(Six Months Ago…)
Dark clouds loomed up ahead, further up the mountain and it was the exact direction they were headed. Faith pulled her jacket tighter around her as the wind picked up, chilling her to the core. What a difference a day and a different state made. The further up the mountain they drove, the colder and windier it go. Such a stark contrast to the deserted sunny town in New Mexico where they'd been just half a day ago.
"Where is this place, Angel?" Faith asked, struggling to keep her lips from chattering as the temperature continued to drop the further up the mountain they drove. "Yo, Angel?"
"A few more miles."
"We're running low on gas," Faith shivered as she leaned over and noticed the gas gauge was already on empty. "We're not gonna make it, are we?"
"Then we'll walk the rest of the way if we have to, Faith."
She groaned as she sat back in the seat and ran her hands over her arms and then over her legs. Angel pulled over to the side of the road suddenly and he hopped out of the Jeep and walked around to the back. After digging through what little supplies they did have, he pulled out a thick grey fleece blanket and tossed it towards her from behind.
"Gee thanks," Faith muttered, rolling her eyes as she wrapped the blanket around her. "Would've been nice to know we had this sitting back there a few miles back."
"A little cold there, Faith?"
"A little?" Faith chuckled sarcastically as she pointed to her lips. "I'm surprised they aren't blue yet!"
It drew out a hearty laugh from Angel, something she hadn't heard in a long time. He climbed back in behind the wheel and hit the gas just as the first few snowflakes began to fall. As they drove around the bend in the road, the headlights flickered and the engine died, the Jeep slowly rolling to a stop.
"I knew we wouldn't make it."
"We still have gas. It's the battery that died."
"Even better," Faith muttered bitterly. "So, I guess we're walking now, huh?"
"You walked further than a few miles before in the middle of a zombie apocalypse in downtown LA, Faith. A few miles in the snow up a mountain should be a piece of cake."
"Yeah, in freaking Southern California, Angel, not in the middle of some freak snowstorm in the Rocky Mountains! Totally different, man, not like it matters to you. Do you even feel the cold? No, so shut up and let me complain for the next couple of miles."
Angel laughed again, that same hearty laugh she'd heard just minutes before the Jeep died. They both climbed out of the Jeep and gathered their supplies and their weapons and once they were positive they'd left nothing behind, they set out, walking along the road that was quickly becoming covered in snow.
Faith was miserable, cold, hungry and tired. She wasn't a complainer, but after spending years in California, she had gotten used to not feeling the bitter cold chill of winter, and she definitely didn't miss the snow that made her cheeks and nose and hair frozen in just a handful of minutes. To top it off, she wasn't dressed for this kind of weather and she couldn't seem to starve off the chill that ran through her body no matter how hard she tried. Not even a half-hearted attempt at imagining she was someplace warm, sunny, safe and free of zombie-vampire-human hybrids that were absolutely everywhere now.
Except apparently that high up in the mountains in the middle of a freak snowstorm in the middle of the night. She shifted her backpack straps, the pack feeling heavier every couple dozen of steps through the building snow on the road. The shotgun was strapped to her right shoulder and the long broadsword she'd found a few weeks back in a weapons shop that had been nearly emptied, was strapped to her left. She wanted a katana and had spent weeks searching for one. Angel even ribbed her about it, calling it just another fancy sword when any old blade would do the job killing the things that wandered through the cities and small towns. Instead she had to settle on a sword too big—yet not too heavy for a slayer—which made it awkward to carry when she wasn't swinging at zombie heads and limbs.
"All this time," Angel said, his voice nearly lost in the whipping, roaring wind and snow.
"What?"
"All this time and I've never heard you complain before."
"Your point?" Faith asked, narrowing her eyes as they slowed down their pace a little. "It's fucking cold, man! I'm freezing my tits off here. I'm allowed to complain!"
"I thought it was your lips, not your—"
"Everything is cold. Everything."
"Even those metaphorical balls of yours?" Angel teased and she slugged him playfully in the shoulder before they continued walking. "They are metaphorical, right?"
"What, you wanna check for yourself, Soul Boy?"
"Now that's one I haven't heard in a while."
