A/N! I have a new betaish! Sounds like fetish. Tee hee. She's vair vair creative, and actually was the one who thought of the Snogging Sickness boat, and some of the things in this chapter, which I won't say, so I don't ruin it, starlight2twilight! Oh, and the part I was talking about in the last chapter was "trannie-pyjammies" I think it's hilarious. Seriously. Just go up to someone and ask "What kind of pajamas do transvestites wear?" And when they say "I don't know" and look at you like you're crazy, say "trannie-pyjammies" and PROVE that you are in fact crazy. You will instantly make a new friend…

I think.

I should right How-To Guides!

Sunday September 11th

8:30am

Up bright an early. Mutti just left, and has said that Dave the Laugh can come over. She said that as long as Anne is here, that it's okay. Like we need a baby sitter. Honestly, Bertha is probably just going to sit in the linen closet and cry.

I called Dave about 10 minutes ago; his mutti is going to drive him over. I've opted for a vair casual look. Well, as casual as you can be when you're in your guy-ey jimjams, about to have a pyjama party on the S.S. Snogging Sickness. I'm wearing plaid boxers, and one of vati's huge- well, huge on me but normal on him, t-shirts. There's the door bell now.

At the door

Dave is wearing Powerpuff Girls jimjams. Très cute even if he (she?) is a girl-guy. Not like I'm on the turn or anything.

I said, "What's that?" and pointed at the pink thermos in his hand.

He smiled, "Soup. My mutti said the way to a man's heart is her stomach. So I made you soup."

I blushed, and didn't really know what to say, so I lead him into the kitchen to get some bowls. Bertha was in there, lucky Dave.

I said, "Anne, this is Dave. Dave, this is Anne."

Dave extended his manicured hand and said, "Nice to meet you, Bertha."

How did he know I called her Bertha?

Bertha said, "Hi, Dave is it? Is that short for Davina or something? I mean not to be rude, but you don't exactly look like a, well a boy."

Dave said, "And you don't look much a like a woman. It's clear that we're both bad a fooling people." And he walked out of the kitchen.

Bertha looked so surprised. I grabbed a bowl and two spoons and ran into the living room.

20 minutes later

Living room

Couch

Dave and I just had the coughing-laughing fit to end all coughing-laughing fits.

I said, "I still (cough, cough) can't believe you said that."

Dave said, "It had to be said (laughity, cough)."

I nodded, he's not lying.

10 minutes later

This is vair good soup. It doesn't have gross clumpy bits in it; it has nice small yummy chunky bits in it.

I said, "This soup is très bonne, Hornmeister."

He said, "Thank you, kitty kat. I spent all morning cooking it, only started two fires."

"A new record!"

1 hour later

Oh good, Mumsy has woken up.

He trotted; well more like wobbled out into the living room and is trying to hop up on the couch. Mumsy isn't on the tiny side of the latter.

To clear things up, the latter is like the well the middle of being fat and skinny. So if you're on the fat side of the latter, you're not skinny, and if you're on the skinny side of the latter then you're not exactly fat. Look, just believe me okay?

Anyways, Mumsy is like a lump. She's a bull-pug thing with lots of fur. Probably comes from where ever my vati came from. Which can't be somewhere with mirrors. And he always does this grunting thing. Like a pig. He's like…Hurley from Found.

She tried jumping on the couch, but his/her legs weren't able to lift it up. After 5 minutes of struggling, I decided to be a nice person and lift it up.

Dave said, "Hey there, Mumsy" and scratched her under her chin, "Is it a girl or a boy?"

I said, "I have no idea."

Mumsy laid her head and Dave's lap, and he proceeded to pet her. Until she started to chew on his hand then he pushed her off. Hee hee.

I said, "I think it's a boy, because he looks like a Hurley."

Dave said, "A what?"

"You know that show Found?"

"You mean Lost?"

"Same thing. Well he kind of looks like Hurley from Found. Big, hairy, it fits perfectly."

"You're mad."

"I'm not going down that road again.

5 minutes later

I said, "No, you're mad. How can you not see it?"

"Because he's a dog!"

"Fine, if you think you're so right, go ask Bertha yourself."

"Fine, I will."

20 minutes later

Where the hell is that boy?

In the bathroom

Oh my giddy aunt's bloomers, Bertha is crying on Dave the Laugh's shoulder.

Bertha said, "I gave him…the b-best (cry, cry) year of my life!"

Dave said, "I know, men are terrible. Let it out, Berth-Anne. Davina's here for you." And he rubbed her back, and looked up at me with desperetosity.

"Thank, Dav…ina. Why are you dressed as a girl, anyway? Or a guy?"

Dav(ina) put the box of tissues on Bertha's lap, stood up, and walked away.

I guess he could have been a little more subtle, but he also seemed pretty determined to win this bet.

Bertha looked up as Dave walked out of the loo, and cried even more. Sacre bloody bleu, et quel dommage.

5 minutes later

Bertha is crying on my shoulder.

Bertha said, "And then…h-h-he…dumped me! (Sobbing)".

I had to stop this. Her crying is this annoying high pitched wail. So, I put on my metaphorical cape, and used my creativosity to save the day.

I handed Bertha some lippy and shoved her out of the bathroom, down the stairs and out front door shouting things like "Show glaciosity!" "Find a new bloke!" and "Don't show him how hurt you are!"

20 minutes later

Sitting on the couch again with Dave

I said, "Dave. Why are you staring at my basoomas?"

Dave said, "I'm just making sure they're still there, Gee."

"What do you mean 'they're still there'? Were they planning on running away?"

"No, but since you're now a guy-girl, your body might go along with that transition, and your nunga's might disappear, and no one wants that."

2 minutes later

How did my bra get unhooked?

I said, "Dave, did you just telepathically unhook my bra?"

Dave said, "It worked!"

Cheeky cat.

15 minutes later

Dave said, "Have you ever noticed that 'basoomas' sounds a lot like something a pirate wants? Like, 'Argghh matey! Give me yee basoomas!'"

I said, "I don't think that pirates say 'yee'. I think it's more of an 'err' sound."

Dave said, "I doubt it."

12:00pm

Dave said, "You know when you were talking to Bertha?"

I said, "Yeah?"

Dave said, "You remember what you said about what she should do?"

"Yeah…"

"Isn't that what you did with Robbie?"

I said, "Yes…"

He said really lowly, "And look how well that worked out…" but I don't think I was supposed to hear that part.