A/N: I blame the stream of Captain Swan videos I watched before writing this for the direction it took. (That man cannot be real!) This was not exactly in the plan (at least not this early), but it's what poured out of my fingers. This is my first posted 'M' (be warned), though there's quite a bit of angst, too. Be patient with our Emma; she is making progress. :) Thank you for all the lovely comments! You all make my day!

Chapter 6

Fighting Fate

The jubilant cheers started before we'd even fully docked. It seemed the entire town had dropped what they were doing to welcome us home. How they knew we were coming was a mystery I'd ponder another time. Aside from Henry – who practically vibrated with his excitement – the rest of our crew was decidedly somber. I imagined it was similar to any group of people who'd shared a dangerous experience. We were ready to return to real life, but our respective real lives would never be completely the same again.

Killian had kept his distance since our moonlit interlude. Our bond was beginning to nag for attention, but with the others around us it would be nearly impossible to get a moment alone, and I was not ready to broadcast our budding relationship to anyone. Neal already knew – at least partly – and Gold of course, but they had also kept to their own business. I didn't expect this calm to last; not with the secret I was keeping, and not with Neal's pledge to keep trying.

"I can't wait to take a long, hot shower and change out of these clothes," Mary Margaret exclaimed as she waved to Leroy and the other dwarves assembled on the shoreline. "What about you, what will you do first?" She looked at me curiously.

"Search out something to eat that doesn't grow on a vine or a tree," I joked, letting myself fall into her easy, no-pressure banter. There was something in her expression - a twinkle of her eyes, or perhaps a heavy sort of wisdom I'd underestimated - that alerted me to the realization she knew there was something I wasn't telling her.

"Hard to port!" Killian directed as the Jolly Roger drifted closer to the dock. David manned the wheel while our Captain adjusted the various riggings and what not. I supposed I'd eventually learn all the nautical terms I could ever possibly want to know, given the likelihood of our joint future. "Swan, be a good lass and hold this," he called to me before tossing a length of rope and lowering the gang plank. He crossed to the dock and motioned for me to pass him the rope. Further down, I noticed Neal mirroring his efforts with an additional tie line.

"Do you need any help?" I asked, a bit dubious that he'd be able to secure a ship of this size with one hand and some rope.

"Do you doubt me, love?" He grinned. His cheeks were slightly red from the cold Maine wind, and his dark brown hair was in total disarray. He looked absolutely incredible and his physical beauty was only enhanced by the joy radiating in his spirit. Killian the sailor was definitely in his element.

"I wouldn't dare, Captain," I mock saluted him and smiled at the wink he rewarded me with. An unfamiliar hope blossomed in my chest, tender and delicate and completely new to me. For once, I decided to let it stay there. I wouldn't poke at it; I'd just give it a chance to grow.

"Hey Mom, Dad wants to take me for ice cream as soon as we get off the ship. Are you coming?" Henry – who'd obviously run across the deck – skidded to a halt beside me.

Dad? Well that was fast. "Ice cream? In this weather?" I commented, glancing wryly at the gray clouds and early morning gloom. We followed my parents, Regina, and Tinkerbell over the gang plank and met up with Neal and Gold.

"Well I did survive Neverland, after all." Henry looked at me with his best begging eyes.

I laughed. "That you did. Alright, Kid; you've twisted my arm."

With a shout of accomplishment, he took off down the dock followed closely by everyone except Killian and me. Mary Margaret and David were immediately enveloped in hugs from the dwarves, Granny, Ruby, and just about everyone else in Storybrooke I'd ever spoken with. Regina clung to Henry's hand and seemed surprised to be approached by Archie. Tinkerbell was surrounded by the nuns who knew her when they were all fairies together. Even Gold had his happy reunion; Belle's knuckles were visibly white even at a distance given how hard she was clinging to him. Neal stood close to Henry, his attention vacillating between the crowd and my noticeable hesitance to join them outright.

"What are you waiting for, lass? You're one of the conquering heroes, you should be reveling in the well-wishing along with the rest of them."

"So should you." I turned to face him. "I mean it, Killian. We couldn't have done any of this without you."

"You've already thanked me for that, love."

And so I had. But it didn't seem like enough. That new feeling – that fragile hope trying to take root in my soul – was worried that he would board his ship and leave me if I let him out of my sight.

"I'm not going anywhere, Emma," he whispered. He reached around me to tighten one of the tie lines, brushing his arm against my side. "But I'm not part of that."