The teasing felt bittersweet and Faith's laughter quickly died out. Angel didn't have much time left, days, if even that. Would this be the last time they joked around like this, teased each other, had a few laughs along the way. Would this be the last time Angel was more like himself than the rabid monster he was slowly turning into? Those were answers she wasn't ready for and yet she already knew what they were.
They continued walking up the winding mountain road, the snow building up quickly, the wind roaring and whipping around, making the walk a little more difficult and even colder—for Faith anyway. She tried to keep her focus on the road ahead, every twenty feet or so, she'd kick away the snow to make sure they were still on the road. She wasn't even sure how long they'd been walking for, it could've been just over an hour before Angel reached out to stop her and pointed to two posts at the side of the road, barely visible in the blowing snow.
Faith didn't say a word, choosing instead to trust that Angel was right and followed him off the road. Between the snow covered trees, a narrow path, a driveway perhaps, but it was hard to tell with nearly half a foot of freshly fallen snow on the ground. She grumbled and trekked on, her boots heavy and wet, her feet colder than the rest of her and almost completely numb. She shifted her backpack, groaning as it felt heavier than before. She whistled out for Angel to stop and she pulled off her backpack and let it fall into the snow with her sword and shotgun.
"What's wrong, Faith?"
"I need to stop for a minute," she said through chattering teeth and she unwrapped the blanket from around her and reached inside her jacket pocket for her cigarettes and lighter. "Just for a minute."
"We're almost there."
"Angel, I need a break," she said firmly before placing a cigarette between her lips and she struggled in the wind and the snow to light it. Shivering, she turned every which way until Angel stepped up to her and cupped his hands around the lighter, providing just enough of a block from the wind so she could get her cigarette lit. "Thanks."
Angel just nodded and helped her wrap the snow covered blanket around her again, but it didn't make a difference in keeping her any warmer. She groaned as she sat down on her backpack and took a long drag of her cigarette, taking a moment just to look around at the trees surrounding them and the path that led deeper into the woods.
"You sure this is the way?"
"There is only one property off this road. A few miles more and we would've reached a dead end," Angel replied and he shrugged off his backpack and sat down across from her. He shook the snow that was building up in his hair off and stared at her in the darkness, the snow making things a little less dark than they actually were. "The man I spoke to in town, he said this was the only cabin that belongs to the Martinez family."
"Who?"
"Kennedy's family. I did some digging before the outbreak started."
"Any reason why you did some digging on Kennedy?"
"Not just on Kennedy, on all the slayers that were with you when Willow did the spell on the scythe. Buffy asked me to before I left Sunnydale. Some of those girls, they weren't very forthcoming about where they came from, their families, and Buffy wanted to make sure that if something happened to them, she'd at least be able to inform their families about what had happened."
"Right," Faith nodded and she switched hands, burying her numb right hand under the blanket while she smoked with her left hand. "You gonna trust this guy? You sure he didn't send us out on a death mission out on the mountains in the middle of the night in the middle of a freak snowstorm?"
"Faith, relax. He's an old friend of a friend."
"Demon then?"
Angel laughed quietly. "You could say that, but he can be trusted. You still trust me, don't you?"
"Always will, Angel."
"Then trust me right now, Faith."
"Ya think I'd even be here right now if I didn't trust you?"
Angel didn't say a word, he just nodded his head. Faith furrowed her brow and wondered if now was the time to ask him why he stopped coming to visit her while she was in prison. Finding him at Wolfram and Hart in his own office seemed to give her the answer, but she wanted to hear it from him. A part of her wondered if it was better if she never knew why he stopped coming and why he never answered when she called him. That was behind them now, that whole part of their lives was behind them now and they were living in a whole new world where the rules had changed overnight.
Faith quickly finished off her cigarette and she pulled on her backpack, slid her shotgun strap over her right arm, and the strap on her sword over her left. The two just exchanged a simple look before they continued walking down the narrow path, the snow not lightening up although the wind had died down to a barely there breeze.
Angel stumbled forward suddenly and Faith blinked through the snow that was falling on her face and her eyes went wide in alarm when she saw the arrow sticking out of his left shoulder. He fell forward, gasping as he grabbed at the back of the arrow.
