After the Woods

Chapter 4

"Rick are you sure you want to do this?" Brian asked as their boat approached the shore of the island.

"Brian look," Rick reiterated, "I'm been working with Dr. Milman for over a month. The nightmares are gone. I still remember everything, but it doesn't seem to put me away anymore. I can almost look at it as if it happened to someone else. I need to know that's going to hold, that I'm not going to see or hear something that will throw me back into the black hole. If I can cope with coming back here, I can cope with anything."

"Okay buddy," Brian agreed, a hint of doubt still tinging his voice. "It looks like we can tie up at the dock." The wooden dock had weathered in the year that Joshua had been gone but the pylons looked solid and the brass tie downs were intact. Rick climbed out of the boat and carefully secured it before Brian followed him to the dock. Rick had brought a compass and a camera and they headed in the direction of the fields. "What's the camera for?" Brian inquired.

"The work they made us do was all about taking care of plants," Rick explained, "I don't understand why. They weren't pot. They weren't food, or at least no vegetables I've ever seen, and Joshua certainly didn't feed us any greens. If there are any of the plants left in the field or in the greenhouse we saw on the aerial photos, I want pictures so I can look them up. If I can understand why Joshua made us do what we did, I can complete the puzzle. That will make it easier to put aside."

The plants in the field were mostly dead, but Rick documented what he found, struggling to hold his camera still as his hands trembled. "Do you want me to do that?" Brian asked.

Rick shook his head. "I need to do this."

They moved on to the greenhouse. The plants there were dead as well, but the shriveled remnants were in pots and easy to photograph. The mother load consisted of small manilla envelopes containing seeds and labeled with Latin names. "Do you know what any of those are?" Brian asked.

"My apartment doesn't have much of a garden," Rick joked. "But I'm going to find out," he declared, sticking the packets under his jacket.

"You okay?" Brian asked.

"Yeah," Rick replied. "I think I really am. Let's get out of here."

Rick sat at a table laden with reference books in his comfort and refuge, The New York Public Library. Looking up the identifications on the envelopes had been relatively simple. Datura Stamonium was Jimson weed, Atropa Belladona, deadly nightshade, Mandragorum officinarum, mandrake, and Hyocyamus, henbane. The common element was that they contained hallucinogens and some were potent poisons as well. The leaves were more difficult as he carefully compared his photographs of shriveled plants to pictures of green and healthy ones. Through dogged effort he was finally able to ascertain that the leaves were from types of grasses called Phalaris and from morning glory, both also hallucinogenic. "Joshua had his own little drug making operation," Rick muttered to himself. "No wonder he thought he was some kind of god. He probably used his own products."

Rubbing his eyes and stretching to relieve the kinks acquired from hours of hunching over his books, Rick decided to pick up a pizza to take to Kyra. She certainly deserved some kind of a treat, supporting him even as he coped with things he had never explained. He'd get a veggie pizza, not his favorite, but definitely hers.

Rick found Kyra at the kitchen table looking at books on England. "Writing a paper?" he asked, "you could have come to the library with me."

"No," Kyra answered, "I'm not doing a paper, I'm just fascinated. There's so much history in England. I'd love to see Stonehenge and The Tower of London and all the ancient castles."

"Yeah? Maybe we can plan a trip for after you graduate," Rick proposed, "see all those things together."

"Maybe," Kyra replied with less than the level of enthusiasm Rick expected. "how did your research go?"

"It went well. I think I actually learned some things I may use in a book, especially if I do a death by poison. And I come bearing gifts!" he proclaimed, holding out the pizza box."

Kyra regarded him skeptically."You were researching poisons and you bring me a pizza. Should I be afraid?"

Rick tilted up the elfin chin for a kiss. "As if I could ever bear to see any harm come to my rose."

"You know Rick, you don't have to protect me," Kyra told him. "I'm actually pretty sturdy. I may even have a couple of thorns."

"I know," Rick teased, touching the sharpness of her elbow. "I've had them in my ribs in the middle of the night. But I want to protect you and take care of you. Is that bad?"

"When you won't let me in on what hurts to you it is, Rick," Kyra explained. "It's supposed to go both ways. You want to take care of me. I think you'd surround me with bubble wrap if you could, but you won't let me take care of you. You won't tell me what gave you nightmares. You won't explain why you took that trip with Brian. I don't even know what you were doing at the library, but I'm pretty sure it wasn't about a book. I'm sure Brian knows what's been bothering you, but there is so much in that hard head of yours I just can't reach. I just wish you'd trust me enough to let me in."

"Kyra, I do trust you," Rick protested, "but Brian is a professional and he's had some of the same experiences I've had. Telling things to him is like telling a doctor, and believe me you don't want to know what I've told my doctor. Knowing about some things can only cause pain and I don't want to do that to you. Can't you trust me to make that judgment?"

Kyra sighed in thought. "I don't know Rick. I want a partner, not a protector. Whatever is happening or has happened with you, I want to share it. You can't keep shutting me out."

"For now can we just share the pizza?" Rick asked hopefully.

Kyra smiled weakly. "For now." As she reached for a slice, Kyra's eyes fell on her books on England. A sadness washed through her, realizing that when the time came to go, she needed to go alone.