Helena moves into your room. Move may be too formal a descriptor. You simply need to be near each other and gradually, out of necessity to be always near you, Helena's clothes find their way into your closet and dresser drawers. You're astonished at how little she actually has to move into your shared closet. Most of those three suitcases she brought with her were for clothes (that no longer fit), several well-loved books, various sheet music, and a photo album of her family from childhood.
"Don't you have more than this?" you ask surprised as Helena hangs up a blouse.
"No," Helena replies factually. "I haven't really had a permanent home since I was a child and it seemed easier to just rent furnished apartments until I found a place I wanted to live in permanently. Christina and…I mean she has begun to change all that," Helena says before turning away and you wonder if she intended to include you in that sentence.
You haven't really spoken about the end of your stay in London. You love each other and yet you can't seem to broach the topic of whether you should continue your original plan to leave or create a new plan that somehow includes the two of you being together. You're at a loss what to do exactly, you only know you don't want to be without her.
"For the first time in my life, I want a home to call my own," Helena goes on to explain. "It's ironic that the first piece of furniture I've bought isn't even for me, but for Christina; a bassinet for her to sleep in. The next items of furniture I purchase are likely to be for her as well, but it's a start," she smiles at you.
"It's a start," you agree.
Nothing has really changed. You and Helena still cook dinner together. You still take long walks together. You settle on the sofa to read or watch a movie, Helena asleep in your lap long before the movie ends as you run gentle fingers through her hair. Nothing has changed, except everything has changed. You can never be without her again.
And that fact brings its own set of problems, most notably where to live. This excursion to London was never meant to be permanent, but then you never imagined meeting and falling in love with Helena. Denver is your home but London is hers. And there is also Christina to consider. Helena is very nearly seven months pregnant and there is no question that Christina will be born here in London, but then what? And then there is Helena to consider as well. She belongs on a stage, the night of the concert was evidence enough of that and she is already well established within her orchestra.
Lastly, you think about what you want. You don't see your family often as it is, but Pete is in Denver. The thought of not having him near leaves you with a feeling of regret but it doesn't compare to the ache you feel at the mere thought of leaving Helena. That's it then, you know what you need to do.
Helena lies with her head in your lap as you sit cuddled together on the sofa watching a movie. You marvel that you're able to hold her like this. One hand filters through her hair, soothing, while the other lies under Helena's hand covering her stomach where you can both feel the gentle kicks of Christina moving about. Well, they're gentle kicks to you, you're not the one with another tiny human moving about inside you.
A particularly strong kick leaves Helena gasping. "My goodness, she's active tonight," she mutters and you laugh. "I really wish you would talk to your daughter about all this kicking business, really it…"
Helena's words die off when she realizes what she's just said.
Your hand in her hair has stilled completely and you try to regulate your breathing which is becoming harder to do as your heart threatens to beat right out of your chest. You watch as Helena turns wide eyes on you, sitting up and shaking her head.
"Myka…I'm sorry, that just slipped out. I didn't intend anything by it…that is to say, I didn't mean to imply anything…oh bollocks!" she ends at last, dropping her head in her hands. "I know you're not staying…"
"What if I did…stay?" you find yourself asking tremulously.
Helena looks up sharply and you can see the tears threatening to fall. "What?" she whispers.
You shrug self-consciously. "I've been thinking about it…staying…I mean. I can live anywhere; I want to be with you. I love you, Helena."
A soft smile blooms on Helena's face then and she practically launches herself at you, brushing your face with kisses until she finds your lips. Her arms curl around your neck and she's nearly sitting in your lap.
"Yes, yes, yes!" she breathes happily, her laughter filling your ears. "I want to be with you always, Myka Bering," she says leaning her forehead against yours. "You know I love you too."
You nod, trying to catch your breath. Of course you know she loves you, and you love her, and that's all that matters in this moment. You take Helena to bed then, the two of you saying all you need to say with lips and tongue, hands and breaths.
"But what about your family, Myka? I can't ask you to leave them, or your life behind in Denver," Helena says soberly as you lay in bed together.
