"Isn't this great?" Martin exclaimed. "Look at us, out on the open ocean in the middle of nowhere!"

"Not that we can see it." Niles mumbled, glancing at the poor excuse for a window. It was more like a porthole, and even that was an exaggeration. He was sure to develop a severe case of claustrophobia for which there was no cure. His eyes surveyed the much-too-small room, and he winced in disgust. "How can you possibly find this place great, Dad? It's like a shoebox! Where are we going to sleep?"

"What, are you kidding me?" Martin asked. "Right here!"

To Niles' horror, his father crossed the stateroom and grabbed a silver handle, pulling down on it to reveal a bed that looked only slightly more comfortable than one that could be found in a prison cell.

Niles stared at the bed in disbelief. "You expect me to sleep there?"

"Hey, don't knock it! This room is perfect!" Martin said. "What do you expect for a free cruise?"

"Well, I expected a lot more than this!" Niles shouted. "Frasier? Are you going to just stand there or are you going to the Ship's captain and demand that we get a more suitable room?"

But to his dismay, Frasier shook his head. "I wish I could, Niles but like Dad said, this entire cruise was free and they assured me that this is the standard size for a stateroom."

"Frasier have you completely taken leave of your senses? What has happened to you? This is far below your normal standards!"

"Well, Niles, maybe I've decided to lower my standards for this journey."

Niles scoffed. "You've lowered them, all right… almost to the bottom of the ocean!"

"Oh for God's sake Niles, will you let it go? Just have some fun! That's why we're here, isn't it? This is a singles cruise so with any luck the three of us will meet someone!"

"I don't want to meet anyone!" Niles protested. "I have Maris and even if we're separated it doesn't mean-."

"Shut up, the both of you, okay?" Martin yelled. "Niles, what are you doing?"

But Niles wasn't listening. He was moving frantically about the room, looking for any signs of civilization. "You really expect us to live for a week in this… shoebox? And sleep in these poor excuses for beds? I'll be shoved against the wall! And look at this bathroom! It's barely big enough to stand in and I…"

Suddenly he found it hard to breathe and he moved like a zombie trying to find a way out. "I-I can't stay here… it's too… small. I-I have to…"

"Niles! Get a hold of yourself!" Frasier yelled, pushing Niles onto the only real bed in the entire stateroom… a twin bed at that. Niles sat as instructed and gasped when he felt Frasier forcefully push his head down.

"Keep your head down between your knees and breathe deeply. We can't have you passing out on this huge ocean liner in the middle of… well, the ocean."

Niles' head snapped up and his heart rate increased even further. "Oh dear God… I-I can't… I have to get out of here!"

"Niles!" Frasier yelled. "What has gotten into you?"

But Niles was already headed for the door, shooting Frasier an annoyed glance as Frasier stood in front of him in an attempt to block Niles' way.

"Let him go, Frasier!" Martin said. "We need to get going anyway! No more of this beating around the bush!"

"Dad, what are you talking about?"

Martin held up a sheet of paper that was so brightly colored, it made Niles squint. "I'm talking about this, Fras! Look at all the stuff there is to do on this boat! Now come on, we need to get going!"

"Dad, what's the rush? We have an entire week and my speech isn't until-."

"To hell with the speech! I'm talking about the buffet! They have a buffet that makes the Timber Mill's look like… well, a measly salad bar and I'm not about to miss it! Come on, let's go!"

To Niles and Frasier's amazement, Martin took his cane and hobbled out of the stateroom even faster than his sons could walk.

"Wow, must be some buffet." Frasier quipped as he and Niles hurried to catch up with their father.