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"Come in. Good evening, Draco. Sit." Severus sighed as he saw the still slightly paler-than-normal skin of Draco's face.

"Good evening, sir."

"Draco, please. This isn't a detention or a meeting with a professor. I'm your godfather."

"Alright… well you obviously want me to talk."

Severus nodded. He wanted to be mature about this and wanted Draco to look up to him, but he crumbled under the weight of what Draco tried to do last night. "Draco, why did you do that? I thought you would never even think of it. At least that's what you always tell me. What caused you to think that… death... was the answer? What caused you to want it?" He forced himself to say the word, shuddering inwardly.

Draco looked at his knees. He couldn't bring himself to look at his godfather's eyes. "I realized something."

"And what was that?"

"That no matter what I do, my life will end miserably and painfully. Why should I wait around for that?"

"That is not the only option you have," Severus said. Draco looked up at him skeptically. "The sooner you realize and accept that, the better. You know who's side I am really on. And you know that if he had a choice, your father would join us. But he doesn't, and your mother has to remain quiet. Draco, the Order will help you. You turn seventeen in January. You will be qualified to join then, and I know we will give you protection."

Draco furiously jumped up from his chair. "Don't you get it?! I HAVE to do this! If I don't, he'll kill my family and everyone else I care about! And then me!"

"If you let us help you, he won't ever get that chance," his godfather stated quietly. He did not want to rile Draco up, so he kept his voice calm. "Let Dumbledore help you. Let me help you. Remember, I took an unbreakable vow to keep you safe. Do not think for a moment that I won't do everything in my power to do so. I personally won't let Voldemort murder your parents. Don't you believe me? Trust me?"

"I do! But… I… URGH!" Draco shoved himself back in his seat.

"Draco, please don't try that ever again. Don't make me force you to live here with me. I want to trust you, but I don't think I can. You promised me many times that you wouldn't kill yourself, but I almost lost you last night. You are like a son to me... I would have been devastated. And so would every other person who cares about you." Draco looked as guilty as he felt. "You are a strong and experienced person. You know a lot, and are a very good student. You would be an extremely valuable asset to the Order. But most importantly, everyone who loves you would love to keep you in their lives."

"Severus… I don't want to watch my parents die. You die. My friends die. My…"

"Your…?"

"Nothing."

"What is it? Tell me."

Draco looked panicked, and this made Severus curious. "I-I don't… it's nothing, Sev."

"You know I won't be angry with you, and if it's something I can help you with –"

"You can't," Draco said quickly. He flushed, and Severus developed a knowing glint in his eyes.

"Oh… I see. A love interest?"

"NO!" Draco received narrowed eyes from his godfather, and he shrunk further into the chair.

"What is she like?"

"Ah… well… um…"

"Oh come now, I'd like to know. You don't have to tell me who she is."

"It'snotashe," Draco said as quickly as possible.

"Sorry?"

"It's... not a... she..."

"Not… oh." He watched as his godson's face turned scarlet. At least there was some more color to his face. "Well then, what is he like?"

Draco looked up at him with wide eyes. "You're… you're not disgusted?"

"No Draco, why would I be?"

"'Cause... 'cause I'm... gay."

"That doesn't matter to me, though I wish you could have come to me about it sooner. You should never feel ashamed of your feelings. You are a lot happier than you were at the start of term. He must be special to have caught your interest. I can tell that he has captured your heart, whoever he is."

"Thanks, Sev."

"Does he return your feelings?"

"Yeah..."

"Well you obviously aren't ready to talk about him so I won't prod. But I will say, do not let go of him. You are the happiest I have ever seen you – before yesterday, that is. Do not worry me like that again, Draco."

"I won't… please don't tell my parents."

"I won't. As long as you promise me to never do that again. I know I cannot put a stop to your habit, but if you try to... kill yourself again, I will have to take action. Not as a teacher, Draco, but as your godfather."

"Okay."

"Good night, Draco."

"Good night, Sev."

But Draco did not feel heartened by his godfather's words. Instead, he felt worse. He would be better off without Harry, and Harry would be better off without him. But… he felt so attached. He felt as if Harry was the only one who could save him. That really scared him - he'd always been independent.