"How did you –" I started. His answer came as a slight motion to his heart. Right. Our connection. "Well, neither am I, not really." I sighed. How did he always manage to strip me down to my insecurities? That ache of loneliness we'd shared was still very much present in us both. They may be my family, but I still wasn't sure how I fit in with them.

"Em, are you coming?" Neal shouted to me, making me realize just how close I was standing to Killian. I stepped back reluctantly, feeling that invisible tie line anchoring me to him tighten with the strength of a steel cord.

"Are you sure you won't you join us?" I asked nonchalantly, though the pleading in my heart had to be completely obvious to him.

"Thank you for the offer, lass, but I'm eager to revel in my less-than-gentlemanly pirate ways now that all the polite company has been safely stowed to shore." He pitched his voice louder than usual, and a slight turn of my head made me realize why. Neal was halfway down the dock.

"When will I see you again?" I whispered quickly, both annoyed at Neal and uncomfortably nervous to part ways with Killian.

"You know where to find me, love," he whispered back.

"So, will you join us for an ice cream sundae, Hook?" Neal emphasized his pirate name, demoralizing him back into the role of villain. I'm not sure why he even bothered to offer, given the implied 'don't accept' in his tone. Manners don't count unless you mean them. I noted the cold glint in Killian's eyes as Neal stopped shoulder-to-shoulder with me. The tension between the two of them reminded me of some of my face offs with Regina; all sugar-coated-venom rotting from the inside out. This was a detonation waiting to happen.

"While I am simply fascinated to discover how one ices cream, and how said cream has anything to do with a particular day of the week, I'm afraid I must decline. Though I would be grateful for a square meal and a place to bathe if you could be so kind as to direct me to the nearest boarding house?"

I really tried – and failed miserably – to control the blush which swept over my cheeks as soon as he mentioned a bath. My mind exploded with images of him naked and soapy in an antique claw-foot tub, and suddenly, I wanted nothing more than to offer to scrub his back for him.

"You can find a room at Granny's B&B. It's about three blocks that way," Neal pointed, his voice much friendlier now that he knew Killian wasn't joining us.

"Thank you, mate." Killian grinned in that devil-may-care way of his before stepping back onto the ship, presumably to gather his things.

"You'll need money to rent a room," I cautioned, inexplicably unhappy at the thought of him heading to the B&B alone.

"Never been a problem before, lass," he winked and disappeared into the doorway leading to his cabin.

Infuriating pirate! I groaned internally before turning back to Neal. "Well, shall we?"

E&K&E&K&E&K

The sundae gathering had been rather uneventful. Nearly half the town crowded into Granny's restaurant and listened – enraptured – as Henry recounted his trials in Neverland. I chimed in at all the appropriate times, but I suspected I wasn't very convincing. Truth was, I was highly distracted by thoughts of Killian only a few buildings down the street and in all likelihood, naked. I'd heard of the adrenalin of adventure producing some rather intense sexual responses, but this was borderline ridiculous. I could feel my heartbeat pulsing all throughout my body and my skin felt too heavy, too tight.

Things almost came to a head when Ruby joined our party. All it took was an innocent comment about being glad the 'devilishly handsome pirate captain' was on our side to set my jealousy blazing. But rather than slip her some kind of hint that said captain was not available, I'd mentioned he'd elected to get cleaned up at the B&B before heading back to the ship. Crowds weren't really his thing, after all. Yeah, she'd been out of there faster than a wolf on the hunt.

I don't know what made me say it. Was it my natural reaction to getting close to someone to want to ruin it before it even started? Was I trying to test him or something? I was fairly confident he'd turn her down, but all I succeeded in doing was making myself miserable and making my chest ache.

Henry left with Regina after practically licking his bowl clean. He was spending the night with her to 'reconnect' and for once, I couldn't fault her. I'd seen how terrified she'd been on the island. I may not entirely trust her to always do the right thing when it came to getting what she wanted, but I did trust her to put Henry above everything else. He was her savior and her reckoning. Mary Margaret and David were gone moments after that. Suddenly, I found myself alone in a booth across the way from Belle, Neal, and Gold, and that was definitely not a place I wanted to be.

