I cannot apologize enough for the tardiness with the posting of this chapter. My life... just.. ugh. Busy is putting it mildly. Ah, well... pushing right along...

I had originally included this next bit in with the previous chapter – but it made more sense for it to stand alone (as a result, it's a tad bit shorter than previous chapters).

Hope you enjoy!

The Compatibility Equilibrium
Chapter Six: The Dark Side Strategy

Sheldon paced the living room with an apprehensive jitter in his step. The three men he'd called for help were seated on the couch in front of him, desperately desiring to be anywhere but where they were at that precise moment.

"Sheldon…" Leonard tentatively began, after his anxious roommate hadn't said anything for about five minutes. "Why did you want us all here?"

"I'm in the midst of a conundrum and I need assistance working it out. Obviously."

"If it's a problem with string theory, you know I'm just an engineer, right?" Howard asked hopefully. "I should probably just leave…" He made a move to get up.

"No! Howard… I need you here most of all."

For a moment, the pint-sized man looked flattered; But he quickly sighed and plopped back into his seat, carefully repositioning his belt buckle.

"Why me?" Howard groaned. "You think I'm an idiot. Just let me go home... Please?"

"Yes, you are an idiot," Sheldon agreed with a nod. "But it would seem that I am currently in need of a special brand of idiocy – which you appear to have in spades. I believe the common man refers to it as 'sap'. And let's face it – you're the most common, sappy, ridiculous person that I know. That includes a world with Raj living in it. It's sickening, really."

Howard raised an eyebrow. "Um….thanks…? I guess?"

"Heeeyy…" Raj whined. "I thought that I had been crowned the 'King of Sap'...?"

Sheldon scoffed at him. "Please, Raj, you can't even keep a woman. Let's look at the facts, shall we? Leonard gave Penny a snowflake from the North Pole and, at great personal peril, confronted Penny's gigantor ex-boyfriend Kurt on her behalf -"

"Not so fast! We all confronted Kurt as a team!" Raj argued.

Leonard gasped in astonishment. "As a team? ...Really? You abandoned me in the hallway!"

"Yeah but my heart was behind you one hundred percent," Raj muttered, sinking further into his chair.

"As for Howard..." Sheldon continued, motioning toward the engineer. "He gave Bernadette a star necklace that went to the space station and has written more than one song for her…"

"Whatdya know… " Howard turned toward Raj with a satisfied smirk. "I am better at romance than you."

"Hey – " Raj made another half-hearted attempt to protest. "I'm dating Hannah now and I think things are going pretty well…"

"Besides," Sheldon interrupted. "Howard, if anyone is an expert at digging themselves out of a mess, it's you. You damaged the Mars Rover, you built a six-breasted sex robot on the university's dime, you lost Raj's dog, you lied to your wife about moving out of your mom's house... Oh! And remember the time that you cheated on Bernadette with a virtual troll?"

"Okay, okay, okay," Howard said quickly. "No need to list my offenses! We get it. Are you having problems with Amy or something?"

"Amy hasn't spoken to him in days," Leonard couldn't hide the smug smile creeping slowly across his face and Sheldon scowled at his roommate.

He seems to be deriving way too much pleasure from my suffering, Sheldon thought with a smirk. He wouldn't say that out loud, of course. Oh no. He wouldn't admit that the absence of his daily interactions with Amy was causing him any emotional distress at all. He merely needed to get his routine back on track.

Yes. That's what is bothering me. My routine.

"I rely on my correspondence with Amy to keep me on schedule... That's all," Sheldon insisted. "At different points throughout my day, Amy contacts me through various forms of communication. I've come to depend on that contact for indicators of potential tardiness."

The group raised their eyebrows at him, and he knew he'd have to elaborate. He rolled his eyes and continued. "I can always expect a 'good morning' text message from Amy at 6:00 a.m. I use that as my backup wake-up call... in case my alarm doesn't go off, you see? Her 10:15 a.m. phone call telling me about her morning reminds me that I only have an hour left before lunch. And I don't have to worry about losing track of time while eating, because I know that I can expect an email from her at 12:30 letting me know whether her meal was satisfactory. If I'm not at my desk by the time I receive that email, then I know that I need to hop to it and get back to work!"

Sheldon noticed the guys smirk at each other and he realized that they may not fully understand what he was trying to say. So, he decided to speak more firmly.

"AND," he raised his voice a bit,"Amy sends me a science joke every day at 5:00. When I get it, it's like a little reminder to me that it's almost time to go home. Usually, the only reason I am ready to leave by the time Leonard gets to my office is because of that text message. Having to remember to check the clock periodically the past several days has been exhausting. I knew this would happen if I wove to many people into the fabric of my life. I just knew there'd be snag like this at some point. I depend too much on her. I probably should have let her go a long time ago."

If I knew what was best for me, I'd just cut the loose thread off before I completely unravel, He thought. I should. But I won't. I can't. That darn woman!

It was too late. Amy had sewn herself in too well... like some kind of elaborate embroidery on his heart. At least, that's where it felt like she'd been doing most of her needlework. He could almost feel the thread. It was like an itch inside that he couldn't scratch.

"That darn woman," he repeated... this time out loud.

His friends exchanged a knowing look.

"And you haven't heard from her at all?" Raj asked.

Sheldon shook his head. "No… But I did get a booty call from her earlier this week."

