A/N: Once again thank you all for your reviews. You guys are great! I was quite nervous about that last chapter, it sometimes feels a little personal writing that kind of thing. However, I expect I will be writing more of it. The next chapter is a bit short, I'm not 100% happy with it as it feels like a filler, which I suppose it is..
Chapter 12 - There are no words to fix a broken heart
With a deep intake of breath, Piper pushed open the car door and stood looking at the apartment she shared with Larry. She had decided to use her day off to collect more of her belongings, knowing that Larry would be at work and she could avoid confrontation. She hated confrontation.
She expected that Larry would probably have stopped caring too much about the state of the apartment but she was shocked at just how bad things could get over just two days. She pushed open the door and nearly tripped over a stray shoe which she assumed had been thrown against the wall in a fit of rage. She kicked it aside and walked through the entrance hall into the lounge, she sighed at the sight before her. There were screwed up tissues littering the sofa, the coffee table and surrounding floor, an open pizza box with a stale, barely touched Pizza, a collection of empty beer cans, and a blanket indicating that Larry had slept on the couch. On the coffee table there was a single glass and a whisky bottle. She shook her head, "oh Larry," she said with a sad sigh. This was her mess, not his. She began to tidy up when she heard a cough coming from the bathroom. Her eyes widened as she realised Larry was home. She looked down the hallway to the door, and wondered whether she could run before he noticed she was here. No. She had to face him at some point. Why not now?
Larry walked into the living room wearing just his boxer shorts and one sock. He rubbed the shadowy looking stubble on his chin as he stared at Piper. He didn't seem surprised to see her, he showed no expression at all.
"Hey," she spoke, taking in his unkempt appearance. Her stomach tied itself into a knot as the familiar feeling of guilt began to stir.
"Don't look at me like that," Larry spoke, his voice was gentle.
Piper looked at his blood shot eyes, "like what?"
"Like you feel sorry for me, I can deal with anything else, but not that."
"I am sorry though," Piper tried, though she knew an apology was futile.
"Are you?" He asked sceptically as he moved into the kitchen to put a pot of coffee on.
"Larry, I didn't mean for any of this.. it just.."
"Don't tell me it just happened, Piper. Things like this don't just happen."
Piper considered this. Of course, Larry was right. Her situation was against the odds. What were the chances that their move to LA as a couple, would lead her to 'Book Ends', where her international drug dealer ex-girlfriend also worked. The chances were very slim, but obviously not impossible. She could have walked away from the job, she could have walked away from Alex, or exerted better control over her emotions. Although she knew that wasn't really true. She should have, but she knew that the magnetic pull she felt towards Alex was much stronger than her self control. She couldn't explain this to Larry. How could she tell the man whose heart she had broken in half that this was bigger than them? That he could never have won when pitted against Alex, that the way she felt for Alex wasn't just stronger than the way she could have ever felt for him, it was on an entirely different level to anything she could ever feel for anyone other than Alex. Instead she just agreed with him. It was easier than explaining something unexplainable.
"You're right," she spoke, "I shouldn't have let it go as far as it did."
"How far did it go Piper?" He asked. And although he knew that he wasnt ready for the answer, he wanted to know. He needed to know.
"Not far," Piper told him. It was the truth at least. She and Alex hadn't been 'dating' for very long, and they hadn't done 'that' until last night. She tried not to think about last night, but it was as though her body was remembering for her, her skin recalling the way Alex's skin felt pressed up against her, how her lips felt..
"You're kidding me?" Larry asked, "you called things off with me for someone you hadn't even fucked yet? That's bullshit Piper."
"It's true, I didn't sleep with her while I was still with you." She shut her eyes tightly as she realised she had inadvertently admitted she had slept with Alex in the few days since their break up.
"But you have now," he spat bitterly, nauseous at the thought of Piper with someone else. With Alex. He didn't even know what Alex looked like, he didn't know much about her at all except for the fact her job had taken her around the world, and Piper had travelled with her. He didn't know what her job was, or how it was even possible that of all the places in the world her ex-girlfriend could have been, she lived in the same city as them, and worked at the same place as Piper. It just didn't seem possible.
Piper didn't think that the conversation was going anywhere healthy, so she tried to change the subject.
