Waves weakly Hi?....Geez I mean what can I say? I feel so horrible, its crazy. I swear it was the worst block I have ever had. Things are getting better though...I mean I know where I'm heading now I think...hehhe 0o how to rid this tension ahhh bows frantically. I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. How about some personal acknowledgements next time? that should make things better right? haha - I think I promised them last time but I feel real bad for making you wait so NEXT TIME. geez I'm so undependable

A Love Before Time

Sakura wasn't sure if he was really angry or just being his usual self. They were halfway home by now and neither one of then had said a word to each other, well besides when he told her he would carry her bag. Torn between half laughing and being half worried she turned to face him. Worried that he was ignoring her and laughing at the fact that they were about to walk into the park full of people ready to stare at a ghost holding a bag.

"Uh Li?"

"What?"

"Could I get my bag back? It looks like it's floating." She gave a quick look around to see if anyone was staring. Her hand shot out on reflex and covered Li's grip over the strap as a young boy glanced suspiciously her way. She gave him a nervous smile, wondering if she would have to explain herself. After some time she gave Li a curious look. He hadn't given the bag back. "Something wrong?" she knew he was probably thinking of Emike.

"No." his voice was gruff and his eyes seemed to daze off. "Everything's fine." He eyed the little boy that was still staring at Sakura, probably wondering how she was able to perform such a trick with her bag. Sullenly, he returned his gaze at the young girl and watched her hair get whipped across her face. Hesitating, he dropped the bag.

"You should have brought a jacket."

Sakura merely shrugged. "I didn't think I'd be walking home." She hadn't meant anything by that but nevertheless from the corner of her eye she managed to see Li flinch. "Anyways, it isn't very cold." She flashed him a warm smile. "You aren't cold are you?"

"I'm a ghost." He simply stated. His white shirt blew rapidly in the warm breeze. Sakura noticed that the same breeze must have been blowing at her clothes too, since he had asked the question. She smiled sympathetically. He might have been able to see what was going around in his surroundings but he sure couldn't feel it. To him breezes immediately meant a sort of coldness. He couldn't feel the warmth that was coming from it.

"You've never been out of the mansion have you?"

Li looked cross. Uncomfortably he studied Sakura. "Yes, I have." He muttered childishly.

Reminiscence flashed in Sakura's mind. Yes she did remember, how could she have forgotten? Once when she had been eating with Tomoyo, and he had been...well frankly spying on her. The second time during the ice skating with Eriol. Third time when she and Simon had been out looking at tombstones. Fourth time when she had invited him to one of her sessions, and now. Yes there were quite a few actually.

"You know, I can't help feeling the only time you leave the mansion is when I'm with someone else. Eriol and Simon mainly." She kept a cheerful smile on her lips as she looked up at him.

Li was the first to look away. A small blush rose to his cheeks as he stared up at the blue sky. He couldn't recall ever feeling this hot. It was a...strange sensation. Why was she smiling at him so much?

Desperate for something to say he glared at the young girl. "You look like you're talking to thin air. People are staring." Dismissing her statement he brushed past the young girl and continued walking.

Sakura gave a small frown as she watched Li walk away from her. Why did you pick me up from Simon's Li? Every move the young ghost took confused Sakura more and more. As if she needed more problems in her life. Usually when she was alone with Li she would be scared stiff from his intensity but when he distanced himself from her, she would somehow always feel oddly sad. She understood he cared for her well being, but Sakura had soon concluded that all the kindness he showed her was out of their friendship and should never be taken as anything else. Silently she watched him walk further and further without looking back, admiring the grace of his saunter, and the way he stopped every few seconds to admire the scenery. Not once did he look back at her.

Sakura. Li's mind floated to the young girl. His heart felt oddly grave, as his feet automatically stopped, and his eyes floated up towards the sky. We haven't known each other for very long, but already I've made you cry so many times. Maybe that's why when you give me one of your rare smiles, I look away. I feel as though I don't deserve them. As if you're wasting them on me. If it wasn't for me, you wouldn't have such burdens to bear.