"Helena, you're not asking me to do anything I don't already want to. You've become the most important person in my life…you and this little one," you say gently cradling her stomach, smiling when Helena covers your hand with hers.
"Are you absolutely certain?" Helena still questions. "I don't want you to feel any remorse or resentment or…"
You silence her rambling with a lingering kiss. When you part, Helena sighs against your skin as you pull her into you, whispering, "I love you Helena, and the only remorse I would feel would be in leaving you, which I will never do."
Helena burrows into your side holding you tighter and you can feel the wet of her tears as they drop onto your shoulder. "I love you, darling." She looks up to meet your eyes. "And I meant what I said before…about Christina being your daughter. The words may have slipped out unintentionally, but I meant them. I feel I'm not alone anymore," she says her eyes glittering with tears.
"You're not alone anymore," you say, "we're a team now."
"We make a good team, don't we?" Helena asks sleepily.
"We do," you agree with a smile before dropping a kiss in her hair. "We absolutely do," you say again as you both settle under the covers to sleep and to dream.
"Pete, I'm going to stay here…with Helena."
The other end of the line remains silent and you grow worried. "Pete, say something…please?"
"Wow, Mykes, that's a big move…in multiple ways."
"I know it is," you say brushing away a tear, "but I love Helena and the baby and I can't imagine living without them now."
"And there's no way she can move here?"
"She's already established here with her music career, I don't want her to give that up and have to start over again. And me, I can cook anywhere and I like my job here."
"Can you keep the job you have now?"
"Yeah, as luck would have it, I was just about to ask the department head about continuing on and they ended up asking me first if I would consider extending my stay," you laugh.
"That's great, Mykes, but we still haven't addressed one very important question. Now where am I supposed to get a four cheese margherita pizza with crust so thin it practically melts on the tongue?" he whines.
You laugh then, knowing Pete is going to be all right.
"Seriously, Mykes, I'm happy for you, but I am going to miss you. It won't be the same without you."
"You mean I won't be around for you to perpetually annoy," you accuse.
"There is that," he agrees, "but I am going to miss you."
"I know, me too," you say. "But we'll still keep in touch, and it's not as if you're completely alone, you have Amanda."
"Very true, and speaking of Amanda, I don't think it will be too difficult persuading her to join me on a trip to London to visit you."
"That would be great, I'd love to introduce you to Helena and Christina someday."
"Christina, huh?"
"Yeah, Christina," you say a smile crossing your lips at the mention of the little girl you expect to meet in less than two months now.
"I can hear you smiling, Mykes," Pete says and you laugh.
"That's a good thing isn't it?"
"Yeah, that's a good thing," he agrees.
"Oh, Pete," you say thinking of one last detail before you end the conversation, "if you do come here to visit, will you bring the rest of my books with you?"
Pete just groans.
Now that the decision has been made to stay in London with Helena, you feel yourself able to breathe easier. You've spoken to your family as well, updating them on recent events. Though surprised by the news you've fallen in love with Helena and also little Christina, they accept the situation, even surprising you in how supportive they are about it, which is everything you hoped for.
There's just one more detail you want to get sorted out before you'll finally feel settled yourself, and that's to make sure Helena feels settled. You've been getting the arrangements made everyday on your lunch breaks for the last week, and today you have the day off to get everything done. You just hope you have enough time to finish before Helena arrives home this afternoon.
After a quick breakfast of omelets, toast and fruit, you and Helena leave the apartment together, parting on the sidewalk the same way you do every morning now, with a brief kiss, a gentle squeeze of hands and a silently mouthed 'I love you'. You watch Helena out of sight before at last beginning the busy day ahead.
You hear the door to the apartment close and realize Helena has just arrived home. Casting a last glance about the room, you're satisfied with your work and step into the hall to find Helena. She's not in the living room, so you move towards the kitchen, suddenly feeling nervous. There's a chance she won't accept what you've done, but it's too late to turn back now as you find Helena sitting at the kitchen table cutting an apple into slices.