"Did you go to work yesterday?" She asked, although she knew the answer.
"Oh yeah! I thought I would be at my creative peak right after my girlfriend left me for a woman!"
Piper winced at his harsh tone.
"How could you do this to me, Piper?" Larry asked, he sat down on the sofa and held his head in his hands. "How could you just.." His voice caught, and he wiped away his tears. "What the fuck, Piper?" He growled angrily, his emotions switching from one to another before his thoughts had a chance to catch up.
"I don't know," Piper cried, she wanted to spare his feelings from the confusing truth, so she just played dumb.
She took her place on the sofa beside him and took one of his hands between hers. He flinched at the touch and withdrew his hand from her.
"What am I supposed to do?" he asked her.
She shook her head, "I don't know."
"I don't know," he mimicked her under his breath, "what do you know?"
"I know that you deserve better than this," Piper began-
"No shit," Larry interjected. He knew that he didn't deserve this, but he would never have expected to find himself in this situation. And he couldn't help but think that he wouldn't find anyone who he loved as much as he loved Piper, that he wouldn't ever be happy again. He deserved better than to feel this way.
They remained quiet for a while, Piper trying to think of words that she could offer him, something, anything to help ease his pain. But she had nothing. There simply just weren't any words for this. She reached for his hand again, and this time he allowed her to hold it. When he finally looked up to her, he could see the tears falling from her blue eyes. Without thinking he reached towards her face, and following instincts that felt so natural to him, he wiped the tears away with his thumb.
Piper met his sad brown eyes and smiled at him weakly. "I'm going to miss you, you know?"
"You don't get to say things like that to me," he told her flatly, there was no anger in his voice, he sounded tired.
"I know, I know that it's unfair to say it, but it's true. I will."
Larry looked away from her, and Piper watched him as he brought a hand up to his face. She looked away from him, feeling his need for privacy.
"Why did you come here, Piper?" he asked eventually.
"To get some of my things," she told him.
Larry reached for the whisky. Piper considered stopping him, but decided she really wasn't in any position to tell Larry what to do. Instead she took the bottle from him as he screwed the cap back on, and took a large swig herself. She winced at the burn in her throat. Larry laughed as he watched her screw up her face.
They remained in silence for a while, passing the bottle back and forth to each other as they attempted to numb themselves.
"You will be ok, you know," Piper advised, breaking their silence.
"You think?" he asked. The brown of his eyes had become narrower, his pupils widely dilated.
"Yeah, of course, you have so much going for you," Piper told him, "you have your career," she pointed out, "you're a decent guy, you will find someone who deserves you."
"I just don't understand," he said, tightly shutting his eyes as he tipped the bottle back once more.
"Honestly, I don't understand it myself, I wish I did. I wish I could explain it to you."
"Why her?" Larry asked.
"Because it could never be anyone else," Piper sighed, she took the bottle from him, and took another drink. Her vision was starting to become blurry and she had to concentrate to find focus.
"What?" Larry asked. He opened his eyes and looked at her for an answer.
"It's just Alex," she told him, she knew he wouldn't understand, but that was the explanation.
"When I met you," Larry frowned as he recalled the earlier days of their relationship, "you had been broken up for like what, four months?"
Piper nodded her head, remembering how Larry had helped to ease some of her pain.
"Were you over her?" He asked, "were you ever over her?"
Piper closed her eyes, she knew the truth wouldn't be easy, "No. I wanted to be. I convinced myself that I was. But I would never be. Not really."
Larry nodded his head, he supposed that he understood that at least. He thought about his first love, she had broken his heart too, but he still thought of her fondly. He guessed this wasn't exactly the same, though. He had always been second best to this Alex woman.
"So what was I to you?" he asked, he felt unexpectedly calm as the words fell from his lips.
"You were my Larry," Piper told him with a smile, "you were my amazing boyfriend who I loved very much, who I still love.."
"Just not enough?" He asked.
"It's not really like that," she told him, knowing it wasn't easy to understand, "it's not about how much I love you."
"But how much you love her?" He asked, tears were forming in his eyes.
"I guess that might be the easiest way to explain it, but it's not as black and white as that."
"Nothing ever is," Larry swiped the bottle from her and took another large drink from it.