Li realized Sakura wasn't following him. He gave a worried glance over his shoulders. She had stopped to lift a whimpering child back onto its feet. The child didn't seem to want to let her go.

Li gave a slight chuckle, though it was anything but happy. That's how I feel, kid. I don't want to let go of Sakura, but I can't help it when my mind drifts back to Emike. I'm so confused. If I stay with you Sakura, I may always be thinking of you as Emike. That wouldn't be fair to you now would it? You deserve more than a ghost like me can ever give you.

"Li? Are you okay? Sakura had never seen the young ghost like this before. Why was he looking at her like that? As if...as if he had done something horribly wrong and he was just about to confess. His eyes appeared so sad and his mouth kept opening and closing, like he wanted to say something but couldn't bring himself to say it. Whatever it was she didn't want to hear it. She couldn't have heard it. As if on her own accord she was flung back into the past, and she was never happier from leaving Li and his pained eyes. What she didn't know was that she'd be faced with the same prospect during this time too.

Past events

Sakura took a deep breath. The corset she wore was tighter than usual, making it hard to breath. She never did get used to this. Blinking a few times to rid herself of the blurriness before things came into view, Sakura immediately heard loud voices coming from the room behind her.

"You dare to back out now? We signed a contract!"

The calm voice didn't quaver in answering. "Rip it, it does not matter to me whatsoever."

"You signed it yourself, you cannot go back on your word now. Our clans have already merged." The familiar voice was contently exasperated.

"No." the clear voice rang out. "I do not care what you think. I have made my decision. We do not have an accord Donovan. I'll have the contract be dealt with myself if you cannot handle it."

"And what of the contract? The bond that you promised between our two clans." The man's voice seemed to grow unseemingly harsh. "You promised that bond to Emike haven't you? What will she think now that her own future husband broke his word."

Sakura felt herself leaning closer and closer to the large wooden door. She could barely hear what the two men were discussing about. She gasped when she realized she was pushing the door wider with every time she leaned forward. Quickly she pulled the door back.

So, nobody knows the your calling the wedding off huh Li? Sakura gave a weary sigh. But then why are you calling off the merger? What were you not telling me?

Sakura had but days left before the wedding that she had been dreading. Everytime her thoughts had floated to the future she squelched them. She couldn't even begin to think of life without Li. The prospect horrified her. Will he really leave her? She was pretty sure she already knew the answer.

"The wedding...the wedding is cancelled."

Sakura's eyes widened at Li's announcement. Her breathing grew deep and she tried to hold it, scared that someone would be able to hear in the deafening silence that loomed in the room. Patiently she waited for someone to say something. She didn't quite understand it herself but she was feeling magnificently lightheaded and full of awe. Was she wrong to be feeling this way?

"My god Li. Cancelled the wedding?" the man hid his smirk well. Li was playing right into his hands and he was uncapable of seeing what lied ahead of him. "Does Emike know of this?"

Sakura almost gagged at Simon's fake concern. That man was such a snake! She was sure Li saw through him. It was impossible not to.

"No body knows. Yet." he added. "I would like it if you told no one of this yet Donovan. I seem to be the only one who doesn't forget words just flow through your mouth at times."

"Of course, I'll tell no one of this." Simon gave a quick unnoticable glance to the door where Sakura was standing. Sakura froze. He knew she was standing here! And he hadn't said a word! A guilty feeling began to eat away at her stomach, making it feel like acid was burning inside of her. Could it have been Emike was already spying at the two before she had even arrived? Why else would she have been so close to the door when I first arrived? And Simon! did he tell Emike to stand near the door?

By now Sakura was seething with anger. Logical thoughts were anywhere but in her head at that moment. Oh Li, why did you tell that to him? of all people. Did you actually think he was trustworthy. Sakura let out a weary sigh. she had to get out here before she actually did blow up. This was not how she wanted to spend the day. Now she didn't want to go back to either time.

