Fragments of Us

Disclaimer: This story is based on characters and situations created and owned by JK Rowling, various publishers including but not limited to Bloomsbury Books, Scholastic Books and Raincoast Books, and Warner Bros., Inc. No money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended.

Warnings: None for this chapter.

Chapter 17 – The Professor and His Student – Lessons at Dawn

When Remus came downstairs the following morning, he was somewhat surprised to find Harry seated at the table, hunched over a mug of tea. He looked up as Remus entered the kitchen and the werewolf was struck by the pallor of the teenager – made more noticeable by the dark smudges under his eyes.

"Harry!" Remus greeted him warmly; making the decision to proceed as normal with the boy and let him decide if he wanted to share whatever was so obviously on his mind. He retrieved a mug and crossed the room to the table.

"Good morning, Professor," Harry replied quietly. "You're up early, too."

"Yes, well, I've always been an early riser," Remus responded, smiling. He sat down across the table from Harry and sipped from his own freshly poured mug. "It was one of the only ways of guaranteeing a hot shower in the morning when I was at school. In fact, your father and Godfather once accused Dumbledore of cutting off the supply of hot water to every shower but those in the Prefects' bathrooms. They worked up a campaign that would allow 'rotational visits' to the Prefects' bathrooms to … how did Sirius put it … 'promote hygienic equality for all'." He smiled at the memory.

Harry looked up from his tea and gave him a half-hearted smile. "Sounds like something Sirius would think of," he said.

"Mmm," Remus murmured. "That was a beautiful watch you gave him yesterday, Harry. It meant a great deal to Sirius that you would have thought to replace something that was so dear to him."

Harry's face went red at the compliment, but beyond a shy smile, he didn't respond.

They sat, quietly drinking their tea for awhile then Harry broke the silence. "Professor, can I talk to you about something? It's personal," he added.

Ah, here it comes. "Of course, Harry. Always." Remus placed his mug on the table and folded his hands around it, waiting for the boy to gather his thoughts.

Harry shifted in his chair as he sought to pull together just the right words. Finally, he took a deep breath and looked steadily at Remus. "I know that you and Kate are friends – well that you've been friends for a long time." At Remus' nod, he continued. "And, of course, you and Sirius have been best mates since Hogwarts, too." Remus nodded again. I'm not sure I like where this seems to be heading, he thought to himself, but kept his expression passive as Harry nodded.

"Did you know that Kate's my Godmother?"

Remus' eyes widened slightly and he felt his heart skip a beat. He took a breath to reply, but before he could, Harry rushed on.

"If you did, I'm not really mad at you for not telling me – just so you know. I mean, I think that out of everyone involved in this whole thing, you're probably the only person I'm not really frustrated with right now. It's just that there seems to be so many things that people know about me but don't say anything about. First, there was the whole thing about me being a wizard; that was pretty big. Then, I hear about Sirius Black – the escaped convict, the dangerous criminal – but nobody tells me that he's my Godfather. I had to hear it … well, actually, I sort of overheard it." Harry looked up at Remus, holding his gaze. "Professor, why don't people tell me what I need to know? Do they think that I can't handle knowing the truth? I mean, why wouldn't they tell me that I have family other than the Dursleys?" He stopped, out of breath for the moment.

Remus took a deep breath. "How did you find out?" he asked quietly.

"Last night, I couldn't sleep and I was coming down here for something to drink and I saw Sirius in the library. He couldn't sleep either, I guess and he had a photo album with him. There were a lot of pictures of you all when you were at Hogwarts – and Kate and Sirius were in many of them," Harry answered. "I asked Sirius about them and he got really upset. I haven't seen him like that since the night in the Shack with Pettigrew."

Remus closed his eyes briefly. "What do you mean he 'got upset'?"

Harry ran his fingers through his hair in exasperation. "That's just it! I don't know why he got like that! He started telling me about what it was like back in the first War – how nobody trusted anybody else and how it was his fault my Mum and Dad used Pettigrew as their Secret Keeper. He talked about being arrested in front of Kate and how the Aurors brought her in for questioning and searched their flat because they knew she and Sirius were together." Harry paused and looked at Remus again. "I had figured that there was something going on, but I didn't know it went back that far 'til I saw the pictures. Sirius was really upset and then I got upset and by the time Kate walked in, everything was pretty tense," he finished.

Merlin. "So, Sirius and Kate told you who she really is?" Remus asked, pouring more tea into each of their mugs.

Harry shook his head. "Not really. Well, sort of. Actually, I don't think he wanted me to know, but I had already figured it out from the things he said after I saw all the photos. Kate's the one who told me," Harry said. "She said that everyone knew I'd been through a lot with the Dementors and the stuff at school and they didn't want to add to the stress so they figured they'd wait awhile to tell me." He shook his head.

Remus mirrored the boy's gesture. "Harry, to answer your question, yes – I did know that Kate was your Godmother. I was there when Lily and James asked her if she would be willing to stand for you," he said quietly.

"What did she say?" Harry's voice was barely more than a whisper. "Do you remember?"

Remus swallowed and gave himself a moment to make sure his voice was steady. He had only heard Harry sound so heartbreakingly young once before – when he had recounted to Remus Sirius' invitation to live with him after his name was cleared. "Yes, I recall it very clearly," Remus began. "She was crying and laughing at the same time and so needed a few moments to get to the point where she could actually speak. But, Harry, when she found her voice, she couldn't say 'yes' quickly enough. She was thrilled to do it and incredibly moved that they had asked her. Harry, she loved spending time with you and she was with you as often as she could be – and so was Sirius," Remus added.

