I apologise for how long this has taken and its shortness in comparison to previous sections. As I said last time uni has started again and well my timetable is pretty terrible. Lets just say being at uni from 9 to 4 for 5 days in a row has left me super tired and slightly delirious :/

Anyways hope you guys are enjoying and still coming back for my updates. Also hope this isn't getting to repetitive? This chapter kind of came from something that originally was planned to be smaller but since it became what it is I decided to leave it as its own chapter as the next section is a big one. I've half finished the next bit so hopefully I wont take as long to upload it :)

Chapter 17

… Who is it? …

Tom was awoken from his daydream by a knocking sound, "Delivery," a voice called from behind his door.

"You've got the wrong place, I didn't order anything," he called back irritated as he walked towards the door ready to unleash his fury onto the unknowing delivery guy behind it. "I've told you guys a hundred times before this isn't Harris Street, it's Harris Road, but you never listen so as usual you've got the wrong …"

He stopped mid-sentence as he opened the door to see Doug posing with a ridiculous smile on his face and a box of pizza balancing on one hand. "Oh," he finished lamely. He turned around and went to sit back down on his couch, not even bothering to invite Doug in.

"Jeez Hanson, I thought you'd at least be happy to see some pizza even if you didn't want to see me,", Tom shrugged in response. It's not like he didn't want some company it was just he still wasn't prepared to reach out to Doug and he didn't want to accidently spill his guts. Again.

"I thought I'd swing by since we didn't have pizza night last week," he said approaching the issue cautiously. Toms face immediately softened.

"Oh shit, I'm so sorry about that. I was a bit of an ass hole wasn't I?"

"A bit?" Doug said light heartedly.

"Ok a lot," He admitted. "But you weren't exactly 'Mr Easy to be around' either!"

"Yeah ok, I'm sorry too, I know I went too far,"

"It's forgotten," he said untruthfully, he knew he would never forget how much the words had cut him at the time.

"Wait actually, what kind of pizza did you bring?"

"Pepperoni of course!" He said lifting the lid allowing the smell to fill the room.

"That's lucky, you're still forgiven then," Tom smiled back obviously dying for a slice, he couldn't remember the last time had had proper food.

Doug smiled back and sat next to him on the couch. He knew Tom didn't forgive as easily as he tried to convince others he did, but Doug was glad he felt their friendship important enough to lie for. As he knew neither of them were ready to talk about what had happened. He felt he needed to come over though because he missed the normality of them wasting hours together, the easy silences and understanding shared between them. He just wanted it to be back to how it was, even though he knew it was naive to think that it would ever be exactly the same between them. But he had to admit he wouldn't have it any other way, what they had shared had made them closer, he simple wanted to stop constantly fighting with his friend. They both took a slice from the box and turned their attention to the TV.

Doug was also glad that his visit had given him an excuse to check up on Hanson. So as Tom was seemingly distracted by the cartoon in front of them, Doug took the chance to examine their surroundings and them Tom himself.

"Why are you looking at me like I've gone insane?" Doug was startled, it was like he had eyes in the back of his head. He supposed they both did, they might not have much in common but they were both born to be police officers.

"You don't really think I've lost it do you?" His tone conveyed sarcasm but Doug could tell his eyes were begging for an honest answer. Had his friend had just asked him about his own sanity? If Tom thought he wasn't right, Doug had more to be worried about than he thought.

"I'm fine Doug really, or at least I will be. You know that right?" he said reassuring himself as much as he was Doug.

"I think you need to talk to Fuller about this, it's obviously affecting you more that you think. Maybe he could give you some time off?".

"No I can't, you know I can't! I can't deal with him looking at me like you are now, like some stupid helpless kid," he said, sounding ironically like a whiny child. Doug was baffled, Hanson had to realise that what he revealed to Doug opened his eyes to the resilient and strong-minded guy he really was.

"Fuller isn't like that, you know he's not,"

Tom continued as if he hadn't heard Doug speak, staring at something that want really there. "Every time they look at me I would be reminded again and again of something I've put behind me, something I dealt with a long time ago,".

Doug responded choosing to ignore the fact that Hanson wasn't really making sense. 'Who the fuck is them?' he thought. "Well obviously you haven't dealt with it. Look at yourself!" He started accidently letting some of his frustration spill into his voice.

He got no response.

"Does this seem like the apartment of someone who has dealt with their problems?" he said finally bringing up his concern about the state of the place. Tom refused to look around him, fully aware of how bad the mess was.

Doug was became concerned as Hanson stood there still giving no response staring back at him with steely eyes.

"Ok well, let me know when you're ready to admit to me and to yourself that something is wrong, and I will be here to help you, I will always be here for you if you need me ok?"

Tom finally spoke again, "Give it a rest Penhall, just because I've told you things doesn't mean you get to talk to me like that, you don't get to patronise me, I am not a child," he barked in response, internally confused about the two opposing feelings he was dealing with. He was hurt that Doug saw him incapable of coping on his own but at the same time he knew he didn't deserve Doug, he was too kind and too patient. Even with this playing on his conscience he fell into old habits, having let his frustration aided by his sharp tongue answer for him.

"Well you sure are acting like one," Doug returned irritated that his attempt to be supportive had been used against him.

"That's rich coming from you," Hanson scoffed.

"Whatever, have it your way," he said as he got up, knowing when his friend was like this there was no reasoning with him.

Was this them now? No more mutual understanding and easy Friday nights to be shared. Was this their new pattern, making up and then ten minutes later being back at each other's throats.

He saw such loathing in his friend's eyes, at that moment he could tell Tom really did hate him for what he had said, not just tonight but last time they had attempted to spend some time outside of work together. He hated himself for not being more compassionate, for allowing his frustration to bubble over. He knew he was becoming quicker to snap back, more impatient with Hanson's mood swings. But he was sick of trying to help him when he obviously wasn't willing to help himself. Tom was an adult, as he had insisted numerous times to Doug in the last 10 minutes and he has to take responsibility for his own wellbeing. He was not Penhall's responsibility and Doug couldn't bear the weight of it any more. He had Clavo now and he was barely coping with that pressure. He opened the door and stepped outside.

"Go see a shrink," he spoke coldly to more silence before he closed the door and walked away from Hanson's apartment, uncaringly.

Let me know what you think? :)