2. A Newfound Desire

As I sat tormented by the scent of the new girl, I fought for control. My primal side continued to encourage me to give in and attack, but I still resisted. However I knew that if I were going to act it would need to be soon, and it had to be done quickly.

I wondered if Alice was watching me, as I slaughtered my classmates.

My jaw ached and my throat burned as I glanced at the source of my discomfort. She sniffed her hair and showed a sour expression, I looked away before she noticed my observation.

I checked the time, and moment later I found a sliver of hope. Should I dare to think that maybe, I'd be able to avoid causing an incident? My sister Rosalie would hate it if we had to move, but if we did I guessed that Carlisle would understand. But could I pull it off? I'd maintained my self-control for a moment, so maybe I could sit through class without harming the new girl. If only she sat further away then it might be easier to endure her scent.

Yeah right, I thought. I was a monster with strong enough senses to detect her scent a mile away. It was unlikely that it would matter, whether she sat beside me or across the room.

Concentrate, I warned myself, and continued holding the desk. A minute passed. I turned and filled my lungs with fresh air, it was painful.

I managed to sit for several more minutes. My hope increased, and my dream of being able to sit through class peacefully slowly began to change into reality. If I didn't talk or breathe then I might have a real chance. My future in Forks depended on it.

I watched the clock tick. It was easier not to think about it, to ignore my impulses and the memory of the new girl's incredible scent. Making use of my talent I focused on the mind of a teacher from a different class. Through the teacher's eyes I found that none of my family were there, but there was something else. The teacher was attempting to ignore one of the students in front, remain objective, but nature was getting to him. The girl sat in a seductive pose with her legs crossed, dressed in a blouse and skirt and high heels.

With a faint grimace I backed out and restored his privacy. The class was nearly over. I prepared to bolt for the door, feeling totally drained. I'd never had such difficulty repulsing my insatiable hunger before, at least in a long time.

The second I heard the sound of the dismissal bell I leapt from my seat and crossed the room, moving a bit too quickly, but I didn't have the strength to stay any longer. I had to get out of there. I stepped beyond the classroom door and started inhaling the fresh air like a maniac. My feet carried me down the hall, out to the parking lot.

I found sanctuary in the silver Volvo as I struggled to get back to my normal self. The girl's scent still plagued my mind. But I had survived.

The engine revved to life and I pulled away from the parking space. I put my foot down on the petal and left the school behind. I needed to be alone. To protect the new girl from myself, I decided to leave town.

The memory of her scent still clouded my mind. It had been days, and still I was unable to purge her image from my thoughts. Something about Bella had stolen my attention, and wouldn't give it back. I gave an exasperated sigh and frowned. Why couldn't I get her out of my head? Could it be because I had been unable to detect her thoughts? Whatever the reason, it didn't make a difference--she was there and I couldn't make her leave. Nothing I did could distract me, prevent me from dwelling on her.

Things weren't getting any better.

Here I was standing, in the middle of a snowstorm, incapable of enjoying the wilderness of Alaska because of some mortal girl that was on my mind. I didn't want to do anything other than return and see Bella again; even though I knew it was a bad idea. If I went back to Washington it would be a death sentence. I would surely kill the girl that was the subject of every thought, and ruin the lives Carlisle and the rest of the family had worked so hard to build.

Wait, what if it wasn't impossible? I managed to restrain myself from turning into a ravage beast and attacking Bella once before. To do so again would be nothing short of a miracle, but the idea gave me pleasure. I started to hypothesize how I would manage it, adapt to her scent. If I could maybe get used to it a little then most likely it would get easier after a while. However, if I failed things would be bad, very bad.

I started walking in the direction of the Volvo. The prospect of seeing Bella brought a smile to my face. What was wrong with me?

Something had to be wrong because normal vampires didn't derive pleasure from the company of humans. Not the way I was beginning to imagine anyways. The rest of the family tolerated, and enjoyed the presence of a human occasionally but not all the time.

Even Carlisle must need some time away from them. Sure he had the greatest control out of everyone in the family, and compassion, but he didn't seek to be close to a human as I did.

I hoped Bella was alright.

I had left to ensure the girl's safety, and now that I was apart from her all I wanted was to see her again. And I didn't even know her.

Something was either very wrong with me, or I was experiencing desires that I'd thought long gone since I had been reborn as a vampire.

Upon reaching that conclusion I resumed my planning to try and find a way to make it work. I'd head back to Forks and torture myself by absorbing Bella's scent until it became unbearable, and then put some distance between us. Then I would repeat the process, honing my self-control each time. It could work.

Then I wondered if maybe I was giving myself too much credit. It took several minutes of contemplation as I stood with my arm extended toward the Volvo's door handle to decide what to do.

Was I kidding myself, or could I really do it again? Stay in control and avoid biting Bella. No, it wasn't whether I could or not. I had to make it work; there was no other option but to succeed. If I failed I'd go insane.

I concentrated on my memory of Bella, how her scent made my throat dry and teased my hunger. Somehow I had to make it work.

I slipped into the driver seat, and began the long trip back to Washington.

I wondered if Alice could already see me in her mind, returning to Forks. I pictured how the family would react to seeing me walk through the door and come home.

The car sped up as I pushed down on the gas petal. I needed to get back soon.

I vowed that I wouldn't let the monster within me take over. I didn't want to give in to my dark nature. Somehow I would overcome it.