Part V: Ignite the Stars
Mara stood in high grass, her boots sinking slightly into the soft earth. She could feel a cool, crisp breeze upon her face, and although she knew she no longer had lungs, inhaled it gratefully. Magnificent waterfalls tumbled in the distance, pooling into a stream of rivers, and she could hear the powerful roar of the water as it coursed past her into a distant and unseen sea. Above her the sky was the clearest blue, punctuated occasionally by white, fluffy clouds which did not prevent the bright and gentle sun from beaming down and warming her face.
"Lovely, isn't it?"
Mara whipped around at the sound of the voice behind her. A young man stood a few metres away, wearing Jedi robes of black and dark brown. Light brown hair framed a handsome face, albeit marred by a long scar which ran down the right side of his forehead beside his eye.
"Oh no," she shook her head and took a step backwards. "Not you." Even though she had never seen his true face, Mara knew exactly who stood before her. And despite herself, she remembered being in the dark and hearing nothing but mechanical breath, always watching, always judging, never speaking. She remembered her Master once sending her to his training room for lightsaber practice and spending three weeks in the medcentre afterwards. She remembered his imposing figure at her Master's right hand and envying him, hating him and fearing him in equal measure.
Vader.
He smiled at her and it was the most unnerving thing Mara had ever seen. It was the normality of it, she decided. Darth Vader was not a man with a single scar and a youthful complexion – he was not a man at all. He was a Sith encased in black armour, a deep voice punctuated by staccato breath. Behind a grotesque mask were eyes of yellow, not blue, and he did not smile because his charred skin was stretched too light over a brittle skull.
"I'm Anakin Skywalker," he said to her, and she had trouble reconciling herself to the pitch in his voice. "But I'm sure you already figured that out, right Mara?"
She bristled at being addressed so informally. "Why are you here?" she managed to spit out.
Vader laughed then, but not the low, mocking rumble which he had often directed to her in the past, but a light, amused chuckle, as if he was appreciating a joke she had made. "This is my small corner of the Force," he told her.
So she was in Vader's construction - Mara remembered Padmé had told her that they could conjure happy memories, and was surprised that there was anything so beautiful within his mind.
"I should be the one asking why you are here," he added.
"I've been telling everyone the same thing," she retorted, crossing her arms over her chest defensively. "I don't know why I'm here."
"If you say so." He looked and sounded so much like Luke in that moment that Mara had to turn away. If you say so. It was a private joke, almost, between her and Luke, when one of them had said something the other thought was ridiculous but not worth arguing over. She didn't want it tainted by him.
"Look, Vader-"
"Anakin," he cut her off firmly, his smirk at once falling into a frown.
They stared each other down for several moments, Mara unwilling to call him by that name, and Vader seemingly refusing to continue until she did. Eventually, he sighed deeply, and looked away.
"I understand why it is so hard for you to say," he said quietly. "I refused to think of myself that way for so many years. I had dishonoured that name."
Mara shrugged dismissively – she could not disagree. "So why insist on it now?"
"Because I am Anakin, here," he answered simply, his blue eyes locking back on hers.
"How nice for you," she said dully, wrapping her arms tighter around herself.
"I know that I was…cruel to you sometimes, Mara," Vader said, taking a step towards her. "I am deeply sorry for that."
Mara looked away again. "It was to be expected."
"Oh?"
"You were threatened by me," she reasoned.
Vader laughed, and this time there was a hint of derision. "You are strong in the Force, Jade," he admitted. "But not strong enough for Palpatine. He wanted a Skywalker."
Mara looked back at him, clenching her jaw to clamp down on her sudden anger. When she'd served the Emperor, she had been proud that he'd nurtured and encouraged her abilities in the Force. Of course, he had never trained her in the ways of the Sith, but it had gratified her to think that Vader's dislike of her was in part due because he feared she would take his place.
"Does it hurt?" Vader asked, drawing closer to her, but his voice was soft and full of understanding. "To know that despite your loyalty and service, it never would have been good enough for him?"
Mara looked away again, not wanting him to see he'd struck a nerve. "Palpatine was evil," she said haltingly. "It only hurts to know that I served him."
"You don't have to conceal yourself, Mara," Vader told her kindly. "Of all people I understand the hold he could have on a person."
