Fragments of Us
Disclaimer: This story is based on characters and situations created and owned by JK Rowling, various publishers including but not limited to Bloomsbury Books, Scholastic Books and Raincoast Books, and Warner Bros., Inc. No money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended.
Warning: This chapter is rated M (to be safe).
Chapter 14 – Christmas Gifts Take Many Forms
Kate knew it wasn't truly morning. She stretched languidly then slowly opened her eyes. The room was dimly lit by the flickering candle flame safely enclosed by an ancient, thick glass globe by the side of the bed. She turned her head on the pillow and was met by Sirius' still-sleeping face. This night, in sleep, his features were more relaxed than Kate could remember them being. He lay close to her, his fingers resting lightly on the pale skin of her shoulder. The covers had slipped down to the middle of his back and Kate drew a sharp breath when she saw the scars littered on the exposed skin. She carefully reached for the hand on her shoulder and lifted it gently. Turning onto her side to face him, Kate placed his hand on her pillow, kissing the back of his hand softly as she did so. He sighed, but did not awaken.
Kate's thoughts slipped back to their school days and a clandestine night spent together in the Room of Requirement. It had been her first time, but far from that for Sirius. Kate smiled as she remembered how nervous he had been. If she hadn't known of his reputation, she would have sworn that Sirius was no more experienced than she. Later, though, after they had made love to each other for the first time, Kate learned that Sirius had, in a way, been a virgin that night. Although he had many "conquests" up to that time, all had lacked any emotional significance for him. His childhood had been so difficult; Kate knew that at least some of the scars she could see on his back were the result of physical abuse by his mother. There was no affection shown this rebel first-born son. This boy who craved affection knew only touch that caused pain – and from the one person he should have always been able to rely upon for love. Kate felt a tear slide down her cheek as she remembered that first night spent with the boy who now lay next to her as a grown man. As he climaxed, Sirius had stared deeply into her eyes as tears had streamed down his face. When he finished, Sirius rolled off her and pulled her over until she lay on top of him. He had buried his face in her shoulder and cried until he fell asleep. Later, when they had awakened, they made love again – tenderly, passionately and Sirius had shared some of the horrors of his childhood in the Noble and Most Ancient House of Black. Afterward, they had slept in each other's arms until the sun's rays first appeared over the Black Lake. Aided by James' Invisibility Cloak, they had made it back to their respective dorms without detection. If Kate and Sirius were close before, they were inseparable after that night – until the unthinkable happened and they were separated for more than a decade.
Kate was brought back to the present by movement next to her. Sirius stretched and rolled over until his back was facing her. Kate pulled up the comforter until his shoulder was covered. She knew that ever since his escape, Sirius could never get warm. She also knew he hadn't been sleeping well at all and so, as much as she wanted to, Kate didn't want to chance waking him by spooning up to his back for warmth.
Kate eased herself out of Sirius' bed and went into the bathroom. After brushing her teeth, she threw on her robe and stepped into the hallway, silently closing the door behind her. Kate made her way down to her own room and gathered Sirius' Christmas presents, brightly wrapped and decked with sparkling ribbons. Smiling to herself, Kate walked back to Sirius room. Upon her arrival, Kate walked quietly toward the bed and set his gifts down in a small pile on the top of the trunk at the bottom of the bed. Shedding her robes, she got back into bed carefully, easing the covers over her body in an attempt to minimize the movement in hopes Sirius wouldn't be disturbed. Her hopes were dashed when he turned over to face her, his face showing some traces of anxiety.
"Happy Christmas, luv," Kate greeted him, reaching out to stroke his cheek.
Sirius caught her hand and kissed it softly. "I woke up and you weren't here," he said, his voice gravelly with sleep. He held her hand tightly against his chest. "I thought maybe you decided this might have been a mistake, after all."
Kate leaned forward and kissed him deeply. "Never," she whispered. "Sirius, I know that perhaps we moved a bit fast, but we were together once before, after all."
"It seems like a lifetime ago," Sirius said, sadly. "I'll never be that boy again, Kate."
"Sirius, there are aspects of you that still are that boy," Kate reached over and smoothed his unruly, sleep tousled hair. "When we decorated the tree, when you came up with your "to do" list, the past few days teasing the kids. You were like that at school, you know. From the first of December, you were insufferable. I think you would have been happy if Christmas lasted the entire month of December!"
Sirius smiled a bit. "It helps when you tell me things like that, Katie," he said, squeezing her hand.
She smiled and leaned forward to kiss him. They lay entwined, holding each other and kissing for a bit longer before Sirius drew back and looked at her with mischief in his eyes.
"What?" Kate asked, mildly irritated that he had stopped kissing her.
"It's Christmas," Sirius replied, smiling.
Kate raised her eyebrows. "Yes," she agreed. "And…"
Sirius' eyes widened. "And there are presents to be opened."
Kate snickered. "Sirius, it's the middle of the night," she said, only half in protest.
