After the Woods
Chapter 9
"Kate's coming up there with another cop," Dick reported anxiously.
Brian had hoped he wouldn't have to do it, but he had no choice. The drugs had acted so unpredictably that Brian couldn't be sure if Rick would even wake up. He would play the part of Henry Jenkins and point Kate to the planted evidence.
The look on Kate's face when Brian identified Rick as the man who had been camping on the beach was so heartbreaking that Brian wanted desperately to reveal the sham. Running his fingers over the key he maintained in his pocket, he kept his peace. Watching through binoculars, he could see Kate and her companion explore the tent he had set up with Rick's possessions. After a call came in on Kate's cell, he watched her leave, obviously upset but determined.
Unsure of what to do next, Brian answered another call from Dick. "Rick's awake," he reported. "His family's with him now."
"Okay," Brian replied. "I'm heading back to Montreal. There's nothing more I can do here now. Keep an eye on things in New York."
Brian had been following the news of Rick's reappearance on the web, as well as receiving reports from Dick. Rick's claim that he remembered nothing of the last two months would have been a relief except for the speculation by critics and even some of his fans that he had made the whole thing up either as a publicity stunt to sell books or as a cover-up for getting cold feet about marrying Kate. Brian shook his head. How could a man love a woman any more than Rick loved Kate? He was willing have her hate him, or even to die, to assure her safety. Rick had struck back, offering a $250,000 dollar reward for verifiable proof of where he had been and what he was doing during his absence. The loss of memory was no help. Rick was fighting it and suffering as much as Kate must be. Brian wished that he could end the pain, but he had given his promise and his firm had been well paid to make it stick. Dick had reported that Rick and his daughter had headed for the airport. Brian hoped that if they were pursuing some kind of lead, it was a false one.
Brian was jostled out of his thoughts by a call from the manager of the bank that safeguarded Rick's videos. Rick had been there with his daughter and he had accessed the box. It was a mixed blessing. Brian knew that nothing in the videos would give away what had actually happened, but Rick was getting too close. It was a relief, however, that Rick and Kate would know that Rick had not disappeared of his own free will. That, at least would give them some chance at a life together.
Brian relaxed somewhat when Dick reported that Rick had returned to New York. If he had more of a lead to what happened in Montreal, he would have stayed to pursue it. His hopes were dashed by another call. Rick had gotten on another Air Canada flight. Dick didn't know the destination, but indications were that he was on his way back to Montreal.
Brian knew that he didn't have much time. The flight to Montreal was short. Even allowing for the time it would take Rick to get through customs and find the building, he had a few hours at best. He cleared the building and took his pistol from his safe. He certainly had no intention of shooting his friend, even if Rick couldn't remember that they were friends, but he had to try the best he could to avoid triggering the memories they had worked so hard to banish.
Brian watched from a window as a cab pulled up and Rick nervously disembarked. He could hear Rick's footsteps as he made his way in. Rick found the one room to which he had a clue, the room where he had filmed his videos.
Brian followed, gun in hand, coming up behind Rick. "You weren't supposed to come back."
Castle turned to face the voice. "Ever," Brian continued, unwillingly pointing the gun at his friend.
"It's you!" Castle exclaimed.
For a moment, Brian thought Rick had recognized him. "What do you remember?" he asked apprehensively.
"Nothing," Rick replied.
Brian suppressed a sigh of relief. "That's good."
Rick was unconvinced. "I know you're involved. I know you know what happened to me. Who are you?"
"You can't be doing this, asking questions, offering rewards," Brian told him. "It's too dangerous."
"Then tell me what happened," Rick pleaded.
"You're not listening, Mr. Castle," Brian insisted. "You need to stop."
"Or what?" Rick asked.
"Or you're going to find out the truth," Brian confessed, "and you said you didn't want to remember. We went to great lengths to make sure you didn't. But if you keep looking..."
"There is no way in hell I asked for this!" Rick retorted.
"I'm sorry, but you did," Brian returned.
"I don't believe you," Rick declared.
Brain lowered his gun, knowing that he needed something even worse to convince his friend. "Hollander's Woods, Mr. Castle," he said softly. "That February day when you were eleven years old."
"No," Rick protested in horror.
"What happened to you there, the real reason you became a mystery writer," Brian continued.
Rick struggled to believe Brian's words. "How did you...? I never told anyone about that."
"No," Brian replied, "not Beckett, not your family. But you told me three weeks ago, so that if this ever happened, I would have proof. You'd know that you were the one who asked to forget."
"I asked for this?" Rick responded, horrified.
"Some mysteries aren't meant to be solved," Brian counseled gently. "It's over. Go home. Live your life. Forget this ever happened. It's what you wanted."
Brian walked away, leaving Rick to consider what he had said.
