Wolf Attack
Fili – 53, Kili – 48
"Kili, get out of the tree. We need to get home," Fili picked up their catch for the day. Kili had hoped for some bigger game, so had had climbed the tree to see if he could spot any signs or tracks of larger animals. There was nothing.
"Yeah, alright," Kili started down, but heard a noise and a snap of breaking branches. His head spun, looking for its source. He found the cause of the noise – a large wolf. "Fili!" he cried out, "Wolf!"
Fili spun around and saw the creature approaching. Without thought, he picked up Kili's bow and arrow, nocked the string and shot. Luck was on his side and his arrow hit the beast.
"That was great, Fee!" Kili yelled as he climbed the rest of the way down. "I didn't think you remembered how to shoot a bow." He landed on the ground below, a grin spreading across his face. Fili held out the bow to him and was about to reply that of course he remembered how to shoot a bow, when from out of a thick bush, another wolf sprang out, just behind Kili, knocking him down. Fili's sword was drawn a second later and he swung it at the beast. It took three hacks at the wolf before it was finally dead.
He pulled out his other sword and stood over Kili. Of course wolves would be in a pack. He felt stupid for not thinking about this after having shot the first wolf. He should have told Kili to stay in the tree and pulled out both swords immediately. Wolves travelled in packs. If there was one, there would be several. Instead he let himself be unprepared and as a result of his lapse of judgment, Kili was hurt.
Fili swung around when he heard the next one. With both swords, it didn't take as long to kill and he was not being taken by surprise again. He hoped with all his being it was a small pack. He wasn't sure he could fight off an entire pack by himself.
Another wolf down. Fili could only see that Kili was injured on the ground, but beyond that, he was uncertain of Kili's condition. There were two wolves left now. He went for the one that was closest and sliced at its head, his blade slicing through the thick fur and muscles. It took another slice before it fell, but the last wolf attacked as Fili was taking that second swing at the closer wolf. The teeth pierced through Fili's clothes, right into his left arm.
He cried out in pain, dropping the sword from his left hand, but with his right, he brought his sword around and it the wolf's head. It let go and Fili was able to slice at it with his sword again and again before it finally fell.
He fell to his knees, feeling the burn in his left arm. He ignored it and crawled to Kili. Three long gashes covered Kili's back and it looked like his head was bleeding. He was unconscious.
"Kili!" he called, but Kili did not move. There was nothing he could do. He had no bandages to cover Kili's wounds. He re-sheathed one of his swords, but he could not move his arm enough to do his left sword. He unbuckled Kili's sword from his side and put his one sword with Kili's bow, quiver of arrows and sword and left them under a tree. He would have to come back for them later.
His left arm burned with pain, but in one big haul, he lifted Kili and slung him over his right shoulder, like a sack of potatoes. Kili groaned, but did not awaken. No doubt the position for him, hanging over Fili's shoulder was painful on his torn back. Fili stood, gained his balance and he began the hike home. Thankfully they weren't too far, but every step was agony for Fili.
Kili groaned as his body was jostled and he regained consciousness just as they reached the village boarders. He let out a yell as Fili put him down to rest.
"I'm going to go get help," Fili panted. He wiped at the sweat that was pouring onto his face. "Don't move." As fast as he could, Fili ran. Dwalin's home was close, so he ran there first, hoping that Dwalin wasn't at the training grounds today.
He pounded on the heavy wooden door. Moments later, an annoyed Dwalin answered, but he went from annoyed to alarmed in half a heartbeat.
"Lad, what happened?"
"It's Kili," Fili was panting, "He's hurt."
Dwalin bolted out of the door and followed Fili to where Kili lay, bleeding on the ground. There was no gentle way to do this, so Dwalin picked up Kili like a small dwarfling and started running to Oin's. "Go get your mother!" Dwalin called over his shoulder.
Fili nodded and changed the direction he was running. He burst into his home. "Amad!" Dis was in the sitting room, sewing. She was up in a flash. "It's Kili. He's hurt. Dwalin took him to Oin's," Fili wheezed.