Piper relaxed into the comfortable sofa and looked around the living room. She could see items which belonged to her, furnishings that she had chosen, and she thought about how this had been her home a few days ago. It didn't feel like home anymore. Home was with Alex, wherever that was, wherever it would take them.
"I guess I better start.." Piper indicated. She stood up from the sofa and felt herself sway a little. They both laughed and she sat back down. "Maybe I will give it a minute or two."
She closed her eyes as she willed herself to sober up enough to at least move, but glad that she felt less anxious about being there with Larry. It hadn't been comfortable, but it hadn't been as awful as she thought it could have been. She couldn't blame him for his anger, or his questions, and he deserved answers to any question he had.
After a few minutes had passed, she left Larry on the sofa, as he continued to make his way through the bottle.
Piper began by opening draws and sorting through the contents, deciding what was necessary and what could be left for another time. She started a pile of items on the bed. It was strange packing up things that she had only just recently unpacked, it only reminded her just how fast it had taken her to fall back in love with Alex. Or had she never really fallen out of love with her? She wasn't sure, and she didn't think it mattered all that much. Fast or not fast, she knew how she felt, and she knew what she wanted. She thought about this morning, waking up to Alex was the only way she felt that she should ever wake up. She felt soft kisses being placed up the back of her neck only seconds after the alarm had sounded, and she turned to pull the woman down into her, kissing her passionately. And then she thought about Larry draining the bottle of whisky in the other room.
"Hey," Larry said, leaning unsteadily against the door-frame.
"Hey," Piper smiled weakly back at him, feeling uneasy about his sudden appearance.
Larry moved across to her as she continued to add to the pile on the bed. He placed a hand on her waist, and tried to pull her towards him, stumbling a little as he tried to keep his balance.
Piper looked up at his bloodshot eyes, "you ok?" she asked, trying to help steady him.
"Mmmh," he nodded, and placed a second hand on her waist, holding the slender woman in front of him.
Piper felt as his hand moved up her body, along her back and towards her neck. It happened so fast that she didn't even have time to register what Larry's intentions were. He pulled her in roughly and kissed her hard. Piper pushed her hands hard against his chest, spitting his lips and his stubble away. Larry pulled her in again, unaware or in spite of her rejection, Piper wasn't sure. Her heart was beating fast, she felt scared of Larry, an emotion she had never associated with the man.
"Come on, one last time," Larry tried to encourage her.
She turned her head quickly as he moved his face towards her.
"Larry! STOP!"
She pushed against him as hard as she could.
Piper watched as Larry stumbled backwards, he twisted in an attempt to put his hands out to grab the chest of draws, missed and fell forwards. There was a loud crack as the front of his head hit the corner of the unit and a thud as he crashed, face down, to the floor. He lay motionless. Piper wasn't sure whether to go to his aid, she could see that he wasn't moving but he had just forced himself on her, what if he tried it again?
Cautiously, she called his name, "Larry?"
Nothing.
"Larry?" She moved a little closer, looking down at the back of his head. She expected to see blood. Placing a hand near to his mouth and nose, she sighed in relief as she felt his slow steady breath against her skin.
She didn't know what to do next. Should she call for an ambulance?
In a panic, she dialled Alex's number and as it rang out, she remembered that she was in work. She dialled the number for the store. Alex would know what to do.
"Book Ends, Natasha speaking, how can I help?"
"Natasha, could you put Alex on for me, its Piper. It's an emergency."
She could hear some shuffling and then silence for a while. She paced up and down beside Larry's still body. It felt like an hour had passed but it had only been a few minutes.
"Pipes?" a raspy voice called her name down the phone. She felt herself ease a little at the familiar sound of her voice.
"It's Larry," she spoke hurriedly, "he's been drinking, he's fallen over and hit his head and now he's not moving."
"Is he breathing?"
"Yeah, but he isn't moving. He hit his head pretty hard."
"Right, send me the address and I will be there as soon as I can."
Piper sent the text as soon as she hung the phone up, and moved down to Larry and began turning him over so that he wasn't face down. As she did, she noticed him begin to stir. She stroked his face as he woke up.
Just as Larry opened his eyes, a knock at the door told Piper that Alex had arrived, she rushed to let her in.
"Hey, how is he?" Alex spoke breathlessly. She had practically ran the entire way from the store.
