explain that I've chosen the Sex God. And I'll be under house arrest still. I need to make a list.
2 minutes later
And I'll be filled with throbbing spleens. Oh God.
10 minutes later
Mutti is going to have a grand time cleaning up the bathroom later.
I didn't throw up my spleen though, thankfully.
2 minutes later
Poor me. Just floating along in my boat of sickness. The S.S. Snogging Sickness to be exact. The S.S.S.S…sssssss…
15 minutes later
I'm like that sad bloke Gilligan who can't get off the island. I should get a hat.
11:20am
I've found some yarn, and I'm beginning to knit my sailor hat. I'll knit Dave the Laugh one, too, because he's also floating on his own boat of sickness. I wonder how he's doing. He should be wondering how I'm doing. And sending me flowers, because it's his fault that I boarded this ship in the first place.
Anyways, instead of going out tonight, and getting all my beauty rest done at once so I'll be ready for my Lurrrve God. I mean Sex God. I will be starting tutoring with my mom's friend from aerobics. Guess which one it is?
30 seconds later
Yep. Big Bertha.
10:00pm
Grand news! Not. Bertha isn't a teacher. She was a teacher's assistant for a month, and then got fired because she spent most of the time crying in the supply closet. Charming.
She came over around 7pm, which is when I'd be doing the finishing touches on my outfit, in case you were wondering, and explained to me that she's talked with Slim, and is going to pick up my assignments for me and then try and teach them to me. Ha.
10 minutes later
Bertha's actual name is Anne. I think Bertha is a lot funnier though. Mutti said that Bertha is going to stay with us for a little while. She just broke up with her boyfriend, and she had been living with him, so she's staying with us now. Bertha also has a dog, his or her; I haven't figured it out yet, is named Mumsy. Who names their dog Mumsy? Bertha apparently.
2 minutes later
She's like a mix of Mme. Slack, and Slim, or at least how Slim was. Vair depressing, and large.
30 seconds later
I'm talking about Bertha, not the dog, Mumsy. It should be interesting to see how Angus and Gordy react to Mumsy. But they've been out hunting mice and small lemurs, or whatever lives in the park. So they haven't been formally introduced yet.
5 minutes later
Oh, I stand corrected. There's a lot of barking, and meowing. I think they've met.
10 minutes later
I learned a lot today. For Bertha's first lesson, she made me come to the store with her to get Mumsy some dog treats. We spent two hours going back and forth down the aisle. She kept saying "No, no, no…Mumsy won't be able to chew on these, they're too hard" and "How many treats per pound is in this bag?" On, and on, it was miserable. I eventually just grabbed a bag of dog food, and lay down in the cart.
10:30pm
Phone ring
I might as well get it, seeing as Bertha is drinking with Mumsy in the garden, and my parents are asleep. Sigh. This is my life from now on.
5 minutes later
The Sex God called! He said that his gig went fine, but he kept thinking about me, and wants to come see me! ME! His girlfriend!
11:00pm
On my wall
He should be here any minute. I've showered, which is sadly really the only thing I can do without breaking the transvestite rules. But I know Robbie will look through my trannie-pyjammies to see my real inner beauty. Tee hee.
2 minutes later
Is that him?
30 seconds later.
Oof. I fell off the wall trying to stand up on the wall to see if it was Robbie.
It wasn't.
5 minutes later
Phwoaaar….there he is. He's wearing black t-shirt. Oh he has lovely muscles, and hair. His shirt matches his hair. Oh he's so scrumdiddlyumptious! His walk is all strut-strut-strut. Like a runaway male model.
2 minutes later
Only deffo NOT a homosexualist.
11:30pm
Yes! We've found a loop hole! We can still do ear snogging!
10 minutes later
And number 7!
1 minute later
And numbers 1, 2, 4.5, and 6.75! Vair, vair, fabby!
12:00am
You know when you're having a really good time, so you don't focus on how crap other things are? Well I was doing that. But I remembered that I was still on the S.S.S.S. Dear Lord Sandra in a frock. I feel dizzy.
20 minutes later
I think Robbie noticed that I've gotten all quiet. I think I'm starting to fall asleep. I hate this! First I board the S.S.S.S., and then I'm pretty much quarantined, unless my parents or Bertha want me to do something, and then I can barely see Robbie, and I can't kiss Dave. Blimey.
What am I going to do?
I can't even think straight. Which actually isn't much of a difference from before. If I wasn't mentally, and physically ill, I would have all my thoughts focused on Robbie. But since I'm in the boat of sickness, I can't think straight, therefore I'm confusing Robbie, Masimo, and Dave the Laugh.
1:00am
Boat of illnosity.
Robbie said that I looked really pale (goodie) and should go inside. He left around a half an hour ago. And I'm already missing him soooooooooooooooo much.
I miss all of my mates a lot. Like Jas, Mabs, Jools, Rosie, and Ellen. And my boy-ey type mates. Like…Masimo, and Sven, and erm…Rollo, Tom…and Dave of course.
Maybe if I'm feeling better by Monday, which is definitely a possibility, I'm even feeling better right now; I can convince mutti to let a few mates come over. Like Jas, and Dave.
September 10th
11:30am
Kitchen
Mutti and has said that if I can keep my fever down, and rest all day, that Dave can come over tomorrow! As long as his parents are okay with it. Which I know they will be, hopefully. I think that mutti likes Dave a little more than she should. But ho hum pigs bum!
1 hour later
Bedroom
Lying down thinking calm happy thoughts.
Ommmm….ommmm… calm happy thought number one: Libby is supposed to stay away from me, because mutti doesn't want Libs to catch any of my nucletitis germs. Happy thought number two: I might be able to see my matey boy type mate tomorrow.
Ommmmm…..ommmm…..
5:00pm
I had the weirdest dream ever.
Dave came over, and he had a cane, which he said was for supporting his giant, throbbing spleen which he kept in a jar in his back pocket. He showed it to me.
Erlack a pongoes, every time I think of my spleen being throbbing, and giant, I imagine this deformed heart lying on the ground. Gross.
Anyways, he said that its name was Ron, and he had to keep it on its lead, or it would run away. Well, Ron got off his lead, and started to run away. So I was chasing after it, and I was having a lot of trouble breathing, partially because I could barely breathe in the first place, and partially because I wasn't wearing my extra firm basooma holder, so they were flying everywhere.
Then, Dave jumped on top of me, oo-er, and started hitting me with his cane, and told me to go faster. I eventually fell over, because I was so tired.
And then I noticed that Dave was wearing really short jean shorts, but he had pre-slim Slim legs. I think it might be that cold medicine that mutti gave me that's giving me all these weird dreams.
5:45pm
Maybe I should call Dave and tell him that he might be able to come over tomorrow, if his mutti and vati say that it's okay.
5 minutes later
I can't be arsed to get up at this hour. I'm so tired. I wish I had a mobile.
10 minutes later
I have another point for the "Now that I have mononucletitis…" list. I can't work, so I can't get enough money to get my mobile. Because by the time I can get out of the house (i.e. 2 1/2 centuries) Tom will be back, and he'll be able to work.
6:15pm
Now I'll be a mobileless child, who's stuck in her house forever.
A/N I've been in a bigggg writing mood. Yay! :D