Part VII: The Beginning is the End is the Beginning
In the small medbay of the Millennium Falcon, Leia kept vigil over two seemingly lifeless bodies. Mara lay prone in the medcot, cold and pale, her hand clutched in both of Luke's, who sat in the chair beside her. He was also alarmingly pale, although Leia knew that he was still in his trance and not lost yet.
It had been hours, but Leia refused to leave or respond to the repeated hails from the Republic fleet. She wouldn't allow Han to pull them out of orbit around the planet Koli, because Luke had been so sure he could save Mara, and what if he needed proximity to where she had died to succeed?
There was no room for another chair in the medbay, so Leia stood in the small space afforded to her and had not moved. The room was cold and her muscles were starting to ache from standing for so long, but Leia didn't care.
She felt strong hands on her shoulders, and leant back gratefully into her husband's chest. His lips gently brushed against her temple and she took his comfort gratefully.
"No change," Leia told him, her eyes flickering to the medical equipment the pair had both been hooked up to. It recorded Luke's infrequent heartbeat and minimal brain function, but there were no life signs present for Mara at all.
"Luke said he knew what he was doing," Han told her softly. "So I'm sure he does."
Leia trusted her brother implicitly, and knew there was no one who understood the Force better. And yet she could not wave away her doubts like Han could his. Luke had said he could do something, and so Han had faith that it would be done. He never doubted Luke, especially when it came to the Force. But Leia was Luke's twin, and she knew better his fears and insecurities. She understood that sometimes conviction and certainty covered recklessness and bold daring.
"I hope so," was all she could say. Leia desperately wanted to reach out to him through the Force, to reassure herself that he was not too far gone, but she feared disrupting him. Luke had almost broken when Mara had died, and Leia wondered how much of his determination to bring her back was guilt that she had sacrificed herself, and how much was his unaddressed feelings for her.
Han had privately joked about it many times, and Leia had a sneaking suspicion he was running a betting pool with Lando and Rogue Squadron as to if and when Luke and Mara would get together. It was obvious to anyone that Luke and Mara had a connection, but anything more was pure speculation. Except to Leia. She had sensed the depth of feeling her brother experienced towards Mara Jade, although she suspected he had not even acknowledged it himself. Mara herself was impossible to read, and so Leia had never broached the issue, laughing off Han's jokes as exactly that.
Leia's thoughts were interrupted by an increased frequency of beeps emitted from the monitor hooked up to Luke. Han was there in an instant, studying the screen, and Leia was flooded with relief to see that his heartbeat was quickening and brainwaves jumping to life. She put a shaking hand on Luke's shoulder, but his eyes were still closed.
"Luke?" She squeezed his shoulder tightly. "Luke, please come back," he whispered hoarsely, unable to stop her tears from falling. As if at the sound of her voice, Luke took a deep breath and his eyes snapped open.
Leia threw her arms around him in relief and happiness, kissing the side of his head and holding him tightly.
"It's alright, Leia," she heard Luke whisper as he leaned into her embrace. "I'm alright."
"What happened?" Leia asked as she straightened herself, wiping the tears from her eyes.
"I saw…" Luke looked up at her, and Leis was struck by the depth to his eyes, as if the entire universe was now held within them. "Mara…" He turned back to the woman on the bed. He had not let go of her hand, and now he leant closer to her, desperate concern clear on his face.
Mara was as pale and unmoving as she had been before. And yet she heard renewed sounds from the monitor indicating a second heartbeat. Leia looked over at Han, examining the screen, and he met her gaze with shock and confusion.
"I don't believe it," he whispered.
"I told you I could do it," Luke said, his eyes still fixed on Mara's prone form. And yet, now Leia could see her chest moving ever so slightly. It was shallow, but she was breathing.
"Luke," Leia tried to reason with him, stroking his hair softly. "Even if she is alive, her brain was without oxygen for too long…"
"Have faith, Leia," Luke breathed. "Through the Force, anything is possible." He squeezed Mara's hand. "Mara," he called to her gently, as if he was awaking her from a long sleep rather than calling her back from the brink of death.
Leia glanced over at Han again, who looked stricken yet hopeful. Mara shifted in the medcot and her lips moved slightly, as if trying to form words. Luke kept stroking her hand, and eventually her eyelids fluttered, although they did not open.
"Lu-" she muttered.
Han swallowed heavily, staring at the health monitor. "Brain function is normal."
"How can this be?" Leia asked no one in particular.
