This Love Doesn't Run

Disclaimer:
As always, I own nothing.

Rating:
T

Genre:
Romance

Pairing:
Wardson

Lyrics Used:
Lea Michele "Battlefield"

We Seemed Like A Good Idea

You and I | We have to let each other go | We keep holding on but we both know | What seemed like a good idea's turned into a battlefield

Peace will come | When one of us puts down the gun | Be strong for both of us | No please don't run, don't run | Eye-to-eye we face our fears

It was finally over. The battle was over. Garrett was dead. Order was being restored to S.H.I.E.L.D. - slowly, but, surely. And, one of his own had been locked away deep within the deepest levels of The Fridge. Not just one of his own. The one that had stolen his heart. Agent Hand's words rang through his mind - more poignant now than they ever had been - as Agent Coulson strode down the hallway to his destination.

"They earn our trust. They earn our sympathy. They make us like them."

He never would have imagined just how applicable those words would be to his own life. Phil Coulson had always prided himself on his ability to read people. He had always known who he could and could not trust. But, now … Now, he just didn't know, anymore. All he knew was he needed answers.

Sliding the door to the cell open, he stared at the specialist inside the cell - sitting on his bunk … head in his hands. Phil recognized it as his guilty look. He just couldn't be sure of its sincerity. Stepping inside, he closed the door behind him as the specialist rose to his feet. As Grant turned to look him in the eye, Phil couldn't deny the way he felt his heart break once again as he saw the specialist's red, raw eyes. The man had clearly been crying his eyes out for quite some time. "Phil-" He spoke, gently, only to be sharply cut off by a single index finger and a sharp - if not somewhat pained - voice.

"Don't." Phil barked, curtly. It was a voice Grant had never heard before. And, it hurt. That single voice cut right through to his very core. "Don't you dare …" Phil hissed. "Don't you dare 'Phil' me." After a tense, palpable silence, Phil continued on. "Why?" He demanded, his voice soft and vulnerable. "Why did you do it?"

Sighing heavily, Grant leaned back on his bunk against the wall as he contemplated his answer. There was no good answer, so, he decided to go for broke with the truth. "I did it to protect you." He offered, lamely.

"What?" Phil snapped, agitatedly. "'Protect me'?!" He added, his voice rising in volume. "You thought you'd 'protect me' by turning your back on us?! Ordering a hit on Skye?! That's your idea of 'protecting me'?!" By now, he was leaning over the specialist on the bed, hovering mere inches over his face as he shouted into Grant's face.

Finally finding his voice, Grant forced Phil back - off of him - as he fought back "GARRET THREATENED TO FUCKING KILL YOU IF I DIDN'T DO EXACTLY WHAT HE ORDERED TO ME TO DO!" The echoes of his scream slowly died away as both Ward and Coulson stared at each other - chests heaving with angry breaths.

"What?" Phil finally broke the silence with a small, barely-there, question.

Sighing heavily, Ward anxiously ran his hand through the jet black locks Phil had grown to love so dearly. "When Garrett first approached me … He didn't so much 'recruit' me as he … blackmailed me." The specialist began, carefully. "He said … 'I really think you should consider my offer. Because I'd sure hate to have to take Phil out … After all we been through and all.' …" He quoted, his voice filled with disgust and horror at what Garrett had suggested.

"That's not good enough and you know it." Phil hissed, after taking a beat to digest what Ward had told him. "I understand why you felt compelled to do what you did." He conceded, reluctantly. "In your position, I can't say I wouldn't have felt pressured to do the same. But, you should have talked to me." Phil implored. "We could have figured it out. Together."

"He didn't exactly give me a lot of time to think it over." Grant snorted, crossing his arms over his chest. "Said he had some sort of traps set up for you on The Bus and that if I refused him - or even if I just took to long to answer - he would spring them." The specialist added, defeatedly. "I just couldn't take that chance." He admitted, hating how small and vulnerable he felt in that moment.

"I understand that." Phil replied, a small fraction of the characteristic warmth that Grant always craved from Phil creeping back into his voice for a fleeting moment. "But, that doesn't change what you did. Betraying us. Lying to my face."

"I was just biding my time." Grant argued, desperately. "I was just waiting until Garrett had a vulnerable moment - a weakness I could exploit - and, then I was gonna kill him … Take him out of the equation altogether."

