"Remember- the scan is at 12:30, but Bilbo wants Kili there at 11:45, so he can answer any questions Kili may have before the scan. Don't be a minute late. I mean it, Fili." Thorin instructs me as he grabs his briefcase and heads to the door.

"Yeah, I know, Uncle. Remember? I'm the responsible one."

"Yeah, well, just do it. Text me when it's all over. I may be busy, but I'll try to reply."

"Ok, got it." Thorin starts to say something again, but I cut him off. "Go, we'll be fine. Swear it."

Thorin gives a brisk nod of his head and heads out the door.

You'd think he was sending his kid off to school for the first time ever or something. I'm nervous too, but not that nervous.

I clean up the mess we made at breakfast and look at the clock: 9:30. Kili should be waking up now. When Kili doesn't come downstairs by 10:00, I walk upstairs.

Kili's bedroom door is wide open and he isn't inside. I backtrack down the hall and hear retching from behind the bathroom door. I check the door, it's unlocked. I open and enter.

Kili is hugging the toilet and making the worst noise I have ever heard.

I walk over and hold Kili's curls back and rub soothing circles on his back. After a few minutes, Kili stops and leans back against the wall.

I get up and grab a washcloth, dampening it under the faucet. Kili wipes his mouth with a towel that is lying beside him and I lay the cloth on his head. After a few moments of silence, I ask, "Are you ok? Can you stand up?"

Kili nods his head and allows me to help pull him up.

I walk Kili back to his room where he promptly collapses back onto his bed. "Just nerves." He mutters.

Maybe in part, but not all of it, I think to myself. "Want some water?"

Kili points to his table. "There's a bottle on my nightstand."

"No there isn't," I answer looking at his table, empty of a water bottle.

"Must've fallen off." Kili says weakly.

I search the floor surrounding the table and find the bottle buried beneath an old book and a pillow.

Kili takes a sip and then places the bottle back on the table.

"It's 10:15. We're leaving in an hour."

"But my scan isn't until 12:30." Kili protests.

"Bilbo called and wants you there early just to go over everything once more."

"Great," Kili mumbles. "I'll be ready."

"Wear something comfortable, no metal."

"Yeah, I know. I've seen the list." Kili mumbles closing his eyes.

"I'll let you sleep a little longer, but you had better be ready to leave."

"Fee, I heard you. Now, please go."

I turn off the light and close the door behind me. This is already starting off as a bad day.

We leave the house at 11:15 as planned and arrive at the hospital at 11:40. We then take the elevator to the basement where the outpatient waiting area is.

"Can I help you?" the receptionist, Galadriel according to her nametag, asks from behind the little glass window.

"Yes, my brother is here to meet with Dr. Baggins."

"Just a moment." Galadriel walks out of the room and talks to someone I can't see.

A moment later, Bilbo walks out of the side door into the small waiting area. "Good morning! How are you two today?" His usual friendly smile is plastered on his face.

"Ok considering," I speak on behalf of myself and Kili, who is uncharacteristically quiet.

"If you will follow me, we can talk in private."

Kili and I follow Bilbo through the door he had entered in from and down a small hallway. We stop at a door marked "CONFERENCE ROOM" and enter.

"Please, take a seat." Bilbo suggests, taking a chair himself.

Kili sits down beside me and still doesn't say anything.

Bilbo realizes this and steps in. "You've had a couple of these before, so you are already familiar with the procedure; however, it is required that the technician go over the step-by-step process before giving you the scan. Just remember to stay as still as possible and listen to the commands that will be given to you via the intercom. You will be fine."

Kili finally asks a question. "How long will I have to be coming in for these?"

"Our hope is only for a few weeks. If your tumor continues to grow at a slow rate, we can space the scans out even further."

"And if it grows quickly?"

"Well, if that happens, then we will discuss other forms of treatment. But, I believe that we will not have to go that route."

"Does 'treatment' involve surgery?" Kili asks.

"Surgery is a possibility. With a tumor of your grade though, surgery cannot indefinitely determine that a tumor will not return. Sometimes, the tumor does grow back and it is larger than it was pre-surgery." Bilbo informs us.

"So, it's kind of pointless?" Kili says with a defeated sigh. Apparently he has been considering this option.

"I wouldn't say it's pointless, but it is a possibility that it could do more negative than good. Radiation is your other option. It is a long, tiring process, but you are young and strong." Bilbo looks directly at Kili as he says the last part, trying to add emphasis to his words.

Even the thought of surgery makes me cringe. But, so does the radiation. And if it turned cancerous… I couldn't think about that. It would not come to that. Ever.