"Unfortunately, Li..."

Simon's voice stopped Sakura in her tracks. No. He wasn't...

"Your fiancee just found out." he turned his full attention to the door where Sakura was standing right behind. "Emike? I don't suppose you would like to grace us with your presence."

Sakura gathered her thoughts, hoping no one would come out and get her. She could run, and Li would think Simon was lying right? no, that wouldn't work Li wasn't stupid, he would just come after her. Or she could go in and deny she heard anything. Not good either. Ugh, she would just have to go in and hopefully Li wouldn't recognize her. She thought about this notion for a while. Did she want Li to know it was her or think it was Emike? Slowly she weighed out the pros and cons.

If Li knew it was her, he wouldn't be mad at Emike for listening. But if he thought it was actually his ex fiancee, then he would expect her to know everything when Sakura leaves which she won't. Finally, making her decision, Sakura strolled calmly into the room. Vaguely she caught the look of pure astonishment on Li's face from the corner of her eye. A sharp pain, like a needle passing through her chest silently went through her.

"Emike?" Li's voice rang out in the large room. "What did you hear?" his voice was dangerously low. He ignored the other man in the room.

Sakura blew out a large sigh. "Everything." she glared at Simon who was staring too intently at her.

Abruptly Simon made a low throaty sound, that sounded as if he was smugly unsatisfied."Well I'll leave you two, to carry on." Simon gave a quick nod to Li and headed to the door just behind Sakura, puzzling her because there was a a closer one just to the left of him. He brushed right past Sakura, touching her very slightly though it still caught her attention.

"We'll talk later too, won't we Emike? Try to finish what we had planned hmm?" he gently lifted Sakura's right hand and planted a gentle kiss on it before leaving the room.

Sakura watched him leave, not wanting to make eye contact with the man standing a few feet away from her. Clamping her mouth shut she turned to him.

"Emike..." he started.

"No, wait." she peered at him. He wasn't angry! Her heart reached out to him as soon as she realized that he didn't want to hurt Emike and thought he did. She would just play along then for his sake and forgive him so he could move on. Weary of how the day was being carried on she took a deep breath and blew her bangs from her eyes. Time to put her acting skills to use...that is if she had any.

Sakura looked up at Li, wondering what she was going to say, now that she had told him to wait. "I just wanted to say," she hesistated when he gave her that oh so familiar look appear in his eyes. Cautiously she took a step away.

"Why are you doing this?"

"You mean the marriage." Li eyed at the way she moved away from him and the corner of his lips quirked up.

Sakura scrunched her nose and nodded. "Of course I mean the marriage." she didn't know whether to start pacing at that moment or walk over to that man and wipe that smirk off his face. " Have I done something wrong that would make you this angry, and break the marriage that we've planned for so long?" she took a deep breath, waiting for an answer.

"The fact that we have not planned out our wedding for so long, thus not able to break off anything my dear sweet Sakura."

Uh oh, so much for her acting skills. Sakura felt her voice catch immediately in her throat as she suddenly felt very vulnerable, like she did whenever she was alone with Li. An urge bloomed in her to escape. Without another thought, Sakura turned on her heel and slipped out of the room.

"Sakura." She could hear his teeth ground out the name but she dissmissed it and kept walking, not knowing where her feet was taking her. He was behind her, she could hear his steps just behind her. Not stopping she glanced back from her shoulder and gave a light gasp when she saw the man just trailing her. His long, strong legs were making quick work compared to the small quick steps she herself were taking.

"Damn it Sakura, stop running away."

Sakura just shook her head violently and ran into her room. She closed the door with a sigh of relief. Her hand rested itself on the door while her other snapped to her chest protectively. Deep breaths racked her body; the corset not helping in her cause.