Raj began coughing uncontrollably, Leonard's eyes widened to the size of golf balls, and Howard choked on the water he'd been drinking.

"Umm… say again?" Howard stuttered, wiping his mouth with the sleeve of his purple plaid shirt.

"I only got one booty call from her," Sheldon repeated, confused by his friends' reactions. "It was a four minute voicemail with her chatting to someone else about monkey mating calls. I could barely hear any of it."

"Ohhh," Leonard said. "You mean a 'butt-dial'."

"Isn't that what I said?"

Howard looked him in the eye with an expression of stunned amusement. "You said 'booty call', Sheldon."

"What's the difference?"

The guys looked at each other, then to Sheldon for a moment, then back to each other once again.

"It'd take too long to explain," Leonard finally suggested. Raj and Howard nodded in agreement, and Sheldon simply shrugged his shoulders, satisfied to be moving the conversation along.

"I just need something to bring her back around to my side," he said.

"You mean… the Dark Side?" Howard joked, with a deep voice and menacing grimace.

"The right side," Sheldon corrected. "I need a gift for her. Something she'd dote over. You know… something to remind her of the reasons she fawns over me so much and to convince her to go back to doing so."

"Woah, woah – wait a minute," Raj interjected. "Did you two break up or something?"

Sheldon was silent. Truth was, he wasn't sure what had happened. He didn't think they had broken up, but then… he was so unsure of the protocol surrounding conventional relationships. If he and Amy were still bound by their Agreement, he would have been able to say with absolute certainty whether or not they were still together. There would have been a signed termination. There would have been a notarized copy somewhere. As it was, they were in a traditional relationship, bound by the same nonsensical rules – or lack thereof – as the rest of the simple-minded world when it came to such matters.

Do 'average' people just up and leave each other without any notice at all?

He wasn't average, so he couldn't be sure. All the more reason they needed to resign that one bit of the Agreement.

"Come on, guys," Leonard said with a joking laugh. "Amy hasn't left him." The bespectacled man turned to his roommate and gave Sheldon's lanky arm a supportive pat. "But, listen... Sheldon," he offered with a bit more sympathy for his friend, "Anything you give Amy will need to come from you."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah… I know," Sheldon brushed away his hand. "And it will come from me. Just as soon as you tell me what I need to get her."

Leonard sighed. "I mean that it needs to be your idea."

Sheldon considered Leonard's comment for a moment, and then waved his hand in the air as if tossing the notion aside. "What am I thinking? I can't buy her anything. She'll see right through that! I've already pulled that maneuver. I need to change things up... keep her on her toes! Do any of you know of anything special in the boyfriend playbook? Any 'secret plays'... You know, like they have in football?"

"You mean... like... getting a 'third down'?" Raj asked.

Sheldon rolled his eyes. "You really don't understand American football at all do you?"

"Neither do I, to be honest..." Leonard said with his head hanging in shame.

"You could always do the ol' quarterback sneak!" Howard gave Sheldon a teasing wink. "I bet she'd like that..."

"Oh good grief, Howard!" Leonard groaned. "Enough, already."

"Maybe the sports metaphors aren't exactly well-suited for us," Raj pointed out.

"Agreed," Sheldon nodded. "How about... 'I need to pull something good out of my arsenal'? How's that?"

"Hmm... war metaphors... I'm not sure that's a great idea either," Howard said. "Sounds like you're going into battle or something."

Sheldon winced. He didn't want a war. War meant their would be casualties. And, if he was being honest with himself, he didn't want to see a white flag of surrender, either... even if it was from Amy's camp. They both needed to come out of this thing winners, that much he knew. The last thing he needed was some sort of Pyrrhic victory.

Still... 'compromise'... he wasn't a fan.

"How about we just forget the metaphors, hmm?" Leonard asked. "Why don't you just tell us what exactly it is that you want from us, Sheldon?"

Sheldon considered for a moment. "Well... I guess... What did you all do in the past when your women were mad at you?"

"I went to space and avoided addressing any significant issues at home," Howard said.

Raj's face saddened. "I just avoid getting into any serious long-term relationships. I find that works pretty well."

"I'm not really sure what I do," Leonard said with a pondering squint. "It always just seems to work out fine."

"Well you three are no help at all!" Sheldon threw his arms in the air and stomped into the kitchen.

This was ridiculous. He wasn't sure why he was so surprised, though. He'd known that this would be a fruitless endeavor from the beginning. His friends were about as useless as his Council of Ladies! None of these men spent all that much time with Amy, and they didn't fully understand his limitations, for lack of a better word, on the 'normal relationship' front.

I don't know why I bother, Sheldon thought. And then a realization hit him: There was one person who did understand him. One person who had spent time with Amy, and probably knew better than anybody what she was feeling and what she was wanting. And as much as it pained him to admit it, there was only one person who could help him right now.

He was even more pained to admit that he was desperate enough to try it.

Sheldon grabbed the phone book off his desk and flipped through the pages until he found the name he was looking for. As soon as he saw it, his jaw clinched and a scowl formed on his brow.

Oh, how he despised Chemists. Especially this one.

Chapter Seven on its way! Editing now in progress!

A/N: I always love writing interaction between the BBT guys - they're a fun group!

Once again - review away, my dear readers! I do so love hearing from you!