"I should have known better," she insisted.
"No," he told her firmly. "I should have known better." She looked back up at him, amazed by the comfort and understanding of his gaze. He was Luke's father, she realised, understanding hitting her forcefully.
"We bear the burden of our service to evil Mara," he continued. "You will carry that regret for the rest of your life."
"What life?" she asked him. Did she have to stay here in the world between the living and the Force until she was absolved of the evil she had done under Palpatine's order?
Anakin did not answer, but turned to look at the waterfalls in the distance. "This is Naboo," he told her, a small smile lighting up his face. "My wife's homeworld."
"It's beautiful," Mara conceded, unsure of what else to say.
"Like her," Anakin smiled, and he seemed very far away in that moment. He sat down in the grass and crossed his legs with a practiced ease, absently running his hands over the pink and yellow wildflowers. "We were so happy, here."
Mara cocked her head and studied him, intrigued by the information. While Padmé had chosen to show her the Senate chambers on Coruscant, Anakin had chosen to meet Mara here, not in the simulated surrounds of the Jedi Temple or his own home, but his wife's. He must have loved her deeply, Mara realised, and she had never thought such a thing possible.
Mara steeled herself, and then knelt down in the grass near him. "What happened?" she asked.
A shadow crossed Anakin's face as his gaze dropped, and his left hand encased in a black glove clenched tightly around the stem of a blade of grass. "The Force showed me a vision of Padmé dying in childbirth," he began softly.
Mara didn't know what to say, although she thought, not for the first time, that the Force was spectacularly unfair and often cruel.
"I let fear overtake me," Anakin continued, his voice thick. "Master Yoda told me that I should let go of everything I feared to lose, but I thought I knew better." He sighed deeply. "In my arrogance, I did not understand the wisdom of his advice, and so in trying to save her, I only made sure that my vision would come to pass."
Mara was moved by his honest and obvious regret. She had never before thought Vader capable of such emotion, but she realised now that there was so much she did not know about him. Mara had always seen him as a brute enforcer, unsubtle and uncompromising, and therefore so much lesser than the Emperor, than herself. Now she saw that she hadn't understood him at all.
"My wife died because I chose power and darkness over the happiness I could have had with her," Anakin continued with obvious regret. "My son and daughter grew up without her, without one another because of that." He ran his hand through the grass again, plucking a small yellow flower and twisting the stem between his fingers. "Luke knew better than me – his love was purer," he added. "He loved his sister and his friends, but he left to protect them. He cared for me, but would not let me draw him to the Dark Side. He quite literally threw away all defence and renounced everything, so that the Emperor had no weapon to turn him."
Mara looked away at the intimacy of Anakin's words. And yet irritation coursed through her as well, her first and most reliable refuge when faced with emotions that made her uncomfortable.
"Skywalker," Mara said derisively, and waved her hand. "Everyone wants to talk to me about Skywalker," she added. "Isn't this supposed to be my spiritual journey, or whatever shavit you goons have been sprouting off about? But so far I've had to talk to Skywalker's mother, Skywalker's old Jedi Masters and you."
"That's true," Anakin conceded, and leaned back casually on his hands. "But he's why you're here – you gave your life to save his. That requires examination, don't you think?"
"Not really," Mara said dismissively, shifting her knees in the soft earth. "You've just articulated why he needed to live."
"More than you?" Anakin asked, raising his eyebrows. "The Mara Jade I knew had more self-preservation than that."
Mara sighed harshly. "You didn't know me at all."
Anakin shrugged, and looked carelessly up at the sky. "I could say that he changed you," he said conversationally. "But Luke doesn't change people. He just brings out what was always there."
"If you say so," the words came out of her mouth before she could stop them, and Anakin laughed.
"I do," he said. "Because I understand," Anakin admitted. "Luke has such a light about him that you cannot help but feel dwarfed by it."
That was true, Mara reasoned. And yet… Anakin and the others had barely known Luke. They had watched him from afar with hope and admiration. All of them – Padmé, the Jedi, and now Anakin held him in such reverence. He was the beloved son who had redeemed his father, the first of a new breed of Jedi, greater than the old, the embodiment of balance in the Force. But Mara knew the doubts and anxieties that plagued Luke, the mistakes he had made, the struggles he still faced. Yes, he was everything Anakin and the others had said, but Luke was still just a man. As flawed as Mara herself was.