Castle walked slowly from the building and sat on the curb, head in hands for a long while, getting himself together enough to call another cab to begin his journey home.
Slowly clicking his key in the lock, Castle came face to face with Martha."Where were you? What happened?" she asked, seeing the distress etched on his face.
"Montreal," Castle answered. "I found out some things I'm not sure I want to know. I asked for this. I asked to forget."
Hearing her father's voice, Alexis joined them in the room. "How could you go up there on your own and not even tell us?"
"Because I needed to know and I knew you would try and stop me," Castle replied. "But now, what could I have done that was so bad that I asked them to make me forget?"
"Maybe you didn't do anything." Alexis suggested. "Maybe you found out something terrible or witnessed something terrible you didn't want to have to live with."
"Or maybe the past two months is like Pandora's box and shouldn't be opened," Martha suggested, taking a clue from Castle's video to her.
"Whatever my reasons, I need to tell Kate what I found, or she'll dig into this forever," Castle said.
"She called and said she was on her way a little while ago," Martha told him. "It's late. We'll make ourselves scarce. You two can have some private time."
Kate found Castle sitting thoughtfully on the bed. "Did you go back to Montreal?" she asked.
Castle looked up, smiling weakly. "How did you know?"
"Tory saw the readout on her screen. She thought you might have and called me," Kate confided. "What did you find?"
"I found the phony Jenkins, but Kate I don't think he's the villain in all this. He told me that I wanted to forget and he helped me do it."
"And you believed him?" Kate asked skeptically.
"I didn't want to," Castle assured her, "but he told me - he told me something he couldn't possibly have gotten from anyone but me."
"What?" Kate asked.
Castle took her hands, pulling her down on the bed beside him. "Remember when you asked me why I became a mystery writer? It was back before we were - you know."
"I remember," Kate affirmed. "You spun one of your tall tales."
"Well I told Phony Jenkins the real one," Castle confessed. "He's the only one I ever have told."
"Can you tell me now?" Kate asked.
Castle nodded sadly and recounted what had happened in the woods.
Kate leaned her head on his shoulder in comfort. "Castle if you didn't ask to forget that, whatever you did want to forget must be unimaginably horrific."
"Castle gave a wry laugh. "I don't know. I don't remember."
"Castle," Kate said, trying to return his smile, "I know you well enough to know that you keep your biggest secrets out of love. It may have been misguided, but you kept one to protect me. It's late and we're both tired. We can work this through, but for now, let's sleep on it."
"All right," Castle agreed.
Kate curled into Castle's side as they lay together in bed. "Alexis, Mother, what I did to them, what I did to you, how am I supposed to let that go?"
"I don't know," Kate replied. "I tried with my mom's murder. I buried it until you came along."
"You think it's possible," Castle asked, "to live without ever knowing?"
Kate pulled herself up to where she could look at him. "Oh Castle, this is completely different. Whatever happened to you, you already knew the truth and you decided you didn't want to remember it anymore. And as much as we wanted to know the answers, if you decided that, there must have been a reason."
"Maybe that's why I asked them to make me forget," Castle suggested hopefully, "so I could come home to you."
Kate smiled sadly.
"You know what?" Castle asked excitedly.
"What?" Kate asked.
"We should get married tomorrow, first thing. Put all this behind us."
Kate sat up in bed considering what Castle proposed. "Babe, there's nothing more that I want than to marry you, but not like this."
Castle felt the essence drain from his limbs. "You're not ready."
"No," Kate argued, "we're both not ready. "We're looking for solid ground and you think that getting married is going to fix the way that you feel and it won't. I love you and I'm here for you. But we need to get some distance from all of this. We need to get back to our own lives, find solid ground together. I promise you, I'm not going anywhere. We've waited this long, so let's just make it right."
Castle felt as if she had physically pushed him away. "How long?"
"A month?" Kate suggested. "No pressure, just us. And then we'll talk about it then?"
To Castle a month seemed interminable. He lay back, supporting his head on his arm, his gaze in the distance. Slowly he looked back to see the hope shining in her eyes. He smiled. "It's a date."
Kate snuggled down, her head on his chest. He could feel her warmth against what he now knew was an almost healed bullet graze. He drew her to him. It made sense somehow, his scar so close to hers. Somehow and soon, he hoped, stroking her hair, there would be healing for them both.
A/N Well I think that I've incorporated all the clues and tied up the loose ends. I'm sorry if I hijacked too much dialogue from the show. I've tried to stick to canon, but I'm sure that come February sweeps when the Castle writers continue their story, mine will become mostly AU. I'm happy to be able to move on as the show has, to something more upbeat, so I'll be working on a story for the Castle Halloween Bash. The new story will be called Visitations. The ghost of Johanna Beckett visits Kate to help her cope with her feelings before the wedding. I hope you'll join me. Thank you for all the love you send to me. Love to all of you, Sally.