Harry said nothing, just sat with his head bowed. After several minutes, he looked up and his eyes were suspiciously bright. "If she loved me so much, why didn't she stay here with me after Sirius went to Azkaban? Or she could have taken me with her when she went to America," he said, his voice rising.

Remus reached over and put his hand on Harry's arm. "Harry, you know Dumbledore would never have let that happen. His chief concern was your protection and the best – the only reliable protection for you was to send you to live with your mother's sister. It was – and remains – one of the oldest protection charms known to our world. Dumbledore wouldn't have given you to Kate any more than he would have given you to me; you know that to be true, Harry."

The boy nodded and sighed. "I know, Professor. It's just that I don't know how to feel. And Sirius," Harry's voice rose again. "He's so angry at Kate. He didn't want her to tell me and he was so cold to her. So now, I'm not sure what to do. I want to get to know Kate as my Godmother, but it feels like I'm being disloyal to Sirius if I do. And I'm just so frustrated with him, Professor. I mean, Kate explained why no one told me about her and I guess I get it, but Sirius just sat there through the whole thing. And part of me is frustrated with Kate because she didn't tell me, either…and she had the chance to do it when we were Christmas shopping – just the two of us…but she didn't. I just…" Harry stopped speaking and exhaled loudly. He looked at Remus and shrugged. "I don't know what 'I just'", he said.

Remus looked at the young man and his heart went out to him. "Harry, first of all, you cannot walk away from Kate because of Sirius' anger and there's no reason for you to feel disloyal to him. You have to understand that Sirius is concerned with your safety. He wants to protect you, but is challenged by his circumstances. He probably told you the story about Peter a second time because that's his worst memory and he dreads failing your parents again by somehow failing you." He paused. "Harry, I think it's time that you and Sirius had a talk. You need to ask him to explain what's behind his decision not to tell you about Kate. You owe it to each other to get this behind you so you can move on."

Harry shook his head. "Why does he keep blaming himself for what happened? He was just doing what he thought was the best thing to keep us safe. Sirius didn't know that Pettigrew was with Voldemort – nobody did! I don't blame him for any of it, Professor. Sirius is my family."

Remus looked at Harry's earnest expression and heard the sincerity in his voice and knew the boy was telling the truth. "I think that the time has come for Sirius to hear those things – from you. It has done no good for the rest of us to tell him, although each of us has tried. Like you, Sirius carries an enormous weight on his shoulders. Unlike you, his burden is the past. Yours is one of responsibility – the burden of what you face in your future. Oddly enough, your burden only makes Sirius' heavier because he feels that James and Lily named him Godfather with the expectation that he would protect you from harm. Not only does he take that initial responsibility to heart, he has added the weight of guilt over their deaths to it and thinks that he must protect you at all costs now as a way of atoning for his betrayal of your parents. I know he didn't betray them, Harry," Remus said firmly, seeing that Harry was about to protest his last comment. "But, again, it doesn't matter that I know it; he needs to know that you know it – and that you believe it in your heart."

"Will my talking to him help him get over Azkaban?" Harry asked the older man.

Remus smiled sadly. "No, Harry," he said. "I don't think that Sirius will ever entirely shed the effects of those years. The fact that he survived them with any of his mind intact is astonishing; but I think he will always carry some of that darkness with him. What I do believe is that by loving him and accepting him, we can help minimize some of those effects. Your talking to him about your parents and reassuring him about how you feel will be an excellent step in helping him to heal. You're going to have to be patient, though. He's apt to be a bit reclusive after the events of last night."

Harry nodded. "But I've only got a week and a half before I go back to Hogwarts," he said, sounding anxious. "I want to sort it out before I go. I don't want him living in this hideous place after I'm gone, thinking I'm angry with him."

Remus smiled understandingly. "I think you'll have enough time. Perhaps enough to ease your frustration and begin to get to know your Godmother, as well." He ducked his head to catch the teenager's eye.

Harry gave him a small smile, and then interrupted it with a wide yawn. "Sorry, Professor," he said sheepishly. "I didn't get a lot of sleep last night."

"It's still very early – the sun isn't even up yet," Remus observed. "Why don't you go back upstairs and try to sleep for awhile."

Harry nodded and rose with his mug. He crossed to the sink and rinsed it out before heading to the door. As he passed the table, Remus spoke again.

"Oh, and Harry," the boy turned. "I haven't been your professor for quite some time now. Given that and the fact that we do have a pretty extensive history, I think it would be alright for you to call me Remus, don't you?"

Harry shook his head and smiled. "Who says you've stopped being my professor?" he asked the werewolf, gesturing to the chair he had recently vacated. "I think you're still teaching me, so if it's ok, I think I'll stick with 'professor'."

Remus felt his throat tighten and could only nod in response. He stared at the doorway long after Harry had walked through it, filled with emotion. Ah, James, you would be so proud of your son, he thought wistfully. After a time, he tapped the kettle with his wand to set it to boil and poured a fresh cup of the strong tea he favored. As he sipped, Remus considered all that had been revealed in his discussion with Harry and began to think ahead to the conversations and confrontations that had been inevitably set in motion.