"Angel!" Faith said as she rushed to his side and she breathed a small sigh of relief when she saw it hadn't pierced his heart, but it was close. "Angel?"
"I'm fine…" He muttered as he sat down heavily in the snow. "It missed."
"Barely."
"Can you…pull it out?"
Faith nodded and waited for him to break off the tip of the bolt before she placed a hand on the back of his shoulder and grabbed the end. Slowly she pulled it out of him, wincing as he shuddered and fell forward as she pulled it free.
"Jesus," Faith groaned as she tossed the broken arrow away. "Angel?"
"I'm fine," he groaned and gave the tip of the arrow a sniff. "At least this time there's no poison."
Faith felt a lurch of guilt swim inside of her, but she had no time to feel guilty about the things she did in her past. Someone had shot Angel and just missed his heart, whether luck was on their side or whoever shot it was a shit shot to begin with. She rose to her feet quickly, turning in the direction the bolt had been shot from. Behind them, just off the path. But with the heavy, steady falling snow, she couldn't see very far and she groaned in frustration as she turned her attention back to Angel and helped him up to his feet.
Her senses were on high alert now and she was mentally kicking herself for not being more aware of their surroundings to begin with. When she heard the whizz of a second bolt flying through the air, she grabbed on to Angel's pack and yanked him out of the way, the arrow imbedding itself in a tree trunk a few feet away. She turned around quickly, blinking through the snow, trying to find out who the hell was shooting at them and that's when a third bolt came flying through the air, just barely missing her right arm.
"What the fuck?" Faith yelled. "Whoever is out there, why don't you show yourself, huh?"
"Faith—"
"Shut up, Angel," she snapped at him and she pulled her shotgun off her shoulder and pointed it in the direction the arrows had been shot from. "Come on, show yourself! Only fucking cowards hide and—"
"Faith?"
"Kennedy?"
Faith lowered the shotgun as she heard the snow crunching just a short distance away and soon she saw a hooded figure approaching them. Kennedy threw back the hood of her white parka and laughed as she stopped just a foot in front of Faith.
"Seriously?" Kennedy laughed as she raised a gloved hand that held a two-way radio. "False alarm. I repeat, false alarm. It's Faith and…" Kennedy said into the radio, trailing off slowly. She raised an eyebrow as she looked at Angel behind Faith.
"Angel," Faith said with a nod towards him.
"It's Faith and Angel," Kennedy said into the radio before she let go of the button, the static hissing in the air quietly before the squawk sounded.
"Did you just say that it was Faith and Angel that tripped the alarm?"
Xander's voice. Faith chuckled dryly, not realizing how much she'd missed hearing his voice. Kennedy just raised an eyebrow at her and stared down at the radio in her hand before pressing the button on the side, the static squelching momentarily.
"Yeah, Faith and Angel. No sign of anything or anyone else. We'll be back in ten minutes, over and out, Cyclops."
"Cyclops?" Faith chuckled as Kennedy put the radio in a pocket and slung her longbow over her shoulder.
"What the hell are you guys doing out here?" Kennedy asked and she kept a weary eye on Angel.
"Looking for you guys," Faith replied. "We had a vehicle, but it conked out on us a few miles back. We grabbed our gear and hoofed it from there."
"A few miles? In this storm? Are you crazy or something?"
"Yeah, probably," Faith chuckled and she turned to look back at Angel. "You okay, man?"
"Sorry about, you know, shooting at you. Actually shooting you," Kennedy offered and Angel shrugged it off like it was nothing but a scratch. "How did you find us? Wait, why don't you hold off on that little story until we get back. I don't know about you guys, but I'm freezing my tits off here."
"See, Soul Boy?" Faith chuckled heartily. "I ain't the only one freezing my tits off out here."
"Come on, it's a bit of a trek back to the cabin," Kennedy said as she moved in front of them to lead the way, but she paused and looked back at Angel. "You, you know, all right to walk another mile? I mean after—"
"After getting shot by an arrow in the shoulder?" Angel asked amusedly, scoffing as he patted his freshly injured shoulder lightly. "It's nothing. Just a scratch. I'll be fine. Don't worry about me."
"Right," Kennedy laughed quietly. "Follow me and keep close. Stay quiet."
