Fragments of Us

Disclaimer: This story is based on characters and situations created and owned by JK Rowling, various publishers including but not limited to Bloomsbury Books, Scholastic Books and Raincoast Books, and Warner Bros., Inc. No money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended.

Warnings: A little suggestive behavior, but nothing really sexual. (I think they both need a rest for the moment!)

Chapter 33 – Real Life Resumes

The balance of the holiday passed uneventfully, with most of the New Year's Eve partygoers returning for a large dinner the following day. Kate and Sirius were noticeably closer, the fact of which did not go unnoticed by anyone present. Although everyone was happy that the couple had picked up the threads of their previous relationship and was working to re-establish it completely, there was an underlying tone of caution. Sirius was so much better now than before, but everyone – including Kate – understood that his healing process, both physical and emotional, would take time.

On the Saturday before everyone was due to return to school, Dumbledore contacted the Order with details of the security assignment for Harry's trip to King's Cross. Remus, Tonks and Mad Eye would represent the security detail; Kate would remain behind, with Sirius. It was hoped that his improved mental and emotional state combined with Kate's presence would preclude a trackside appearance by Padfoot. While saddened at his continued inability to move freely about, particularly where Harry was concerned, Sirius took the news fairly well. He hated seeing Harry leave, but his renewed closeness with Kate dispelled some of the anxiety and depression he slipped into when faced with being alone in the house that represented so much pain for him.

On Saturday evening, Kate and Tonks taught Sirius, Remus and Harry how to play poker, a game to which Remus had already had some exposure but about which the other wizards knew nothing. Initially, they played with Bertie Bott's Every Flavored Beans, but when Sirius kept stealing and eating pieces from Tonks' winnings, that plan failed. Tonks came up with the very bright idea of charming some of the candy into Muggle poker chips, which worked much better. When everyone got the hang of the rules, the level of noise – and fairly raucous commentary – rose as play became very competitive, indeed. When Sirius regaled them with some particularly lewd commentary after Remus won a hand with what he gleefully declared was "two pair", all sense of decorum was lost. From that hand onward, the Muggle playing cards were subject to a great deal of scrutiny and suggestive comment by the master of the house and his cousin – no stranger to off-color stories in her own right. By the time midnight rolled around, the entire party was ready to pack it in, citing laughter-induced muscle aches and sore throats.

"Why don't you head upstairs, Katie girl?" Sirius suggested. "I'll put the room to rights and come along in a little bit." Kate agreed, stopping for a lingering kiss and warm embrace.

Sirius snuggled her closer and smiled when he felt her lips on his neck. "I'll be right along, you know. You'll hardly have time to miss me," he teased.

Kate's hand snaked downward to give her favorite response to his bottom, only to encounter a hard, flat surface instead of the slightly rounded, firm shape she'd come to expect. She leaned backward to look at him and found Sirius grinning down at her.

"And just what is this?" she asked, returning his smile.

Sirius took a step back from her and placed both hands behind his back. With a bit of tugging, he soon exclaimed, "Voila!" and, with a flourish, brought his hands back into view. Each of them held a back issue of Witch Weekly, magically reduced in size to provide the required, two-sided coverage. Kate looked at him for a moment then collapsed into peals of laughter. She reached forward, removed the magazines from his hands and pitched them over her shoulder as she walked toward him. Sirius chuckled and embraced her loosely. "Let that be a lesson to you, Madam. A smart wizard is always prepared for all manner of attacks to his person … especially to those parts of his person that are frequently subject to unsavory attention," he followed his comment by kissing her soundly and releasing her.

Kate's eyes sparkled. "'Unsavory attention', eh?" she teased. "Well, why don't you hustle said body part upstairs and I'll see if I can't focus some savory attention on it, hmm?"

Sirius smiled, his blue eyes darkening as he looked at her lovely face, her slightly kiss-swollen lips and considered her offer. Merlin, I love this woman, he thought to himself as he leaned forward and dropped a quick but tender kiss on her lips. "I'll see you shortly and will fully expect to collect on that promise," he whispered then watched as Kate crossed the room, turning and waving saucily before making her exit.

Sirius was still smiling a few moments later when he magically reduced the fire to embers, extinguished the candles and walked out into the hallway. As he moved toward the stairway, he noticed that there was light coming from the doorway where the Black Family Tapestry was kept. Curious as to who might be inside – and suspecting Tonks – Sirius made his way to the door and was surprised to see Harry standing there, examining the tapestry that covered the entire periphery of the room.

