Fragments of Us
Disclaimer: This story is based on characters and situations created and owned by JK Rowling, various publishers including but not limited to Bloomsbury Books, Scholastic Books and Raincoast Books, and Warner Bros., Inc. No money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended.
Warnings: None for this chapter.
Chapter 24 – The Unthinkable Happens …
Bill moved more quickly than Sirius would have given him credit for and he'd grabbed Sirius by the front of his robes before anyone in the room could intercept him.
"What in bloody hell did you do to her, Black?" he spat, his nose almost touching Sirius' and his voice rolling through the kitchen like thunder.
"What did I 'do to her'?" Sirius growled back. "Same thing you did, apparently but it seems that she prefers your talents to mine."
Bill gaped at the older man for a moment then released his grip on Sirius' robes. Sirius had time to no more than reach up to smooth the fabric before Bill turned back and dropped him with a left-handed punch to Sirius' eye. This time, Remus was across the room and had Bill in a tight grip to prevent another attack. Sirius remained on the floor, curled on his side, facing away from the meeting area.
"Enough!" Remus said voice loud and stern as he tightened his grip 'round Bill's chest. Bill struggled against Remus for a moment more then, his breath still coming in harsh gasps, he stood still.
"You can … let … me go…," he panted. "I…won't… hit him…again."
"I'm going to walk with you to the kitchen door," Remus said to the young man. He then turned to Moody and Tonks who, with Remus, were the only Order members left in the room. "Would you two please escort him outside?" Remus asked
"Come on, lad," Moody said then turned back to where Tonks was standing, gaping at the still unmoving form of her cousin on the stone floor. "You, too, Nymphadora," he commanded, taking Bill by the arm.
"Don't call me Nymphadora, Mad Eye," Tonks said as she walked toward him, eyes still fixed on Sirius. She tripped over a chair leg on her way, which seemed to snap her out of her trance. Together, the three of them left the kitchen.
When Remus heard the front door close, he knelt down and touched Sirius' shoulder. "Padfoot?" he called quietly, but received no response. He moved closer to see if Sirius was conscious and, from his new angle, Remus could clearly see the deep scarlet handprint Kate had left on his upturned cheek. Inwardly, the werewolf cringed. That would certainly be there for awhile yet. Remus was more concerned, however, about the damage Bill's punch might have inflicted on Sirius' eye, which was pressed to the floor.
"Padfoot," Remus called again and pressed on Sirius shoulder in an attempt to turn him over. Meeting a bit of resistance, Remus sighed in relief; at least he was conscious. "Come, Sirius, turn over so I can get a look at that eye."
Sirius allowed Remus to gently guide him into a sitting position, propped up against the sideboard cabinet. When Remus looked down to check the eye, he found that it had already swollen shut and there was an ugly purple bruise forming on his high cheekbone, as well. He pulled his wand from inside his robes and muttered a healing spell, watching intently as the skin returned to its normal pallor and the swelling receded. "There, all better," he said to his silent friend. "Now, do you want to tell me what that was all about?"
Sirius looked over at him. "Bill Weasley hit me."
"Oh, for the love of Merlin, Sirius, stop being such a bloody arse and give me a straight answer for once before I hit you!" Remus bit out.
"Are you blind?" Sirius asked him. "Didn't you see what was going on with them?"
Remus looked at his friend, his gaze incredulous. "Sirius, there is nothing going on between them. They're friends. Bill Weasley has been involved with a French girl – a Veela named Fleur Delacourt; they've been together since the Tri-Wizard Tournament last year. He's not interested in Kate!"
"Bah!" Sirius waved him off then struggled to his feet. "Then how did her earring end up in his bed?"
"Sirius, you'd best mind what you say or I really might just hit you myself," Remus said, shortly. "I never heard the word 'bed' uttered in their exchange. In fact, I don't believe that Bill said anything about where it was found. How you could just assume that…" he stopped, a look of disbelief crossing his face. "Oh, Padfoot, you didn't…that isn't why…Sirius, please tell me that you didn't get that slap in the face because you accused her of sleeping with Bill Weasley!"