Faith clenched her jaw as she kept a close eye on Kennedy. They followed her down the narrow path, Faith stepping in the footsteps of Kennedy's, mostly to keep even more snow from finding its way inside her already frozen and wet boots. And too because she hadn't let the fact that they'd tripped some kind of alarm without knowing it go without saying. If there was some kind of alarm they'd set off without knowing it, she knew that there was the possibility that there could be any number of traps set up around the property to protect them from intruders of all kinds.
Faith grabbed on to Angel's arm as he stumbled in the snow beside her. He shook his head, motioning for her not to say a word as he winced silently and grasped at his shoulder. It wasn't the wound itself that was affecting him, it was the virus and being shot at hadn't helped him any. Faith shifted his arm around her shoulders, careful not to let her sword or shotgun slip away and she forced him to lean on her for support and it was only then that she could feel how weak he was, every step a tremendous effort that was draining him fast of whatever little energy and strength he'd been holding on to.
It wouldn't be much longer now. He didn't have days, he had hours as far as she was concerned.
And that scared her half to death. It scared her because they'd finally found Buffy and the others and now Angel wouldn't make it through the night. He'd be lucky if he did, but even Faith knew luck wasn't on his side anymore. It wasn't on any of their sides anymore. There was no luck in the world. No fate. No destiny. No hope. Just survival and only the strong seemed to make it through each day and night.
Kennedy led them up a steep hill and the climb was treacherous in the deep snow. Faith kept pulling Angel along, not giving up on him. Not yet. Kennedy came to a sudden stop at the top of the hill and turned to them with a smirk curled over her lips as she waited for them to catch up.
"Home sweet home. Come on, guys! Try and keep up, will ya?" Kennedy said with a wink and she took off in a steady jog down the hill without even looking back.
"Thought it was supposed to be a cabin?" Faith muttered as she panted heavily and helped Angel stay steady on his feet. He groaned as he leaned against her, not looking down the hill with her. "That ain't no fucking cabin, man."
"Huh?" Angel moaned as his head lolled to the side, his eyes closed tight as he weakly held on to Faith.
Faith just shook her head as she looked down the hill at the cabin, brightly lit, warm, inviting, and impossibly too big to fit the definition of a cabin in her mind. She shifted her hold on Angel, scanning over the hill below. It wasn't near as steep as the one they'd just climbed, but one wrong step and they'd go rolling down the hill. She fought back the smirk that dared try to slip over her lips as she thought of them becoming one of those cartoon snowballs as they rolled down the hill together and she started down slowly, trying to keep her focus on taking it one step at a time, slowly yet surely.
"Faith…"
"Come on," she urged. "We're almost there."
"Faith…I…" Angel gasped and she stopped, trying to gain some leverage as she stood below him on the steady incline. Her hands grasping him, holding him upright. "Do it. Do it now. Do it before it's too late."
"No."
"Faith—"
"No!" She yelled, her voice echoing all around them. "No," she said quietly. "It's not time. Not yet." She shifted her hold on him and grabbed his chin with her right hand. "Not yet. Not yet, Angel. Maybe—maybe they can help, maybe they can find a way to—"
"Listen to me, Faith. Just listen to me," Angel said firmly and he shuddered and gasped as Faith struggled to keep him standing. "There is no cure. Not for me. Not for anyone. Just please…"
"No," Faith said as she shook her head and slipped her arm around his waist and continued down the steady incline. "No," she said again, more so to herself than to him. "It's not time yet. It's not."
Her foot caught on something buried in the snow and she couldn't stop herself or Angel from tumbling down the hill together. Gone were those comical images of them becoming snowballs as they fell. Her body jerked and bobbed and rolled in the snow down the hill, her backpack digging into her every time she tumbled onto her back hard and she cried out, her hands reaching and grasping for Angel, but he was no longer within reach.
"Fuck," Faith groaned as she rolled to a stop and she spit out the mouthful of snow and blood as she rose up on her hands and knees. "That's one way to get down a hill like that, huh?"
She was suddenly pulled up to her feet and facing a not too happy looking Buffy who held her by the collar of her jacket. She let out a bitter laugh as her vision swarmed and the sight of Buffy doubled.