"Harry," he greeted his Godson softly, hoping not to startle him and dismayed when he saw the boy jump slightly. "Sorry," Sirius said. "I was on my way to bed and noticed the light. So you've found the Tapestry, have you?"

Harry looked at his Godfather somewhat ruefully. "I didn't mean to pry, really. I saw Kreacher coming out of here and I realized that I'd never really noticed this door before. I just…sort of…wanted to check it out."

Sirius placed a warm hand on the boy's shoulder and brought his face down until he could catch Harry's gaze. "There's nothing to apologize for, Harry. We're family, after all…well, you and I at any rate. The majority of these lunatics disowned me long ago and the only ones who didn't had already been disowned themselves." He felt a chill go through him as some of the dark memories of his childhood, though splintered, popped into his mind. Sirius shook his head as if to clear them and found Harry again looking at the Tapestry.

"Why are parts of it scorched?" he asked, turning to face Sirius once again. "I can barely make out your name."

Sirius smiled grimly. "My mother did that the day she disowned me. I was 16 years old." His face took on the lost look of a child who, unloved by those who should have loved and nurtured him unconditionally, was finally cast out to make his own way – at an age when he should have been concerned only with careless things, not his own survival.

Harry reached out and grasped Sirius' arm. "Where did you go?" he asked, his voice tight.

Sirius blinked and brought himself back to the present, smiling at Harry softly. "Your dad's. He and your grandparents took me in and I lived with them as if I was another son. I guess in many ways, they considered me so; I was grateful beyond words for them all. In fact, your grandfather was so incensed at my parents that he personally came here to collect my belongings – pulled together by Kreacher, of course. My parents decided that even touching my things put them in too close proximity to my traitorous self for their liking. I never set foot in this house again until Dumbledore accepted it as headquarters for the Order. Since my escape, it's been about the only useful contribution I've been able to make." His voice was bitter as his sense of uselessness began to creep back into his emotions.

Harry shook his head and stepped forward to wrap his Godfather in a warm embrace, which, after a moment, he felt him return. "That's not true, Sirius. You are my family. Even with all the crap happening at Hogwarts, I never forget that you're here – that I finally have a family other than those bloody Dursleys! The thought that I can come here and be with you – and now with Kate, too – gives me something to look forward to. I can get on the train at the end of the year and be like every other kid and, for once in my life, look forward to summer holidays. Maybe that's not the kind of contribution you think is very important, but, Sirius, to me, it's everything!" Harry felt Sirius tremble slightly and he tightened his arms around him, trying to make the older man understand what he was trying to say. After a moment, he felt Sirius' hand at the back of his head, stroking his hair and returning the stronger embrace. Then, their connection was broken as Sirius took a step back and looked at Harry with eyes that were suspiciously moist.

"I promise you, Harry, when all of this is over, we will be a proper family," he vowed, his voice clear and firm. "We won't live here – in this hideous house. We'll find someplace where there isn't any darkness, there's no dark past to contend with. We'll be happy."

Harry nodded, smiling shyly. "The three of us," he said.

Sirius smiled in return. "Well, we'll have to ask the lady, but I hope she'll still have me," he said.

"Don't worry, she will," Harry reassured Sirius, who nodded.

"We'll see," he said. "Now, you'd best get off to bed. You've a long trip ahead of you tomorrow and classes start the day after."

"Yes, Dad," Harry joked and rolled his eyes. Sirius, however, caught his breath at his words. Dad. He felt his throat tighten. He knew Harry was just teasing him about his over-protectiveness, but he really did have that responsibility now. He had taken on the role that James and Lily had set for him.

"Sirius?" Harry's anxious voice permeated Sirius' thoughts. "Are you alright?"

Sirius started slightly then fixed his gaze on Harry's face as he brought an arm up to encircle his shoulders. "Yes, yes, of course. I'm fine, Harry. Just woolgathering a bit," he responded. "Off you go, now," and he gently steered Harry toward the door.

Harry reached for Sirius' arm, giving it a squeeze as he walked toward the door. "Good night, Sirius," he said.

Sirius covered Harry's hand with his own. "Good night, Harry," he said quietly.

He watched Harry up the stairs then leaned back into the room to grasp the door handle. Giving one more grim look at the room that housed his family's damnable pureblood history, he closed the door firmly and headed to his own bedroom where Kate was waiting.