She looks up, startled at the sound of your approach. "Myka?" she asks confused as she stands from the table. "What are you doing home early? Are you ill?" she asks concerned, stepping to your side and caressing your cheek.
"I'm okay, Helena," you assure with a smile, taking her hand to press a kiss into her palm.
"Are you sure, Myka? You seem a bit flushed, darling," she says studying you closely.
You laugh then. "I don't doubt it, I've been working frantically all day," you say swiping an apple slice from the table and taking a bite. "And I skipped lunch," you shrug as Helena continues to look at you critically.
"Has something happened at the school today?" she asks still confused.
"I didn't go to class today," you finally confess to Helena's surprised gaze.
"All right, what did you do today?" Helena asks curious.
You sigh, grasping the back of your neck nervously. "I've done something…that I'm not sure how you'll react to."
"What is it, Myka?" Helena's dark brown eyes reflecting worry. "Please just tell me," she pleads.
"It might be better to just show you. But first," you say stepping forward to bring your lips to hers in a searing kiss, "I love you," the words uttered in only a whisper as you watch Helena's eyes flutter open.
"I love you too, Myka," she breathes. "Now what is this all about?"
You take her hand then, leading her through the living room and down the short hallway to what used to be her bedroom. The walk gives you a feeling of déjà vu as you recall that fateful afternoon just a few short weeks ago which has essentially led you to this moment now. Helena's hand squeezes yours, letting you know she is reminded of the similarities of that afternoon too.
Helena gasps when you arrive at the opened doorway. "Myka, what have you done?" she asks stunned as she steps inside. You watch her in silence as she looks around the room, seeing the changing table that doubles as a dresser, the car seat on the floor beside it, the tiny clothes hung in the closet, the small bookshelf with several books, and the glider chair in the corner. She runs her fingers along the smooth wood if the crib, the very same model she admired in the store weeks ago. When she turns at last to look at you, there are tears in her eyes that she tries to brush away.
"You made a nursery for Christina," she says awed. "How did you manage it? What happened to the bed and other furniture that was here?"
"I spoke with the building manager, explaining what I wanted to do and he agreed to have the furniture removed so I could have the baby furniture delivered. I wanted to paint the walls too, but I didn't have the time to do it today…and I thought you might like to decide the color."
Helena shakes her head, covering her mouth as tears begin to fall in earnest. "It's all too much, Myka. I can't begin to repay…"
You step forward taking her into your arms then, feeling her tears soak through your shirt. "Helena, listen, I know it was important to you that you provide for Christina. You've already done so much for her and will continue to do so. But I want to help now…and it's only fair that I help provide for her if…I'm to be her mother too," you say feeling your heart race at the words.
Helena pulls back to stare at you, tears still glistening in her eyes. "Myka, yes, Christina is our daughter," she says before pulling you into a lingering kiss. "You are an incredible woman, Myka Bering, and I love you deeply," she whispers, resting her forehead against yours. "Thank you for this…thank you for everything."
"You're welcome, Helena, I love you, so much." Helena reaches up to kiss you once more, her hands tangling in your hair. You break the kiss after several long moments. "Before we get distracted by other things," you grin, "I want you to come try this glider chair. Even though it's in Christina's room now, and she will benefit from it, the chair is meant for you."
Helena sits down, gliding back and forth as a smile blooms on her face. "Myka, this feels wonderful."
You kneel beside her. "I thought it would be good to have a comfortable chair where you can nurse Christina, sing her lullabies, read her stories or just cuddle," you smile.
"It's lovely, thank you, Myka," she says halting the gliding motion in favor of cupping your cheek to bestow another kiss on your lips.
"Now you havem your first piece of furniture."
"I have so much more than that, I have you, darling," she says before kissing you again. "Allow me to take you to dinner as a way of thank you?"
"How about we order in?" you suggest.
"Even better," Helena agrees before she is kissing you, trailing down your neck before making her way back to your lips.
Needless to say, dinner will be fashionably late.