I slipped out, waving goodbye to Granny before Neal had a chance to ambush me. Walking through town, my feet urged me to go to the B&B, but with enormous effort I forced myself to walk to the station instead. We'd been in Neverland for over a week; I was sure there was some kind of official business to attend to. More like hoped. Turns out that with my extended family out of the picture, very little conflict occurred in Storybrooke. Go figure.

In the end, I wound up back at the apartment, attempting to ignore the sporadic giggles of Mary Margaret and David coming from their curtained-off room. After a long shower, I collapsed onto my bed and closed my eyes. I laid there for hours trying to shut out the world, trying to push back the craving in my heart that demanded I find Killian. But sleep eluded me, and the craving only worsened by the second, just as I knew it would. I tortured myself with imagined scenes of Ruby and him, simultaneously furious with the possibility and disgusted with myself for caring so much and trusting him so little.

By ten o-clock I was fully dressed and sitting at the kitchen table. Ten-thirty found me pacing by the front door. And now, at eleven-fifteen I was walking purposely toward the Jolly Roger. I'd surpassed any feelings of shame ages ago, and could barely concentrate enough to put one foot in front of the other, let alone worry about what anyone would think. As I rounded the corner which led down an alley toward the docks, I collided into a very firm, very familiar body.

"Killian!" I exclaimed breathlessly, literally clinging to the lapels of his heavy leather coat. "I…I can't…I need…"

"I know, love, I feel it too." He wrapped me in his arms and lowered his mouth to mine in a bruising kiss. The time for gentle had passed. His teeth nipped at my lower lip before placing stinging bites along the column of my throat. I barely noticed as he forced me to step backwards until I connected with the side of the hardware store.

Breathing heavily I cried, "What's happening to us?" My one hand curled through his hair while the other clung to his back.

He smoothed over the marks he'd made with his lips before returning to my mouth. The kiss was deep and long, igniting the spark which had been driving me into a smoldering inferno. I felt his hook trace the length of my thigh before catching it and lifting it to wrap around his waist. He flexed his hips into mine, making me well aware of his mutual need for me. I pressed back, angling our position to feel him right where my body was begging for attention. He moaned, and God help me it was the sexiest sound I'd ever heard in my life.

"You're killing me, love," he groaned into my ear. His voice was low and rough, more intoxicating than all his rum put together. I actually whimpered before dropping my hand to grab his firm backside to press him into me again.

"Make it stop," I begged while rolling against him once more. With each motion, a blinding flash of pleasure flooded my body. It was too much yet not enough.

"The Jolly…" He started to say, but I shook my head.

"It's too far. Please…" I could feel tears forming as the onslaught of lust warred with a sudden desperate fear.

Reaching under me with his hand and forearm, he hefted me up, letting me wrap both legs around him and perfectly aligning our bodies by bracketing me between him and the wall. The laces of his leather trousers dug into the seam of my jeans, but it only heightened the feeling. He rocked into me with steady, solid pressure, sending me higher with each movement. My lips found his again and I sucked his tongue into my mouth as I wantonly ground my hips against his.

The fever suddenly gathered to a focused point, releasing waves of pleasure which had me panting Killian's name over and over. Through my haze, I noticed him push against me once more and freeze, his face contorting in a grimace that was anything but pain.

It was difficult to say who broke from the lust-induced fog first. Slowly, I unclenched my legs and planted my feet on the ground. I was still caged by Killian's body – his arms braced on the wall behind me - but he'd arched back so I had space to stand. His eyes were closed, and I watched as he took slow breaths to calm his pulse. That delicate feeling which had been building all day trembled in my chest. I lifted my fingers to trace the skin over his heart, but stopped before making contact.

Eventually, the urgent passion which had consumed me was chased by a subtle form of panic. I would not regret what we'd done – I'd accepted our chemistry in that department quite some time again – but I did feel a bit ashamed for the way we'd come together. To think I couldn't even make it to his pirate ship let alone a proper bed. It scared me how out of control I'd been.

"Don't," he whispered, that gravelly tone still present in his voice.

I swallowed thickly. "Don't what?"

He lifted his hand from the wall and placed it over my chest. "I can feel it, remember, love?" His blue eyes blinked open and it was all I could do not to gasp. I'd always admired Killian's eyes, but I'd never appreciated how much they revealed about him when he truly wanted you to see. Now, his eyes shone with a combination of love and pain. I considered what our actions tonight cost him. I'm sure this was not his ideal first encounter either, no matter how passionate it had been.

"I waited too long; I couldn't control myself." I explained.

