Thorin was forced to go to work this morning. So, all plans for the three of us to spend the day together were cancelled inevitably.
Now, I sit in the waiting area: palms sweating, hands shaking, legs bouncing. For the life of me, I cannot stop fidgeting. I feel something soft grab my hand, and look over into Éowyn's comforting eyes. She smiles softly at me and grabs my hand a little tighter.
I instantly feel calm, almost whole, with her touch. I bring our clasped hands up to my lips and lightly kiss the back of hers before placing my arm around her. After Thorin had told us that he couldn't make it today, I immediately called Éowyn, knowing Kili wouldn't mind. And I also wanted the extra support. Yes, I could have called Balin or anybody really, but I wanted to spend more time with her before she leaves tomorrow. And, if it means sitting in a hospital for a few hours, I am ok with that.
I think back to the phone call last night. I had hesitantly asked her, telling her that I knew she probably wouldn't want to spend her last day in Ered Luin sitting in a hospital for a few hours. She cut me off, rather angrily actually, appalled at the thought that I would think she wouldn't enjoy it. After some stern words, I got my voice back and immediately changed the subject. She arrived at the front door at precisely 9:45 this morning.
"Fili?"
I look up at the mention of my name. The receptionist is calling to me from behind the little nurses' station window. "Yes."
"Doctor Baggins just called me and said Kili requested to go in for his CT scan. Sorry I couldn't have warned you sooner. If you want, you can wait there. It will be about forty-five minutes."
I thank her and look at Éowyn. She stands, never letting go of my hand, and we walk down the hall.
"Hello, Fili. They just took Kili in. He should be getting situated right now."
I smile at the warm greeting from the receptionist, still Galadriel.
"Thank you. We'll just wait here." I smile at her and say.
"There's a fresh pot of coffee back here. I usually don't share it," she says with a sneaky grin, "but I think I can today. After all, we are celebrating."
I look at Éowyn. She nods her head. "Thank you very much. Coffee sounds wonderful right now."
Galadriel disappears for a few moments before returning to the windowsill. She places to Styrofoam cups of coffee on the counter. I grab them and walk back over to where Éowyn is sitting. I hand her one and take my place beside her.
Thirty minutes later, someone clears his throat. I look up to see Doctor Baggins standing in the doorway, a solemn look on his face. I visibly shrug, the color drains from my face; all hope is lost. Éowyn grips my hand firmly in hers and rubs my arm.
"Can you come with me, please?" Bilbo asks.
I stand, knowing Éowyn is right beside me, and follow the doctor to that old conference room. The very same room from the first meeting. The meeting of the diagnosis. I look at the closed door, read the small sign, and swallow hard.
The door opens and I walk over immediately to where Kili is sitting at the table. His head is down, hands clasped together in his lap, and refuses to look away from the window to his right. He doesn't even acknowledge our presence.
Bilbo sets a file down on the table. He pulls out some photographs and begins to study them. I can only assume he is thinking over the best way of breaking the news to us. Maybe he thinks if he chooses the correct words, he can restore all of the hope I've lost. Little does he know, he can't.
"Well," he finally says. "Do you want good news or bad news first?"
"Bad," I spit out without thinking over the question. Seeing that Kili isn't going to give a response, the doctor clears his throat once more.
"Well, the bad news is, I won't be seeing you for a very long time." The doctor says.
I swallow the frog that is inevitably lodged in my throat. I slump further into my chair. My hands begin to shake and my breathing quickens. Éowyn's strong grip on my hand is the only thing keeping me here. Beside me, Kili still doesn't make a sound.
What does this mean? We have to go to another, new specialist? What possible new problems could have occurred? Haven't these treatments helped? Isn't my little brother, my life, isn't he going to be ok? This can't be happening.
"And, the good news is," Bilbo looks up from the papers. "You won't be seeing anybody for a very long time." A large, brilliant smile suddenly beams from his face. "Kili, you're healed."
A choked gasp leaves my mouth. Éowyn's moves up and down my arm. I can see a smile on her face out of my peripheral vision. I want to turn, to see her face to clarify that what I just heard is true. But, I can't. My eyes are glued to the man in front of me; the man with the PhD who has just confirmed that my little brother is ok- not going to be, but is ok. The smile on his face doesn't falter as he turns his head and stands. He mumbles something about giving us a moment and that he'll be right outside. Éowyn stands and walks out with him.
When the door shuts behind them, I finally turn my eyes away from the now empty chair and to my right. Kili is looking out the window, seeming completely oblivious to what has just been happening around him. The only indication that he is coherent is the single tear that is now falling down his cheek.
"Kee," I say, trying to get him to acknowledge me.
He sniffs and still refuses to turn around.
"It's over." He whispers into the silence.
