Hello all. I had this chapter written for the last several weeks, but debated whether or not to post it. It's a little more traumatic than previous chapters and it also includes mentions of breastfeeding, if that bothers you.
Fili 5, Kili - infant
If Dis hadn't actually been the one to give birth to her dwarflings, she would have thought she got the wrong one. Kili was so different from Fili. It wasn't just looks either. While Fili favored her husband in looks, Kili favored her. No, what really surprised her were their personalities.
Fili had been a relatively normal baby, as far as Dis knew. He cried when he needed to eat or be changed. He had given her more sleepless nights than she thought was acceptable, but otherwise, he had been a content baby. He had been happy to be awake and look at the world around him. He would study the faces of his mother and father for a long time while they held him. Oin had told her he was a healthy and alert child.
Kili was different. Kili was intense. He spent a good deal of his time crying. And not just crying - wailing. It didn't matter how small or large the injustice was in his little mind, he wailed. If his rags needed to be changed, he wailed. If he was hungry, he wailed. When Dis would lay him in his cot, he wailed. She couldn't understand what was wrong. Oin had been over almost every week, checking over Kili, while he wailed, and pronounced each time there was nothing at all wrong with Kili, he just was upset with the world.
He didn't cry all the time. There were those precious moments when he would look at the world with his wide eyes. He cried less when Fili held him, but Fili was hardly more than a babe himself and Dis could not leave Fili alone to hold his brother, no matter how much he wanted too. Dis felt like her nerves were on end. Every cry from either boy made her body flinch and her mind jump. She did all she could, but in the end, she realized all she could do, was wait for him to grow up.
It was a fairly normal day. Fili had been fed breakfast, Joli had left for his workshop, the wash basin was full of dishes and Kili was wailing. For the last few days, Dis had had only enough energy to care for the boys, but her chores were backing up. She had to wash the dishes, wash the soiled clothes and get the meat started for their dinner tonight. Oin had said Kili was healthy, he just cried, so Dis created a soft pallet of blankets in the middle of the sitting room and placed the wailing Kili into the blankets. He would be fine and she would check on him often. She went back to the kitchen. After a few minutes, she could hear Fili's voice. He was talking to Kili, trying his best to calm him down. It worked, some. Kili wasn't wailing anymore. Dis thanked Mahal for Fili and she continued to wash the dishes.
Several minutes later, she noticed the crying had stopped. She dried her hands on her apron and went to see what had happened. Kili was not where she had left him. For half a second, she panicked, then she looked down the hall and saw her boys. Fili was very carefully and gently dragging his little brother by the leg. Kili was still lying on his blanket and seemed happy. Or stunned at being dragged around the house.
"Fili!" Dis cried and ran to her sons. "What are you doing?"
Fili stopped and looked slightly guilty. "I just want Kili to come in my room to play."
"You know he can't play with you yet," Dis said, picking up Kili and checking him over. He actually smiled at her.
"I know, Mama, but I thought he could come with me and I could show him our toys and our room," Fili said. Dis was surprised by Fili's use of the word 'our.' So far he did not have to share his room with Kili nor his toys, but he was going to introduce Kili to his future.
"Alright, Fili," Dis smiled at her elder son. "Kili seems very happy, so I will put him in your room. Next time, just ask me, alright? Don't drag him."
"Sorry, Mama."
Dis kissed his head. "You're a good big brother." She gathered Kili's blankets and put them on the floor of Fili's room. Kili cried at first about being laid back down, but Fili started to talk to him and sat next to him, holding his tiny hands. "Fili, I'll be outside, washing clothes. Come and get me if he starts to get fussy."
Dis went back to the kitchen and checked on the meat. It was cooking properly, so she went outside to the wash. The sunshine was warm on her face. She carried water to the washing bucket and started to fill it up. The task required little mental thought, leaving her free to think about other things. Her mind wandered from Kili's constant crying, to Fili's helpful nature, to the project Joli was currently working on in his shop, to the trade road between the villages, to her cousin Gloin and his new wife, Beleza. On and on she thought while she worked.
It was a while later, as she wrung out the last of Kili's changing rags that she realized her breasts were unusually full. She hadn't fed Kili in several hours. She never went this long without feeding Kili. He just cried all the time and sometimes feeding him was the only way she could get any peace. But she had gone hours now. She worried something had happened to her boys.