"Anything else you want to discuss?" Bilbo asks kindly. When neither of us answer, Bilbo continues with his inquiry. "I know I gave you a list of the symptoms last time we met. How are those so far?"

This time, I answer, knowing Kili wouldn't admit the whole truth. "He's still getting dizzy and the headaches are becoming more frequent. The mood swings are kicking in, too."

Bilbo chuckles. "Oh, that's always the best."

If it were anyone else, I wouldn't laugh. But, I can tell he genuinely cares. "You have no idea."

"I'm right here." Kili states firmly.

"He was also sick this morning. It was the first time. Kili said it was nerves, but I know better than that. It was a mixture of both."

Bilbo looks at Kili. "Have you eaten?" Kili shakes his head no. "I can get you some juice and maybe some crackers. Would that be ok?"

Kili thinks it over for a moment. "Yeah, I think that would be fine. Thank you."

"I'll be right back."

A couple of minutes later, Bilbo returned with two little cups of apple juice and a packet of graham crackers. "Thought you both might enjoy some."

"Thank you," Kili and I answer in unison.

"Well, if you have no further questions, I will be on my way. You can stay in here or return to the waiting area until time for your scan. You still have fifteen minutes. I wish you the best of luck." Bilbo rises and shakes both of our hands.

"Thank you," I say. Kili just nods his head.

We stay in the room, eating the crackers and drinking our juices.

"Is it going to stay down?"

"Yeah, it's fine." Kili replies when he drinks what remains of his juice.

"Well, I guess you should head on back." I give Kili a quick hug. "I'll be right out there in the waiting area, ok? It'll all be fine."

"Yeah, I know. See ya in a while."

Thirty minutes later, Kili enters the waiting area.

"All done?" I ask closing my book.

"Yeah, we're finished." Kili hands me a small piece of paper, "Same time next week."

"All right. Do you want to eat or go home?"

"Whichever."

"Well, I'm hungry. Let's get out of here and eat."

We stop at the Wendy's drive-thru. Kili gets only a small order of fries and a small Sprite. I can tell he isn't feeling well, so I decide I can just microwave my food at home.

Out of the corner of my eye, I see Kili's hand move up to his mouth. We're only five minutes from home, but I don't think he can make it. I merge the car off onto the side of the road. Kili's door opens before I completely stop the car. He leaps out and crawls over to the small ditch.

I turn the car off and shut the door, locking the car.

I shove my keys into my front jeans pocket and run over to where Kili is disposing of the small amount of fries and Sprite he had managed to eat, and probably the small snack Bilbo had given him earlier. After a few minutes, Kili stops heaving and collapses into the grass along the small bank.

Luckily, I keep tissues and hand sanitizer in my car at all times. "I'm going to get something from the car, stay here."

Kili doesn't say anything, so I go with my instinct that he heard me.

I unlock the car and grab the box of tissues, the hand sanitizer, and the water I had been drinking. I lock the car again and make my way back to Kili.

I kneel in front of Kili and tap his left cheek softly. "Hey, bud. Wake up for a sec."

Kili opens his eyes. "This sucks," he moans.

"I know. But, here, take this and wipe your mouth." I hand him a few tissues I have dampened with the water.

Kili feebly wipes his mouth off. Crumbs of tissue left on his chin, stuck to his stubble. He can't grow a full beard like Thorin and I. It just grows to a nice five o'clock shadow and stays there.

I hand Kili the water. "Wash your mouth out."

Kili does so obediently and then takes a few careful sips.

"Can we go now?" Kili asks weakly.

"Yeah, just let me take this stuff back to the car first."

I do that and come back for my brother. "All right, let's go."

Kili is more than willing to let me help him walk back to the car. He stumbles a few times, but when we finally make it to the car, I open the passenger side door and help him inside. I reach across him and grab the hand sanitizer. "Rub this on your hands." He does. I place the small bottle back in the little cubby hole and fasten Kili's seatbelt.

"You ready?" I ask. Kili nods. "Lay your seat back if you want."

I send Thorin a text to tell him about what just happened. Kili has his head against the window, breathing slightly heavily. I suddenly remember his medication is in his room. We need to get home, now. I pull the car back onto the road and make the way home.

When we pull into the garage, Kili opens his door and tries to get out. When he can't move, he begins to panic. "Fili! Fili! Help me!"

I reach over and rub Kili's left arm. "Hey, Kee, calm down. You forgot to unbuckle your seatbelt."

Kili stops shaking. "Oh."

"Go on upstairs, I'll be there in a sec. Ok?"