Sirius looked away from Remus and said nothing.
"You deserved what she gave you," Remus said to him and walked away.
Sirius' expression changed in an instant – from arrogant self-righteousness to shock and disbelief. "Mooney, you don't understand," he began.
"No, Sirius," Remus said, sitting down at the table. "You don't understand and I'm sick and tired of trying to explain it to you. You're officially on your own here. Figure it out for yourself."
Sirius stared at his best friend for several moments, then turned and left the room. Remus was still sitting there long after Sirius' footsteps could no longer be heard.
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Sirius climbed the stairs with determined steps; his goal was to get to his room without seeing anyone. Regrettably, as he passed Kate's door, it opened and Kate froze in the doorway as she saw him. Her eyes automatically went to his cheek where, though somewhat faded, her handprint was still visible.
Sirius brought his own hand up to touch the mark then shoved his fist back into the pocket of his robes. The confrontation downstairs with Remus had become the norm, but cutting Sirius off from his advice, from his ready ear was not. Sirius had both a prickly conscience and an ache in his heart after hearing those words. As a result of that conversation and so many others that had occurred in the past 24 hours, Sirius' nerves were frayed beyond their limits and his emotional balance was more than precarious; Kate's appearance was something he could not handle with any degree of rationality.
As Kate turned toward the stairs, Sirius spoke, his voice harsh. "Kate," she stopped, but did not turn around. "Don't bring him here," he said. "Whatever you do with him, do it outside this house."
Kate turned, slowly, until she faced Sirius. Her face was white and, although she did not move from her spot, Sirius took a step backward.
"I will tell you this once, Sirius – and only once, so please pay attention: There. Is. Nothing. Going. On. Between. Bill. Weasley. And. Me. Period. We are friends and nothing more. Harry and I ran into him this afternoon after we left the cinema. He walked back here with us – and attended the meeting at Dumbledore's request. He is doing work for the Order – just as we all are doing. I am not involved with him. I am certainly not sleeping with him. I am not, actually, sleeping with anyone at the moment, a fact that you know very well." Kate said her voice deadly quiet and her face expressionless.
"Your earring?" Sirius replied, taking a step closer to her.
"He was the friend I met for dinner last week. The only way Bill could have found it was if it had fallen out at the restaurant," Kate responded, moving closer to him.
"I'm supposed to believe that," Sirius shot back, taking yet another step in Kate's direction. "I'm supposed to trust that you're telling me the truth."
Kate took the last step forward, closing the distance between them until they were standing close enough to touch. "You can choose to believe me or not, Sirius. I am telling you the truth."
"Like you told me 'the truth' the night you agreed to wait to tell Harry that you are his Godmother?" Sirius' voice rose.
"I told Harry the truth only because he was about to guess it himself. He told me as much this afternoon; he had worked it out based on things you'd said to him – as well as what he saw when he looked at your photo album," Kate responded.
"You were lurking outside the library. You heard everything that was going on in that room. You were spying on us – and when you heard where things were headed, you seized the opportunity to rush into the room and tell Harry the news…to tell him your version of the truth!" Sirius was breathing hard, now, his nostrils flaring in his anger and his eyes flashing dangerously.
"My version of the truth?! Sirius, I told him that I was his Godmother. When he asked me why I hadn't told him, I didn't tell him it was because you were afraid of the fall-out or that you'd asked me not to do it. I told him exactly what you had said. I backed you up! And he believed me. He doesn't bear any grudges. There is no harm done – to him or to his relationship with either of us. You're the person holding the grudge; you're the person who can't forgive – not Harry!" Kate's voice had risen sharply.
"You betrayed my trust!" Sirius shouted, his body trembling with rage.