"Hello, Faith," Buffy said, feigning sweetness as she spoke her name. "Didn't think I'd ever see you again. Bet you thought the same, hmm?"
"Life's sure full of surprises, ain't it, B?"
"Here's one of them," she said as she rose her fist and Faith closed her eyes, knowing exactly what was coming next.
Faith managed to choke out a bittersweet laugh before her whole world faded to black. Of course life was full of surprises. She expected them, big and small and everything in between, even the disappointing ones. Buffy greeting her with a hard right hook just wasn't one of those surprises. She expected it.
Like she could've ever expected anything else when it came to Buffy Summers.
Dusk was falling as they filled in the last of the dirt into the grave. Faith tossed her shovel aside and wiped her hands on her pants as she sucked in a lungful of air. Xander finished the rest, the very last of it and he tossed his shovel on top of hers, the clanging of the metal jolting the rest out of the sorrowful daze they'd fallen into as they stood at the foot of the now filled in grave.
Faith moved to stand at the side, just a few feet from the others, taking what she knew was her place, there but not a part of them. Not completely. It didn't matter how many months they'd spent together, all the long, sleepless nights or all those hungry, lonely days they'd spent together, she was still very much on her own. On her own, but with them at the same time.
Dawn had tried to convince her otherwise many times. Faith didn't want to think about that. She didn't want to think of the words Dawn had used. Friend. Family. Sister. It just hurt to much to think about how Dawn had longed for her to accept her place within the group, to know she was not only wanted, but needed too. Dawn had been her closest friend. Maybe it was why it hurt the most, losing her, killing her before it was too late.
She lied when Buffy asked her if it was as hard killing Angel as it was killing Dawn. Angel, she knew it was coming. She knew for days. With Dawn, it was instant. She knew from the moment she came up on the roof the night before. She knew before she pulled back the collar of Dawn's shirt to reveal the nasty, infected bite mark just below her collarbone. She knew and it killed her inside that Dawn came to her and not to her own sister.
Faith closed her eyes as the wind picked up and she longed to hear the birds sing again, their sorrowful melodies that rang out just as dusk approached, their songs of another day ending, songs of both sadness and happiness and whatever else fell in between. She couldn't even remember the last time she'd heard the birds sing, but she knew it wasn't long after she fled from the prison, leaving the chaos that erupted inside behind her only to come face to face with so much worse in the outside world.
Not even her worst nightmares could've prepared her for what life had become or what was coming next.
Giles was speaking, she could see him as he stood in front of the others, his head bowed, his glasses in one hand, handkerchief in the other, but she couldn't hear him. Her own grief had crippled her and she felt helpless and completely powerless to it.
It should've felt this way with Angel, not her. Why her?
Because she became like a sister to you. Family. A friend.
She was everything you ever wanted. Family. But not everything you ever needed. She gave you hope.
She gave you hope that you lost after Angel. Even before.
Hope that's forever fading. Dying out. Just like the rest of the world…but you can't lose it. You can't. Not now, Faith, not now. Not after everything. She needs you now, more than ever. More than you want to believe. A new tide is coming in and you need to hold on to that hope, embrace it. Step up and fight for your right to live. For the world. For the hope and faith of what is left of humanity…
Angel's voice, ringing through her head, reminding her of memories he wasn't even there for. Even in death, he was there. Even months later, she could still hear his voice, feel his strength when she had none, feed off his hope when her's was lost completely..
Faith's hands shook as she shoved them into the front pockets of her dirty, torn, bloodstained jeans. Her eyes stung with tears she refused to let fall in front of the others. Her body ached from the lack of sleep, the fight against the infected the night before, digging, digging, and digging some more before filling it all back again. A hole in the ground. A grave. Dawn's grave. Her final resting place. A place that would be forgotten once they moved on again.
They always moved on. Nowhere was safe. Not that great big cabin in the mountains in Colorado. Not that sleep, seemingly unaffected nowhere town in Iowa, not Kansas City or any of the other places they'd gone to since. Faith couldn't even recall exactly where they were now. Everything had become such a blur and she'd be lying to herself if she said it hadn't happened since that night the outbreak happened in prison.
