Fragments of Us
Disclaimer: This story is based on characters and situations created and owned by JK Rowling, various publishers including but not limited to Bloomsbury Books, Scholastic Books and Raincoast Books, and Warner Bros., Inc. No money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended.
Chapter 4 – Breakfast Conversations
Sirius entered the basement kitchen and lit the candles with a wave of his hand. The oppressive, pre-dawn darkness was chased away as the kitchen was bathed in warm, yellow light. Sirius made his way to the ancient stove and set the kettle to boil with a tap of his wand. As he went through the motions of making the tea, Sirius' thoughts drifted to the previous night. He was sure Kate had seen him as he lurked in the stairwell at the end of the Order meeting. Although he'd had no intention of going anywhere near the kitchen while the meeting was in progress, the knowledge that Kate was that close made it impossible for him to stay away. He brought his tea to the table and sat in "his" chair – at the head of the huge table. Leaving his tea to cool a bit, Sirius sat back in his chair and closed his eyes, allowing the images of the previous evening to drift through his mind.
Despite the passage of thirteen years, Kate looked much the same as she did the last time Sirius had seen her. She still wore her reddish-brown hair to the shoulder, framing her lovely face. Possessing the typical pale English complexion with a lovely rose-colored blush staining her cheeks, Kate's most remarkable features were her beautiful eyes. Framed by long lashes, her eyes were milk chocolate in color and extremely expressive. While her natural reticence and Auror training taught her to keep her facial expressions neutral, Kate's eyes were her own. Sirius drew a sharp breath and opened his eyes when he recalled the last time he had seen such deep emotion in those incomparable eyes: the day he was taken to Azkaban. He quickly swallowed a large mouthful of tea, grimacing slightly as the hot liquid burned a path down his throat. No more reminiscing about that day, he admonished himself. His thoughts turned, instead, to the images that greeted him as he observed Kate last night, through a crack in the kitchen door. His heart had ached as he watched her. For the majority of the meeting, she seemed so far away, her thoughts elsewhere. As he watched her face carefully, Sirius' own mind began to whirl, presenting him with fractured images of younger versions of both himself and Kate. Like a Muggle kaleidoscope, these fragments moved too quickly to allow him to mentally grasp and examine any one of them. Frustrated, and barely suppressing the growl that hovered at the back of his throat, Sirius was brought back to the present by the sound of chairs scraping against the ancient stone floor. Looking through the door crack again, he saw that Kate's chair was empty. He shifted suddenly, accidentally bringing himself more fully into the doorway and drew back quickly as he caught sight of Kate moving across the room toward Remus. She stopped suddenly and, to his horror, began to walk toward the door, a curious look on her face. Sirius hadn't waited any longer and Disapparated to his room on the third floor. There, he had paced the floor, all candles lit, for the bulk of the night, able to sleep for only an hour before waking again. Giving up on the idea of additional rest, he'd decided to wander to the kitchen for some tea and solitude.
As Sirius was pouring a second cup of the scalding brew, he jumped as a noise sounded behind him. He turned to see Remus enter the kitchen and drop into a chair to Sirius' right.
"Feel inclined to share, Padfoot?" he asked, summoning a mug from the cupboard and plucking it from the air neatly.
Sirius smiled at his old friend. "Need a little help getting them both open this morning, Mooney?" he asked. "All that burning the candle at both ends must be getting a little wearing."
Remus favored his friend with what he hoped was a withering look. "I went to bed not long after the meeting ended. And you?" he asked casually.
Sirius scowled. "I would wager that I retired around the same time, if not a bit earlier," he replied.
Remus nodded. "So, right after the meeting ended, then?" At Sirius' side-long glance and brief nod, he continued. "Ah, well then, that would explain the timing of the Disapparition I heard as the group was breaking up." Remus sipped from his own cup, studiously avoiding eye contact with the raven haired man to his left.
"I thought the meeting might have been over and I felt a bit peckish since I missed dinner," Sirius began, shifting in his chair and sticking his chin out stubbornly, although he did not look at Remus as he replied.
"This is me you're talking to, Padfoot," Remus countered. "That excuse might work with someone else, but never with me."
Sirius sighed and allowed his shoulders to slump. "I've never been able to get away with anything with you, Mooney. Even when you stayed quiet about it, you always knew. I should have remembered." He looked back up at the werewolf and his face was open and strangely vulnerable. "I just wanted a look at her, Remus," he continued quietly. "Just one and then, when I got down here, I couldn't leave. All these half-images kept popping in and out of my brain. I don't have clear, whole memories of her when we were together. I wanted to replace the one image I do have. Damn near got myself caught, too," he finished. One corner of his mouth curled slightly upward as he caught Remus' eye. "Never thought I'd say it, but thank Merlin for Molly Weasley! If she hadn't intercepted Kate, I'd have been caught out for certain!"