"I found her," Luke said, his eyes still on Mara as he stroked her hand gently, still held in his own. "I saw so many things, Leia, it was amazing." He turned to her, eyes alight. "I saw father," he added, visibly overcome. "And…our mother."
"Our mother?" Leia repeated, taken aback. But before Luke could speak further, a loud angry noise emitted from the health monitor. Han took the screen in both hands and studied it.
"She's flagging," Han said. Leia moved to his side to look at the equipment herself, and saw Mara's brain activity start to dip.
"She looked back," Luke said with slight desperation. "I tried to keep hold of her, but she kept slipping away." He touched her face gently, a tremor clearly visible in his hand. Leia sent a plea to whatever was out there in the Force that had sent Luke back to her to save Mara, too. She felt Han's hand close around hers, and she grasped it comfortingly.
Luke leaned closer to Mara and brought her hand to his lips, kissing her fingers gently. Then he spoke her name in a clear and even voice.
There was a tense moment, and Leia squeezed Han's fingers so tightly she was almost sure she'd broken one of them. She felt a glimmer in the Force, as if the universe itself was converging on then, in this room, in this moment.
Mara's eyes fluttered open and Leia let out a breath she didn't know she'd been holding. Han let out of whoop of shock and delight. Mara blinked several times as if trying to focus, her gaze darting to take in her surroundings. Only Luke did not seem surprised.
"Mara," Luke breathed her name reverently.
Mara licked her lips and swallowed heavily. "Luke," she said hoarsely, and swallowed again. Han fumbled through the medcabinet and quickly located a hydrating pouch, pulled the straw out and handed it to Mara. She reached for it somewhat clumsily with her free hand, and Luke helped guide it to her lips so she could suck down the liquid gratefully.
"Are you alright, Mara?" Leia asked, still anxious.
Mara's gaze slid over to Leia, and she was gratified to see that her green eyes were as vibrant and sharp as they had ever been. "I think so," Mara answered.
"I'll set course for Coruscant," Han said, heading towards the door. "So you get checked out properly."
Leia wanted to linger, to hear more about what Luke had seen in his trance, but saw by the way his gaze was fixated on Mara that she wouldn't get any straight answers out of him yet. And she could feel a shifting in the Force around the both of them – something had happened, and Leia thought it best to make herself scarce.
"You don't know how good it is to see you, Mara," Leia said softly, putting her hand gently on Luke's shoulder and giving him a sisterly kiss on the top of his head. "I'll go help Han with the navigation," she told him, to indicate that they would be left alone for a while.
It was with relief and newfound happiness that Leia went to join Han in the Falcon's cockpit. She smiled to herself, and wondered if it was too late to get in on the betting pool.
Mara Jade quickly oriented herself, surmising that she was in the Falcon's medbay. Her gaze flittered to the machinery beside the cot, which appeared to be monitoring her life signs as well as Luke's. She noted that their brain activity seemed to be moving in tandem.
Then Mara turned her gaze towards Luke himself, seated beside her cot. He was pale and beads of sweat dotted his brow, but he was looking at her with such wonder and relief he seemed to glow with it. Mara looked at where her hand was clutched tightly in Luke's, as it had been since she'd awoken.
"I think you can let go of that now," she said softly.
"Right." Luke withdrew his hand and smiled sheepishly. Mara flexed her fingers which had been held in his tight grip, wondering at the sensation of movement. She was alive.
"Thank you," she told him, unsure of how she could ever display her gratitude. And yet, somehow she could tell that he knew – or rather, he felt it. Mara thought back where she had been lost in the mists of the other world, flailing about helplessly and in danger of being drawn back into the Force. But then Luke had found her, had tethered her to him and dragged her back. They had connected on a level she had never experienced, and Mara could still feel that bond in the corner of her mind.
Luke was eyeing her nervously, but Mara found she didn't care. In fact, his presence was warm inside of her, and rather surprisingly Mara didn't feel the need to expel him, or resurrect the walls he had broken down in order to keep his hold on her and pull her back from the other world.
"I'm just glad you're alright, Mara," he said softly.
"Well, I'm grateful," Mara answered with a smile. "But it was still a stupidly reckless thing to do, Skywalker," she chided him. "I didn't save your life just so you could immediately risk it on some folly."
"Hardly a folly, Mara," he countered. "We're both alive – I wouldn't call that anything other than a success."
"Hmmm." Mara shifted in the cot restlessly, attempting to raise herself up on her elbows. But Luke pressed one hand against her shoulder easily pushing her back down again.