She ran to the door. "Go get your father!" and she was gone. Fili took a few ragged, deep breaths before he turned and ran to his father's workshop. His arm hurt and his back was in pain from having carried Kili and now his legs and lungs burned with his frantic running from family member to family member.
He ran past Thorin's forge. "Kili's hurt. He's at Oin's!" Thorin dropped what he was doing and ran. Fili continued to his father's workshop and made the same announcement to his father. Joli bolted out the door and ran with Fili to Oin's home.
Fili could hear his brother's screams before he reached the healer's home. "Kili!" he called. He pushed past his father, his uncle, Dwalin and his mother to reach his brother. He knelt down in front of Kili and held his head in his hands. "I'm so sorry, Kee," he gasped. "Please be strong. I'll be here for you."
Kili was on his stomach, clutching at the blanket he had been given to hold. Oin stood over him, rag and alcohol in hand. Kili's face was streaked with tears. "Hold me and I can be strong," he panted.
Fili leaned his head into Kili and tucked Kili's head into the crook of Fili's neck. Kili put his hands on his brother's shoulders and held on tight.
"Ready lad?" Oin asked. He dabbed the rag onto Kili's back again. Kili jerked, his head pushing into Fili's shoulder, but he did not cry out again.
"What happened?" Thorin asked.
"Wolves," Fili answered, looking to his uncle. "A small pack. They snuck up on us. We had just checked our traps." Kili jerked again, gripping Fili's shirt tighter in his fists. His knuckles were white with the strength of his grip. "Had to leave my sword and Kili's weapons behind." Fili's shoulder was head-butted by Kili and he let out a whimper.
"What happened to the pack?" Dwalin asked.
"I killed all of them," Fili answered. "It was only four or five. If there's more, they didn't attack after I killed the last one." Fili winced in pain as Kili's grip pulled at his hurt arm.
"You took on five wolves? On your own?" Joli asked. Fili nodded as Kili gasped for air.
"Come on," Thorin slapped Dwalin's back. "We'll go make sure the pack is dead and retrieve your weapons."
Fili nodded and put is focus back on Kili. Oin had finished cleaning the wounds and was rubbing a minty smelling salve on his back.
Kili shivered. "Cold," he whispered.
Oin leaned close to Kili's back, inspecting the freshly cleaned gashes. He stood up and looked at Joli, "Luckily, the gashes aren't deep. Just long. As long as we keep it clean, they should heal with few problems." He looked at Kili's back again, poking at several areas. Kili winced. "Due to the length of these three tears and because they aren't too deep, I'm only going to sew some of it, where the cut is worst."
Kili whimpered and Fili held him tighter. Fili looked up. Only his father remained in the room.
Joli answered Kili's unasked question about his mother, "She's gone home to prepare for when we bring Kili back."
"The ointment," Oin said, "should have helped to numb the skin some. It will take the worst bite off the pain. Alright, here we go."
Kili's grip on Fili's shoulder tightened again and he let out a small yelp as Oin pushed the needle into his flesh. Joli held Kili's legs so he couldn't buck and accidentally make things worse while Oin worked. Fili was grateful Oin only sewed parts of the gashes. Sewing the entirety of three such long tears would have been torture. It was bad enough as it was. Oin smoothed more ointment over Kili's back again.
"Can you sit up?" he asked, "Or do you need a few minutes?"
"Few minutes," Kili was gasping for air.
Oin nodded and began putting his things away.
Fili didn't speak, but continued to hold Kili until he stopped shaking. Oin came over with some white willow bark and handed it to Fili. He put the bark into Kili's mouth. Slowly, Kili chewed the plant until Oin handed them a bucket for Kili to spit the chewed bark remains into. He shuddered at the awful taste.
"Ready now lad? We need to bandage you up."
Joli and Fili helped Kili into a sitting position. Kili cried out once as his torn body was moved and stretched. Oin wrapped the bandages around his torso and over one shoulder. Once Kili was ready and not feeling so nauseous, they helped him to stand and walk home. Oin promised to come over in the evening to check on him.