Li wouldn't come in. He wouldn't dare. Over the visits she had to this time period, she had learned that men did not enter the women's room under any circumstances. It was ungentlemenly, as Li had patiently explained to her. He wouldn't break his own rule...would he?

Sakura took a giant leap back as the door flung wide open and Li came calmly in. He rolled his eyes at the way Sakura warded him off with her hand. Nonchalently he leaned himself on the doorframe and crossed his arms over his chest.

"Any reason you're acting like a mad woman or is this some form of exercise in the near future?" Li tapped his finger on his chin and cocked his head to one side.

Sakura had been debating her chances of whether she would be able to run past the man and out her room but his remark flung Sakura into deep laughter. He had sounded so serious, the fact that he was teasing her didn't even bother her as she found herself needing the support to stand. She no longer needed to breath from the running, but needed to breath from giggling so much. She didn't care if he thought she was a maniac, all she had to do was take a look at his impatient, frowning face and fall into another appeal of laughter.

Li stared at Sakura. He had never her seen her laugh so much or so hard for the matter in his life. She barely smiled when she was around him, but now he couldn't help but slightly smile at the girl's infectious laughter. What did he say?

During all this time, his expression never faltered while she was laughing like a member of an insane asylum, but it had done it for him when her emerald eyes, sparkling, took one look at him and broke out into fresh new laughter. His calm facade faded as he tried to catch her attention.

"Sakura." he tried not to smile, he had to speak with her before she leaved him again. Frustrated, he strolled to the young girl and caught her before her legs gave out on her. "Sweetheart, we need to talk."

Sakura heard the uneasiness of his voice and her laughter turned to that of a weak nervous tittering. She tried to shake him off but was denied of the chance. The last thing she wanted to do was talk. Especially of a topic she knew there was no hope on. His strong arms encircled her as his hands were rested gently on her shoulders, searing her skin and causing her heart rate to increase dramatically.

"Li." she breathed out softly, beginning to like his arms around her. No one had ever held her like this. She stopped fighting. The cold man she knew was once again melting into this compassionate man who she cared so much for.

Warily, she hid her face in Li's white cravat, a way of not only showing him she was not inclined to speak to him, but to also hide her blushing face. "I do not wish to talk." her muffled voice was barely heard from him, as a confused look almost to the edge of despair washed over his face. Usually it was her who wanted to talk and now she was refusing it when he offered it? That was what caused him the despair. Did something happen to her?

he softened his face. "What happened this time hmm?" he gave her a light shake when he realized she didn't plan to give him an answer. He placed a knuckle under her chin and raised her eyes to him. His eyes shone with demand. He wanted an answer.

"If I tell you then Li will know when go I go back." Sakura explained bluntly.

Li raised his eyebrows inquiringly. " It that so horrible?" he gave Sakura a teasing look down. "Hiding things from me now aren't we?"

Sakura flushed and lightly pushed away from the man. "I have nothing to hide from you." she cried indignantly, frowning at the way he aprroached her, incasing her between his strong arms against the wall. Oddly she felt a sense of security by this act. The future Li did do this very often after all.

"Now," he began, his voice rough with emotion. "tell me what's going on in your mind right now." he ignored her attempts to free herself from his grasp. She was hiding something and he wanted to find out what. He could no longer tell her mood just by her open carefree face. She was somehow...more confined towards locking her feelings up. If he had known her laughter earlier had been such a rare thing he would have kept it going.

Sakura was somewhat surprised at Li's attitude. He was the one that was always carefree, but the determined demands that were coming from him was so much like her own Li in the future. In her mind she had concepted them as being to diferrent people but now she wasn't sure. For a brief moment she had seen the future Li's expression flash across his face. A cold, hard look that came from a man who could get anything he wanted, anyway he wanted.

She racked her brain for something to say. If she were to tell him her real feelings than he would know how she felt around him, how she would feel when Li left her, and how vulnerable that would make her. Sakura looked up into the deep pools of his eyes. Never could she deny the things he wanted from her and she feared she was going to have to explain everything right at this moment.

