So I guess this is another short, random oneshot thing about McGucket. Enjoy.

"Flibber flabber jibber jabber! I'M OLD MAN MCGUCKET!"

The large woman screamed and fell out of her seat at the table, causing the approaching waiter to trip over her and spill a couple plates of spaghetti onto the man seated at the nearest booth.

Stan turned to glare at the old prospector dancing atop the table behind him. He grunted in annoyance when Mable started scooping the pasta off his body and onto her empty plate. "Well, it's free, so that's something." He licked some of the sauce off his face.

"Wow. I think she might be dead," said Soos, reaching for a handful of Stansghetti.

Dipper glanced up from his menu to take in the sight. McGucket had apparently been hiding under the booths again, waiting to jump out and scare some poor tourist unconscious and steal their food. It wasn't his first time.

"Spankledeedoo!" Shouted the old man as he dumped the hamburger and fries basket into his overalls. "I put fresh meat in my pants to keep my body warm during the cold and lonely nights!"

Dipper cringed.

"Look away, kid," his grunkle deadpanned, slurping another noodle off his shoulder.

Two hands gripped each of Stan's shoulders, holding him firmly in place. A hairy faced head appeared in the man's peripheral vision.

"What do you want, McGucket?" Stan asked roughly.

"My, what tasty looking clothes you've got on your body."

Stan glared. "I will break you, old man."

McGucket laughed and leaped over the table. He scurried to the door and ran screaming into the street.

Dipper shook his head. "Man, that guy is weird."

Mabel and Stan nodded.

"Hey, dudes," Soos started, licking some Stansghetti sauce off his hand. "You ever think that maybe that dude is, like, secretly some kind of legitimate genius who acts insane to hide some kind of huge secret? Yes? No? Am I the only one who thinks about that kind of stuff?"

The Pines stared at him.

"My mind is a like the mighty Oak whose branches cascade over the valley of life." He shoved another handful of Stansghetti in his mouth.

Dipper laughed. "Geez, man, next you're gonna be saying that old man McGucket wrote the journals."

"Yeah, that would be pretty stupid."

Stan grunted, pushed himself up and out the booth. "Well, the tomato sauce ran down my back and into my pants and now I seem to be developing an uncomfortable rash."

"Ew," said the twins in unison.

"TO THE CAR, KIDS!... And Soos."

McGucket cackled gleefully as he danced down the sidewalk and jumped into the first trashcan he saw. "McGucket, McGucket, McGucket."

"Um, McGucket?"

The old man peeked his head out of his can. Pine Tree? He jumped out of the garbage, spit on his hand and slapped the boy on the back. "Hey there, shrill voiced and awkwardly sweaty boy. Are ya here for another tonic?"

Dipper frowned at the wet spot on his back. "Um, no. I just found this bag of nacho chips in the back of Stan's car and thought I'd offer them to you. They expired, like, I don't know, two years ago?"

McGucket howled… Literally… Like a dog… "Triangles make my throat swell!"

Dipper blinked. "Um… Okay?"

The little man snatched the bag from the boy's hand and tore it open with his teeth.

"So…" Dipper started, searching for a conversation starter. "You seen any weird creatures running around in the dump lately or whatever- Aaaah!" He jumped at the suddenly grave and intense stare he received from the strange, old man with his face half buried in the bag of chips.

"Pointy corners make red ink and hiding don't mean ya can't be seen."

Dipper took a step back. "Um… Whaaaaaat?"

McGucket blinked, leaned in closer. "Be careful who you trust, boy." He shoved the empty chip bag in his mouth and swallowed it. "I've got a family of maggots that needs tending! Four, five, one, twenty and eight! Feeding maggots sure is great!" He jumped back into the trashcan, mumbling happily to himself.

Dipper slowly backed away. "Okay then… I'm just going to leave now."

McGucket peered over the edge of the trashcan, watching as the boy headed back to the car parked by Lazy Susan's diner. "Triangles and red ink. Maggots and meat. Watch out for shadows. Trust no one you meet."

20-8-5 2-1-2-9-5-19 1-18-5 7-18-15-23-9-14-7 19-15 6-1-19-20!