AN: I'm going to use a quote that spiderclone used in one of the reviews! I hope you don't mind :O
Daylight slowly reveals the carnage and destruction that took place last night – making it seem like something out of a disaster movie. Tents torn apart or burned to crisps, bodies littering the ground unmoving and bloody, and scraps of supplies and personal mementos tossed around like garbage. Wellington's a mess.
Residents are already weeping and burying their loved ones as we pass by. None of them are even remotely happy that we managed to drive off our attackers, due mostly to all they've lost, but also of the realization that they might not be finished. This looks more like a refugee camp than a community now – like the ones that Lee used to talk about whenever he'd get caught up in a historical fact. I keep my eyes glued forward when possible, but sometimes I can't help but gaze at the displaced persons who are silently asking why this had to happen.
I wouldn't wish this situation on anybody.
"This must have been what we heard last night," Luke remarks as he bends down to examine the fallen totem poles. If you look closely, you can see the part that was blown off near the bottom – with splinters sticking out and a few people (now walkers) trapped underneath. Not wanting this to be a hazard, Luke unsheathes his machete and drives it into the skulls of the infected individuals.
Shaking his head, Luke grabs Bonnie's hand and walks away from the grizzly scene, with me following right behind them.
….
"I'm fine, god damn it! Leave it be!" Lilly yells at Lee as he examines her carefully, lifting her shirt up slightly to see the damage as we approach.
"You're not fine, Lilly. You're just being stubborn – there's a bullet in your stomach!"
"Must have learned from the master then," Lilly quips, rolling her eyes, "You're as stubborn as a mule on a hot summer day."
"We'll just let Vernon take a look at you," he concludes, carefully rolling her shirt back down to cover her stomach. When he notices us, his face shows genuine relief. "Oh thank god you're alright… We didn't know what happened after the walkers started showing up."
My insides squeeze together when he brings that up, and I fail to maintain a neutral expression as they notice me. Kenny, Jane and Mike all appear to be relatively stable too, but Kenny's cheek is bruised badly and Jane's got a cut just above her brow line.
"They killed Roman…" Mike explains sadly, "Bastards clipped him, then hopped over the barricade and slit his throat. I killed the guy after, but…"
"How are things back in the bunker?" Lilly asks painfully, making a grunting noise as she looks over at us. I squeeze my eyes tightly to try and block the images from my mind. "Are the others safe inside? We haven't seen Vernon or…"
"Sarah's dead…" I murmur, so quietly that I don't think anyone can hear it. "Walkers broke in and killed her – a bunch of others are dead too…"
"Clem? Nobody can hear you," Kenny says, tilting his head slightly as everyone stares at me. I hate this attention. "Speak up, darlin'."
"The walkers… they got into the bunker," I explain, clutching my arm with regret, "They killed almost everyone, including… Sarah. It was all my fault…"
"Come on, Clem. You know that ain't true…" Luke tries to argue, but there's no denying it this time.
"If I hadn't said to use them to kill the soldiers, then she'd still be here! She was my responsibility, and I failed her."
"Clem, no offense or anything," Kenny interjects, "but you're, what? Twelve? You weren't responsible for her – trust me, it wasn't your fault."
"Well that's a hell of a thing to say! Sarah's gone! And you just brush it off like nothing even happened!" Luke yells, shocked that he could be so casual about this. "So now that your family's gone you just don't give a damn about anyone else?! Is that what's going on here?!"
As soon as Luke mentioned Kenny's family, I knew that he'd get a gun drawn on him. That much was expected. What I haven't noticed yet is what's behind the old fisherman – the young, blonde-haired bearded man with glasses from Nate and Tavia's camp just sitting there; tied up like an animal.
"Why's he there?" I ask, more so to Lilly because I'm not exactly talking to Lee right now, and Kenny's preoccupied with threatening Luke to pay me much mind.
Glancing behind her while still clutching her stomach, Lilly glares at the poor guy sneeringly. "He's the fucker that shot me," Lilly explains, "and he got caught trying to escape with the rest of his people, so we're going to use him as a bargaining chip. We give him back, they leave us alone."
"What's your name?" I ask quietly, going over to stand beside my two old guardians.
"Not that it'd matter much to you sick fucks," he hisses, glowering at me behind his glasses, "but it's Wyatt. And I was Eddie's best fucking friend, until this son of a bitch over here murdered him."
Realization hits me suddenly – I'm the only person from our group that knows about what happened at Nate's camp! Wyatt's just going to feed them lies about that day, even though he himself witnessed what Nate had made them do. There wasn't any alternative!