Anakin looked at her curiously, and she had the feeling that her thoughts were being read. Stay out of my head, Skywalker, she wanted to say, but those words, again, were those she shared with Luke.
"Why didn't you want to become a Jedi?" Anakin asked. "Do you doubt your own judgement?"
"If there's one thing in life I trust, it's my own judgement," Mara replied tartly.
"Oh, I see," Anakin grinned. "Maybe it's that being a Jedi is such hard work – so many responsibilities. Much better to go out in a blaze of glory," he nodded and waved a hand airily. "That way you'll always be remembered as the woman who saved not only Luke's life, but an entire planet. You never had to give being a Jedi a proper shot, and so never had the chance to fail."
Mara practically leapt to her feet, turning away from Vader angrily. How dare he question her resolve? And what did it matter now – why was she forced through this torment?
"Or perhaps you feel that it is your penance?" Anakin called after her, standing as well. "As it was mine?" Mara brushed his words off with a shake of her head, walking away from him. He caught her quickly, jumping in front of her so she was blocked by his tall and imposing form. He waited until she looked up into his eyes.
"Mara," he began softly. "I have spent many years here, in this place, among those I love and who love me in return. I feel the burden and regret of my service to evil, and know that it will not truly be lifted until I move on and I become one with the Force. And yet I have been forgiven, by my son, by my wife, and my brother Jedi who I had betrayed." He hovered his hands around her cheeks, almost cupping them and yet did not quite touch her. "My crimes were so much worse than yours, and I had chosen my service, where you were indoctrinated into it. Won't you forgive yourself?"
Mara could not escape his probing gaze, and searched her feelings for the truth of his words. She had spent the past few years since learning the truth about the Emperor, trying to forget what she had done as his Hand. Was that what was stopping her from embracing being trained as a Jedi? Had she hidden behind her business responsibilities and doubt in Skywalker's ability to teach so she would not have to face her own fear? Had she pulled away from Luke's encouragement and desire help her because she had not felt worthy of it?
When she did not speak, Anakin dropped his hands again, stepped back and continued.
"The last thing I saw in life was my son," he told her, and tears filled his eyes. "My Luke who loved me, who had saved me, and wanted so badly for me to live." Anakin looked away. "But that was not the will of the Force," he added softly. "And a part of me – the selfish part - is glad for that. The true penance for my crimes would have been to live and attempt to atone for them, and yet I know that it would be my children, and not myself, who would have struggled under the weight of that burden. My son would have taken it from me gladly, would have defended and protected me even at the cost of his own reputation."
Mara nodded, remembering how vigorously Luke had always defended his father, never condoning his actions, of course, but the good that had been in him. It was easier for people to accept that as a son's love for his lost father, but if Vader had lived, and Luke was required to defend the person rather than the memory, Mara knew things would have been difficult for him.
"He is so much like his mother," Anakin added softly as a tear slipped down his cheek. "She always saw the good in people, and always forgave, even when they did not deserve it. Especially when they did not deserve it."
Mara couldn't disagree. She had boldly claimed she wanted to kill Luke; that she had been Palpatine's assassin, that she hated everything he stood for, and yet he had not recoiled from her. Rather, he had reached out to her, accepted her, and encouraged her. And he hadn't even known her.
"So you see, I had to die," Anakin continued. "So that he and Leia could move on."
Mara couldn't help but be affected by his words. "I understand," she said, nodding. "But I don't know what this has to do with me." It wasn't as if she could explain all of this to Luke.
"It has everything to do with you Mara," Anakin replied. He looked over her shoulder as if he could see something beautiful in the distance. "Padmé used to say that love was stronger than anything. Love could ignite the stars."
Mara looked at him curiously and without comprehension.
"I turned to the darkness to try and save the woman I loved," Anakin explained. "Now I know that the answer I sought could only have been found in the light."
"What does that mean?" she asked, frustrated.
Anakin smiled. "You will understand, soon," he said, and held out his hand, gesturing to a path beyond. "You have one more person to meet before you move on."
Mara sighed and began to walk in the direction he had indicated, feeling as if every person she met only confused her further.
