"When someone you love becomes a memory, the memory becomes a treasure." –Unknown
The rocks crush underneath her feet as she trudges along, slightly scared of the many different tombstone she passes. It's not that she was afraid of the tombstones themselves, it was thought of her stepping on dead bodies and the looming sense of loss and depression that surrounds the place. Well it was no surprise because it was a graveyard. But still, it didn't make her feel any better.
She continued her slow, steady walk towards her destination. She can vaguely feel her mother walk behind her, but she didn't pay much mind to her. After another minute of walking, she turns a corner and comes face to face with it.
With her father's tombstone.
Just the sight makes her upset and she clutches the roses in her hands tighter to her chest. Every time she visits him every year, she had different colored roses. But always roses. Each color signifies some special meaning. The very first time she visited her father when she was five, the color was black which meant death or farewell. Now her roses were dark pink which means appreciation, gratitude,and "Thank You".
She glanced back at her mother slowly, and with an encouraging nod from her, she steps forward. Peggy Rogers walks straight up to her father's tombstone with the confidence of a 10 year old. She looks back and finds Natasha rooted her spot as she stares on. Peggy gives her a weak smile and Natasha smiles back as a tear slips down her cheek.
Dropping to her knees, Peggy takes a deep breath and glances up at Steve's tombstone sadly. With a sigh, she takes a shaky breath and begins to speak,
"It's been five years daddy."
"Oh- once in your life you find someone
"I'm in fifth grade now." She replies running her hands through the long wet grass that must've just been watered as she feels her hand get wet.
Who will turn your world around
"I really like computers!"
Bring you up when you're feeling down
"But math is hard…" Peggy admits, her shoulders deflating as she thinks about the hard math questions that she hasn't done on her homework. Steve use to be good at math, or at least that's what Natasha had told her. Steve was super smart when it came to stuff like that. But now that he was gone, Peggy resorted to going to her uncle Tony and Bruce for help. She was getting help, but it wasn't the same as it would've been with her own father.
Yeah nothing could change what you mean to me.
"Mommy let's me sleep in one of your T-shirts." Peggy informs with a smile. And it's true. A couple months after Steve's death, Peggy was having a horrible time coping without her father. Nightmares were more frequent and intense. They even plagued her in her little naps she took. She could never sleep without seeing Steve being burned alive or him jumping out of one of the twin towers. They were all horrible. It wasn't until Natasha had given Peggy one of Steve's t-shirt to sleep in that the nightmares stop. But still they're stuck in her memory and will never go away. Once in a while she'll get 'em, but not as frequently.
There's a lot that I could say
A smile spreads across her face as she chuckles softly, "I think it still smells like you." She whispers, sniffling as a tear rolls down her cheek. And it did. Every night Peggy would fall asleep with a smile on her face when she leaned down and sniffed her father's t-shirt. It did indeed smell like him. Even on Natasha's bad nights, she would crawl into her daughter's bed and hold her close as she buried her nose into the shirt. It calmed them both when they needed it.
But just hold me now
"I don't even sleep with the light on even more," Peggy says with a smile remembering when she used to sleep with the light on every night waiting for her father to come home and give her a goodnight kiss. Sometimes it felt as if he really did because she'd wake the next morning and her cheek would be tingling.
Cause our love will find the way
The slight happiness that memory brought also brought despair and reminded her of what she's missing in her life. "I try not to cry daddy," She says as tears begin to pour of her eyes unwillingly, yet she doesn't fight it like she did last time. "But i-it hurts." She sobs.
And baby your all that I want
"I really miss you daddy." She sobs harder.
When you're lying here in my arms. I'm finding it hard to believe
"Can you see me?"
We're in heaven
Peggy sprinted upright, tears pouring down her face as a scream comes out of her mouth. A scream she didn't even realize she was emitting. It sounded far to distance for her to making it. But she was and she only knew that when she turned and found Natasha standing there with fear in her eyes. Peggy bursted into tears and wrapped her arms around her mother.
Natasha reacted immediately upon seeing her daughter so upset. She pulled Peggy into her body and held her close as her own tears made an appearance. 'Another nightmare.' Natasha thought as Peggy continued to sob. But she wasn't exactly surprised considering what today was.
That day marked the second year after Steve's death and the twin tower's attack. Peggy has nonstopping nightmares and she would just come too paralyzed, but there are a few days out of the year where she would wake up screaming from them. Steve's birthday, 9-11, Christmas, Natasha's birthday, her parent's wedding anniversary and her own birthday.
Natasha kissed her daughter's head and brushed the hair out of her face as she shushed her. She didn't offer comforting words because they mean and do nothing. They don't make neither of them feel better, so they're better off not being said. All Natasha can do right now is be there for her daughter. Like she is almost every night.
