Fragments of Us

Disclaimer: This story is based on characters and situations created and owned by JK Rowling, various publishers including but not limited to Bloomsbury Books, Scholastic Books and Raincoast Books, and Warner Bros., Inc. No money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended.

Chapter 5 – Reunion

Remus shivered as he approached the Three Broomsticks a few moments before 1 pm. Although it was just September, today had turned out to be a cold one, with gray skies and a chilly wind. He was grateful for the warmth that embraced him once he entered the pub and closed the door behind him. He looked around for Kate and finally saw her waving at him from a booth in the back of the room. She smiled as he approached and slid into the seat opposite her.

"Hi," Remus greeted her, and then turned to the waitress who had materialized next to their table. Quickly checking to see if Kate needed anything, Remus ordered a butter beer, and then turned back to his companion. "You look rested," he observed.

Kate shrugged. "I slept in," she responded, then cocked her head to one side and considered him thoughtfully for a moment. "You look … I don't know … anxious while at the same time, smug."

Remus paid the waitress for his drink. "I didn't know it was possible to look both anxious and smug simultaneously."

"Neither did I, but you've managed it," Kate responded with a wry grin. "Out with it. What's going on?"

"I didn't sleep in," Remus stated, swallowing a generous amount of butter beer before continuing. "I had breakfast with Snuffles this morning. Well, I had tea with him this morning. There wasn't much time for eating."

Kate pulled the menu from its holder on the table and studied it carefully. "You should be starving, then."

Remus pulled the second menu toward him and gave her some time to collect her thoughts. "I think I'll have the Shepherd's Pie," he decided, replacing the menu.

Kate did the same. "Me, too."

After Remus signaled the waitress and placed their order, he sat back, folded his hands in his lap and looked at Kate. "He's agreed to see you. This afternoon, if that works for you."

Kate raised her eyes to meet his. Her face was inscrutable, but her eyes reflected a bevy of emotions. "Oh, Remus," she said softly. "How did you change his mind?"

"I don't know that what I did was entirely fair," he admitted somewhat ruefully, then paused to allow their waitress to settle their plates in front of them and take her leave before continuing. "Of course, you know that Azkaban has changed him greatly; he's not the same man you knew before – and yet, in some ways he is. There are glimpses of the old Padfoot – more of them now than when he first escaped. In addition to the mental and emotional torture he's endured, the physical depravation was significant, as well. You will remember that our old friend was quite the specimen in our school days and the first years after we graduated…and he was very much aware of his appeal," Remus paused and they both smiled sadly. "Unfortunately, he is very much aware of the decline, as well."

Kate had stopped eating while she listened to Remus speak and now lifted tear-filled eyes to look at him sorrowfully. "He thinks I'll be repulsed by the way he looks now." It wasn't a question.

Remus laid down his fork and looked at her frankly. "He's repulsed and so transfers that to everyone else. Realize that his memories are shadowy and fractured. He has seen photographs of himself from the days before the first war and so he knows how much he's changed. Because Padfoot is shocked and horrified by the difference, he assumes that everyone else will be." Remus paused, and then decided to just plunge ahead with the rest. "I also reminded him of the fact that you have a shared connection to Harry – one that the boy is unaware of."

Kate nodded. "And one that I'm anxious we both tell him about. Remus, when can I see Padfoot?"

"I told him that I would bring you over this afternoon, if you agreed."

"Let's go," Kate stated, dropping a few coins on the table to pay for their lunch.

"But Kate, we didn't even finish …," Remus realized he was talking to dead air. Kate was already out the door.

XXX

They stood in the entrance of Number 12, letting their eyes adjust to the dim light. Moving quietly past the covered portrait of Walburga Black, and up the stairway to the second floor, Remus opened the door of the library and indicated that Kate should go in. "This will give you some privacy in the event anyone decides to drop by. I'll let Sirius know we're back," he said.

Kate touched his arm as he turned to leave. "I'm afraid," she said softly. Remus squeezed her hand. "Then you're even," he told her. "He said the same thing to me before I left to meet you." With that, he left the room and closed the door behind him.

Kate walked over to the large fireplace and looked at the photos on the mantel, taken so long ago. One featured the Marauders, with Lily sitting on James' shoulders and Kate perched on Sirius', while Remus and Peter looked on, laughing. They were so young.

"Kate", came a soft, slightly hoarse voice that she would have recognized anywhere. She took a deep breath and turned.