Then the floodgates open and he turns around to face me. I get up and wrap my arms around him, holding him tightly and never wanting to let him go. The tears are streaming down my face as well, soaking the cap on the top of Kili's head.
"It's over. It's over, Kee." I say repeatedly hugging him tighter and feeling him do the same. "You did it."
"No," he says, sniffing and wiping the tears from his face, as he leans back to look at me. "We did it."
I pull him into another tight hug, probably squeezing the breath out of him. I kiss the top of his head and rest my cheek there for a few moments, just letting it all sink in. The feeling of relief beyond words. It almost leaves a hollow hole in my heart. Almost. Completely speechless and emotions somewhat in control, Kili releases his hold on me. I do the same. I grab my coat and help him put his on as well.
We step out into the waiting room and are bombarded with loud exclamations of "CONGRATULTIONS!" and a chorus of hand clapping. Kili's face splits into a dazzling, genuine smile. It matches those of the surrounding nurses, radiologists, therapists, the receptionist, and of course, the great doctor.
Éowyn walks over to Kili and wraps him into a hug, kissing him lightly on the cheek. She whispers something to him and he laughs as he hugs her back. She relinquishes her hold on him and steps over to me. Her arms wrap around my waist and I pull her in for a tight embrace.
Bilbo steps directly in front of Kili and smiles. "I want you to know, how very proud I am of you. It hasn't been easy, this journey. But, alas, you have completed it and are victorious. You slayed that dragon of a tumor, though it put up quite the fight. But you, Kili Durin, are a champion." He points to the cap on Kili's head, reading the word which has become Kili's new nickname.
Without any warning, Kili suddenly lunges forward and grabs Bilbo in a quick, but firm hug. The startled doctor stares at the random kid latched on to him and awkwardly moves his hands in the air. But, after a moment, he smiles and gives Kili a light hug back. Kili stands back and looks him in the eye, trying but failing to portray all of his gratitude for the doctor and his help.
"Thank you. It isn't enough, but thank you."
Bilbo smiles kindly and pats him on the back. "That is all the thanks I need. You are a very special young man. I'm glad to have shared this arduous journey with you."
"We are so thankful for your help and support along the way. Your kindness and compassion has meant more to me, to all of us, than words can ever say. I couldn't have done this without you," Kili says. I am astonished at his verbose character. Normally, words aren't in Kili's forte, unless of course, the subject is girls.
"It was my pleasure. I'm sure I'll see you. We need to run tests every few months to make sure everything is still fine, which I'm positive, it will be. But, sometimes we have to take that extra precaution."
Kili smiles. "Me too."
I step forward and shake the doctor's hand. "Thank you, again. You've become a part of all our lives. Thank you for the talks and listening. I'll do my best to follow your wise advice."
Bilbo chuckles assuring me that it was no problem and that he wishes us all the best. He added a wink with a quick look to Éowyn at the last bit. We both blush.
We say our goodbyes and make our way to the car. Kili, still tired from his final treatment, is walking with a slight spring in his step. I can't seem to stop smiling and he can't do the same. Éowyn and I walk hand-in-hand, watching him practically bounce down the parking lot.
"So," I say as I slide into the driver's seat. "I think we should make a surprise visit to Thorin's office. Of course, if you don't mind." I add looking in Éowyn's direction where she is sitting in the passenger seat.
"Of course not. But will he mind you interrupting his work schedule?" she asks.
Kili laughs from the backseat. "He will be thanking us. He has meetings all day. If we can time it right, he should be going on his lunch break."
"All right. Let's go."
Just let it be over. Just let this day be over.
Three meetings with three ridiculous clients. Just three long meetings listening to three ridiculous clients talk about their issues of which I am trying to help solve but apparently failing to do so miserably.
And not a word from the boys. Nothing.
Needless to say, if today doesn't get better soon, I might be calling Dori to come bail me out of a jail cell somewhere.
I rub my hands over my stressed face and take a few calming breaths. I tap my phone screen for what seems like the thousandth time today and sigh in frustration with no text or missed call from the boys. I see the time and decide I'm going to make my break useful and get some lunch. Or at least more coffee.
I almost scream when I hear the knocking on my office door. Dori pokes his head around the corner.
"What?" I ground out.
He overlooks my obvious frustration and continues. "You've got another person here to see you."
"No, I don't. I'm going to lunch. They'll have to wait." I say grabbing my coat, phone, and car keys.
Dori looks at the items in my hand and shakes his head. "I don't think you have much of a choice with this one."
I throw my coat back on the chair and follow Dori down the hallway to the foyer. I don't bother to put my frown away. I do, however, manage to keep my mouth sealed tight, knowing that whatever would come out if it were open would be highly unpleasant and unprofessional.
Right before turning the corner, I begrudgingly hide the frown. I don't replace it with a smile, but still, the frown is gone. I take another deep breath and look up from the floor.