Quickly, but quietly, she walked into the house. It was quiet. She went to Fili's room and her eyes teared up. Fili was curled protectively around Kili and they were both asleep on the floor. It would be lunch time soon. They would both wake up hungry, so Dis went to the kitchen and fixed Fili his lunch. She was able to eat her own meal in peace. It was heaven to her. She went back to the wash and started hanging up all the clothes on the line, leaving the door open so she could hear the boys if they woke up.
It wasn't long after that that they did. Fili came to her.
"Mama? Kili's crying and I'm hungry."
She kissed him. "Thank you for taking such good care of Kili."
"I like it. We played and I told him stories."
She didn't ask how they had played together, knowing very well that Kili was incapable of actually playing, but Fili was happy and Kili had gone hours without crying. "Your lunch is on the table," she said. She went to Kili and picked him up. She couldn't help giving him a hug and a kiss. "You've been a good boy today, Kili. I'm so happy with you."
She went to her chair and made herself comfortable, nestling Kili in the crook of her elbow. She unlaced her bodice and pulled Kili to her breast. He ate eagerly and for the first time in days, Dis relaxed and enjoyed the moment with her son.
Kili was crying for the fourth time that night. Dis and Joli were at their wits end. She was ready to take Kili to her brother's house and not go back for him. There was nothing wrong, as far as she could tell. He wasn't sick, he wasn't cold, and he was clean and fed. She held him, sang to him, bounced him and rocked him. Nothing would sooth him.
"Mama?" Fili came out of his room.
Dis felt terrible. She tried so hard to keep Kili quiet so as not to disturb her elder son and thankfully, Fili seemed capable of sleeping through most of Kili's night time cries. But tonight, the cries had gone on too long and Fili had awoken.
"I'm sorry, little one," she kissed Fili's head. "Kili just won't stop crying."
"Is he alright?" Fili asked.
"I don't know. I can't find anything wrong." She sat down, wearily in her chair. Fili climbed into the chair with her.
"It's alright, Kili," Fili ran his hand over Kili's head. "It's alright."
For several minutes, Fili continued to stroke Kili's head and whisper to him. After a while, Kili calmed down. Fili squirmed in Dis's lap, adjusting himself so he could put an arm around Kili's stomach. They both fell asleep soon after. Dis was ready to cry. Both her sons were asleep in her arms. Perhaps Kili just needed his brother. Over the last few months, Fili had been Kili's constant companion. Even though Fili still ran around the house to play, he always ran back to Kili and practically tackled him. At first, Dis had gotten onto Fili about this, saying Kili was much too young to be played with like that, but Kili would laugh as soon as Fili would come running back to him. The louder Fili was and the harder the tackle, the funnier it was to Kili. So Dis had let them be. She kept an eye on Fili, still. He was much bigger and stronger than his brother, but he was always gentle, even when he was tackling the smaller child.
Perhaps it was time she let the two share a bed. Fili had asked if they could for several months now, but Kili was hardly more than a newborn and she wasn't comfortable with Fili being right next to Kili. What if he rolled over him during the night? But tonight, she was exhausted and Kili had gone to sleep only when Fili had held him. She needed sleep if she had any hope of functioning in the morning, so against her own judgment, she laid both her sons into Kili's small cot. They adjusted themselves until Fili's arm was draped over Kili's chest again. Kili's little fist found its way to Fili's head and his fingers curled around the golden hair. They both sighed.
Dis went back to bed and was able to sleep the rest of the night without being woken again. She only woke when Joli got up. Even then, she groaned, rolled over and went back to sleep. Until Joli came back in, anyway.
"Dis," he whispered, poking her in the shoulder. She growled at him. "Fili's in Kili's cot."
"Are they awake?" she asked, half asleep.
"Well, no," Joli stood up.
"Then don't bother them."
"Why is Fili in there in the first place?" Joli asked.
"It was the only way Kili would sleep last night," she sighed.
"But do you think it's wise to let Fili into the cot?"
Dis rubbed her eyes. Why couldn't they talk about this later? "Kili's sleeping because of Fili. I'm not about to pull them apart."