She followed Piper into the bedroom.
Larry's eyes opened and he lifted a hand to the back of his head, groaning at the pain. He made an attempt to get up, but felt the room spinning around him, so he stopped, propping himself against the dresser.
"Larry?" Piper spoke his name softly.
"Fuck, Piper," he grumbled, "I'm sorry."
Alex looked from Larry to Piper. Why was he sorry? What did he do?
"Not now" Piper mouthed silently.
Larry turned his attention from Piper to Alex, he hadn't known anybody else was in the room with him. He knew in an instant who she must be. Suddenly angry, he attempted to get to his feet. How dare she be in his apartment! In their bedroom!
He stumbled, and grabbed the dresser to steady himself as he stood up, "you," he growled. He swayed a little as his focussed his attention on the stranger.
This woman was the cause of his pain, the reason Piper had left him.
Alex moved to his side, and wrapped an arm around him, "come on, let's sit you down," she said and moved him to the bed.
"Get off me!" He shrugged her away. Alex had half expected this reaction.
"Larry, I think we may have to get you to the hospital," she advised, her voice calm, gentle. Was that pity he could hear?
"I said, get off me!"
Alex stepped away from him and watched as he stumbled towards the bed.
"Piper, do you want to go start the car."
"I can't drive," Piper told her feeling helpless, "I've been drinking a little too.."
"Right," Alex pursed her lips together, "ok, well then if you take Larry's other arm, we will take him down your car and I will drive us to the hospital."
Larry resisted their help at first, but soon found he didn't have the energy to continue. He allowed them to lift him and guide him out of the apartment, down the stairs and into Alex's car.
As Alex drove, Piper sat in the back trying to keep Larry from falling asleep. "I think he might have concussion," she told Alex.
"What happened?" Alex asked, looking at the two of them through the rear view mirror. Why had Piper been drinking?
"Now isn't the time," Piper warned.
"Did he hurt you?!" Alex asked, an edge to her voice.
"No," Piper answered, "he was just drunk, I don't think he really thought about what it was he was doing."
Larry mumbled something in response, but neither of them could comprehend what he had intended to say.
"Are you ok?" Alex asked, with a quick look over her shoulder.
"Yeah, I'm fine, I pushed him away and he lost his balance, hit his head as he fell.."
Alex pushed away her feelings of anger for the barely-concious man, thankful that Piper had been able to push him away. She felt protective over Piper, something which she hadn't felt too much the first time around, when she thought nothing of asking Piper to be a mule and carry heroin across the boarder. She had been selfish then, she had only thought about the money, about the thrill of pulling it off. Danger had just been part of the job, and she had been doing it so successfully for so long that it seemed as though the danger of being caught was an empty threat. But it was different now, it had taken losing Piper once for her to realise how precious she was, and she didn't ever want to put her in danger again.
They pulled into the hospital car-park and walked Larry into the ER. After a few hours of waiting, it was decided that Larry had concussion and would need to be monitored for the rest of the day, and as they didn't know anybody else, the responsibility fell on Piper.
"I guess I'm keeping you company tonight," Piper told Larry as they climbed into the car.
Piper woke the next morning to find that Larry had ignored the doctors advice and had already left for work. She decided that he must have felt well enough to go, considering he skipped work for the last two days in favour of drinking himself silly.
She got herself ready, tidied the place up a little so that Larry wouldn't have to come home to his mess, and took loaded the bag she had packed the day before, into her car. Nikki had offered Piper a shift swap so that she could look after Larry today, but with Larry at work, she found herself with the day off. And, as luck would have it, it was also Alex's day off. She checked the time, it was 9am, and she doubted that Alex would have rolled out of bed yet.
Picking up some breakfast and coffee on the way, Piper smiled to herself as she thought about spending an entire day with Alex. No more sneaking around. They were a real couple now, and as soon as the thought had crossed her mind, she realised that actually they hadn't made anything official. Everything had happened so fast in the last few days that she and Alex hadn't had a chance to discuss the status of their relationship. Were they "together"? It felt like they were. In some ways it felt as though they had never been apart.
Piper made the decision to change that, and she began to form a plan for a third date. She had broken her and Alex up, and she would make sure they were officially back together again.