Dis was ready for them and she led Kili to his bed, where he rested on his stomach. Fili sat next to him, wanting to apologize, but not wanting to disturb Kili, who looked ready to either throw up or pass out. Finally Kili fell asleep and Fili continued to stay by his side.
"Fili," Dis whispered to him. "Why don't you go wash up?"
"I can't leave him, Amad," Fili sniffed.
"He's not going anywhere," Dis put a hand on his shoulder. Luckily for him, it was his uninjured one. "He's sleeping and he will be fine long enough for you to clean up and change clothes. You'll feel better, too."
"I don't want to feel better," Fili whispered, almost sobbing. "I didn't kill the wolf fast enough and Kili got hurt."
"My sweet Fili," Dis put her hands on her eldest son's face, "that you took on an entire hunting pack of wolves by yourself is incredible and you are both lucky to have made it out with your lives. These cuts will heal and soon he'll be bouncing off the walls again and it will be thanks to you."
"But if I had been quicker in my thinking and actions, he wouldn't have gotten hurt at all," Fili said, feeling the tears welling up in his eyes. If only he had remembered there was never just a lone wolf, but a pack, he could have prevented Kili's injuries.
"Life is full of 'what ifs' and 'if onlys,' Fili. You can only do your best and I have no doubt you did the best you could," Dis sighed.
"No. If I had done my very best, Kili wouldn't be hurt."
Dis sighed. There was no arguing with him right now. "Well, whether you did or didn't, I still want you to go clean up. I'll stay with him until you return."
Fili wanted to argue, but knew better. Most likely Kili would sleep for a long while, so Fili went to the wash room. He peeled off his dirty, bloody clothes. The ache in his left arm swelled to a new level of pain as the excitement of Kili's ordeal died down. His body relaxed and he could feel the damage it had sustained. He painfully lifted his arms and pulled off his shirt. He inspected what he could of the wolf's bite marks in his skin. They didn't look nearly as bad as Kili's gashes. He filled the tub with hot water and got in. Washing was difficult with the pain in his arm, but he managed to get himself clean, saving his left arm for last. This was going to hurt.
He picked up another rag from off the floor and stuffed it into his own mouth. Then he was able to wash at his wounds, his cries muffled by the rag. When he was done, he dressed his arm as best as he could and slipped his clean clothes over the bandages. Kili had endured his injuries and they were much, much worse, so would Fili endure.
His mother had been true to her word and still sat at Kili's side. She smiled when Fili walked back in. "Feel better?" she asked. He nodded. "He hasn't moved. Why don't we leave him to rest?"
Fili was too tired to argue now. He followed his mother, stealing one last glance at Kili before he left the room. They left the door opened so they could hear him when he woke.
"Don't worry," his father said, "Kili will be fine." He patted Fili's shoulder. Fili couldn't help the small gasp of pain that came unwelcomed from his mouth. "Fili? Did you get hurt, too?"
Fili shook his head. "No. I think I just pulled something when I carried Kili back."
Joli accepted this, nodded his head and sat down. They asked Fili to tell them the entire story and he did, except for a few, what he thought were minor details. Thorin showed up soon after, with Dwalin. They had the weapons Fili had been forced to leave behind.
"Found the pack," Thorin said, accepting the tankard of ale Dis offered him. "All of them dead. If there are anymore out there, we couldn't find them." He took a swig of his drink.
Dwalin nodded. "Nice work, laddie," he said to Fili before turning to Joli. "One of them had an arrow in them. Kili got in one kill before he was hurt."
Fili didn't tell them he had shot the arrow. Who had shot it wasn't important, only that the wolf was dead.
They talked quietly for a long while. Fili's arm ached and he grew sleepy. He was just about to excuse himself when they heard Kili groan. They all jumped up and went to his room. Fili got in there first and knelt before his brother.
"Fee?" Kili whispered.
"I'm here," Fili took on of Kili's hands in his. "I'm so, so sorry," he said.
Kili opened his eyes wider and took a good look at his elder brother. "Why?"
"You got hurt."
"Yeah, but it's not your fault. If I remember rightly, you didn't attack me, a wolf did." Kili wanted to reach out to his brother, but moving his arms hurt his back, so he closed his eyes against the pain and held still.