XXXX

Kate looked up from her book when she heard the door open. Just one look at Sirius' face told her that something had happened. Noting his closed expression, Kate decided not to push it. She knew this man well enough to know that he would tell her in his own time and that asking before he was ready to speak would often drive him in the other direction. Kate fixed a smile on her face.

"Good evening, Mr. Black," she said warmly. She turned back the covers on the opposite side of the bed. "Care to have me read you a little bedtime story from this book of Charms and Spells I found? I'm all the way up to the section on silencing charms," she added, waggling her eyebrows up and down.

Sirius smiled at her but shook his head. "Maybe tomorrow," he said, heading to the bathroom. "I'll be right back."

Kate marked her place in the book and with a wave of her hand, lowered the brightness of the candles in the room. This isn't good, she thought to herself, sliding down into the bed and waiting for Sirius to come back.

After a few moments, Sirius slipped into bed next to her. He reached over and gathered her into his arms and Kate felt the relief sweep through her. She cupped his cheek with her hand and kissed him tenderly, enjoying the contrast between the warmth of her lips and the minty chill of Sirius'. "You taste like candy, Mr. Black," Kate murmured against his lips.

"Can't go to bed with unclean teeth," he responded with a ghost of a smile.

Ok, let's see if I can get his mind away from whatever is bothering him. Kate smiled, and then kissed him again, more passionately this time, allowing her hand to roam downward, beneath the covers, until she reached the waistband of his sleeping pants.

"Kate, no," Sirius quiet voice sounded in her ear. "I'm sorry, I just…" his voice trailed off.

Kate withdrew her hand, her cheeks slightly pink. She kissed his cheek and lowered her head back to the pillow.

"Please don't be angry with me," Sirius whispered, turning his head to face her and tightening his hold on her waist.

Kate moved closer to him. "I'm not angry with you, darling – not at all. A little embarrassed, maybe, but definitely not angry."

Sirius sighed and Kate felt his warm breath against her face. "Don't be embarrassed, either. I love it when you touch me; I love it when you initiate lovemaking, really I do. Really." He smiled at her.

"I believe you," she replied. "What happened downstairs? This is more than an irrational fear for your behind, I suspect."

"Harry found the Tapestry Room," he said. "We had a bit of a trip down memory lane – well, my memory lane anyway. You know that's seldom a happy voyage, especially in this hell hole." Sirius grimaced and shivered involuntarily.

"I know, darling," Kate said, stroking his arm tenderly. "How extensive was the trip?"

"He found my name and asked why my face – and so many others – had been 'scorched'. I told him about how I'd been disowned at 16 and taken in by his grandparents and father," Sirius turned on his side so he could face her. "I told him about how James' father had come her personally the next day to collect my things from my parents. You should have seen Harry's face, Katie. He looked so indignant on behalf of my 16 year-old self – and so proud of his father and grandparents – none of whom he ever knew." He signed, sadly.

Kate leaned over and kissed him gently. "You do know that every story you share with him brings him closer to them, right? Every memory you can recall for Harry helps him know his family – including his 16 year-old Godfather. That is a precious gift, Sirius – and one that very few people can give that boy. And it's a gift to you, as well. It's one more memory you've recaptured. I know that being disowned isn't a pleasant memory at all…but finding a home where you were loved – a real home – is the happy ending to that unpleasantness. You know all of that, right?"

Sirius reached for her hand and brought it to his lips. He kissed her fingers then clasped them tightly against his chest. "I do. They were my family; they loved me." He watched as Kate's eyes filled and a single tear slid over the bridge of her nose, across her cheekbone and onto her pillow. Sirius' brows drew together. "What is it, love?"

Kate brushed at her eyes before answering. "You have absolutely no idea how young you looked and sounded just then. If your parents weren't already dead, I think I'd just have to kill them, myself for what they did to you all those years," she said furiously. "I think my new goal is to figure out how your dear old Mum managed to permanently stick that bloody portrait to the wall and undo that blasted charm!"

Sirius smiled at her. "Maybe we'll do that together one day. For now, we've got a bigger fight ahead of us. We've got to defeat him for good this time, Katie. We've got to!"

Kate nodded. "We will, darling. And then, we'll be together – the three of us."

Sirius' brows rose. "Harry said much the same thing to me downstairs."

Kate smiled. "Great minds. And your response?"