His lips twisted and he pushed into a fully upright position. Picking up a lock of my hair he smiled at me, but it was not a happy smile. A heavy ache settled in my chest. Killian was silent.

"I'm sorry." I whispered so softly that I wasn't sure he could even hear me.

"For what exactly?" He glanced at me through his lashes. "Did you not enjoy it then, love?"

I felt the flames licking at my face. Dammit, the man had me pinned to a wall minutes ago, yet he could still make me blush with a few innocent words! "You know I did," I cleared my throat. "But that doesn't change the fact that I was not in control of myself. I hate feeling that way." I implored him to understand what I couldn't seem to put into words.

"And are you in control now?" He inquired softly, all trace of teasing gone from his face.

"I think so," I replied. For the first time I actively tried to sense his feelings through our link, but I couldn't get past my own feelings of shame.

"Then I'm glad I could be of service." He swept an arm before him in the gesture of a courtly bow.

"Killian," I exhaled, "It's not like that. I do want you, I've been thinking about nothing else all day…" I paused as I realized what I'd said. His eyebrow rose in interest. "Just not like that. It was like I had no choice in the matter. I feel like I used you."

His smile this time was a bit more genuine. "I suppose this is where I should lighten the conversation with a well-placed quip about my willingness to be used by you anytime, but as you just admitted – in your own roundabout way – that it was the particular timing rather than the act itself that you found so distasteful, I'll simply say this." He lifted my chin with his hook and made sure I was looking straight into his eyes before he continued. "At the risk of unmanning myself more than I already have this evening," he grinned, "I love you, Emma Swan. And I will always be willing to give you whatever it is that you need. There is no shame in this tonight. And if tomorrow, or perhaps later this evening," he lifted his brow in question, "you find yourself stripped naked and worshipped in my bed, there will be no shame in that either. The next time we come together, the first time I have you completely, you will know without question that you are wanted."

I leaned forward and placed a gentle kiss on his lips before picking up his hand and placing it over my heart once more. "I don't have the words yet, Killian. But we are connected, and I hope this is already speaking to you." I kissed him again. "Thank you."

His smile widened, treating me to his gleaming teeth and shining eyes. "A man could get used to all the gratitude you've been showering me with lately, love." He playfully nipped at the tip of my nose. "And speaking of showering," he motioned down to his pants. "Have you any idea how difficult it is to clean leather?"

I stifled a laugh, biting the side of my emerging smile. "Sorry about that."

"I'll just bet you are, temptress."

"I'd offer you the use of our washing machine, but the apartment is rather…busy this evening, and I suspect leather isn't exactly wash-n-wear anyways."

"That's quite alright, love. I've been a bachelor for a good many years, I'm sure I can handle it." He winked at me, causing a ripple of joy to flow through our connection. All seemed right with the world when Killian Jones was teasing me.

I stared at him, considering what our next step would be. If I learned anything from this little illicit tryst it was that my stubbornness to ignore our bond was never going to work. But until I was sure in my heart and my mind that he was the one and only one for me, I was hesitant to set up house.

"We're going to have to figure out a new arrangement; it's fairly obvious we'll need to spend more time together."

"At the risk of sounding redundant, my offer to share my quarters still stands. I promise to be a perfect gentleman; well, unless the scoundrel is preferred." He smirked.

"Tempting, but I'm rather attached to modern plumbing," I teased. "I'm going to speak with Mary Margaret and David in the morning. I think they should know we're seeing each other at the very least. It will make it easier to work out the details of who's watching Henry."

"As you wish, love."

"But I think I could rough it for one evening. That is, if the gentleman is available." I stressed. I let those delicate feelings he'd been inspiring all day show in my eyes along with a plea that he not give up on me.

Killian smiled sweetly – that smile that was just mine – and held out his arm. "This way, milady." As he escorted me back to his ship, I wondered if I was making a mistake. But I was honestly beginning to not care. At least not for now.

A/N: Not sure about this one. As I said up top, the last scene sort of came out of nowhere. If nothing else, I hope it illuminates the conflict Emma is feeling as she tries to 'handle' their bond and ignore her own existing desires. I've also noticed the Emma in my head is becoming much chattier as this story progresses, which I think mirrors her gradual opening of trust toward Killian. She improved by leaps and bounds in this chapter (IMO.)

I would very much enjoy your feedback. Up next - a rather awkward conversation and someone stakes a claim.