"No! He didn't – "
"It's… it's true. They made us fight at the camp, but… I and I alone killed Eddie. It was my fault," Lee admits, lowering his head in shame. You could cut through the tension with a knife right now, but suddenly it seems as though once again nobody trusts the professor. Once again, he's become the target – the scapegoat for all of their problems. It's much easier to blame someone else for their problems than to try and ratify them yourselves.
That seems to be happening quite a bit these days.
"Get out," Kenny murmurs lowly, no longer aiming the gun at Luke… but rather at Lee instead. He was probably waiting for a moment like this, where the tables have turned and Kenny no longer looks like the bad guy. As soon as Lee hears the click of the gun, their hatred of each other comes back in full force. "Get out now, or I'll drag your lifeless body out myself. I couldn't be more serious."
"You've got a lot of fucking nerve, Kenny."
"And you're dangerous," Luke says, causing me to widen my eyes at him. I can't believe what I'm hearing right now! Even Mike, Bonnie and Jane look as though they agree with them; begrudgingly so, but still! "We knew it the day that we saw you, Lee. I'm sorry, but you've become way too reckless. You don't have the group's best interests at heart, and it's obvious that you'd kill one of us if it meant saving your own skin."
"You're wrong!" I yell out, glaring at everyone besides Lilly as they continue to throw about accusations, "Lee's not a killer! He did it to protect me from those monsters!"
"Tell that to his ex-wife and the senator," Kenny spits harshly, not taking his aim off of Lee as he unlocks the weapon. "All in favour of kicking him out?"
Kenny, Luke, Bonnie, Mike and Jane…
"All against?"
Lilly and I… Even if Lee put his own hand up, it wouldn't have made a difference. If Sarah was still around, I'm sure that she would've taken my side. I'm almost one hundred percent positive.
"This is bullshit," Lilly protests, though not being able to move due to her injury, "If any of you were even half the man that Lee is, then you might have done the same thing! If you kick him out, then don't expect me to help you plan for the next attack! I'm done with this shit!"
"We can do it without you, Lilly! This ain't your own personal dictatorship!" Kenny bites back, though still not taking his eyes off of his enemy.
"Great… just fucking awesome. I try to help you shitheads with your problems, and suddenly I'm a god damned Nazi!"
"We're sorry it came to this, man," Mike apologizes, shaking his head regretfully, "But… that just crossed the line. Killing Eddie… there ain't no excuse for that shit. You've gotta go."
Lee doesn't seem to hear Mike though, as he's too focused on Kenny. He's probably thinking that the guy planned this thing from the start, and that he was just looking for an opening to get rid of him. This isn't fair! Life isn't fair!
"I hope you can live with yourself after this," Lee remarks lowly, grabbing his gear and turning slowly to leave… until his gaze fixes on me.
"Please…" I beg, real tears forming in my eyes at the thought of losing him again, "Don't go… You're my… family…"
"I'm so sorry, Clementine," Lee replies softly, bending down and embracing me in a one-armed hug, "But… it'd only cause problems if I stayed. I can't stand the thought of leaving without you, but you're safer here than out in the wilds with me – even if those assholes are still out there. You're strong, you're smart, and you're so brave. I know you can do this, sweet pea. As long as I know you're safe, I can keep going. We'll see each other again… I'm sure of it."
Funny… for a second it almost sounded as though my dad had once told me those exact same words. Almost as if it were in a dream…
With that, we break off the embrace, as Lee nods sorrowfully to Lilly one last time before making his way to the gate. I watch as he trudges along, not looking back as he opens the metal and steps out into the winter; getting lost from my vision by a thin blanket of snow.
I feel completely empty inside. There's nothing left – my heart's beating, but all the love and joy (or what was left of it anyways) has completely dissipated. All I feel now is grief, depression, and unrelenting anger. My soul has been shattered into a billion pieces, and has been replaced by a dismal, all-consuming black hole. I've got nothing left.
"I'm sorry, kiddo. But like I said before, Lee's not the same person you rem-"
"GO TO HELL!" I scream, smacking his hand away as he tries to place it on my shoulder. How dare he even make an attempt to comfort me now! It's his fault in the first place!
"Clem, listen to him. Lee murdered Eddie, and there wasn't any telling if he'd end up doing the same to someone else!" Bonnie chastises, not appreciating my behaviour. Yeah, you heard right! As if these people (if you can even call them that) think that I'm the unreasonable one here!
