Marvel owns Iron Man, not me. In other words, I don't own Iron Man, and Marvel doesn't own me. Look...shit happens, okay?

Stark caught his reflection in a nearby skyscraper as he passed by it on the way home. The outside of his suit was a cosmetic disaster. Pocked with dents made by shrapnel, shells, and machinegun rounds. Red paint scratched showing the silver underneath.

"Been burning the midnight oil to often, I guess."

Stark observed himself in the reflection of the windows as a woman would in a bathroom mirror. Then he flew home.

He reclined with his helmet off, suit on, and his legs crossed drinking a canned Arnold Palmer. The TV monitor displayed news networks from nations across the world. Stark surveyed them all at once. JARVIS interrupted the broadcasts.

"Sir, General Fury on line one fo-"

Stark muted his electronic butler and zoomed in on the BBC 2 News.

"Digital music mogul, and inventor/pilot of the 'Metal Mate' exoskeleton, Noel Lydon, has combined his online music service, MEGA, with his bouncing, baby war machine, as The Metal Mate suit makes a cameo in the new commercial for this years breakout MP3 service."

A plump young man in an Adidas track jacket sits on a park bench attempting to download the newest Kanye West album from eTunes. Suddenly, a hulking, towering figure in the colors of the Union Jack crashes down from the sky.

"Oi, it's Me'al Mayte!" says an older passerby.

"Bro..." says the young man in the track suit.

"Ey, Ey, Ey, what's goin on 'ere?" asks Metal Mate.

"Uh...bro?"

"Why piss around wit eTunes when you can use MEGA? It's the dog's bollocks. D'you know what I mean?"

Suddenly, the commercial was interrupted with "OVERRIDE" in large, red letters. Nick Fury's face replaced the kitschy commercial.

"General Fury, I've never been so relieved to have you interrupt my lackluster viewing habits."

"Stark, we need to talk."

"Well, we're off to a good start."

"So, how'd your little date go tonight?"

"Look, I know you already know the answer to that question, so why don't we just cut to the chase here."

"Well, I take it that it didn't go to well, considering most dates don't end with a 7-11 robbery."

"C'mon, as first dates go, that's prettty memorable."

"You fractured that kid's skull, Stark!"

"And he shot at me! Look, you can see the dent right here. No, wait...I think it's this one."

"What a shame. Another dent to join the countless others. Your suit's a wreck, man."

"Yeah, well...a fractured skull's a risk you take when you hold up a convenience store."

"Hey, I'm with you on that one, but that's not the point here. The point is, a 7-11 robbery, as cold as this may sound is a civilian problem. And whether you like it or not, you're not a civilian anymore."

"Yup. Got it. That it?"

"On the business side of things, yeah, that's it. On a personal level, man to man, friend to friend, if I've said it once, I've said it a thousand times, you need to relax. Get outta that damn suit. I cant remember the last time I saw you out of it. How the hell do you use the bathroom in that thing?"

"I'm a genius, remember? I figure out ways around that kinda thing."

"And what the hell happened with Katy tonight? I only hooked that up because I thought you'd be great for each other. She likes money, and you like big titties. It's perfect."

"Yeah, well, I do appreciate the effort, but pop stars tend to be a lot more trouble than they're worth. Plus, she's got her own money. What other reason would she stick around for if she didn't need my money?"

"Pepper didn't need your money. She stuck around awhile."

"Yep. Then she left."

"Stark...you know money had nothing to do with it."

"..."

"Man...it's been almost a year. It's time to move on, Tony."

"..."

"The possibilities are endless for you. There's somebody for you out there. Hell, a lot of some bodies out there for you."

"Gotta go."

Tony terminated the connection with a device he'd made in private. The TV broadcast continued from the point that had been interrupted.

The commercial resumed with an Iron Man lookalike dancing and spinning around an eTunes sign on a street corner. Metal Mate blasted the Iron Man into pieces.

"Ditch eTunes and get MEGA. It's megaaaaaa!"

"Bro."

The commercial ended and the news resumed, but Stark paid it no attention.

"JARVIS, get the MARK 82 prepped for use. And set a travel route for Manchester, England."

"Sigh. Yes, sir."