"I didn't protect you and I'm so sorry."
"You shot the wolf, Fee," Kili smiled, even with his eyes closed. "I didn't think you knew how to shoot anymore."
"You insult me, Kili," Fili smiled. "Uncle Thorin taught me how to shoot and I thought it a skill worth keeping, even if I don't use it often. I still spend a bit of time practicing all the weapons Dwalin and Thorin taught us. I'm not as good as you with a bow, but I still know how to use one."
"Not only use one, but use it well enough to kill a moving animal," Kili smiled.
"Wait," Dwalin interrupted, "You shot the wolf with the arrow, Fili?"
Fili nodded, slightly embarrassed. "Kili was still in the tree. He warned me with enough time that I saw I could use the long range bow and try and stop it before it could get close enough for my sword. Only, I didn't think about there being an entire pack and I got complacent and didn't stay vigilant to the possibility of there being more. One jumped out at Kili before I even knew it was there and mauled him before I could pull out my sword."
"You are wise to recognize your folly," Thorin said with a disapproving tone in his voice, "Yes, you should have remembered what you know about wolves. Learn from this and be thankful that your brother wasn't killed."
Fili looked down. "Yes, sir."
"You, too, Kili," Thorin looked to the poor boy on the bed. "You should have remembered what you know of wolves, too."
"I know, Thorin, I'm sorry," Kili said.
"Thorin, really," Dis said. "Give them a little peace. They are recovering from a terrible experience."
"I will say no more. They are feeling the punishment for their recklessness. Now, is there anything you lads need?" His voice changed from the harsh lesson master to the gentleness of their beloved uncle.
"No, thank you," Fili said.
Kili closed his eyes. "No, sir."
He patted Kili and Fili gently on their heads. "Let me know if I'm needed," Thorin said. "I'll be back over later tonight."
Fili's eyes were closed and his head rested on the pillow next to Kili's. They were both looking down at the mattress.
"Dear ones," Dis came over to them. "He's worried for you. He just doesn't always express it well."
"No, he's right, Amad," Fili said. "I should have remembered. I should have protected Kili better."
She patted his head. "Are you hungry, Kili?"
"No. Just hurt."
"I'll make you some tea with pain herbs," she said.
The family stayed in Kili's room until he fell asleep again. Fili hurt, but he forced himself to stay awake until Oin and Thorin returned in the evening. Once again, Fili helped to hold Kili up while Oin removed the bandages and checked over his back. Fili took a glance at it and just about got sick. It was red and swollen. The thick string Oin had used to sew parts of Kili's skin together stood out against the red skin. They oozed with a clear liquid and some blood.
Fili endured his own pain as Kili gripped him while Oin washed, poked and applied more salve to Kili's back. Kili's pain was much worse, Fili reminded himself. If Kili could endure without crying out, he could too.
He sat with his brother until he fell asleep again. Dis came to him. "Fili, you look ready to collapse. Why don't you go to bed and get some sleep?"
"But what if he needs me during the night?" Fili asked.
"I'll take care of him. But," she looked at Fili, who was ready to protest, "if he asks for you or I need your help, I'll come to you. Alright?"
Fili nodded and took one last look at Kili. Guilt swelled in his stomach. His poor brother. He had done this. He went to his room and left the door open. Carefully, he climbed into bed and laid on his right side, trying to find the most comfortable position so as to put very little pressure on his injuries. No position was good, but exhaustion won out and he slept.
He heard a voice. Fili opened his eyes and was surprised to see a wolf sitting calmly in his room. Neither he nor the wolf moved. Fili knew he should be worried, but then, his Amad would never permit a wolf into her house. They would be very messy. The wolf spoke to him. Fili blinked his eyes a few times and the wolf changed into his father.
"Fili," Joli called to him again. "Kili's awake and asking for you. I didn't want to wake you, but it seems you made Amad promise to get you if Kili asked."
Fili nodded. "I did. I'm up." He stood, groggy, and slightly dizzy. He waited a moment for his mind to stop swirling and he followed his Adad from the room and into Kili's.