"Faith?"
"Yeah?" Faith blinked herself out of her daze as she looked over at Giles.
"A word?" He asked patiently. "Perhaps a solemn goodbye. A memoriam of sorts. For Dawn?"
Faith rubbed at her forehead and ran her fingers through her hair as she let out a stuttered gasp. "I uh, I'm not sure what to say. I…"
She couldn't look at any of them, her eyes trailing over to the fresh earth that filled the grave. Dawn's grave. The emotions, all of them, she could feel them. Like static electricity in the air one could feel during and intense lightning storm. It made her feel numb and at loss for words.
Her eyes closed the instant Buffy reached out for her hand, their fingers intertwining without hesitation. Buffy's palm, her touch, it was warm and comforting, but it didn't make the pain nor the numbness fade away. When she opened her eyes, she found herself staring into Buffy's, eyes that bore so deep into her soul she wanted to pull away, to run, to hide from, yet she couldn't. All she could think about was not of Dawn, not of all the months they'd fought to survive, not of Angel, or her life before, but of that kiss just hours before on the rooftop under the blazing hot sun.
That kiss had changed everything and she was only beginning to see that. A kiss born of grief, of loss, of emptiness, numbness. A kiss to feel again, just for a moment, and yet it'd changed everything.
"Faith?" Buffy whispered, a whisper so faint Faith was sure she hadn't heard her. Not really. "Faith? Do you want to say something?" Buffy asked, her voice louder, clearer as she let go of Faith's hand. Reality crashing down all at once, startling her and alarming Buffy as a comforting hand reached out for her. "Are you okay, Faith? Do you…need a moment?"
"I'm fine," she said as she stumbled backwards, away from Buffy, away from Dawn's grave, and the others. "I'm fine, I just—I don't know what to say."
"Just say whatever it is that you want," Giles said and Faith looked over at him, teary eyed, his voice so distance she wasn't even sure he'd said anything at all. It wasn't until he placed his glasses back on and cleared his throat, that everything became clear again and he continued, "Even, perhaps, just a simple goodbye will be sufficient. I know, even in such dark times as this, she would want you to say something, if anything at all, rather than let her rest in silence from those she loved."
Faith clenched her jaw and stepped forward slowly, her eyes to the ground, trying hard not to see the fresh earth that filled in her grave, but that of a lush green field filled with sunshine and birds singing as they nested in the trees nearby.
"I can't think of anything else to say other than thank you," Faith said, her voice quiet as she tried to still her shaking hands by clenching them into tight fists at her sides. "Never knew what family meant or felt like. Not until you, kiddo. Didn't matter what was in the past, all that mattered to you was the now. Wish it was that easy, you know? Forget the past, forget the future, just think of the now and the people surrounding you." Faith paused and inhaled sharply, the tears threatening to fall and she still fought them, now more than ever. She'd cry when she was alone. Never in front of them. Never.
Crying is weakness, girl. Never show your weakness to those who'll take advantage of it, ya hear me? You'll end up a no good whore, peddlin' on the streets, trying to keep a goddamn roof over your—
Her mother's voice. One she hadn't heard in a long time. Back to haunt her. Always haunting her when she least expected it. She still couldn't shut her out despite her being dead long before her first Watcher found her. She still couldn't forget that waste of a woman who brought her into the world and didn't give a single shit about her her whole life.
None of that mattered now. Not today.
"Thank you, Dawn, for showing me what a real family can be like," she said, barely a whisper. Not the whole truth, but as much as she could muster. "Wherever you are now," she sighed and inhaled deeply as she plucked the semi-crushed daisy she'd picked from the field earlier that day out of her pocket and tossed it on top of Dawn's grave. "Wherever you are now, it better sure as shit be somewhere better than here. I love you, Dawn. Never told ya, but I do and always will."
Faith chewed on her bottom lip, closing her eyes when she felt the warmth of the arms that embraced her from behind. Buffy's arms, Buffy's embrace, Buffy's lips on her neck, a soft kiss. Buffy's tears she felt upon her numb flesh that made her feel everything. It was all her. It was Buffy.
She made her feel again.
She made her feel in a world that was no longer theirs to save.
And all they could do now was survive another day.