As he drifted off to sleep, thoughts of Harry that made him smile turned into thoughts of death and destruction, sadness and pain. His mind was filled with so many different thoughts and feelings that he thought he might explode, but he finally slipped into sleep, and did not dream.


"Hey, Harry."

"Oh, hi Gin. What's up?"

"Excited about the game!"

"Yeah, me too."

"Ravenclaw is going to get their asses kicked!"

"Ginevra Weasley, watch your mouth," Ginny heard McGonagall say as she walked by, but when Ginny turned, she saw her professor holding back a smirk. Ginny smiled when no house points were taken away.

"Alright I'm going to class. See ya later, Harry!"

Harry waved. It was just after lunch and he had a free period. He knew Draco did, too, so he went in search for him. He didn't have to look long, for after about ten minutes, he saw Draco slip away and out of the crowded hallway, so he decided to follow. He followed him all the way up to the astronomy tower and into the cold air, wondering why Draco loved it so much up there.

"Hey."

Draco looked up, surprised to see Harry. He thought he was alone. "Hi."

"What's up?"

"Nothing, really. Just came up here to get some fresh air."

"You seem to like it up here."

"It's peaceful. That's hard to find these days. Moments like these are precious." 'Please don't say anything that will make me explode…' Draco was wound up so tight, he thought he might burst. His night of sleep hadn't helped any.

"Yeah, but you can find ways to slip away from reality and have a bit of fun."

Draco glanced at Harry. "You can't escape reality, Harry. There's a war going on out there, and the final battle will be bloody and filled with death. You can't forget what's happening outside of Hogwarts."

Harry was a little taken aback at how serious Draco was being, especially with him. "I don't forget… I never forget. If you remember, I've faced Voldemort every year of school so far. I don't doubt I'll face him again this year, but while this is going on, I can still find time to be carefree and happy."

Harry slipped his arms around Draco's waist and breathed in his scent, but as soon as he did this, he was pushed away. "Ugh, stop it!"

Harry's eyes widened and he shrank back at Draco's forceful tone. "What's wrong?" he asked timidly.

"YOU! You're what's wrong! You're always so optimistic about everything!"

"I… I'm sorry… I thought…"

"What? What did you think? That's just IT, Potter! You DON'T think! The world is not a nice, pretty, happy little place. It's full of death, misery, depression, destruction, rape, and murder! And you always act as if NOTHING IS WRONG! We're in a WAR, Potter! HOW can you be so optimistic?!"

Harry's heart tore at every harsh word that was thrown at him and every angry flash of Draco's eyes. Draco has lashed out at him before, but never like this.

"I have to," Harry said softly. "Staying strong and happy gives us a one-up on them. If we don't try to keep our spirits up, we become miserable and hurt those close to us. I learned that the hard way. I know now that you can't lose yourself to the despair and anger, or you'll be pulled too far into it to bring yourself back out."

"ARGH! Get AWAY from me! Leave me alone! Go and live your pathetic, happy little life! The world is wicked, Potter! But you will never get that! So go on without me! I don't want this anymore! Leave me! LEAVE ME!"

Part of him realized that he was pushing Harry away so that Harry would get over him and not have to be attached to someone so tied down, someone who wasn't going anywhere with his life. Someone who would probably die within the next couple of years. It was safer this way. But Draco's mind wasn't paying attention to that. True, that was the reason he was pushing Harry away, but another was because he was jealous of Harry, of how Harry can be so carefree at times and know how to have fun. That Harry wasn't… Voldemort's puppet. He was jealous of Harry's freedom, but at the same time, he didn't want Harry to get into trouble for being with Draco Malfoy, evil-doer and death eater son.

His mind had snapped due to all of the pressure building up inside him, because of the death of that poor bird, the realization that he had almost killed Ron Weasley, that he was trying to kill Dumbledore, who, besides Severus and his father, he trusted most... that he couldn't break free from Voldemort.

Draco's heart broke at the sight of his lover's sad eyes, but he said no more. Harry turned and left without a word. He just… left. No shouting, no questions. Draco screamed and began throwing things. Tears traveled down his pale face as he broke everything in sight, no matter how many times the trinkets used in astronomy classes repaired themselves.

'He doesn't know you tried to kill yourself. He's confused because you didn't give him a reason. He couldn't possibly know what you're going through,' Draco thought to himself.