Kili was laying on his stomach. His head came up and he watched Fili walk in. He smiled as Fili sat down next to his head. "Hi Fee."
"Hey," Fili smiled, running a hand over Kili's head.
"I just wanted to thank you."
"I didn't do much. Just let you get mauled," Fili's guilt returned full force.
Kili's face went from a happy smile to a surprised frown. "We were caught by surprise. I heard you telling Thorin what happened. You killed them all. I didn't do a thing. I get knocked out and missed your fight as you took down an entire wolf pack on your own. That's no small thing. I'd be dead if you hadn't."
"But you got hurt. I let you get hurt. I'm supposed to protect you and I let you get hurt," Fili's head ached and the guilt threatened to squeeze all the air from his body.
"Fili, I'm old enough to take care of myself. You shouldn't have to protect me all of the time. But I'm sure glad you did. Listen to me. I've got three gashes on my back, and yes, they hurt like mad but, I'll heal. I'm alive thanks to you."
Fili gave a small smile. He felt slightly better, but the air in his lungs still seemed to want to escape and not come back in. His head hurt and his body burned on one side. He started to say something to Kili, but found it very hard. His sight was going and he tried to tell Kili to watch out for the wolf that had returned to the bedroom.
"Fili?" Kili watched as his brother's eyes crossed and he sank lower onto the chair until he fell right off. "Fili!"
Joli dashed forward and grabbed at Fili's arm. Fili cried out, even in his unconsciousness.
"He's hurt," Kili exclaimed, wishing he could move his arms to help hold up his brother the way Fili had held him when he was hurt.
Joli leaned Fili up against the side of the bed and he worked Fili's shirt off over his head. Bandages, stained with blood were wrapped around Fili's angry, red skin. Kili gasped as he watched his father pull out his knife and cut through the bandages in one slice. A row of bite marks bled and oozed a thick yellow puss along Fili's arm.
Joli cursed. "He didn't tell me he got bitten." He heaved Fili's body up and laid him on the bed next to Kili. "These bites are infected. Kili, watch over him. I'm going to get Oin." Joli left and Kili moved his head to rest against Fili's shoulder.
"Oh Fee, why didn't you say you got hurt?" Kili whispered, feeling a few tears escape his eyes.
Moments later, Dis came in carrying a bowl. "Stupid boy. Not telling anyone he was bitten. Let his arm get infected."
"He's not stupid, Amad," Kili was shocked to hear his mother say anything like that about her eldest son. "He was worried about me."
"Fili know better than to let wounds of this sort go uncared for," she sighed. She squeezed out a rag and placed it on Fili's head. "We can only try and keep the fever down, but until Oin can get the infection out, I'm afraid this fever will persist." She dabbed another cool rag at Fili's neck and chest. Fili moaned once, but showed no other signs of consciousness. Kili let his tears fall and snuggled into Fili's shoulder. Fili was burning hot.
They both stayed silent until they heard the front door open and close. Dis stood up and backed away as the old healer came in.
"Not, good," Oin muttered. "Not good at all." He looked from Fili to Kili. "And you?"
"I'm worried for him," Kili said.
"And with good reason," Oin nodded, "but how are your wounds?"
"Painful, but not infected," Kili answered honestly. His back hurt something awful. Oin felt Kili's head for fever and poked at his back a bit. Kili inhaled as his wounds were prodded.
"No infection for you, thank Mahal. 'Fraid your brother's not so lucky. We should move him away from Kili," Oin looked to Joli, who nodded in agreement. They reached for Fili.
"No!" Kili cried. "I want to hold him, like he held me."
"Lad," Oin said, "if he thrashes about at all and hits you, it's going to hurt. He could reopen your wounds."
"I can take it. I just want to be here for him," Kili pleaded.
Oin and Joli exchanged worried looks until Joli nodded. They positioned Fili better for Oin to get to him and with careful movements, Kili maneuvered his arms around Fili's head. "It's going to be alright, Fili," Kili whispered.
Oin started his work. Joli held Fili's legs in anticipation of what Fili might do. The first wipe of hot water against Fili's skin did nothing to him. Oin gently, but firmly, wiped at the bite marks, each swipe causing Fili to moan slightly. Next came the alcohol and this time, Fili howled and jerked. Kili held Fili's head down and bit his lip against his own pain.