With a sigh Natasha picks Peggy up in her arms and carries the distraught child out of her room and into her own room. Natasha lays Peggy on the king sized bed before climbing on beside her. Peggy immediately presses her back into Natasha's chest as Natasha encircles her arms around Peggy's waist. Peggy continues to sob, her shirt getting drenched with tears, but her pants getting drenched with something. Natasha feels and smells it a minute later. "Oh sweetheart."
Peggy sobs, "I-I… I-I… *gulps* so-sor-sorry… mu.. mu… mama!" she screams turning around and pressing her face into Natasha's chest.
"Hey, Hey, Hey…" Natasha says sternly forcing Peggy's head out of chest to look at her. "Love, calm down, everything's okay."
"But… B-B… Bu-… But I-I… I-I p-p-p… pee-… I pe-" Peggy tried to say, but nothing coherent would come out.
"Hey stop it, I'm not mad. It's okay. Let's get you out of these pants. But first I need you stop crying, you're starting to hyperventilate." It takes a while, but after Natasha begins to speak calmly to Peggy she starts to react towards the soothing sound of her mother's voice. Just like any child would. "There," Natasha whispered caressing Peggy's cheek. "Much better." She commented before pulling herself up and out of bed. She threw the blankets back and easily slipped of Peggy's pants and shirt leaving her in her underwear. Sighing Natasha spoke softly, "I'll be back I need to get you some new underwear." She said and slipped out of the before Peggy could object. Natasha returned a few minutes later with new underwear, but no new PJs. "All you PJ's are dirty baby." Peggy doesn't reply, she just watches blankly as Natasha slips off her soaked underwear and on new, dry ones. Natasha surveyed the room clicking her tongue wondering what she could dress her daughter in for the night. It was a mystery to Peggy how Natasha found it, but she did. She watched as her mother crossed the room towards the corner where the laundry hamper is. Peggy assumes she's just going to wear one of Natasha's shirts or something, but when Natasha lifts the basket off the ground and places it aside, it makes Peggy raise an eyebrow. She sits up and watches as her mother rummages through a box that was sitting behind the hamper. She's about to ask what she's looking when for when Natasha pulls it out. A gasp escapes her immediately.
It was her father's shirt.
Well one of them. It was his work out shirt, the one he would wear when he went running. The sight of brought tears to her eyes. Natasha smiled sadly at her daughter and walked up to her. She sat down beside her and looked her in the eye, "This is yours now." She whispered slipping it on over Peggy's head. As she helped Peggy get her arms through she spoke quietly. "That way, when you fall asleep, you'll have your daddy with you. And he'll protect you from the nightmares, okay?"
Peggy nods numbly, unable to do anything, but stare down at the shirt that now buries her tiny body in. Subconciously, she leans down and sniffs it. The smell of her father engulfs her and she begins to weep again. "It smells like him." She squeak out crawling into Natasha's lap.
Natasha smiles down at Peggy, "I know baby. I know."
"I want to softball daddy… for you." Peggy whispers leaning forward as she placed the roses down.
I've been waitin' for so long
"Mommy told me it was your favorite sport."
For somethin' to arrive
"So now I watch every Dodger game with everyone." Peggy says with a smile as she thought back to last Saturday when she was watching the Dodgers vs Angles. Everyone was rooting for the Dodgers which made her smile because she knew if her father was there with them, so would he. Thor seemed to emit the same amount of happiness Steve used to do when he watched games. It made Peggy both sad and happy.
For love to come along
"Did you know Uncle Tony is taking us to the game in Los Angeles?!" She says excitedly as she wipes the snot making it's down her face. She reaches insides her jacket pocket and pulls out a handkerchief to blow her nose.
Now our dreams are comin' true
"I never stop missing you daddy." Peggy says after a couple of minutes of silence. "Neither does mama."
Through the good times and the bad
"Mama told me she doesn't want to marry again." Peggy says glancing back at Natasha who was gazing off into space, a glazed look in her eyes. "But I don't want that for her."
Yeah - I'll be standin' there by you
"I want her to be happy again, like you made her happy. And me." Peggy whispers softly to him to keep from her mother over hearing. "Do you?"
And baby, you're all that I want
When you're lyin' here in my arms
I'm findin' it hard to believe
We're in heaven
"If mama does marry again, I wont call him daddy. Because I only have one and he's the greatest daddy in the world." Peggy admits with a shrug.
And love is all that I need
And I found it there in your heart
It isn't too hard to see
We're in heaven, heaven, oooh
"I love you daddy… I cant wait to see you again." Peggy whispers pressing a kiss to her hand before placing it on his tombstone as she stood.
You're all that I want
You're all that I need
"I miss you. Say hi to Grandma Sarah, Grandpa Joseph, Aunt Peggy and uncle Bucky for me."
We're in heaven
We're in heaven
We're in heaven