"But it's past midnight, correct?" he asked, sitting up and swinging his legs over the side of the bed. Without bothering with a robe, he walked over to his desk and drew a wrapped package from the deep side drawer. Kate watched his movements appreciatively. "Nice view," she commented, resting her head on her hand.
In response, Sirius wiggled his behind back and forth and Kate giggled. He turned around and made his way back to bed and Kate's laughter stopped. In the heat of the moment last night, Kate really hadn't taken the opportunity to look at him. The ravages of Azkaban showed clearly in the prominent ribs, the sharp hip bones, the thin arms and legs. Remus had told her that Sirius' physical condition had improved since his escape; Kate could not imagine what he must have been like before. Fortunately, Sirius had spied the pile of presents on his trunk and did not see her eyes run over his body. When he turned his gaze back to her, Kate had managed to arrange a smile on her face and hoped it was believable.
His eyebrows arched. "For me?" he asked, grinning.
"Oh, I don't know," Kate replied. "Have you been a good boy this year?"
"I was good last night," Sirius leered at her.
"Cheeky bugger," Kate retorted.
"But truthful," he added.
"Yes," Kate conceded. "I'll give you that. You are telling the truth there." Kate held her hand out to him. "Come here, please."
Sirius smiled warmly and took her hand. "Yes, my love?" he asked.
"Get in here," she said, laughing.
Sirius got in under the covers and positioned his pillow so he could lean comfortably against the headboard. Kate rose and picked up his gifts then got into bed next to him.
Sirius leaned over and kissed her tenderly. "That view was pretty delightful," he said.
Kate kissed his cheek and handed him his gifts. "These are for you, love," she said. "Now, you can wait until it's really Christmas morning and open them according to time-honored tradition or you can show absolutely no restraint whatsoever and open them now."
Sirius raised one eyebrow in her direction. "Katie, who are you talking to here? I'm a rebel, remember? I have an idea. Let's start a new tradition. We open Christmas presents in the wee small hours of Christmas morning."
Kate couldn't help but smile at him. "Sort of an 'open now and avoid the rush' philosophy, eh?" she asked, kissing his shoulder.
Sirius shook his head. "No, actually. It's more of an 'open early and spend the hours 'til dawn thanking you properly'."
Kate shivered at the image his words provoked. "Well, then, Mr. Black. May I suggest that you begin?" She removed the packages from his lap, settling them next to her. At his protest, Kate leaned over and placed a finger against his lips to silence him. "Don't worry – I'll let you open your packages; but I want to give them to you one at a time. I put a lot of thought into your Christmas and so, if you don't mind, I'll run the show. Deal?"
Sirius kissed her finger. "Deal."
Kate handed Sirius the first gift, a rather bulky package that he squeezed and ran his hand over several times before carefully slipping his finger under the flap of colored paper to lift the tape that secured it.
Kate laughed. "For someone who wanted his gifts, you're certainly taking your sweet time about opening the package," she said. "Time was, you'd simply rip through my lovely wrapping without even noticing that I'd charmed little golden snitches to zoom around on the paper!"
Sirius smiled thoughtfully. "Did I? I don't remember. It's been so long since I had a gift, I just wanted to …" he trailed off, his hands fidgeting again on the top of the package.
Kate immediately regretted saying anything to him. She reached over and stilled his hands by covering them with her own. "Oh, Sirius," she whispered. "I'm sorry, love. I wasn't thinking…"
Sirius leaned over and silenced her with a kiss. 'Stop, Kate," he said. "Remember: 'we can't walk on eggshells around each other', right? You said that to me and you were right. You didn't hurt my feelings; I truly don't remember what I used to do. I reckon that I will, though – you've already helped me remember a few. Until then, I'm going to make memories. I told you that I wanted to do that, and so I am. Ok?"
She nodded then said, "Ok, I'll avoid the eggshells. You open your present."
With an impish grin, Sirius ripped the seam open and Kate smiled. He shook off the tissue paper and smiled widely when he saw the heavy woolen Irish knit jumper Kate had given him. It was heavy and warm, but extremely soft and was in a rich, creamy off-white color that showed off the intricate stitching. Sirius pulled it over his head, shoving his bare arms through the sleeves. His eyes closed briefly as the wool warmed every inch of the skin it touched.
"You didn't make…" Kate's laughter drowned out the rest of his sentence.
"Dear Merlin, no," she chuckled. "I'm afraid poor Molly has quite given up on me. No, I bought that in London, I'm afraid. I know how cold and drafty this house is and I thought you would enjoy the warmth."
Sirius slipped it off, folding it carefully and laying it on top of the now torn tissue paper. "It's beautiful and I love it. Thank you," he said sincerely, pulling Kate to him for a lingering kiss.
Reluctantly pulling away from him, Kate reached next to her for his second gift. This package was much smaller, but Sirius didn't spend a great deal of time trying to figure out its contents. He took his time with the paper, however, and Kate had to smile to herself.
