Lee's POV
"Let's take 'em," she says determinedly; her unwavering facial expressions causing me to worry a little bit. It almost looks like she wants to kill these things right now.
Maybe it's just her way of coping with loss.
"You're sure about this?" I ask, a bit unsettled at the prospect.
"We need to clear them out anyway," she explains, shrugging her shoulders, "Might as well do this now. Then we don't have to worry about it – at least for a little while."
"We'll have to stick to each other like glue, alright? We'll watch each other's backs, and make sure that we run straight to the apartment if things go screwy. Don't panic, and only use your gun as a – "
"Last resort, yeah I've got it," Clementine acknowledges, patting my arm and making me question why we're going this route at all. Sure, it'll be a hell of a lot quicker just to deal with them now, but won't this just be outing us needlessly in harm's way?
I hope you know what you're doing, sweet pea.
Doing as instructed, Clem stays right on my ass as we go down the snowy hill and start mauling down our enemies. I cover the right side; slicing my weapon into their brains and having it splatter all down my arm. Clementine's on the left; kicking the walkers in the knee before sending them back to their graves with a screwdriver in the face.
I've gotta say: Clementine can handle her own. This is the first time that I've ever fully witnessed what she's capable of doing, and I'm pretty impressed.
But there must have been more of these bastards than I had thought there were.
"Shit…" I mutter, backing up as more of them approach me; blocking off my view from the twelve year old. "CLEM! GET INSIDE! GO!"
The silence sends me into a panic, as I rapidly mow them down with lightning-quick strikes in the hopes of being able to see her again. I shove a walker straight into the arms of his buddy, and then use the hook to kill them both at the same time.
BANG!
Looking up, I notice that Clementine has her eyes wide open, sweat beading off of her forehead, and her hands shaking as she continues to hold the pistol in front of her. It looks to me like Clem's in a bit of shock.
"Well, that could've gone better," I remark, going over and bending down to her level. "Last resort, huh? Are you alright?"
I know that her eyes are looking in my direction, but she's not really noticing that I'm here. Clem's hyperventilating, and I've never seen her so scared in her life – but she won't say anything. That must have been a really close call.
"Sweet pea?"
"Huh?" Clem says suddenly, as if coming back to planet Earth. She's not looking too good right now. Maybe she's just feeling sick. "Oh, sorry Lee… I, uh, kind of zoned out for a second."
"I could tell," I say with a chuckle, patting her shoulder as I stand up and walk towards the apartment. "Come on inside – I'll make us something to eat, and you can rest up a little bit. You've been through a lot."
Now that's a bit of an understatement.
Following along timidly behind me, I turn around once with a slightly concerned frown. Man, does she ever look as though she's about ready to break down. I mean, sure, our plan didn't go exactly according to what we originally thought out, but we made it, didn't we? We're still here, we're still alive! Maybe that's just reminded her of some traumatic experience that's causing her to shut down like this…
But I've never known Clementine to be completely broken – even after she saw her parents die, Lilly had told me how focused she had been in just over a week. I wonder what the problem is?
Seeing that the door's locked, I set to work on the same method that we used in the grocery store – breaking the fucker open. I stick the hook in the side of the door and start to shimmy it about, while Clementine leans her back against the brick wall nearby.
"You sure everything's okay?" I ask her, grunting slightly as I put my weight into it. "You just seem a lot quieter than usual."
Shrugging her shoulders, Clementine tilts her head and watches me work – indicating that she doesn't want to talk about it. That's okay, sweet pea. Whenever you're ready, I'm ready to lend an open ear.
"Aha! There we go!" I announce triumphantly, hearing the lock click open as I swing the door to the side. "Welcome to our humble abode, I guess."
Allowing the lady to have the first look inside, my worry only grows stronger. Clem's trudging along, while not saying or doing much of anything. I had thought for sure that she'd be at least slightly relieved that we finally found a safe place. Add to the fact that we managed to bring the food with us, and I'd say that we're going to have a pretty nice set-up here.
Ohh…. I'm so snagging that rocking chair. I used to love me some rocking chairs!
"So listen," I start, dropping the bag of supplies down near in the little kitchen set they've got here, "I'll get set on making us dinner and we can just rest easy for the rest of the night. But tomorrow, I was thinking that maybe we should start, you know, boarding up windows and things like that. We'll have our own little fortress here, and maybe after that we can set off that last firecracker together. How does that all sound?"
Nodding quietly, Clementine places her pistol back in her pocket and pulls off a half smile towards me. Taking that as acceptance, and thinking that she probably needs her space, I unzip the gym bag and pull out two cans of chili. That should make for a pretty nice meal, at least, and we've got that fireplace over there which will work perfectly fine. And damn, the things you can do with this grappling hook! No wonder Molly loved it so much…
"I…I think that I'm just… gonna sleep tonight," Clementine says, rubbing her arm whenever she's in a tough situation. But what could be tough right now?