Kili unbuckles his seatbelt. "Ok."

The disorientation was something new. This was his first experience with it and, honestly, I don't know who it scared more.

I pick up my phone and call Thorin. A text won't do this time.

"Did you make it home?" Thorin immediately asks. I guess he has seen my text.

"Yeah, that's why I was calling you… Kili is starting to experience the disorientation. He had his first attack when we got in the garage." My voice is not as calm as I would like it to be.

"What happened?" Thorin asks concerned.

"He opened his door and started yelling for my help and shaking. I reached over and rubbed his arm to get him to calm down. Uncle, he forgot to unbuckle his seatbelt." I can feel the tears appearing in the corners of my eyes.

"Where is he now?" Thorin's voice is gruff.

"I told him to go upstairs and that I would be there in a few. I'm still in the car."

"Ok, I'll be home in about an hour. Make sure he takes his medicine and try to get him to sleep."

"Ok. See ya in a while." The conversation ends and I head for the house.

"Fili?"

No answer.

I walk up the stairs and knock on Kili's door. "I'm not eating it, Fee."

I open the door and walk in. "Relax. It's me and I don't have food."

Kili lets out a sigh of relief. He looks pale and there is a light sheen of sweat on his brow.

"How are you feeling?"

"Marvelous. The only thing I can keep down is water."

I reach the palm of my hand to Kili's forehead. "You're freezing."

"Yeah, Fee's in the basement getting some more blankets from the winter storage."

"I should probably be getting that stuff out anyway. It's getting cold outside."

"I'm wishing for a beach right now. You can keep the snow." Kili says through his chattering teeth.

I give a small laugh. "Maybe I can just ship you off to some exotic island for the holidays."

"Give me some sunglasses and a couple of girls and I'm in." Kili says with a smirk.

"Keep dreamin', Romeo." Kili gives a small laugh which turns into a cough. "Did you take any medicine?"

"Yeah. Fili practically shoved it down my throat."

"I don't doubt that. Well, he should be back soon. I'm going to go downstairs and start on some dinner. Feel free to join us if you're up to it."

"Don't hold your breath," Kili mumbles.

I close the door behind me. Fili meets me on the stairs, carrying a container full of blankets. "Is he ok?"

"Yeah," I grab one end of the container and help Fili up the remaining stairs. "He's still lying there, freezing."

"Well, I guess I can fix that now."

"I was thinking we should probably be getting those boxes out soon anyway. It's getting pretty cold out. I think we're going to have a harsh winter this year."

"Yeah, I heard the same thing."

"You take care of Kili. I'm going to start on dinner. Let me know if you need anything."

I make my way to the kitchen. Spaghetti is something we haven't had in a while and my nephews both like it. Although, I'm not sure Kili will enjoy anything tonight.

I fill a pot with water and toss some noodles inside. I turn the stove on and set the pan of noodles on top to boil. I grab some butter from the fridge and add it to the noodles. Next, I get some tomato sauce, hamburger meat, and some spices and begin to make the sauce. While the sauce warms in a skillet, I grab the frozen garlic toast from the freezer. I preheat the oven and place the toast onto a cookie sheet. When I hear the beep, I put the bread into the oven. The bread finishes baking the same time the noodles and sauce are ready. Perfect timing.

I grab two plates and fill them with the spaghetti, sauce, and a slice of bread. I place them at the table and add a fork beside each plate. I wipe my hands on a towel, then walk to the stairs. "Dinner's ready!" I call out.

A few minutes later, Fili walks into the kitchen and sits down at his plate. "I gave him a couple of blankets. They seemed to help. He's sleeping now."

We sit in silence for a while. Then, I finally speak. "I wasn't there today, but I'm proud of how you handled everything. The appointment, the accident… this. Bilbo called me after the two of you left. He told me Kili did ok. He also told me about everything you guys covered in your Q & A."

"Everything?" Fili drops his fork and looks at me.

I know what he's talking about. "Yes. We just have to choose to believe that Kili's situation will not come to that."

"It's easier said than done," Fili says with an exhausted sigh. "I want to believe that, but it's hard. And then today… I don't know. I can't- I won't tell him that though. He needs to hear the encouragement because I know he doesn't feel like he can do it. But, after everything that's happened today, it's hard to be strong. It's hard to tell him to be brave and fight, when all I want to do is scream and cry and hit something out of frustration."

I can't think of enough words to help Fili. All I can say is, "I know," because he just described everything I was feeling, too. But, I couldn't admit that to my nephews. They needed me to be strong, and that's what I was going to do. Even if it killed me.