"Shh, Fili," Kili spoke quietly. "I've got you."
Fili, in his delirium, tried to fight off his assailants. They held him tightly as Oin worked. With a hot knife, Oin lanced the wound and puss poured out. Kili gasped and Joli groaned, but Fili cried out. His body thrashed and hit Kili's back. Kili yelped and pulled back.
Dis cried out and went to Kili. His back was bleeding again. She scooted Kili away and fetched fresh bandages.
"Let's move him," Oin ordered.
"No!" Kili cried out. "I'm alright. Please let me stay with him."
"Sorry, lad," Oin said. "We can't have him hurting you more and putting your healing at risk." He and Joli picked up Fili and left the room.
"No, Fili!"
"Shh, now," Dis smoothed back Kili's hair from his face. "It will be alright." Fili yelled from the other room. Kili tried to get up, but Dis pushed him back down. "No, Kili. You will stay right here."
"But I have to help him."
"You'll help him more by getting better and not reinjuring yourself. Fili didn't carry you and hold you for nothing. Don't let the pain he suffered for you be in vain." Kili became very still. "Good. You must heal. You must rest."
"But Fili's hurt," Kili whimpered.
"I know, but there's no one finer than Oin to take care of him."
Fili cried out again. Suddenly Thorin appeared in the doorway of Kili's room.
"I heard him yell. Is Kili worse?" Thorin looked with panicked eyes at his young nephew.
"No, it's Fili," Dis said. "Apparently, he was bitten by a wolf and didn't tell us."
Thorin swore and left for Fili's room. Dis sat on the side of Kili's bed and looked over his back. "It doesn't look like he did much damage, but we'd better clean it and re-salve it."
Kili tensed. It would hurt, but Fili was enduring worse and if Fili could do it, so could he. Dis was as gentle as possible, although it was still painful for Kili, but she was done quickly and the cool, numbing ointment was slathered over his back again and fresh bandages were wrapped around him. Fili continued to cry out, at one point he called for Kili.
Kili tensed and called back. "It's going to be alright, Fee!" He looked to his mother. "When they're done, can he come back in here? Or me go to his bed?"
"We'll see," Dis smoothed his hair back again. "I'll go make you some more willow tea." She left him on his own. Kili strained his ears, trying to hear anything that might let him know if they were done with Fili yet. He could hear voices, but nothing clearly. Dis returned with the tea and helped him to drink it while he continued to lie on his stomach.
"I want Fee here," Kili whispered.
"I know, dearest," his mother soothed. "As soon as we can, we'll get him in here."
Kili closed his eyes. He kept listening and he heard his mother talking and the deeper voices of the men speak back to her, but Kili couldn't make out the words. The sounds muffled in his tired head and he fell asleep.
Kili woke to the sounds of his mother, father and uncle talking quietly.
"He's not well," Joli was saying. "Had a fever all night. It still hasn't broken."
"He should have known better," Thorin sounded sad. Kili opened his eyes. The three adults were standing in the hall.
"Where's Fili?" Kili asked. "You said you'd bring Fili in."
"Fili's resting," Joli came in. He's had a fever all night long and we thought we'd let you rest."
"I want to be with Fili," Kili pouted.
"I'll get you some food. You eat, we clean your wounds, re-wrap you and then we'll bring in Fili. Alright?" Dis asked.
Food was brought in and Kili ate what he could. His body ached so much and his back burned. He was tired of laying on his stomach, but he couldn't even handle the idea of moving enough to lie differently. Just the thought made him hurt more. Dis removed the bandages and washed his back.
"Some of the swelling's gone done," she told him. "It's still red, but looking better already." She slathered the cool salve on his back again. Kili relaxed.
"Are you ready?" Joli asked Kili, who nodded. Joli and Thorin carried an unconscious Fili in. Fili was bare chested. His left arm was bandaged and his skin was flushed red. They settled Fili onto his right side and facing Kili. Kili snuggled his head into his brother's chest. He was hot. Dis brought in a bowl of cold water and a rag. She wiped at Fili's head.