"Wait." She halted suddenly and turned back to Anakin. He stood there, arms clasped in front of him, as if he had been expecting her to do just that. Quenching her irritation at the presumption, she continued. "At Endor, Luke said he was almost dead before you saved him." She remembered Luke speaking of being held in Palpatine's Force lightening, the appeal to his father that had only been answered at the last possible moment. "I guess I wonder what made up your mind?" The Vader she'd known had not one shred of compassion, which was why she had found it so difficult to accept that he was Luke's father at first.
Anakin regarded her thoughtfully. "There are so many answers to that question, Mara" he began. "I could tell you that I had been in the same situation before, and had made the wrong, selfish choice. I could say that I thought Palpatine had done everything he could to break me, and that I yearned to be unbroken again. Or I was thinking of Padmé, of how much she would have wanted me to save her son. Perhaps I finally understood the prophesy, and that the only way I could bring balance to the Force was for both myself and Palpatine to die."
"So what's the truth?" Mara pressed.
"The truth," Anakin smiled broadly. "Is that I saved Luke for the same reason you did."
Before Mara could question him further, her surroundings dissolved once again into blinding, pure light.
Luke had barely left his mother's presence before the light surrounding him dissolved. His new location was immediately apparent as a council chamber, with huge transpirasteel windows overlooking a city and a ring of chairs surrounding his position on a marbled floor. In front of him were four beings, three seated in the chairs and one standing between them.
Yoda, he recognised immediately. Then Obi-Wan, although it took a few moments to reconcile the youthful image before him with the memory of old Ben Kenobi.
"Luke," Obi-Wan greeted him with a familiar smile. "My boy, it is so good to see you again."
"Hmmph," Yoda grunted. "Under better circumstances, it should be," he continued, banging his gimer stick against his chair. "Reckless you are still."
Luke couldn't help but smile, for he had missed Ben's kind words and Yoda's reprimands.
"Luke." The silver-haired man standing between Obi-Wan and Yoda's chairs gave him a kind smile. "I am Qui-Gon Jinn, and this is Mace Windu." He gestured to the dark-skinned man seated in the chair beside Yoda.
Luke realised he stood in the presence of his Jedi forbears, and straightened his shoulders, clasping his hands in front of him in respect. "It is an honour to meet you both."
"No, Luke," Qui-Gon said. "The honour is ours."
"We have been watching you for a long time, young Skywalker," Mace Windu spoke up, his rich vice filling the room. "Your failures, and your successes."
Luke bowed his head – he had made so many mistakes in the past few years, and it hurt to think he may have disappointed the Jedi of the old Order he had so revered.
"Failure is part of life," Qui-Gon said. "A part of the Force. Do not regret your failures, Luke, for you have borne them better than most."
"You have never failed us, Luke," Obi-Wan told him, stroking his beard thoughtfully. "Never think that."
"Thank you, Master," Luke was relieved. He wanted to ask them so much, but knew time was critical. "I'm here for Mara."
"She was here," Mace told him.
"Delightful girl," Obi-Wan smiled.
Luke wasn't sure he'd ever heard Mara described as delightful before, and in fact noticed that Yoda scowled to himself. Qui-Gon looked at him with an easy yet penetrating gaze, and Mace openly studied him.
"You have to follow the path she has taken," Mace explained, waving his hand and Luke felt a slight tug in the Force.
"You must be strong," Qui-Gon warned him. "Only then can you take her back with you."
"Promised me to finish what you begin, you once did," Yoda said. "Hold you to that, I do."
"I will, Master" he vowed, determined that he would find Mara, and unwilling to accept any alternative. Then, he would return to his mission of rebuilding the Jedi as Yoda had commanded him.
"Know this I do." Yoda nodded, and smiled, his ears twitching.
"Go," Mace told him. "And know that you are an equal here," he added, nodding his head respectfully. "Master Skywalker."
Luke's heart felt full at those words. He had declared himself a Jedi Master, but he'd had no barometer to make such a claim. He'd taken the mantle because it had seemed necessary in order to start the Jedi Academy, but there had always been that niggling voice of doubt and uncertainty. To hear it from the lips of the Jedi of old was reassuring and gladdened his heart.
"Thank you," Luke said again, looking over each of the Jedi before him trying to commit their faces to memory. But he felt a tug from the Force, and gave himself over to it willingly as the light consumed him again.