The next night, she put them both right into the cot to start the night and for the first time in his life, Kili slept through the night. Dis said many prayers of thanks to Mahal and every god she knew for the blessing that was named Fili.
Kili was laughing. It was like the sounds of tinkling bells. It was sweet and pure and music to Dis's heart. She peeked around the corner and saw Fili telling Kili a story. He was acting out all the parts, and Kili was in stitches. He was nine months old and could sit up now, which made it easier for him to watch his big brother's antics. He still easily rolled over, but Fili would sit him back up and they continued their play.
Dis sighed. She hated leaving Fili in charge of Kili all the time, but both boys loved it, and she figured, as long as Fili was happy being with Kili, she would let him take care of his small brother. Of course, she checked on them often, fed Kili, changed him and spent time playing with him, herself, but most of the time, he was in Fili's company. She rewarded Fili with special time together, playing his favorite games and she baked his favorite sweet treat for after dinner once a week. Joli and Thorin were also grateful to Fili and played with him and gave him extra attention.
Today, Fili was keeping Kili entertained, so Dis took advantage of the time and was drying some extra meat, cooking a stew, and making some jam with the late summer berries. She hummed while she worked. Joli would be home soon and she always loved the way the boys would squeal and yell for their Adad when he came home each day. He would spend several minutes wrestling Fili and tickling both boys.
She was stirring the pot with the berries when she noticed her legs were getting hot. She looked down and saw flames. Her skirt had caught on fire and was quickly spreading up her front. She screamed and started to beat at the flames with her hands.
"Fili!" she screamed, "Get Kili out! Go to Thorin's! Go!" She prayed her son would follow her instructions. She continued to beat at herself, falling to the ground and trying to smother the flames.
Fili heard his mother scream. It scared him. He ran to the kitchen and saw the fire. She screamed to him to get Kili out of the house and go to Thorin's. He was torn. He wanted to help his mother, but the flames scared him and he needed to do what she said and protect Kili. He opened the front door and then ran back to Kili. His mother's screams filled his ears. He got behind Kili, wrapped his arms under Kili's armpits and he clamped his hands together in front of Kili's chest. With all his might, he was able to lift Kili off the ground. The smaller boy's body and legs dangled awkwardly in front of his big brother, but his feet didn't drag the ground and so Fili was able to carry him out of the house and down the path. Just before they reached Thorin's, he heard his father and uncle talking as they walked the path together.
"Dada, Dada!" Fili cried out.
Joli and Thorin ran to Fili, who still held Kili in his tight grasp. "Fili, what in Middle Earth are you doing?"
"Mama! Fire!" Fili cried.
Joli took off running. Thorin picked up the two small boys and carried them into his house. He put them on the floor. "Stay here until we come back." Then Thorin was gone. Fili could still hear his mother's screams in his ears. He started to cry and he hugged Kili tightly. In a gentle turn of events, Kili's hands went to Fili's face and felt the tears that were falling. Fili leaned closer to Kili. He cried and Kili comforted. To the little five year old, it felt like an eternity before the door opened again and Thorin walked in.
He sat down on the ground and pulled the small boys into his lap. Thorin smelled of smoke and was covered in soot.
"Mama?" Fili asked.
"You're Mama's hurt, but she's alright," Thorin sighed.
"I want Mama," Fili cried.
"She needs to rest," Thorin said, but it did not stop Fili's tears. Kili began crying too. Thorin picked them both up in one strong arm and he went to his pantry. There wasn't much food there. The boys needed to eat and Fili needed to see that his Amad was alive, so Thorin went to Dis's house. The sitting room was empty. He took the boys to the kitchen, which had been cleaned up after the fire, and put Fili at the table and gave him a slice of bread with butter and jam. "Eat this and I will see how your Amad's doing. Then maybe you can visit her."
Fili nodded. Thorin still held Kili and he went to Dis's room. She lay in bed, her arms and hands in thick bandages. Her face was bright red and covered in a thick salve. He winced, seeing his dear sister like this. Her eyes were closed. Joli sat beside her. He looked to Thorin.
"She's sleeping," he said. "One of Oin's tonics. She should be sleeping soundly for a while."
Thorin nodded. "Fili's in the kitchen having some food," Thorin told him. "I will keep the boys tonight, if you want."
Joli nodded. "Yes. It would probably be best."