"You need to rest, Mara," he told her seriously.
"Fine." Mara pawed at her temple where wires from the machinery were attached by small suction cups. "At least get these things off me."
Luke removed them gently and cast them aside, then detached his own. Silence fell in the medbay as the monitors which had been charting their heartbeats and brain activity lost their connection.
"If I can ask, Mara," Luke said, looking at her keenly. "Who did you see?"
Mara arched one eyebrow at him. "The same people you saw I would imagine," she replied, and gave him a wry smile. "I don't think your Master Yoda approves of me."
Luke smiled in return. "He didn't approve of me at first, either."
"He said I was rude and disrespectful."
Luke laughed. "Were you?"
Mara shrugged. "He also said I was irresponsible and indecisive."
"He thought I was reckless and lacked faith."
"You are reckless," she laughed, and wondered when it had become so easy between them. Perhaps it was a newfound understanding through the connection they now shared, or perhaps it was Mara allowing herself to see him properly for the first time. She thought back to the child Ben, his ginger hair which would not doubt darken to auburn as he grew older, the freckles which dotted his nose, of his clear blue eyes and the cleft in his chin.
Mara reached for Luke's hand again, finding she missed the sensation. "Why did you come after me?" she asked seriously. "And no shavit about it being the right thing to do. The truth please."
It took him a long time to answer, as if he was weighing up the options. He stared down at their joined hands, his fingers intertwining with hers. With his free hand he traced soft patterns on her knuckles while Mara waited patiently.
"I couldn't let go of you," he said eventually, his voice thick. "Because I need you, Mara," he said plaintively, gazing into her eyes. "I need you in my life."
The words were fortified by his presence in the back of her mind, and she felt him reach out to her through the Force. This time, she did not push away or reinforce her barriers, as she had done so many times before. This time, she let him in, and his Force sense flooded her with soft waves of relief and affection.
Mara squeezed his hand gently. "Your father said that I was afraid of being a Jedi," she told him, no longer reluctant to share herself with him. "Afraid that I would fail. Afraid that…I wasn't worthy to be one."
"Is that true?" he questioned, clearly surprised.
"Partly," Mara admitted. "I wasn't sure that I could make the commitment, because then I would be bound by it, and after serving Palpatine for so long I didn't want to be bound to anything…or anyone."
"And now?" he asked, the hope clear in his voice.
"Now I have touched the Force itself," she told him. "And it felt like freedom – to live, not to just get by."
Luke was visibly moved, and ran the backs of his knuckles gently down her cheek. "So why did you save me?" he asked.
"You know why."
Luke's grinned, his face radiant. "Yes, I do."
Another time, before this ordeal, she would have been angry at his presumption, or embarrassed of her own, obvious feelings. But she had been inside his mind, and felt acceptance and reciprocation; he had been inside hers, and felt understanding and promise. She finally understood what Anakin had been trying to tell her, finding the true explanation for her actions deep within her own heart.
Mara cupped the side of his face with one hand and pulled his lips gently down to hers. He kissed her with gentle fervor and tentatively touched her again with the Force, seeking to reestablish their connection. She opened herself up to him fully, no longer afraid, and felt herself surrounded and cocooned by his presence. Mara felt his mind and heart and soul, and held them gently in her embrace as they reached true understanding on a level previously unknown to them.
When she opened her eyes he was lying next to her on the medcot, their foreheads pressed together and legs entwined. They were both breathing heavily as they came back to themselves, Force senses retreating back into their own bodies. And yet, the connection was still there, solidified now, unbreakable and enduring.
"I love you, Mara," he whispered and kissed her gently. "I think I always have."
She touched his face, running the tips of her fingers reverently along his cheekbones and down his jawline. "I love you, too," she told him wondrously, surprised at the ease of the words.
They lay together peacefully for a long time and Mara almost drifted off to sleep before he spoke again.
"Mara, can I ask?" he cupped her chin turned her face towards him. "Father told me that the person at the gate to the Force is different for everyone. Yours was a child – did you know him?"
"Did you?" she asked, curious.
Luke shook his head. "I didn't really get a good look at him."
Mara smiled to herself. She wouldn't tell him, at least not yet. She wanted to keep that secret for herself. And she didn't ever want him to think that she only loved him for the sake of the child she was sure would be born to them, or the will of the Force. Mara knew that the connection between them would have happened anyway. Her experience in the other world had only forced her to face her feelings sooner.
