September 24th

5:01pm

Bedroom

I said, "What do you mean something like that?"

Jas got really red, and she's already red as is. Well, mostly her nose. I should call her Rudolph. But that's beside's the point. She was red.

Jas said, "Mabs and I were at the newt pond…"

"Of course you were."

She got all huffy, "Mabs has become very interested in nature, too. I like to think I influenced her."

"Of course you did.

"And Mabs said she saw this really rare newt, well it's not entirely rare, but it's usually found in the Eastern part of North America."

"Where?"

"The United States."

"Where?"

HAMBERGER. A. GOGO. LAND."

"Oooh."

Jas threw a jammy dodger at me.

"Wow, Jas, I've never known you to waste a jammy dodger." I made a point at pointing (huh?) at her bum.

"Oy, are you on the turn now? Been cooped up too long as a guy?"

"Shove it."

"Shove it? Shove what?"

"It."

"Where?"

Ugh.

5:20pm

After I explained to Jas that "where" was also The States, she shoved it.

I said, "You never finished your story."

"Oh, right." She fiddled her fringe a bit.

"Jas…"

"Yes, yes. Mabs thought she saw a Red Spotted newt. I got really excited and ran over to where she was."

"Wouldn't that scare it away?"

"No, because she had a newt trapper."

"That's not very humane."

"Look, she got the sodding newt and wanted to show it to me."

"Jeez, Jassy, don't have a nervy b on me."

"I'm sorry, I'm just a little stressed. Tom is barely talking to me."

5:45pm

The short and long of it is that Robbie and Tom are lezzies. Simple dimple.

6:15pm

Jas was about to leave when she started jumping around.

Jas said, "Oh! Oh! I forgot!"

I said, "Do you need to visit the piddly diddly department?

"No! But! I!" She started ruffling through her purse.

Jas said, "I have this!" And she shoved a piece of paper into my hands.

I said, "Why did you give me a paper?"

"Because, when I fell in the newt pond-"

"Wait, you fell in the newt pond? Hahahahahahaha! Did you have newts in your knickers? Hahahahahaha! That's your new name, Newt Knickers! Hahahahaha!" Oh God. !

This time she got really huffdied up. Even for Jas.

"Look, Gee. If you don't want to hear about how I got you a phone for your birthday, then I won't tell you."

Pardon?

I got down on my knees and held onto her leg. "Please, Jas, tell me. I'm very interested!"

6:20pm

After hours of begging, I got her to tell me.

Jas said, "My phone landed into a newt nest. And mutti newt wouldn't let me get to it, so I couldn't get it. Mutti let me order a new one, and it was buy one get one free. So I figured I'd give you the free one."

"Thank you, Jas! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Merci tubs!"

6:25pm

I was hugging Jas and thanking her continuously until the hater of all things nice, vati, came in and told us to shove it. What is with that phrase? I didn't even mean to say it, but it just came out. It sounds quite articulate. I think.

I was just letting Jas out when I opened the door and Davina the Giggle was standing outside.

I said, "Hi, Davina…what are you doing here?"

Dave said, "We need to talk, can you come outside?"

Uh-oh…

6:35pm

He had this sly "I know all" smile. It was weird. Even for him.

6:40pm

I was going to go mad. I said, "What is it, Dave?"

"Davina."

I rolled my eyes. "What is it, DAVINA?"

He said, "I may or may not know that you're not entirely a man."

"Well of course not."

He sighed, "I mean in drag."

Oh. Merde. Did he talk to Robbie? Play it cool, cool as le cucumber.

"I've been devoted to my drag. Look at me now!" I said pointing at my boxers and plain white t-shirt. "If that's not devotification, then what is?"

"Are you wearing knickers under it?"

"What kind of question is that? Of course I'm wearing knickers under them."

"Take them off."

"Dave!"

"Davina."

Davina! I'm not going to take my knickers off for you."

"Oo-er."

"Why do I need to take them off?"

"Because guys don't wear knickers under their boxers; unless you want to forfeit the competition."

"Fine." I started to walk again, hoping to find a nearby loo.

"No, now."

His voice startled me. "Why are you so demanding all of the sudden?"

"Because, I'm already being generous enough to let you still stay in this competition."

I sighed, took my knickers off, and slid them out of the left leg hole of my boxers.

Davina stuck out his hand.

"You WANT my knickers?"

"Oo-er. Just give them to me, Gee."

"You and Jas, so testy."

I gave him my knickers. He took them and tossed them into a bush.

"Jas would quite literally murder you if she saw that."

I heard cheering from behind the bushes.

Dave said, "I bet the tosser's a tenner that I could get your knickers."

Cheers, Dave.

7:00pm

Davina said that we have to start talking with either deep or masculine voices. He also said that he set Ellen up with one of his friends; I think his name is Declan. He's joining in on our bet, too. Dave also has given us opposite names to our gender. He's obviously Davina, I'm George, Ellen is Earl, Declan is Donna, Mabs is Matt, Edward is Erica, Rosie is Ron, and Sven is Cleopatra. Sven chose that name for himself.

Très bizarre.