Remus allowed himself a small smile and then became focused again. Sirius had unwittingly given him an opportunity to talk to him about Kate and he was damned if he'd let it pass without at least trying. "And why would that have been so bad, Padfoot?"
Sirius jerked his head up sharply at the question, looking incredulously at the other man."'Why would that have been so bad, Padfoot?'! Remus, haven't you been listening to me at all? I have no clear memory of the woman. I only have pieces. What do I do when she starts to reminisce about our days at Hogwarts? In the Order? As Aurors? Deflect her with my staggering good looks?" he finished derisively, jumping up from his chair and beginning to pace the kitchen, temper in full swing. The sound of Remus' voice stopped him from drawing breath and continuing.
"Sirius!", the werewolf bellowed. The shock of Remus raising his voice at all stopped Sirius in his tracks. Seeing that he had the other man's attention, Remus pointed at Sirius' chair and said, "Sit down, Padfoot. While you're about it, please try not to make me do that again; it's way too soon after the full for me to irritate my throat by screaming at you."
Sirius broke his wide-eyed stare and sat down heavily in his seat.
"Better," Remus said. "Now, I have a question to ask you. Why would you think Kate would be so shallow as to walk away from you based on your looks? So hard-hearted as to walk away because of the effects of 12 years in Azkaban?"
"I don't need pity, Mooney."
Remus raised his eyebrows. "Kate doesn't pity you, Sirius! She feels guilty. She thinks you're avoiding her because you want nothing to do with her. Kate is beating herself up because she believed you were guilty; that you were the traitor."
Sirius' mouth dropped and he stared at Remus as if he had never seen him before. "Remus, how could I feel that way? There was so damned much suspicion going around back then, I can't imagine that she wouldn't have believed the worst of me. I was running around like a madman. I even thought…no, let's not go there. You know what I thought, and I'm sorry for it."
"And I've forgiven you. Look, Sirius, I'm not suggesting that your relationship will pick up where it left off the moment you see each other. I have no idea that it will ever happen again. What I am suggesting, however, is that you are both working for the same cause and you share a past. There's something else that you share…or should I say 'someone'?" Remus paused and waited for his words to sink in.
Sirius put his head down. "Harry," he whispered.
"Yes, Padfoot," Remus nodded. "Harry. She's his godmother and he has no idea at all. He doesn't even know that she exists. Now, I have no idea when he should be told or how he'll react, but I do know that you both should participate in that discussion. I also know that he can't hear the news from two people who aren't even communicating with each other. Don't you agree?"
Sirius looked up at Remus and, for a moment, the other man was stunned at the raw pain he could see in the depths of his friend's blue eyes. He almost regretted pushing as hard as he did, regretted putting Harry on the table as another reason for Kate and Sirius to talk. But Remus knew that Sirius needed more help than he could give. Sirius was broken and if he was to even begin to reassemble the pieces of his past, he needed something good to help him through it. There was no one better to help Sirius recover than Kate, and having the two of them establish any kind of relationship with each other was going to help Harry tremendously. He stopped second-guessing himself.
"How soon would I see her?" Sirius asked.
"Well, Padfoot, I'm meeting her for lunch later today. If she agrees, we can come back here later this afternoon. Too soon?" Remus responded, holding his breath for the answer.
"Yes," Sirius said. "But if I say no today, I'll just keep on saying it. Bring her by this afternoon, if she's willing."
Remus reached over and squeezed his friend's shoulder affectionately. "Thank you, Padfoot."
Sirius rose and brought his mug to the sink. Turning to leave the room, he stopped just before he reached the door. Remus watched his old friend pause, then heard him say,
"I'm afraid, Remus, but I'm not sure what frightens me more: that she'll come back with you or that she'll say no. Guess I'll find out later."
And then he was gone.
My thanks to all of you who have read this story, which is my first fan fiction. I appreciate the reviews I've received and, to those who wanted 'longer chapters', I hope the last 2 have made you happy! Please expect to see rapid updates over the next week as I am on vacation and have quite a bit of time to myself to write. Once "real life" kicks back in, however, updates will probably be slower - possibly weekly. For now, please enjoy - and feel free to review if you would like to do so! Thanks, again - Phoebe2