"Clem, you need to eat something…" I try to force her, but she just casually waves the idea off. Man, is she ever stubborn! Once she's got her mind set on something, there's no turning her back. "I'll set one aside for you then, in case you change your mind."
"Lee?"
"Yeah?" I ask, looking up from my handiwork just as Clementine wraps her tiny arms around my stomach in a hug; seemingly not wanting to let go. She shudders as a few little sobs almost escape her throat. I bend down to see what the trouble is, but she just wraps her arms around my neck instead. "Whoa, Clem… Is everything alright?"
"Thank you…" she says to me, her voice muffled into my shirt as I feel the tears soaking through. I've just turned into overprotective parent mode. "For… for coming back. For everything…"
"Shh… it's alright, sweet pea. Everything's fine now, see? I haven't gone anywhere," I soothe, rubbing comforting circles onto her back. This feels more like the eight year old Clementine coming back into play – I've noticed the child-like parts of her come out every once in a while. That's a good thing, though, not bad. "You're safe here. You're gonna be just fine."
At this, she just sobs harder and her grip gets more firm. I'm at such a loss here, it's not even funny. What the hell is going on right now?
"What can I tell you to make it better?" I ask her, similar to what I told her in the grocery store.
Surprisingly enough, she shakes her head and places a kiss on my cheek.
"I love you, Lee… god… thank you so much…"
"Umm…" I reply awkwardly, not really sure where this is coming from. "Yeah, I uh, love you too, Clem. I'm glad you're here."
With a teary, genuine smile, she steps back and studies my face for a moment, as I wipe some of the droplets off of her cheeks. I hate to see this kid cry… It makes me want to cry, too!
I wonder if this is just hormones starting to kick in… it seems a little early, but Clementine's had to grow up so quickly that I wouldn't really put it past her. I just hope that the birds and the bees conversation can at least wait a couple of years. Jesus, that's gonna be awkward…
After breaking off the embrace, Clementine giggles slightly in embarrassment as she ascends the staircase.
"I'll bring up some food to our room in case you decide that you want to eat," I tell her, slightly disconcerted as she shakes her head.
"No thanks," she replies, grasping onto the railing as the steps creak underneath her, "I'm, uh… I'm gonna sleep in my own room tonight. You… you snore too much."
"Hey!" I retort, chuckling as I open one of the cans of chili. "I'll have you know that – "
But before I know it, Clem's already gone upstairs and out of my sight.
…
Tonight, I ate my meal in complete silence, aside from the crackling of wood as it burned in the fireplace. It was a pretty nice, quiet night, and I do have to say that I make a mean can of beans. But I'd have rather spent it in the company of Clementine. I've eaten enough meals by myself – out in the cold while slowly making my way to a pipe dream called Wellington. Those were the worst nights of my life. I didn't have anyone to talk to, and I'll sadly admit that I had considered on multiple occasions to just end all of my suffering. Can you blame me in that situation though? So bleak, so hopeless… nobody else around to keep your spirits going.
But that all changed once I actually got there.
I finally had a real, genuine purpose again! I would look after Clementine (even though to be fair, she really didn't need my help that much), hang out with Lilly, and try my best not to rip apart Kenny limb from limb. That was a suitable life, wasn't it?
Hell, even if it wasn't ideal, I'd still take that any day over being alone again. I don't think I could handle losing Clementine for a third time.
These thoughts rage through my mind as I too retire for the night. The stairs shake and buckle underneath my weight, making me think that perhaps we should start sleeping downstairs just in case something happens. I'll have to talk some plans over with Clementine sometime over the next few days.
I hope she's settling down a little bit now – she seemed really scared and uptight earlier.
Pushing my worries aside for a moment, I lay across a lumpy mattress; looking over at Clem's door and quietly whispering good night to her. I'm just so happy that we can finally start fresh, without having to worry about petty arguments or maniacs like Nate skulking around.
My tired eyes slowly close, and I fall under sleep's embrace.
…at least until I hear a muffled bang go off in the middle of the night.
I sit up quietly, scanning the room and looking for any sign of an intruder lurking about. The light of the full moon illuminates the room in its glow; revealing ever dusty nook and cranny about. But still, I don't see anything as my thoughts drift to Clementine. I wonder if she heard that, too.
However, I realize that it probably was just a walker or something outside, or just a bump in the night that's caused me to get so jumpy. Nothing to worry about, and nothing to wake up Clementine for.
Tomorrow's just another day.
…
As the sun annoyingly crashes its beams into the room, I scrunch up my eyes and tiredly stretch my arms up as I yawn. God damn! I haven't slept that soundly in quite a while!
"Morning, Clem," I call out, not hearing a response though as her door's still closed. Figuring that she's probably still snoozing, I shrug my shoulders and decide to let her catch up on some much-deserved rest.
Besides, we've got a big day ahead of us! Boarding up the windows is probably going to take quite a bit of work.
Making my way down to the kitchen, I figure that a nice, hot can of soup ought to get the girl's attention. If the smell of it wafting up to her room won't do it, then the growling of her stomach probably will.