"I told him that we'd have to ask the lady first and see if she'll still have me," he said, his cheeks darkening a bit. "Harry basically told me that I didn't have anything to worry about. Of course, he doesn't know about…" his voice trailed off and he brought her hand over to rest on the Promise ring. Sirius' eyes searched her face.

Kate squeezed his hand. "You should listen to your Godson more and worry about this less. Don't you think we're doing ok together?"

Sirius moved closer to her, swinging his leg over hers to strengthen their connection. "I do, but we agreed to move more slowly this time." He smiled, wryly. "Although we don't seem to have taken "slowly" to heart in every aspect of our newfound relationship, do we?"

Kate laughed softly. "Hmm, no. I would have to agree with you on that point. But, we are moving slowly in terms of making sure we both can keep our promises. There will be hard times down the road. We both know that. Because our physical intimacy is restored doesn't mean that we're rushing headlong into declaring that everything is fixed. I think we're working really hard to make sure we stay on track and we've been successful so far. Right?"

He nodded, kissing her softly. "I do love you, Katie-girl," he whispered. "I worry sometimes, though." Sirius paused.

"Tell me," Kate said quietly. "Remember, you promised that you'd tell me if you were afraid or anxious and we'd work through it. No secrets, right?"

Sirius took a deep breath. "Right. No secrets – ever. Ok. Tonight, as I was hustling Harry off to his room, he sort of rolled his eyes at me and referred to me as 'Dad'. Now, I know he was just teasing me about being overprotective of him, but it struck me that now, that's the role I play in his life." He took another breath and met Kate's eyes. "It made me realize that I can protect him no more effectively than James can – now. I'm stuck here. I can't get to him if he needs me. I can't even take him to the bloody station tomorrow – or pick him up for holidays. What if we never find that bloody rat, Katie? What if my name is never cleared? Whether or not you'd have me could easily be a moot point. If I'm not free, I have nothing to offer you – even if you were willing to be with me permanently. Katie-girl, what if I never get the chance to have a son of my own? What if my name is cleared when I'm just too blasted old to have a child? What if Harry is the only chance I have and I can't even parent him properly? What if…"

Kate cut him off by pressing her lips to his – hard. Sirius felt a tear land on his cheek and when he opened his eyes, he saw that Kate was crying. "Oh, Katie, I didn't mean to make you cry," he said, smoothing her hair back from her face.

"Then, shut up," she said, her breath hitching. "You listen to me, Sirius Black. Stop borrowing trouble. You can fill a room with "what ifs" and they don't mean a bloody thing because we can't control them. All we can do is drive ourselves mad worrying about all the options in our lives. You protect Harry by staying safe. He knows you're alive. He knows you're here. He knows you're innocent. He knows you're his family." Kate paused when she saw a sheepish expression flit across Sirius' face. "Oh, he told you that, did he?" Sirius nodded. "I repeat: you should listen to your Godson more! We will catch Pettigrew. We will clear your name. Wizards and witches live extraordinarily long lives, Sirius. There will be plenty of time for us to decide whether or not we'll have children – and how many. Stop with the "what ifs" and focus on the here and now. You are no longer in Azkaban. You are free of the Dementors. Yes, you are back in this mausoleum, BUT it's better than Azkaban, isn't it? You have Harry, Sirius – and he knows the truth! You have Remus – and he knows the truth. You have me, Sirius – and I know the truth. And I love you. And I'm not leaving you. That's the here and now, my love. Focus on that, yes?"

Sirius' eyes had not left hers throughout her comments. He was enthralled by her passion; it radiated from her in waves and revived him – reawakened his strength to fight. He reached up and placed his hand on the back of her head, gently directing her closer to his face. "I love you," he whispered against her lips, and then silenced them both with a long, tender and passionate kiss.

When they broke apart, Kate murmured, "I love you – with all my heart."

Sirius nodded then gave her a mischievous smile.

"What?" Kate asked, cautiously, smiling at him.

"I think I might be ready to collect on that promise you made to me earlier," Sirius said, pulling her on top of him.

"What a coincidence," Kate whispered. "I suddenly have an appetite for "savory" attentions…"

With a deep chuckle, Sirius captured her mouth in a passionate kiss. "I love you, my Katie girl."

"I love you, my darling. Now, shut up and let me pay my debts," Kate said against his lips and with a nod from a very aroused wizard, she did just that.