Luke kissed the corner of her smiling mouth when she did not reply. "Okay, keep your secrets," he muttered good-naturedly.
"Well I don't have many of them left," she pointed out.
He looked concerned for a moment, and gently brushed the hair back from her forehead. "Are you okay with that?" Mara could feel his anxiety through their new bond.
"It may take some getting used to," she admitted. "But I like it," she added.
"Good." Luke took her hand in his and kissed her knuckles. "So now that you know everything about me," he smiled at her. "You must know that I'm going to ask you to marry me. Might as well do it now."
Mara laughed and sent a teasing poke through their bond. "You move fast, Skywalker."
"Is that a no?" he asked, confused.
"No." Mara said with a teasing smile. "Let me get some sleep first, Luke." She rested her head against his chest again, gratified when his arms enclosed around her. "It's been kind of a long day."
Mara sat in the medcentre on Yavin 4, watching Cilghal go over her test results. She had been examined on Coruscant first, and the meddroids had proclaimed her healthy with no apparent ill effects from her ordeal. However Luke had wanted to be sure, so Mara had agreed to let the Jedi healer examine her. Luke was anxiously pacing the room beside her, and she sent a calming wave through their new bond.
Cilghal looked up from her datapad and blinked her eyes. "You are in perfect health, Mara."
"But?" Mara could see the disquiet in the healer's face.
"I cannot be sure," Cilghal told them, looking between her and Luke. "But your Force patterns appear to be in tandem with Master Skywalker's."
"So?" Mara shrugged. She had seen that much from the Falcon's monitoring equipment, but had dismissed it as unimportant. "That could be attributed to the Force bond."
"Yes," Cilghal agreed. "But my concern is the extent to which you are now bonded. And the consequences of that."
"What do you mean?" Mara asked.
"It appears to me that your minds are now so entwined that they cannot be separated," Cilghal showed them the scans on her datapad. "It seems they are far more in sync than one would expect, even accounting for a bond in the Force."
"She looked back," Luke said, troubled. "At the gateway, Mara," he turned to her. "You looked back – my father said if that happened there was nothing that could save you."
"But you did," Mara insisted. "You pulled me back with you."
"Maybe not completely."
His meaning dawned on Mara. She remembered how she had slipped from his hold, and that it was only when he had completely enfolded her within himself that she had been brought back.
"I will of course run more tests," Cilghal told them. "My initial analysis is that you will have a completely functional life, Mara. But Luke, and the bond through the Force you now share with him is tethering you here. If that bond were to break…"
"That won't happen," Luke said resolutely. "Never." He reached to take her hand, lifting it to his lips and pressing a firm kiss to her palm.
"Maybe not deliberately," Cilghal said gently. "But Luke, if you were to die..."
"I would die too," Mara nodded. Luke looked stricken, so she squeezed his hand reassuringly. "It's okay, Luke, I was dead anyway." However he did not look comforted.
"I'll leave you to talk," Cilghal said gently, and Mara nodded to her gratefully as she left the room.
"Well, Skywalker," she said softly, tugging on his arm until he stood facing her. "Looks like I'm stuck with you."
"I'm sorry." Luke looked anguished, his warm hands resting on her knees and squeezing gently.
"Don't be," she told him, cupping his face in her hands and lifting to meet her gaze. "I wouldn't have it any other way." She kissed him lightly. "I love you, Luke." The words still felt strange on her tongue, but every time she said them Mara felt more gratified.
Luke smiled against her lips as he picked up on her thoughts, gently trailing his hands down her back in the way he now knew she liked.
"I guess you'll have to marry me now," Luke goaded her when he pulled away. "You know, for your own wellbeing."
Mara laughed and pulled him close again, her arms winding around his neck. "Alright," she agreed. "But we'll have to re-write the wedding vows – till death do us part doesn't seem appropriate now."
"What about to the end of time?" Luke suggested.
"You're a sap, Skywalker," she told him, ruffling his hair affectionately.
"Yeah, and you're stuck with me," he reminded her, pulling her tightly against him. "Just think," he continued, lightly. "You'll have to put up with me not only in this life, but in the next, and we can stay there for an eternity if we like."
Mara pulled back slightly, putting her hands on either side of his face and gazing deeply into his eyes. "Promise?"
He enfolded her into his embrace as their Force senses once more mingled into one. "I promise." They held each other close, and for a moment Mara felt her heart lighten and the whisper of something familiar though the Force.
Almost as if someone was watching them, and smiling.