Peyton gazed out across the clear blue water as Nathan guided the black convertible along the beach highway. She glanced out of the corner of her eye to the steering wheel where his knuckles had turned white fro gripping it so hard. Neither of them had said a word for quite some time, both wrapped up in the emotions of seeing each other for the first time and what the next few days would bring. As she watched the waves crash onto the shore, her mind drifted back to a warm, sunny day exactly like this one had been.
She was barely aware where she was with or who she was with as she opened her eyes after what had proven to be the most exhausting and exhilarating night of her life. In a few minutes, she knew that Nathan would wake up, and they would go through the motions of saying goodbye. Nathan would return to the life he had chosen and the one she hadn't been aware that she had wanted until last night.
Peyton hated the sound of goodbye. She had had to say it too many times, and the last thing she wanted to do was say it to Nathan – not after last night. They had done this same routine more times than she could count when they were together in high school, more times than she would like to remember. An overwhelming, all-consuming wave of sadness shot through her body as she watched the man she realized that she loved more than anything sleep beside her. One night with him had awakened everything she had known at sixteen. As he breathed in an out again, she knew what she had to do. She had to let this be the final time they would ever say goodbye. He deserved to be happy with his wife and son, to have his dreams. She knew that she would only get in the way.
She quietly tiptoed to the desk and tore a piece of paper from an open notebook. She slowly and deliberately scrawled the note, choosing each word carefully. Once she had dressed and gathered what she wanted to take with her, she folded the piece of paper in half and placed it on the pillow next to him. Peyton looked at him and suddenly regretted what she felt she had to do. Kissing him one last time, she grabbed her bag and shut the door on Nathan one final time.
As soon as she found herself beneath the morning sun, she took off running. Through the courtyard, down the sidewalk, across the street. Once she was securely in the park, she started to walk determinedly, not daring to look back in case she changed her mind. Minutes later, she had quietly let herself into her office. It was only then that she allowed herself to look back in the direction she had come toward her one truth north, her one true home.
"Goodbye, Nathan," she finally whispered aloud into the morning air, the tears prickling her eyes. Her body literally ached from his absence. It was a strange but familiar sensation, one that she hadn't felt since those lonely nights after they would get into senseless fights and he would disappear into the darkness only to return the next morning with a vapid apology and whispered sweet nothings. She would have given anything to be back in that place, to know that they would have a tomorrow.
After sneaking by a few of her co-workers and changing into some spare clothes she kept hidden in the bottom drawer of her desk, Peyton decided to head down to the little coffee shop on the corner she frequented. She found herself walking all over her little pocket neighborhood, tracing the few places she had visited with Nathan. Piecing the puzzle of her life together, a puzzle that really began when she had fallen in love with him. She remembered all the places in Tree Hill that gave even more history of their relationship – the old movie theatre where they had their first real date, a French bistro they had shared a meal together after their first big fight, a swing set at the old elementary school where he had pushed her and all the million other places that would forever remind her of him.
As she rounded the corner near the little shop, she spotted a tall blonde man. Even from behind, she had known instantly that it was Lucas. Part of her wanted to walk the other direction, but the other part of her knew that she had to face him. He was clearly in Los Angeles for her.
"Hey, Peyton!" Lucas exclaimed excitedly. Wrapping his arms around her, he placed a gentle kiss on her forehead as a yellow taxi slowly drove past. He felt her shiver as the cab stalled at the stop sign behind them. "Surprise! I was actually about to grab something before I came to visit you. I just got in. I'm a little jetlagged, but I'm sure that I'll make for decent company."
"Sure, Luke," she replied tiredly as she followed him into the coffeehouse. She knew that she should be ecstatic that he had come all this way to surprise her. She knew that this was the moment in a romantic comedy where the music would rise and lesser girls than her would wipe away their sappy tears as they realized that the two blonde characters were destined to be together forever. Then again, she was pretty sure that this was just fate's cruel way of reminding her what she really wanted instead of what she was going to have.
"Where were you last night anyhow?" he asked as he handed her a soy latte. "I tried to call you and tell you that I was going to fly out. I never got a hold of you."
As Peyton came back to the present, she looked over at Nathan. Two years later, she couldn't remember what lame excuse she had made up. She only knew that she had lied to Lucas because it was easier. That was the problem with a lot of her decisions. Although she had made the occasional difficult decision, Peyton had always chosen what would hurt the least for them most part. With Lucas, it was safe. She knew what that relationship would be. With Nathan, she knew that he had the power to both kill and resurrect her, to shatter her heart into a million pieces and glue it back together as if it had never been broken at all. Peyton knew that she could withstand losing Lucas, but if she truly had Nathan again and lost him, she would never recover.
"So, Nate, tell me why you're here," she stated plainly.
He looked at her and shook his head as though he was lost in his own thoughts. "I want to know why you left without saying goodbye," he said. "I want to know how you could have what we had that night and then go back to Luke the next morning."
"I didn't, Nate." She knew that she could point out that he had gone back to Haley, but she knew now why he went back to Tree Hill. He'd gone back because she hadn't stayed. It was her fault that they had lost the last two years together.
"I saw you at the coffee shop on my way to the airport, Peyt," he shot back hotly. "It's pretty obvious where you've been and who you have been with for the past two years."
"I've been with you, Nathan!" she cried. "Every single second of the past two years, I have spent with you in my heart. I'm a coward, Nate, but I'm tired of being afraid. Going back to Luke was easy. Staying away from you…that was the hardest thing I have ever done in my life. I can't do it anymore."
"Peyton," he warned, his voice wavering. He couldn't handle it if she gave him this much only to pull away in the next breath.
"I won't do it anymore," she whispered harshly. She turned and looked at him intently, green burning into blue.
He softened at her adamant declaration. "Babe, what are you saying?"
Hearing his high school nickname for her was enough to send Peyton over the edge. "I love you, Nathan Scott," she murmured. "I am in love with you."