That part struck a chord within Phil. It had been Ward's bullet that took Garrett down on the battlefield. Phil knew he wouldn't soon forget it. Garrett had his arm around Phil's neck - using him as a human shield - as Ward aimed his gun at them. Little did Phil know that Garrett fully expected the specialist to shoot Phil down just as much as Coulson - himself - did. An expectation which shattered as Phil felt the breeze of the bullet flying just past his ear and into the skull of his captor. Phil was grateful to Grant for what he'd done - saving him the way he had. But, he just couldn't shake the sting of his betrayal. "I loved you." Phil whispered, voice trembling. "I trusted you." He added, advancing on the specialist until their faces were mere inches apart. In happier times, Grant would have grabbed Phil's face in his hands and pour his heart and soul into a brain-melting kiss. But, this was hardly the time for that. "Did that mean nothing to you?"

Grant felt his heart shatter into a million tiny pieces inside his chest. He truly loathed himself for what he'd reduced the man he loved down to. Reaching out to gently caress Phil's face, he couldn't help flinching ever-so-slightly as the older man slapped his hand away - admittedly somewhat more violently than he'd originally intended. Wrapping his arms around himself in a feeble attempt to shelter himself from some imagined cold that only he seemed to feel, Grant replied "Of course it meant something - hell, it meant everything-"

"Then, why, goddamn it?!" Phil asked, briefly losing control as he slapped Grant across the face - harder than the specialist had expected. Cradling the red, stinging cheek in his hand, Grant could only stare brokenly at the one man that he loved above all else. "Why would you do it? Why would you turn your back on us?" Finally, Phil's voice dropped so low that Grant had to struggle to hear it. "On me?"

Tears stinging his eyes, Grant begged for forgiveness he knew damn well he didn't deserve. "Phil, please…" He pleaded, voice watery and thick with emotion. "I know I don't deserve your forgiveness." He conceded - earning himself a snort of derision from the older man. "But, I need you to know how truly deeply sorry I am. I never wanted you to get hurt." He added. "And, I understand if you never wanna see me again." The specialist conceded, brokenly. "But, if this is really the end … Then you deserve to know that I am very very sorry for all that I've done. And, that I will never forgive myself for betraying your trust." Grant knew - better than any of their other team members - that Coulson's trust was not freely given. And - when it was earned - it was to be treated with the utmost respect. "I can only … pray that … someday, you'll be able to find it within your heart to forgive me." He added, desperately.

Taking in everything Grant was telling him, Phil knew no good ever came from holding a grudge. Releasing a heavy sigh, he replied. "Forgive, I can do." He conceded, gently. "But forget is another thing, entirely, Grant Ward." Grant Ward was no idiot. He understood the underlying meaning behind those words loud and clear as Coulson turned to walk out of his cell.

Just as Phil's hand landed on doorknob, Grant made an impulsive decision to go for completely broke. I really have nothing left to lose … He reminded himself. "Can I just say one more thing?"

"What?" Phil asked, his voice every bit as tired as his mind and body. It was true. After everything that had happened, Phil Coulson had nothing left. His mind, heart, and body were spent. He was completely numb. That was preferable to the constant pain of Grant's betrayal, afterall.

"I'm okay with never seeing you again." Grant stated, bluntly, causing Phil's eyes to widen, slightly. Up until that very moment, Phil thought there was nothing left for Grant to do that could ever possibly hurt him. But, apparently, he was wrong. "I'm okay with it because … I know you're safe. You're safe and … you at least have the option of being happy." The specialist added, simply. "At the end of the day, I can live with any consequences of my actions as long as I know those two things."

Staring at Grant, Phil tried to process what his former paramour was telling him. Shaking his head, the senior agent knew he needed to get out of there before he did something stupid like kissing him. He couldn't risk going back there. Not after all the lies. He needed out. Rounding on his heel, he quickly threw the door open, stepped through, and slammed it shut behind him - the sound echoing through the hallway.

After a few steadying breaths, Phil pushed himself away from the wall as he made his way down to the end of the hall where Skye had been waiting for him. "How'd it go?" She asked, quietly. She wasn't an idiot. She knew how much Coulson loved Ward and how hurt he'd been by his betrayal. Knowing he couldn't bear the thought of talking about it, Phil opted - instead - for collapsing into the waiting arms of the young woman he'd grown to love like a daughter as he cried through everything that had happened, lately.

Author's Note:
Well, I hope y'all liked this little installment. I know Coulson didn't get his happy ending, this time. But, I just couldn't see him going back to Grant after everything he'd done to betray not only Coulson but the whole team. If y'all really need a happy ending, I'll try to write one, after I get through all the other pairings. In the meantime, please read and review.

~Skye Coulson