But that didn't matter. He knew he hurt Harry very badly. He knew that his outburst was uncalled for, and Harry was probably very upset and confused. But that didn't matter right now. Draco was furious and out of control. He stayed up there until he exhausted himself; he must have been there for hours. Then he trudged all the way down to the dungeons where the Slytherin common room was located and promptly fell asleep. He couldn't bring himself to eat dinner, or even to cut.


It had been four days. Harry was so depressed that he was bringing everyone down around him. Ron, Hermione, and Ginny were beside themselves with trying to figure out what was bothering him, but Ginny thought she knew. It had to have something to do with Draco, because Harry had been so happy. Now, he was… well, more than miserable. She had never seen him like this, and she didn't know what to do to make him feel better. She wanted to talk to him about it, though. She needed to. So she approached him in the common room late one night when everyone else had gone up to bed. It was five days since his drastic mood change.

"Harry?"

He was sitting in front of the fire, staring into the dying flames. He glanced up at her, and went back to the fire. "Hi Gin."

"Hey." She sat next to him. "Harry… what happened?"

"Huh?"

She shook her head and sighed. "What happened," she prodded. "You're so sad. Please tell me. We're all really worried about you."

"I can't tell them," he mumbled. "They wouldn't understand. They'd forget their worry and go straight to yelling at me for what I did. At least Ron will. You're the only one I can talk to about this." He stopped talking when he choked up, and she pulled him into her arms. She had guessed correctly; it was about Draco.

"Did he break up with you?"

"He told me to leave. Go on without him. Live my pathetic excuse of a happy little life. He was so angry."

Tears fell from his brilliantly green eyes and even though she could not see them, she knew they were there, falling onto her shirt where his head lay on her chest. She stroked his hair as she sighed again. She felt an overwhelming urge to kill that son of a bitch. She WARNED him. She TOLD him she'd cut off his jewels and hand him over to Voldemort, telling him that Malfoy was a traitor to the dark side. And he was stupid if he thought she wasn't serious. But… she knew Harry wouldn't want her to do that.

"He's an asshole. I'm so sorry, Harry." She balled her right hand into a fist and clenched her teeth. That Harry was crying was serious. Harry never cried. He ranted and raved and stormed around breaking things, but he never cried. Ginny could almost feel his broken heart, and it broke hers.

"He's not an asshole. Something was very wrong. Something was bothering him much more than usual. I could tell. He was really upset… and I didn't help. I just made it worse. Instead of being what he needed, I was what caused him to explode. This is my fault."

"Harry, how can you not blame him?! He's the one who hurt you! Not the other way around!"

"It was my fault, Ginny. I should have been more perceptive, more sensitive to him. He needed me to be something else, but I didn't know that, or what."

"Stop blaming yourself, goddamnit!" she said roughly, and pushed him up so she was looking at him. "If he really needed your help, he would have somehow asked for it, or even if he didn't, he wouldn't have broken up with you!"

"You don't understand him, Gin. Don't do anything to him." When she didn't answer, he got worried. "Ginny…"

"Harry, I threatened him. I said if he hurts you, I'll make him sorry. I don't go back on my word. Ever."

"Please don't do anything to him. For me. He doesn't need that. Ginny, he's… not what you think. His life is… something is really wrong. He's depressed, he's hurting, and he'll kill me if he finds out I told you that. I don't know what it is because he won't tell me, but I've stumbled upon him a couple of times when he was really upset. Please don't add to that."

"What could be so horrible in his life? What could possibly make him that depressed? Are you even sure he's being truthful?"

Harry took a deep breath. He knew he could trust her with this. "He cuts, Gin." He gave her a pointed look.

Her heart skipped a beat. "What?" she asked in a hushed whisper.

"I've seen them. Only once, but I know what I saw. I went to see him in the hospital wing the night I cast sectumsempra on him. I saw them before I woke him. His sleeve was pushed up. He doesn't know that I know so please keep it secret. You can't tell anyone."

"Merlin…" Ginny was horror struck. She never would have thought that Draco Malfoy of all people was in so much turmoil that it made him harm his own body. Her feelings towards Draco completely changed.

"Don't tell anyone, Gin. Please. I told you because I trust you, and because I know it's something you'd... understand."