I sit in front of the fireplace and start to cook the soups gradually.
And I wait.
And wait…
And wait…
Wait…
I wait for two fucking hours – okay, missy, enough is enough! I hope she's not sick, but I need to check on her regardless. I get the feeling that something's not right here. Usually, if I recall correctly, Clementine was always an early bird.
Once again going upstairs, I slowly walk towards Clementine's door; knocking first before I enter.
"Clementine?" I call out, knocking three times before trying again. "Is everything alright in there? I can only keep breakfast warm for so long, you know!"
Not hearing anything at all, I furrow my brow worriedly and slowly open the door.
…
…
I don't make it one step inside before collapsing and puking my guts out onto the floor.
"Oh my god… Oh my god! OH MY GOD!" I cry out, my words slurred and broken as I look upon the sweet, little girl who literally was my entire reason for being. Loud, voice-cracking sobs escape my throat as I crawl my way over. "NO! NO NO NO NO NO NO NO! NOOOOOOO!"
Clementine… my whole world and life… dead. There's a blood-soaked pillow over her face, and a pistol held lifelessly in her hand.
Why?!
"Cle… Clemen…" I sob desperately, lifting off the pillow as if it's a stick of ignited dynamite. The effect was immediate – my throat becomes dry and all of my words come out as tiny, unintelligible squeaks. The bullet ripped through her head and killed her instantly… blood is splattered all over her forehead, but she looks at peace.
I will never be at peace.
Cradling her lifeless body against my chest, I hold her and cry for a solid six minutes straight before finally noticing that there's a note left beside the pillow. Placing her back down gently, I grab the note and begin to read; difficultly as my hand is shaking so much.
There's not much on here, but I don't think I'd be able to control myself if it was too long.
Lee,
I'm so, so sorry… but I had to. I've been bitten, and I didn't have the heart to tell you. I just couldn't… you looked so happy, and I didn't want to destroy all of that.
I wanted you to have at least one happy time before I died.
Anyways… this is it. I was strong enough to finish it off myself, and… I didn't want you to have to go through that.
I love you Lee. I always have, and always will. Never forget that :)
Clementine
My teardrops stain the piece of paper as I scrunch some of it up in my remaining hand.
Clem knew that I wouldn't be able to do it. I always knew that she was a clever one, and as I roll up the bottom of her shirt, I bite my cheek so hard that it bleeds. I can see the bite mark on her; infected and looking incredibly nasty. There was nothing that could've possibly been done for her.
She's… she's gone. Clementine is dead, and I've got nothing left to live for. As I've said many times before, she was my last anchor. There's nothing left to live for.
My eyes scan the pistol on the ground… yes, I am that desperate. Call me a coward if you want, but this is too much. This is worse than finding out my whole fucking family died at that god-damned pharmacy.
I hold the gun to my temple, whisper that I'm sorry to Clementine, and…
Click!
The worst sound that I've heard ever.
"FUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCKKKKKKKK!" I bellow, throwing the pistol so hard that it smashes through the window and goes crashing to the ground outside. Clementine was a smart cookie – she used the last bullet for herself, knowing that I'd try something once I found out about this. God damn her insight…
I lay on my back and bawl my eyes out for the rest of the morning, hoping that by some miracle she wakes up and tells me that everything's fine; that I've blown this all out of proportion. Of course she doesn't.
I need you Clementine… why'd you have to go?
….
Two days later…
I've arrived in Detroit. Yes, I walked all the way there – bringing no food with me. I left that sack of shitty supplies back in the apartment. Maybe if somebody comes across that village, then they'll be able to make better use of it than I will. I don't even give a damn about it anymore…
As depressing as this may sound, I've got nothing left to live for.
That's why I've come here, actually: to finally end my suffering once and for all. If I can't shoot myself in the head, then I can at least end it with a little dignity. I'm sorry, Clementine… I know you probably would want me to keep pushing, to keep trying to live.
But looking back, I haven't lived in a very long time. Two years, in fact.
Hopefully when this is finally done, I'll be able to meet you again – I'd like that very much. Maybe we'll wake up and this whole thing will just be a dream. A fucked up, hurtful, sadistic nightmare. I'd give anything to see that wish fulfilled.
The massive horde of walkers shambling around in downtown Detroit is my target, as I slowly walk forward grasping tightly onto Molly's grappling hook one last time. My gaze is focused – everything besides Clementine and my goal becomes obsolete. I'm a man on a mission, and I'm going to go out fighting.
It's one against a thousand at least, but I'm not afraid. In fact, I don't feel any emotion anymore. I've used up all of my feelings… I buried them when I buried Clementine two days ago.
We went through so much together… yet all I could keep saying to myself is that I failed her. I let her down. I held her back.
But then, I hear her little voice telling me that it's not my fault; that I was there for her when she needed it, and that I'll be able to see her again very soon.
And that little thought – that makes me smile.
I may not make it through this, but I'll be damned if some of them don't go down with me. As my father always used to say: Everetts don't quit.
I can only hope that I've lived up to their expectations.