" more days until the wedding, yet Emike still doesn't know you cancelled it." the words barely left her mouth. "Don't you wonder how this will end Li?"

Li almost faltered when she lifted her heart wrenching eyes to his. His chest tightened and numbed. He didn't say anything but allowed her to continue, ignoring the way he so badly wanted to sooth her pain, and rid himself of his. He looked away from her sharply so he wouldn't catch her expression.

"I lay at night dreading to fall asleep, to see you. We're of different times. What if Emike does love you? It would be wrong if I just came and changed your mind, and break the bond that you two would've shared."

Sakura lifted her hand and ran the back of it across his cheek. "I met Emike." she smiled, Li's expression was unreadable. "She regrets never marrying you. I think...she loves you." she said the last part fast. "Guidance. That's what she needs from you. There must be a reason why you two agreed to be wed in the first place."

"Perhaps, though I would say I was somewhat insane at the time."

Sakura shook her head. "Don't cancel the wedding Li." a sort of serene look grew upon her face, as she confessed. "You looked at me just before I arrived here you know. I think ...I think I knew what it was about. I couldn't help but ...admire the way you were going to tell ...tell me the truth. You could never be with me, and all because you loved Emike. That's what you would've said."

"Sakura, stop this." he turned her roughly so her whole body was facing him, holding her arms steady at her side. His eyes narrowed. "Tell me you don't love me and I will carry on with the marriage."

She was somewhat shocked of what he was demanding from her. Is that what he wanted to here? Her mind froze for a split second, knowing what she had to say."And if I say the opposite?" she could feel hot tears at the back of her eyes but she forced them back down.

"Then I will never be unfaithful to you." he rested his forehead against hers, his voice trembling with emotion. " Sakura, I love you."

He had admit it. Freely.

Sakura's whole body was panicking, barely holding back the tears now. That wasn't what he was supposed to say. Her bottom lip trembled and she felt a large clog up her throat. She could never be with him, things would never work. This was just a dream. Her body stiffened as she conjured up all the will power that was left in her. Her eyes locked up with his. If she didn't say it now, she would probably never say it if given another chance.

"I'm sorry." she whispered, already seeing a difference in the man's expression. It was too horrible to hold out any longer. Through clenched teeth she managed to ground the words out. "I do not love you." they came out achingly slow.

Time froze as she searched his eyes for anything, but all she was left with was a coldness that she had never seen in her life. He had pulled away from her as she had said that, as if she was a snake full of poison. Sakura shook her head violently and reached for his arm. Before even given the chance to redeem herself he forced his arm from her, disgusted by her touch.

"I have heard what I needed." he gave Sakura a look of pure hatred, burning every inch of her. "The marriage will continue. You have what you've always wanted. You do not have to come back anymore. But if you do, make sure you never find yourself in my presence again." his lips portrayed a cruel snarl that Sakura wanted so desperately to take away.

Immediately as the words came out, Sakura could feel another form take over. As if the only thing that had kept her here was Li's love. Now that it was depleted, she would never see him again. Slowly she gave a slight bow, saying goodbye.

"I understand, I won't bother you anymore." and with that she faded away.

He hadn't understood. Indeed, she had said 'I do not love you' but every word had ripped a piece of her heart which screamed out with the last strength Sakura possessed even as it was being held under by its owners own words. Even after it was battered by the torment its love had left. One thing still remained, and would always remain. Her heart whispering the words,

'I love you Syaoran.'

...you know what you guys? I actually felt kinda bad about writing the ending of this chapter...is that weird? hehe...odd. Anyways...I hope this doesn't discourage any of you guys. And this is an SS ficcie, so things will work out. Promise. Wow...I do feel depressed now. Hope you guys don't feel as bad...well until next time. salutes -silent wanderer