Moving Forward

Receiving Balin's letter had been the worst thing that had ever happened to Dis.

It was worse than when Smaug came to Erebor. It was worse than the aftermath of the Battle of Azanulbizar. It was worse than learning of Joli's death. Because at all those terrible moments in her life, Thorin had always been there to hold and comfort her. Now he was gone. Her two dear sons and her beloved eldest brother were gone and her grief was beyond words. Her heart wailed in despair.

She and her daughter-by-wed cried together. Balin's letter had included the two letters from Fili to Thora that had been found among his things. Dis and Thora had laughed and cried over them. Everyone in the Blue Mountains mourned the death of King Thorin and the two young Princes.

A week passed and life continued on in the Blue Mountains as it had these last nine months or so since the lads had left on their quest. Dis helped arrange the caravans that would be leaving for Erebor. Many wished to return to the home of their birth, but many chose to remain in the Blue Mountains. The dwarves looked to Dis to be their leader with Thorin gone. Dis and Thora would stay. Neither had any desire to travel east and live among the ghosts of their past.

Dinner was a quiet affair these days. Dis knew that one day they would be able to talk and visit freely as they once did and that one day they would be able to talk about memories of all their lads, but for now, it was quiet and uncomfortable.

Thora started to cry.

"My dear," Dis said, "one day, it will get better. I promise."

Thora nodded through her tears. "Is it stupid?" she started, but choked on a sob. "Is it stupid for me to mourn something that never happened?"

"I don't understand," Dis said.

"Fili and I were going to build our own home. Now it can never be. I mourn a home we never had. We talked of children and I had hoped to conceive before he left, but I was not successful. I mourn our children who were never more than a thought or a hope. I knew what they would look like. I even knew their names. Dewr would look just like Fili - golden hair, bright blue eyes. Our daughter, Tega, would have my hazel eyes and a combination of his blond and my red to make lovely strawberry blond hair. They were so beautiful and they aren't even real. I mourn for children who were never born as if they had lived and died."

Dis's strong arms circled Thora and held her close. "You are not stupid. You're mourning is real. Your children did die. They did not die like Fili and Kili died, but they died all the same. Mourn for Fili. Mourn for your children. Mourn for that life you had planned, but now can never be. It's alright to grieve for them."

It was a long while before either dam could speak again.

"Now that I am a widow, my connection to your family is severed. I understand if you no longer wish for me to stay with you," Thora sat tall.

"What?" Dis nearly screamed. "Why on earth would I want you to leave? You were my daughter long before you married my son. If you would like, I would have you remain in my home until death takes me."

"I want to stay," Thora said. "Part of me just wants to fade away. I miss Fili so much, but I don't think Fili would want that. When we married, he made me a princess. I want to be a princess, like you, Dis. I want to help care for Fili's people. I want to teach the next generation of lasses how strong they are. I want to make the most out of my life, so when I go to the Halls of Waiting, I can be proud of my life and I will have much to tell Fili."

"Fili couldn't have picked a better wife," Dis smiled. "Had all gone to plan and all our dreams come true, you eventually would have been queen. It would have been your job to care for the people, while your husband, the king, would care for the kingdom. Fili made a good choice with you and you are worthy to be a queen. We will take care of our people in Thorin and Fili and Kili's stead. When we return to stone, we can go with honor."

Dis hugged Thora. It wouldn't be easy, but they were strong. They would make their forefathers and foremothers proud. It's what their lads would have wanted.

So far, I've written the story as a steady progression in time and now, that time has ended. But, I will continue to write one-shot stories for this of various events during the lifetimes of Fili and Kili, although it may not always focus on them. Times and age will jump about now. Thanks to all of you who comment and review. I appreciate them all!