"I… I won't, Harry…"

She held him for almost an hour until she was sure he fell asleep. She gently stood and re-arranged him on the sofa, then got a blanket from her room. She draped it over him and put a pillow under his head. As she was walking back up to her room, her heart felt heavy. What should she do? She wanted so badly to stalk up to Malfoy and punch his lights out, but then she thought about what Harry said. That Malfoy cuts… and she felt so horribly sad for him. She fell asleep with worry settling in her chest. She was going to talk to Zabini. Tomorrow.


"Do you have a minute?"

Blaise stopped and stared at the youngest Weasley, wondering what she wanted with him. It was lunch and he was hungry, but she looked serious.

"I suppose I can sacrifice a minute or two for you, Miss Weasley."

Ginny smirked half-heartedly. "It'll take more than a minute or two. I wish this was about something happy. But it's not."

'If it's something serious, and she's asking to talk to me alone, she must think the same thing I'm thinking. Maybe I'll get some answers about why Draco has been moping around like an angry puppy for the last week.'

"Alright. Lead the way."

Ginny lead them all the way up to the room of requirement, walked three times in front of it while thinking of a place they could speak in private, and a door appeared. He held it open for her and they walked into a small cozy room with a fire in the fireplace and two comfortable sofa chairs that they sat in.

"I don't know what you know," Ginny started, "but I know that Malfoy is involved in Harry's depression."

Blaise nodded. "I figured as much. I know that you know about those two because Draco told me how you covered up for them in the hallway by the potions classroom. Nice job, by the way. And thank you. That was some quick thinking. Anyway, he's been moping around, too, snapping at anyone who bothers him and spending most of his time in our room with his bed curtains shut. He's downright miserable."

Ginny grew angry and leaned forward in her chair. "Why is HE upset? HE'S the one who broke Harry's heart!"

"Whoa, what? I didn't hear about that. I thought Potter broke Draco's heart."

"No! Harry wouldn't tell any of us why he's been so depressed but I thought it might be about Malfoy so I waited until I could get him alone to talk because I'm the only one of our friends who knows about them. I found him sitting by the fire in our common room last night after everyone else went to bed so I sat with him, and he told me what happened."

Blaise waited patiently for her to continue, and she told him roughly what Harry said about Draco's blowup – minus the part about Harry's tears. She wouldn't betray her best friend's trust just to make Zabini realize exactly how upset Harry really was.

"Wow. Draco is an idiot. I won't give any details, but I think you should know that even though it's no excuse, Draco is pretty emotionally unstable. He's been having a very rough term so far."

"So I've figured."

Blaise raised an eyebrow. "Oh?"

"I know a few things but I won't divulge in case I know something you don't, no matter how sure I am that you do know. I don't know much, but I'm pretty perceptive. You learn a thing or two by watching people. Especially when you have to watch your back with six brothers waiting to pounce on you at any moment. Anyway, Harry is devastated. He won't eat, he doesn't sleep much, he hangs around us sometimes but doesn't talk to us – all he does now is homework. He's always in the library in a secluded corner and I can't get him to move. He's deteriorating, Zabini. I don't know what to do!" Ginny's tears fell. She hated that she was showing weakness in front of someone she didn't know well, especially a Slytherin, but she couldn't help it. "I'm sorry, I'm just so worried about him and so angry with Malfoy but Harry told me not to say anything to him or do anything rash…"

Blaise scooted closer to her and placed his hands on hers after she wiped away her tears. When a few more leaked out, he wiped them away with his sleeve. "Ginny, listen to me. First, you need to calm down, stop crying, and take deep breaths." She nodded and complied. "Second, my name is Blaise. If we're going to work together to help them, and since we're their best friends, we should be on a first name basis, right?" She nodded again, not trusting her voice to not crack. "Thirdly, I need to talk to Draco to find out what went wrong. There is something that happened recently to him that I can't tell you about, but you must know that it was gravely serious. It was last week, and too close to when they broke up to not have had something to do with this situation. I will talk to him, and then I will contact you and give you an update. Okay?"

She nodded. "Okay. Thank you."

"You're welcome." He smiled, and her worries and fears lifted. She could feel her heart getting lighter, and felt as if everything would eventually be okay.


Thank you so much for reading! Please leave a review! I hope you all enjoyed it!