When he had at last torn away the paper, Sirius held a small, leather bound book. He looked at Kate curiously then opened the cover. There, facing him was a photo of the two of them, sitting on the grass near the Black Lake at Hogwarts. It was a profile shot and Kate had her head leaning against his shoulder as Sirius leaned back on his arms. They were both gazing out at something that had obviously pleased them as they both had identical, peaceful smiles on their faces. The sun had been setting and its late afternoon rays danced through Kate's hair, making the auburn strands even more vibrant.
Sirius caught his breath, then looked at the inscription Kate had written on the inside cover of the album. "Sirius, if I could give you the perfect gift this Christmas, it would be to restore all of your memories. While I can't do that, I thought I would at least give you a few reminders that will, perhaps, coax the memories out of hiding. I've filled this album with pictures I've held for over a decade – pictures of some of the best times of your life. Each one lives in my heart; take them so they can unlock the memories that live in yours. Love, Kate."
Sirius inhaled deeply, but he remained silent. He stared at the first photo for a few moments longer then turned the page slowly. A lone tear slid down his cheek as he looked at a photo taken of him and James. They were filthy, covered in mud, wearing their Quidditch robes, walking up the hill from the pitch with their brooms slung over their shoulders and their arms linked. They couldn't have been much older than twelve.
Sirius ran a finger softly over the image of his friend. "James," he whispered. "Oh, my friend, what a sight you are to see."
Kate put her arm around his waist and slid closer to him, resting her chin on his shoulder. She kissed the bare skin.
Sirius turned his head and kissed her cheek. "I'm alright, Kate," he said softly. "It's just that my only memory of James is finding him at Godrics Hollow that night. Now, I have this one. Thank you."
Kate kissed him gently. "Would you like to look at the rest?"
Sirius shook his head. "No, not now. I think I need to take some time to work through them. Will you look with me later? Tell me about them?"
Kate nodded. "Of course. And perhaps Remus could join us for some?"
Sirius smiled. "Yes. Contrary to what he'd have you believe, Remus has a few tales to tell about his own days at school."
Kate smiled back at him. "I'll bet he does." She was silent for a moment then spoke quietly. "Sirius, I have one more present for you, but I'd like to wait a bit before you open it. Would that be ok?"
Sirius looked at her curiously, but nodded. "Of course, love. We can wait until later. Actually, I want to give you something, as well." He handed her a small package, wrapped in dark blue paper with a gleaming golden ribbon tied on the top.
Kate accepted the package and began to tug at one end of the ribbon before Sirius put his hand on her arm. She stilled her fingers and looked up at him. "Katie, I had this made. Remus picked it up for me last week. I hope it's…I want you to understand that I…" he trailed off.
"Sirius," Kate said softly. "I will love whatever is in this package – because you chose it for me."
Sirius removed his hand and gestured for her to continue, watching her intently. As she removed the paper and opened the lid, Kate gasped. Nestled in the dark velvet was a gleaming golden band. It was engraved with a mixture of scrollwork and flowers. It was exquisite and Kate looked up at him with tears in her eyes. "This is a …" she stopped speaking.
"Promise ring," Sirius finished. "Yes, I know. But it's not the traditional promise ring, Kate. Someday, perhaps, we will be in a place where that could happen, but things are so uncertain now – in so many ways." He reached over and removed the ring from the box. "Kate, I know that I haven't made things easy for you, although I know they've been better recently; I've been better recently – and I'm not going to give up. I promised you that there would be no secrets, that I would be honest with you always. I promised to focus on working through all the problems and I'm going to keep that promise." Sirius lifted her right hand and slipped the band on her ring finger. "I'm giving this to you to seal that promise. Every time you look down, you'll be reminded of everything I've promised you. Will you wear it, Kate? Until we're at a point when I can put a ring on the proper finger?"
Kate wiped at her cheeks for a moment then looked up at Sirius, waiting expectantly for her to say something, "Oh, Sirius," she whispered. "This means so much to me. Yes, I am proud to wear this, happy to wear it," Kate said. "I do love you, you know."
Sirius nodded and reached for her, gathering Kate in his arms. "I love you," he responded. "Just keep telling me that, ok?"
"I love you," Kate whispered in his ear, moving over to straddle his lap. She pushed his shoulders gently until he was lying with his head on his pillow. "I love you," she said again, kissing his cheek, the corner of his mouth and, gently, his lips. "I love you," as she kissed his neck, then his throat, coming up again to look in his eyes. "I love you."
Sirius closed his eyes as Kate moved her hips against his, while placing gentle kisses on his lips, his chin, his eyes and the tip of his nose. "I love you," she said, one final time before moving down his body until her face met his erection. "Let me show you how much and Sirius forgot everything but the intoxicating feeling of Kate's mouth and the knowledge that Kate – and the renewal of their relationship – were gifts he never expected to be given.
My thanks to all of you who continue to read and review this story. I am amazed at the number of hits it's received and appreciate those who have taken the time to provide feedback. Updates will be less frequent over the next couple of weeks, but rest assured - the story will continue.