"You had no right to do this… absolutely none! You took my one piece of happiness and flushed it down the toilet!" I yell, clenching my fists tightly as I prepare to make my rant. "You wanna know what's funny about this? I killed Carver and Troy! Yeah! Me! I killed them out in the woods! Why do you think Tavia's group is after us in the first place?! So, if you tossed Lee out for something that wasn't even his fault, then you'd better throw me out too, right?!"
"What the fuck did you do, Clementine…" Kenny murmurs, widening his eyes in shock.
"Oh great, you're disappointed in me. Fantastic," I hiss out sarcastically, putting my hands on my hips. I'm in hysterics right now, but I want these people to feel as bad as possible. It's only fair. "As far as I'm concerned, you people are dead to me. Let them come and take over the whole camp if they want to! I don't even care anymore…"
Taking my hat and smacking it against my side angrily, I let out a frustrated groan and turn on my heel back the way I came – leaving everyone else in the dust behind me.
There's nothing left for me here… I might as well do as Jane had told me before: pack up and leave. But in all honesty, where would I even go? This is the only spot left that I know of, and I can't exactly just expect to live off the land in these conditions! With my prosthetic foot and young age, I'm not sure that I'd last a week out there by myself. That's why you never go out there alone.
But what's even the point anymore?
Without even realizing it, I've walked all the way back to the lake, absentmindedly telling Vernon that Lilly needs him as I walk past the bunker. The lake no longer has that beautiful majesty about it; no longer seems so pure and uncontaminated as the waves slowly crash onto the snow-covered shores. There's no longer that magical feeling I got when Kenny and I first paddled into it looking for fish. Instead, it's simply a big, lifeless bowl of water, with the body of one of my closest friends holding it for good measure.
The world didn't change; people still only give a shit about themselves. They'd rather throw one of their members out to die and take somebody for ransom than just band together and live peacefully. War… war never changes. People always want something to go wrong. One person's misery is another person's happiness.
I sit on the shoreline for a number of hours just thinking to myself; leaning against a fallen log and just thinking about what lead us to all of this.
So many things have gone wrong over the last two years… the motor-inn, the RV, Savannah, the road to North Carolina, getting lost from Lilly and Duck, the shed, Carver, losing dear friends… getting bit… this war and… losing Lee again. Why can't our lives just go back to the way they used to be? It's not as if any of this is enjoyable! Sure, I've met a lot of people that I'd have never known otherwise, but look where that's gotten me! Now I can't even stand the sight of them! Except for…
"Figured I'd find you out here," she remarks, taking a seat beside me as I continue to look at the body of Sarah, who's floated to shore a good ways away.
"I didn't mean it for you, Lilly," I acknowledge quietly, tightening the straps on my fake foot. "But you should be resting… not freezing to death out here."
"I'd say the same thing about you."
"You know I can't go back there."
"You were right about him, you know?" Lilly mentions, placing one arm over her knee as she skips a stone across the water expertly. "Sure, Lee might've had to adjust to some things out here, but who hasn't? We both know Lee – he would never had killed Eddie unless he had no other option."
"I watched the whole thing," I remind her, trembling as a breeze comes through, "Nate was crazy. He forced them to kill each other for entertainment, and told Lee that if they didn't cooperate, then his followers would kill the both of them and me, plus come and kill everybody here. Wyatt knows this…"
In hindsight, Wyatt was probably just upset that his friend was killed in such a horrific display, so I can't exactly blame him for what he told everyone else. But Lee… he didn't even try to defend himself. It's as if he believed it himself that he murdered Eddie in cold blood, and that Nate had nothing to do with it.
"I think we'll end up forgiving the rest of them for this."
"How can you even say that?!"
"They're not bad people, Clem," Lilly sighs, folding her arms over her chest but not before checking on her bandage. Vernon must've gotten to her pretty quickly. "Yeah, kicking Lee out was ridiculous and without thought, but… you've seen the good side to them, too. Kenny's a dick, for sure, and Luke's not much better, but they'll take care of you if you do the same for them. Lee and Kenny never got along at all, but Luke barely knew the guy, so he didn't get to witness what you and I did. Just give them some time, and I think they'll understand."
"It's gonna be a really long time, then."
"I don't doubt that."
Sighing, I carefully lean my head against Lilly's shoulder without causing her any discomfort. This feels almost exactly the same as back then with Duck… déjà vu can cause weird things to happen.
"I'm just tired of losing people…" I comment quietly, frowning as my gaze lands on Sarah again.
"Me too, Clem. Me too."