AN: Crack. The crackiest crack that ever crackled at a crack. Blame goes to... uh, I mean dedicated to Yvanthe, who is the reason this exists. May qualify as being slightly Mollcroft. If you are a Mollcroft shipper and think I should add it to the tags, let me know.

"William Sherlock Scott Holmes, don't you dare!" John Watson growled from his place at the door to St. Bart's lab. The man in question froze, his hand (clutching a box of caustic chemicals) half-way to his jacket pocket. Sherlock glared at John and it was not because he had been caught nicking controlled substances from the lab.

"I never should have told you my name."

"Probably not," John agreed, walking up and plucking the contraband from Sherlock's fingers, "especially since you already knew I was about to become a father. Instinct kicks in immediately, you know. I've not only adopted my dad's annoying habit of using full names when angry, but I've also grown my dad's finger." To prove the latter, he proceeded to point at the taller man in a very stern manner. "Stop trying to steal chemicals for your home experiments."

"If you keep trying to steal chemicals, I'll start calling you 'Billy' again," Molly's voice, closer than either man had expected, made them both start. Sherlock's scowl deepened.

"Just because you heard John call me William, doesn't mean I've ever gone by the name 'Billy.' "

"You did though," she handed him a cup of coffee with one hand and retrieved the box of chemicals from John with the other, "Well, until you decided to try Scotty."

"Like on Star Trek?" John chuckled. He paused, then said, "Wait, when did Sherlock tell you his full name? I didn't even know until a couple of months ago."

"I never told her my name," Sherlock insisted, looking disturbed.

"Of course he didn't," Molly said. She turned from replacing the chemicals Sherlock was trying to abscond with and gave him a smug look. "Your parents told me your name."

Both John and Sherlock looked gobsmacked, but it was Sherlock who spoke.

"I have never introduced you to my parents," he sounded offended by the very idea. Molly's face crumpled slightly, but she rallied.

"You really don't remember?" Her voice sounded small, but she smiled anyway. "You must have deleted it, I guess." She looked down at her clasped hands.

John gave him a shove and Sherlock scrambled for an idea of what to say. He was about to blurt out something absurd (but not untrue) about deleting most things involving his parents when he caught Molly looking at him slyly. He frowned and she dimpled.

"You're doing that teasing thing again," he accused, studying her with an annoyed squint.

"Yup," Molly giggled.

"I never introduced you to my parents."

"Nope."

"Hmm," Sherlock grunted smugly as he took a sip of coffee.

"Mycroft did. Oh, by the way, your parents think Mycroft and I are having it off."

John was treated to the rare sight of Sherlock Holmes spewing his coffee over four thousand pounds worth of lab equipment.

Eleven months previous...

"Oh, Myc, she's adorable," Mother gushed in what she probably thought was a whisper.

"Like a china doll," Father agreed, not quite quietly enough either, "and so clever."

"Well, of course she is," Mother said with confidence, "my boy wouldn't give the time of day to someone who wasn't exceedingly intelligent."

"Yes, well, it's been lovely seeing you both but here's the car," Mycroft uncharacteristically babbled as he attempted to shoo his parents into the sleek sedan he ordered to deliver the older couple to the train station, "if you leave now, you'll be home just in time for your customary toddy and telly.

"Yes, yes," Mother Holmes said absently as she crushed Molly in a warm hug. "Oh, my dear I can not begin to tell you how happy you've made me."

"Yes, so exciting to meet you, Molly dear," Father Holmes said after giving Molly a light kiss on the forehead. Molly, though she had had a wonderful afternoon, was not completely certain why she was there or why Mr. and Mrs Holmes would be excited to meet her.

Father Holmes turned to Mycroft and, in his best man-to-man tone, added, "Don't dawdle too long, son. Ladies like Molly aren't satisfied with providing free milk forever."

Mycroft would deny until his dying day that he was blushing as he all but shoved his parents into the waiting car and barking an order for it to leave immediately. Molly could faintly hear Mrs. Holmes say something that sounded like "grandbabies."

"...what was...? Wait... did I just..." Molly looked to the retreating car with confusion, then back to Mycroft. "Did I just accidentally pretend to be your girlfriend in front of your parents?"

Mycroft smiled and waved to another black sedan to pull up. As he held the door open for her, Mycroft said "It's been a pleasure as always, Miss Hooper. Let's do this again in the near future. Good day."