Kili didn't speak, just laid there, his head pressed against Fili's chest. Dis and Joli sat with them for a while, quietly talking. Finally they left with a quiet word. "We'll be back in a bit to check on you. Call if you need us."
Kili looked into Fili's flushed face. "Come on Fee. Be strong." He moved his arm closest to Fili and touched his hot skin. "You have to get better. I forgive you, if that's what's worrying you. You have done nothing I need to forgive, but you seem to take my injuries personally, so I'm telling you that I forgive you, I'm not angry with you and I only want you to wake up."
Fili didn't move, but Kili kept talking. "I heard Oin. He said you're lucky that he was able to clean out the infection before it spread. I'm sorry you didn't think you should take care of yourself. I was too selfish, thinking only of myself, when you were hurt, too. I should have known." He sighed, thinking back to when Dwalin had taken him to Oin's. "Before you came to me and Oin was torturing me by cleaning up my back, the pain was unbearable. But then you came and held me and I could handle it. It didn't hurt quite so much anymore. You made me strong. But I couldn't make you strong and I'm sorry. I hope you can find it in your heart to forgive me."
Fili was still. Kili painfully moved and settled himself closer to Fili. "Thorin's not happy, but I can tell he's worried. You're his heir. He needs to you to get better. I think he also needs your help in forge. If you don't get better, he'll have to find a new assistant and I know he'll hate that because no one will be up to his standards. Just you, Fee." Kili couldn't stop talking. He talked about everything that came to his mind. It helped pass the time and it kept him from thinking too much about Fili's condition. Of his own condition. If he stopped to think about things, the pain and guilt would build up, so he kept talking.
"Always chatting. Don't you ever stop and go to sleep?" Fili whispered.
Kili's head popped up, jarring his back painfully, but he couldn't stop his smile. Fili's eyes were closed, but he was smiling. "Fili?"
"How's a guy supposed to get any sleep around here with your constant chatter?" Fili's eyes opened and his blue eyes took a few moments to focus, but when they did, they focused on Kili's concerned eyes. "I heard you, in the darkness. You helped me find my way back. Thanks."
"I can't let you go," Kili smiled. He buried his head into Fili's chest again. "How are you?"
"What happened?" Fili asked. "All I remember is waking up, coming to see you and then, nothing."
"Why didn't you tell me you got bitten?" Kili's head came up again. He was angry.
"Because your wounds were worse and you needed the help more than me," Fili said.
"Alright, but after I was cared for, why didn't you tell Oin or Adad you were hurt?" Kili asked.
"It wasn't that bad," Fili started.
"Not that bad?" Kili almost shouted. "It was infected! You could have lost your arm had you kept your secret for too long."
Fili sighed and closed his eyes. "Why am I in bed with you?"
Kili couldn't help his smile. He could never stay mad at Fili for long. "Because I wanted to keep an eye on you. Obviously you couldn't take care of yourself."
Fili chuckled.
"And," Kili went on, "I wanted to be near you. I'm better with you around. Stronger."
"Me too." Fili moved his sore arm and draped it over Kili's body. They didn't speak any longer. Words weren't needed and soon they were both asleep.
The race was on to see who could heal the fastest. Despite his wounds being larger, Kili never succumbed to fever or infections, where Fili had several bouts of infection to his much smaller wounds. Apparently wolf saliva wasn't good for the body. Oin had hit Fili over the head a few times, after each fever would subside, growling at him about letting his wound get infected. If only he had told Oin straight off, he wouldn't have had to go through such misery.
But Fili, felt in his heart that he deserved every fever, every infection, every stab of pain for allowing Kili to be injured in the first place. During his third infection induced fever, Fili fell into a dark place in his mind. No matter how often Kili insisted that he was forgiven, Fili couldn't get rid of the guilt. It pressed on him and never gave his mind a moment's rest. He was lying in his own bed, the fever burning in him. He was cold. He was sweaty. His eyes and throat were dry. He could only stare at the ceiling above him. His arm throbbed.