"You self-righteous son of a bitch!" Kate matched his volume. "You've shut me out since that night and refused to even discuss it with me! I know that listening outside that door was wrong. I know it! I knew it when I stayed – even after I realized that you weren't in there alone. You've never even given me the chance to explain. I've been convicted without trial," Kate stopped and took a deep breath, dropping her voice several levels before continuing, "I heard that boy say my name and I couldn't make myself move. I'm his Godmother, Sirius, and you took that away from me – but with my permission. I let your insecurities and problems dictate my own actions and I truly did mean to live up to our bargain. But I heard you with him and you were not having an easy time. You were reliving James and Lily's deaths and you were so upset. I couldn't imagine what it would have done if Harry had guessed – and guessed correctly. He was starting to become more and more angry – I could hear it in his voice. Yes, I was happy to finally have him know the truth, but I could have kept it to myself if everything else hadn't been spiraling downward as it was. I didn't think, Sirius – I reacted! It wasn't so much what I wanted to do as it was what I wanted not to have happen. I did not betray you. I was wrong to have eavesdropped on the two of you and I'm sorry, but I can't change it. It's done. It's in the past. I can only apologize, which I've done." Kate finished and put her hands in the pocket of her robes.
Sirius was silent for a moment. "I can't get past feeling like you took my trust and threw it back in my face," he said.
Kate looked up at him. "I don't know how to change that for you, Sirius. I've done and said everything I can think of to try to convince you why I did what I did. It never crossed my mind to hurt you, not ever. But every time I put a foot wrong, you're there to condemn me, to say things that you know will hurt me. And you've been wildly successful." Kate waited until Sirius looked back at her then continued, "You know, you lied to me, too."
Sirius' face dropped. "I have never lied to you, Kate! Not since the old days, not since the first War when we were trying to figure out who the traitor was; not since you came back to London!"
Kate nodded. "Yes, Sirius. Yes, you have." She slowly raised her right hand until his gaze shifted and he looked at her finger. "You lied while you put this on my finger. You said this was your promise – a vow to work on our relationship, not to run away from it. To try to work through the hard times and all the bumps in the road. You told me that every single time I looked at it, you wanted me to remember that you were going to try. You promised all of that, and then you said that you loved me. You lied. How could you have been telling me the truth when it's so easy for you to walk away from me? When it's so damned easy for you to hurt me, to believe the worst of me? To believe that I would love you so little that I would take up with another man on a whim, as a reason to hurt you? That I would go to bed with another man – that I could go to bed with another man after we had come back together. To believe that everything we said to each other two days ago meant nothing to me. To believe and do all of that, Sirius, you would have to have lied to me." Tears had been streaming down Kate's face since she had raised her hand to make her point about Sirius' promise ring. She turned, approaching the flight of stairs that went up to the third floor. Seating herself on one of the stairs, she put her hands in her lap and twirled the ring on her finger while she fought for her control. Sirius walked over to where Kate was seated, but instead of sitting near her or touching her, he sat with his back against the wall at the start of the stairway. He remained silent.
"Sirius, you have to figure out what you want from me, with me. I can't stay on this rollercoaster ride much longer. Two days ago, we made love to each other and promised to work through times like these. Now, today, you're accusing me of sleeping with Bill Weasley and of intentionally betraying your trust with Harry. You throw insults, accusations and barbs at me then leave the room without listening to anything I have to say. It just hurts too much to go through this," Kate said, sadly.
Sirius looked up at her. "What do you want me to do, Kate?" he asked.
"What do I want?" Kate drew a shaky breath and raised her hand again. "I want you to keep your promise; but it's not about what I want. You have to want to keep your promise. You've got to want it even more than I do and I haven't seen much evidence of it. It feels like you don't love me anymore; that whatever you once felt for me has well and truly died. In fact, it feels as if you're latching onto anything that would let you walk away from me; walk away from us." Kate looked at him. "Is that what you want, Sirius? Do you want me to release you from your promise?"
Sirius sat, his head bowed and his hands upturned in his lap. Kate waited a moment, desperate for any movement or word that would tell her that Sirius wasn't ready to give up. When he didn't move after several more minutes, Kate rose silently and drew the ring from her finger. Holding back a sob, but unable to stop the scalding tears from flowing down her cheeks, she leaned down and dropped the ring into his open hand, then turned and ran back to her room, closing the door behind her.