There he was, standing before her for the first time in thirteen years. Kate suddenly understood what Remus had meant. Greatly changed, yes – but somehow the same.

"Sirius," she breathed and began to walk toward him.

He stood, seemingly rooted to the spot, his hands clenching and unclenching by his sides, his eyes never leaving her face. Suddenly, Sirius was moving forward. Kate reached out as if to embrace him but before she could he caught her hands tightly in his own. "Kate," he whispered. His luminous blue eyes searched hers and all Kate could do was stare at the face she'd thought was lost to her. She squeezed his fingers gently, then slowly removed her hands from his grasp. Immediately, Sirius took a step backward, shoving his hands back into the pockets of his robes and dropping his gaze to the floor. Kate realized that he had interpreted her action as rejection and would have none of it. "Sirius," she whispered as she closed the distance between them, reached up and gently put her arms around his neck. She turned her face to rest against the top of his chest and waited. Kate could feel Sirius' heart pounding against her cheek and he trembled slightly. After several minutes had passed, he slowly brought his arms around her waist and he leaned his cheek against the top of her head. Kate released the breath she had been holding and began to gently stroke the back of his neck and shoulders. She was glad Sirius could not see her face as she discovered the truth of Remus' earlier statement about the physical depravations Sirius had endured. As her hands moved lightly, Kate could feel the bumps of his upper spine and the sharp angles of his shoulder blades. Her eyes filled as she realized that Remus had not spoken lightly; Sirius had suffered greatly for twelve long years. Alone, with nothing but Dementors and his own tortured thoughts for company. She drew a deep, shaky breath and tightened her arms around him.

Sirius brought his hands to her waist and gently stepped back, ducking his head to look at her face. "So beautiful," he said. "Kate, I can't … I don't ... when I was in that cell…," he stammered.

Kate reached up and cupped the palm of her hand against his cheek, her thumb ghosting over his lips. "Sirius, don't," she said. "I can't even begin to imagine what you've been through, but you're here now. You're here now. I'm so grateful for that. As far as what happened in the past and everything that's resulted from it, let's just deal with it as it comes up, yeah? No pressure, no expectations. Just, whatever happens we face it honestly."

Sirius put his hand on top of hers and moved it from his face to rest against his chest, their fingers entwined. He swallowed sharply. "I'm not whole, Kate," he whispered, his throat tightening around the words. "There might be more to 'face' than you even imagine. You may decide it's too much to handle and…"

Kate interrupted him again. "I have news for you, Sirius. You've always been a bit much to handle. Let's just see what happens, ok? This time, we don't keep secrets from one another and if something bothers us, we talk about it. No secrets – not even if we think it's to protect the other person."

Sirius nodded. "No secrets," he agreed. He leaned down and kissed her cheek softly. "Ok?"

Kate nodded, smiling up at him. "Very."

She squeezed his hand, then stood on her toes and kissed the corner of his mouth. The familiar warmth formed in the pit of her stomach and began to travel throughout her body. She felt Sirius' arms wrap around her again as he shifted his head slightly to capture her mouth with his own. Kate relaxed into his embrace and returned Sirius' kiss warmly. She nibbled on his full bottom lip and relished the small moan she heard as she did so. Breaking the kiss for some much needed oxygen, Sirius struggled to bring his breathing under control. "Katie," he whispered, using a nickname she hadn't heard in over a decade.

"Too soon," she finished. "Yes, I know. I'm sorry."

Sirius placed a small kiss on her forehead. "Me, too. But Katie, you've got to be sure you still want this. It's possible that you won't. If that happens, I don't think I can bear having had you again – like this – and having to give you up."

Kate nodded, smoothing a piece of hair back from his face. "Listen, if I'm going to stay in London, I need to find something more permanent than the upstairs room at The Three Broomsticks, hadn't I? I'd better go find Remus; he was going to help me find a place in Hogsmeade." Kate squeezed his arm, then turned to leave.

Sirius caught her hand before she could get too far. "Stay here," he said. "Stay here with me." Realizing what that had sounded like, he backtracked. "Stay here with Remus and me. There are more rooms than we can fill. You and I can get to know each other again and you'll be here for meetings – and when Harry comes over the holidays. It's perfect, Katie. Do it. Stay. Please"

Kate looked at the expression on his face and was reminded of a 15 year-old Marauder, caught up in the planning of another brilliant scheme. In that brief moment, she made up her mind. If staying here was what was needed to help Sirius heal, then stay here she would do.