"Can I bring Fili in to see Dis?" Thorin asked.
"I don't think that would be a good idea," Joli said, looking worriedly at his wife's burned face.
"Joli, the last time Fili saw Dis, she was on fire. He needs to see her for himself. He needs to know that she is not on fire anymore and that she will be alright," Thorin said.
Joli's eyes were filled with horror at the idea. He had not thought about what Fili must have seen. He nodded. "I'll get him," he stood and left the room.
Thorin heard Joli's quiet voice talking to Fili and moments later he carried Fili into the room. Fili cried out to his mother, but she did not move. His tears fell down his face.
"You can't touch her. Not for a few days, but she's going to be just fine. Mister Oin wrapped her in bandages to help her get better, just like Mama bandages you when you get a cut," Joli explained. "Tonight, you and Kili are going to stay with Uncle. Why don't you go to your room and get your blanket." He put Fili down and Fili walked out. "Leave Kili with me for a while," Joli said. "He needs to be fed before he goes with you. Just let Fili sleep with Kili and they should both sleep through the night. In the morning, bring Kili back and we'll feed him again."
Thorin nodded. He went to find Fili and help the lad gather some clothes and Kili's changing rags for the night. They returned to Dis's room before they left.
"I want to say night-night," Fili said. He went to Dis's side. "Night, night, Mama." He leaned over and kissed her foot that was hidden under the blankets.
"Very nice," Joli smiled at his son. "Now go with Uncle Thorin and I'll bring Kili over in a bit."
When they had gone, Joli took a shaky breath and let out a ragged, sobbing sigh. "Oh Dis. I'm so sorry," he apologized to her for the hundredth time since coming to her rescue. He pulled back her blanket and opened her night dress. He placed Kili to her breast and held him there while his infant son ate his fill. Dis didn't move at all at being disturbed, only moaning once when Kili's little hand accidentally touched some of her red, burned skin. Joli held Kili's hands so he could not do that again. When Kili was full, Joli covered Dis back up and left to take Kili to Thorin's.
Dis woke sometime in the night. Her body felt like it was on fire. She cried out and tried to beat at the flames that seemed to be covering her again, but cool hands quickly found her and comforting words reached her ears.
"Dis, calm down," Joli said. "You don't want to hurt yourself." He placed a cold, wet rag on her head and she immediately settled down. "There you go." He bathed her head and face for a while with the cold water and reapplied the salve that Oin gave him. He was able to force some tea in her that would help lessen the pain. She finally dozed off again and Joli relaxed. He quietly cried for his lovely lady; scared at what he almost lost and thankful that he didn't have to endure that loss. Oin said her burns were relatively mild for what had happened to her and that with care, she would recover fully. He was glad for that knowledge, but tonight, he couldn't get the images from his mind.
Thorin curled around Fili, who was curled around Kili. He kissed them both and tried to erase the evening from his mind. His poor nephews, who had been forced to stay on their own in Thorin's cold, dark house while not knowing what had just happened, what was going on or if anyone would ever return to them. He should have stayed with Fili after taking the boys to his house and comforted the lad, but he had been so worried about his sister… Well, they were all well now and hopefully the morning would bring a better day.
Joli and Thorin stayed home the next day. Joli stayed with Dis, caring for her, washing and putting fresh salve and bandages on her burns. He would help her feed Kili when the baby needed it and he prayed to Aule to help his wife. She stayed asleep most of the time thanks to Oin's potent tonics, giving her peace from the pain for a few days.
Thorin made sure Fili was taken care of, fed, and such. He did his best to clean and cook, but he wasn't terribly good at either. He asked Gloin's new wife to help them out and she was more than happy to do so. After several days, Joli and Thorin had to get back to their workshops. Dis was doing better and in less pain. Fili was quiet. He made sure Kili was well and did his best to keep his baby brother happy, but it was so hard to make Kili laugh when he felt so sad. Fili missed his mother and was scared for her. Kili could sense the change of mood in the house and cried a lot more and this distressed Dis.
Beleza decided this situation required more than just her help, so she called the dams together, explained the situation and organized the relief. Fili and Kili went to a friend's house to play. There were many who were willing to keep the boys and so a schedule was set up. Others brought in food and several came over to clean, wash clothes, and perform other household chores.