"I hope you don't treat your other clients like this." Kili says with fake indignation.
I look at him for a moment, not answering, trying to decide just why he is in my office. And more importantly, why he is alone. He seems to notice my unasked question and answers it.
"I asked him to drop me off. I thought we could grab lunch together."
"Ok…" I look at him skeptically. "I won't have time to take you home afterwards, so if you can promise to be quiet and do no damage, you can stay here."
Kili holds up three fingers. "Scouts honor."
He continues to look at me, no doubt taking in the obvious expression on my face. The one I often wear when it's been a rough day.
"Don't you want to know what happened?" he asks, uncharacteristically quiet. He almost sounds offended that I haven't asked sooner.
Contrary to my optimism from yesterday, I have turned to my normal pessimistic ways. Today's stress hasn't done any good for that attitude. I can't tell him that though. He needs me to support him and show him I'm still that optimistic uncle.
I clear my throat and look up from the floor, meeting his eye. "What happened?"
A small smile breaks out on his face, followed by a few glistening tears falling from his eyes and rolling down his cheeks.
"Kili?" I ask, my voice high from the disbelief.
He nods his head slowly and the smile grows even wider. "I'm free."
My knees grow wobbly at the news. My mouth hangs open, no air coming in or going out. My eyes stare at my nephew with unbelief. I begin to shake. I can't breathe. Oh, crap. I'm not breathing.
"Uncle!" Kili exclaims in concern walking over to me.
I take in a large gasp of air, refilling my lungs and giving me new energy. I look at Kili, who is now standing rather close to my face. His, of which, is masked with concern.
I reach out and grab him into a tight embrace, fearing that if I let go I will wake up and find that this is all a dream. I tuck his head protectively under my chin and move one of my hands up to the back of his head, holding him closer. His arms untangle themselves from where they are crushed between the two of us and he slowly wraps them around me, holding on to my shaking frame. Eventually the choking sobs turn into a deep laughter. I don't know why, it just happens. Kili begins to laugh too and pushes himself away from me.
"I can't believe it." I say, cupping the back of his neck and squeezing it gently. "I am so proud of you, Kili. I wish I could have done more. I wasn't there when you needed me the most, and—"
"Stop." He cuts me off. "You were always there, like you always are. Maybe not all the time or when you want to be, but you are and that's all that matters. I couldn't have done this without you."
I can't stop staring at him, just letting it all sink in. I pull him in for one more, quick embrace.
He mumbles something into my shoulder, and when I can't understand what it is, I ask him to repeat himself.
"I love you, Uncle."
"I love you too, Kili. Always."
Dori pops back into the room shortly after and offers his congratulations. Kili thanks him and takes a glance outside to the parking lot.
"Now, about lunch…"
Kili's eyes light up at the mention of food. "I'll buy. C'mon, I'm hungry."
I go back to my office to retrieve my things and follow Kili back out to the car.
"So, where are we going?" I ask sliding into the drivers' seat.
Kili looks at me with an exasperated expression. "Like you really have to ask."
"Bombur's it is!"
"That's it. That's the last box." I say as I set the last box of Christmas decorations in the living room floor. Dori insisted Thorin call it quits early and go home. So, after he and Kili had gotten home, Éowyn and I started bringing up the decorations from the basement. She has hesitated when we asked her to stay and celebrate with us. But, after a few reassurances that she wouldn't be imposing and some convincing pleas from Kili, she caved in.
Now, the fire is roaring in the fireplace and Christmas music is playing softly in the background. Kili and Thorin are trying to assemble the tree, sorting out the branches by lengths and trying to shape them. Normally, we would have a real tree, but due to Kili's immune system, it's not the safest option. But, the fake tree works just as well.
Thorin looks up from the branch he is currently shaping. "Ok, thank you. I think we've got this right here."
Kili places a branch into its respected hole on the tree stand. "Yeah, we've got—Look!"
Kili points to the window and the three of us turn to see what he is suddenly so interested in.
The first snowflakes of the season are beginning to fall from the gray sky and are making their ways to the soft, cold ground. Though Kili prefers the summer season, the first snowfall of the winter always excites him. I mean, really- who doesn't like snow?
As if on cue, Bing Crosby begins crooning over the radio in the background. "It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas everywhere you go…"
Beside me, Éowyn pulls a mug of hot cocoa up to her mouth and takes a sip. "So, what do you want for Christmas?"
I look around the room, taking it all in: Kili laughing as he assembles the tree; Thorin laughing along with my brother and singing along with the radio; the feeling of happiness and peace and joy; the snow falling outside the window; the smell of the burning wood in the fireplace; the feel of Éowyn leaning into my side.
"I have everything I need," I say looking her in the eye and pulling her closer. "Right here."