It was during one of these fevered moments that Thorin came into his room, shutting the door behind him. He took a seat next to Fili's bed and exchanged the warm rag on his head for a cooler one.
"I know how you feel," Thorin spoke quietly. "You know, you could get better if you didn't feel so guilty. And you do feel guilty, don't you?"
"Yes," Fili said, his eyes not leaving the ceiling.
"I'm here to tell you, lad, that guilt will eat you alive." Thorin sighed and sat back in his chair. He ran a hand through his hair and over his face. He scratched at the back of his head for a moment. "See, I've dealt with guilt most of my life. I've thought over and over what I could have done differently to save more people when Smaug came to Erebor. I've thought about my brother. If I had been in a different spot, closer to him, perhaps I could have killed off the orc before he could kill Frerin. If I had been faster, I might have saved Thror before Azog could get to him. If I had worked harder, less of my people would have died in those years before we settled here in Ered Luin. I should have provided for our people better. I could have prevented so many injuries and deaths if I had just worked a little harder."
Fili tore his eyes away from the ceiling. They fell on Thorin's face. It was red and distorted, but Fili wasn't sure if it was the fever addling with his mind or the tears in his eyes that kept him from seeing properly. He blinked a few times and tried to lick his parched lips, but his tongue and throat were too dry. Suddenly, a ladle of water was at his lips and he eagerly sipped at the cold liquid, letting it run down his hot throat.
"I know the guilt you feel," Thorin continued. "And I know how it can tear you apart. You're too young to let that happen to you. Kili doesn't blame you and has forgiven you for what happened to him. However, unless you snap out of this and get well, he is not going to forgive you for letting yourself get worse. Kili's a better dwarf with you around and you are better with him. You need each other. Get well so you can be a team again." Thorin's voice was gentle.
"I'm sorry, Thorin," Fili whispered.
"I know you are, lad. You are forgiven of anything you've done. We only want you well again. Get well, please." Thorin pressed his forehead to Fili's. "Sleep now. Let your arm heal."
Fili could only nod and then he closed his eyes. He heard Thorin move and felt a new cold rag placed on his head. He sighed, relaxed and fell asleep.
A storm raged over their village. Thorin had joined them for dinner. It was the first time both boys were back at the table since their accident. Fili's infections had cleared up and he was mostly fine. Being right handed made having an injured left arm easier to deal with. Kili walked stiffly, but proudly to the kitchen. The stitches had been removed and he was slowly working on stretching his back and getting the skin to move and stretch again. He was eager to pick up his bow as soon as he could.
"When I start shooting again," Kili swallowed his potato, "you should come shooting with me Fili."
"No, I don't think so," Fili smiled.
"Ah, come on. Why not?"
Fili's face turned red. "I'm not good enough to shoot in front of the best archer in Ered Luin."
"Well that's a dumb thing to say," Kili speared another potato. "I've already seen you shoot and you're better than you think."
"I had luck and fear on my side. Really Kili, my shooting is pretty pathetic."
Thorin snorted. "Well, whatever you think of your abilities is up to you, but I hope you'll keep practicing. You never know when you might be needed to use a weapon that is not your own.
Fili was outfitted in new armor. He wondered who had made the armor and who had worn it. Kili was similarly outfitted. They looked over the hundreds of swords in Erebor's armory. Kili quickly found one similar in style and weight to his old sword that had been taken from him by the elves. Fili, however, couldn't find a set of small twin blades he liked. As soon as this war was over, Fili had plans to fire up a small forge he had seen near the armory. He would build his own new blades. Too bad there wasn't time before this war they were facing.
He picked up a great long sword and felt its weight. He swung it around, slashing a figure 8 in the air in front of him. It was a good sword. He strapped an ax to his back and the sword to his hip, thankful that he had continued practicing with weapons besides his favorite twin style of fighting. He remembered back to when he had been much younger and Thorin had encouraged him to continue practicing with weapons that were not his own. Fili reached his right hand to his left arm and gripped it where he knew the old wolf teeth scars were. There were no wolves to fight today, he hoped, but he would still protect his brother with every ounce of strength he possessed.