When Joli and Thorin came home that night, Thorin was horrified.
"What is going on here?" he boomed.
"I organized some help," Beleza said.
"We don't need every dam in Ered Luin to know what happened or give aid. Joli and I will take care of everything from now on."
"Now you listen to me, Lord Thorin," Beleza stood as tall as she could and faced Thorin. "You do a lot to help everyone in Ered Luin. You take care of us constantly. Let us take care of your family for a little while."
Thorin growled and Beleza growled back. Joli wanted to laugh. She was a right sparky lass. A perfect wife for Gloin. Thorin finally turned and went to Dis's room. Joli hugged the young lass who had married his wife's cousin. "Thank you," he said. "And Thorin thanks you too, he's just not used to accepting kindness or help when it comes his way."
Beleza smiled. "I know. Now, I don't want you to worry about a thing, except taking care of Dis. Let me take care of the rest."
"Kili needs to eat," Joli said.
"Well, if Dis can feed him, it's best, but we'll do what we need to do," Beleza smiled. "I expect Fili and Kili home soon."
That night, before Thorin took the children back to his home, they stopped in to say good night to Dis and Joli. Dis was awake and lucid. She smiled when she saw her boys. She called to Fili. Thorin lifted him and set him on the bed right next to her.
"Fili," she smiled, her voice hardly more than a whisper. Tears were welling in her eyes. "You are a hero. Did you know that?" Fili shook his head. "Well, you are," Dis went on. "When I told you to take Kili, you did and you kept him safe. And, because you were already outside when Adad was coming home, he was able to get to me faster and help me. You saved me and you kept Kili safe. You are the hero, just like in the stories."
Fili smiled. "I like to be the hero," he said, "but I was scared," he looked down at the bed. "Hero's aren't scared."
"Oh, you're wrong, Fili. Heroes get scared, too. Don't they Uncle Thorin?" Dis looked to her brother. Her true hero.
"Yes, heroes get scared and it's alright to be scared. But, you did just what a hero should, you did your job, even though you were scared. That's what a hero does." Thorin said.
"I love you, Fili," Dis said. "Thank you for being a hero."
"Love you, Mama." He looked at her and for a moment, she was afraid he was judging her appearance, and nearly broke out into a heart broken sob when he turned his back to her, but she didn't expect the little boy hugging her legs and kissing her feet through the blanket. It was the only part of her that didn't hurt with burns. Fili was gentle and careful with his mother. Thorin picked up Fili off the bed.
"Just bring Kili over when you're ready," Thorin said. "Glad to see you doing so well, Dis." He left with Fili.
Dis sighed and moaned at her discomfort.
"Are you ready for Kili?" Joli asked.
Dis nodded and let her husband take care of getting Kili settled for his food. She started to cry, ashamed that she couldn't feed her son properly by herself. Joli understood and so he kissed her and told her how much he loved her while he held Kili to her body. When Kili was done, Joli promised her a quick return and he took their baby to Thorin's house.
The next few days were tough, but Beleza moved the lasses of Ered Luin to the aid of their princess. It wasn't long before Dis was out of bed and soon her she could do simple things with her hands, as long as they stayed bandaged. She was glad to at least be able to feed Kili properly again. The boys moved back into their own room at night and slept in Fili's bed. Most nights, Kili never woke, except for the occasional feeding. As long as he had his big brother's hair in his little fist, Kili didn't cry.
The family rejoiced when a few months later, the last of the bandages were removed and Dis found she had full use of her hands again. She thanked Beleza over and over, but the young lass just waved her hand.
"I know you would do the same for me or anyone else in Ered Luin," Beleza said. "You can pay me back by aiding the midwife at the birth of my first dwarfling," she laughed. There was a promise from Beleza that no baby was yet expected, but Dis would be the first to know when it finally did happen.
A decade later, Dis repaid Beleza's kindness after she had been badly burned, by attending the birth of her son, Gimli. It's what family is for.
So, like I said, a little darker and more traumatic than what I usually write, but I imagine things like house fires were probably very common when your home is heated by and food is cooked on open flames. Thanks to all of you who read my stories, follow and/or leave kind reviews. They are always appreciated. I've got a few more chapter written, but I foresee this story to come to an end soon. Thanks again to ya'll!