Fragments of Us

Disclaimer: This story is based on characters and situations created and owned by JK Rowling, various publishers including but not limited to Bloomsbury Books, Scholastic Books and Raincoast Books, and Warner Bros., Inc. No money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended.

Warnings: None for this chapter.

Chapter 35 – Nightmares and Promises

Kate woke suddenly, immediately reaching for her wand before her mind was fully conscious. The bed was shaking and, in the pitch darkness of the room, Kate could not determine if it was safe to bring a candle to life to take stock of the situation. A sharp cry from the other side of the bed made the decision for her and, with a wave of her wand, Kate lit the thick candle on her bed stand. Still brandishing her wand, Kate turned toward the cry and saw Sirius sitting upright, hair tangled, body covered in sweat and shaking violently. His eyes were open, but whatever held his attention was not in this room. Dear Merlin, not again, Kate thought. He's been doing so well.

"No! Harry, run!" Sirius' voice was raw, as if ripped forcibly from his throat and his expression was as it had been before: frozen in horror.

Kate took a deep breath and moved closer to the unconscious man. "Sirius," she murmured, not yet daring to touch him in fear that his reaction would cause more damage. She waited and then when she saw no change, she tried again. "Sirius," she said, moving a bit closer to him.

"Take him, Kate! Go!" Sirius' hand fumbled toward an invisible pocket that would have ordinarily held his wand had he been wearing robes. His fingers dragged against his side, creating deep welts that he clearly did not feel.

"Sirius," Kate's voice rose slightly and was more insistent.

He turned, rising to his knees, his gaze still unfocused but now resting on her face. Sirius reached out to her, clutching her upper arms with incredible strength, his face a study in angry desperation, his voice sharp. "Kate! Why are you still here? Take Harry – run! Get out before they kill him!"

Kate bit back a cry of pain as his nails bit into the tender flesh of her arms. The pressure of his fingers was increasing and he had begun to shake even more violently. Afraid for him and needing to do something to relieve the incredible force of his grasp on her skin, Kate took a deep breath and spoke sharply, "Sirius – WAKE UP!"

Almost immediately, his hold on her lessened and Kate instinctively reached up to cover where his hands had been. She felt the sting as her hands encountered the crescent shaped wounds left by his nails, but she would not look away from Sirius' face until she was certain he was awake. As she watched him, Sirius blinked once, then several times in rapid succession. Slowly, his ragged breathing began to become less labored and he was finally able to focus on her face.

Kate reached over to the bedside table and poured him a glass of water from the pitcher. "Here," she whispered, holding it out to him.

Sirius took the glass from her hand, but as he did so, some of the water sloshed onto the bed linens as his hand was still shaking too violently to control it.

"Here," Kate said again, steadying the glass by placing her hands over his and guiding it to his mouth. After he'd drunk his fill, Kate returned the glass to the table and reached for Sirius' hand. "What was that about?" she asked gently.

Sirius shook his head. "Nightmare."

"Yes, well, I thought it might have been, actually. Can you remember it?"

Sirius' head whipped around to face her. "You want me to relive it?" he spat out then turned away, making a motion to rise from the bed.

Kate leaned over and wrapped her hands around his arm. "Stop it, Sirius," she said sternly. "No running away. Talk to me, remember?" She reached around and brought the ring from the back of his neck to hang in its customary spot on his chest.

Sirius turned back to her. "I have to use the toilet, alright? Unless you'd like a repeat performance of the first time you found me having one of these episodes, you'll let go of me."

"Fine," Kate released him. "Go."

After the bathroom door had closed, Kate threw on her bathrobe then grabbed her wand and stripped the bed, sent the sheets to the hamper and retrieved fresh linens from the closet, swiftly re-making the bed. By the time she was finished, Sirius came through the door, pausing just inside the bedroom.

"Still want to talk to me?" he asked. "I wouldn't blame you if you said 'no'."

Kate sighed, climbed back onto her side of the bed and turned down the covers on his. "Come here," she said.

Sirius crossed the rest of the way into the room and sat at the end of the bed, at Kate's feet. "I'm sorry about before," he said. "I…when they end, I'm ... I just want to forget. I'm sorry," Sirius said again.

"Is it the same nightmare as before?" Kate asked him quietly.

Sirius shook his head. "No, this one involves Harry and…you, as well." He shrugged. "I've only had this one a couple of times." He looked up at her. "Katie, I don't really want to think about it anymore. Please."

Kate studied his face for a moment before she spoke. "I will respect your decision if you don't want to talk about it, but, Sirius, I need to tell you that I just don't think it's a healthy way to handle things. Maybe if you talked about it – about what you could remember – you wouldn't have it again."

Sirius shook his head. "No," he said quietly. "Kate, please. Can't we just drop it?"

Kate sighed. "Ok. I told you I would respect your wishes and I will. But do something for me, will you?" At his nod, she continued. "If it happens again, at least think about talking to Remus, ok? You know he'll help you sort through it if you ask him to; all he'll do is listen if that's all you want from him."

Sirius looked over at her and nodded. "I will, Kate." He glanced over at the clock on the table. "You've only got a few hours left before you have to get up for work. Do you want to go back to your own room – you know, just in case?"

"I do not," Kate said to him. "Sirius, do you honestly think that I'd sleep back in my own bed, knowing that you were probably here, pacing or tossing and turning?" She thought for a moment, then asked, "Unless…Sirius – unless you'd prefer that I not sleep here tonight. If that's the case, I'll…"

"No!" Sirius leaned forward and grasped Kate by her shoulders, intending to pull her to him. When she winced, he drew back. "What?" he asked.

Kate cast about for some excuse that might spare him hearing what had actually happened to cause the bruising. She bit back a curse that she had not chosen to heal and vanish the bruises instead of changing the bed linens when Sirius went into the bathroom. Well, we promised we wouldn't lie to each other, she thought.

"Kate?" Sirius was saying. "What's wrong?"

Kate looked at him and slid her robe off her shoulders, exposing the bruises and scratches he'd made earlier, in the throes of his nightmare. "Listen, darling, you were in the midst of that dream. You weren't even conscious. You didn't know what you were doing."

Sirius' expression was horrified as he reached out and gently brushed against the bruises. He looked up at her. "I'm so sorry," he whispered. "Maybe you should rethink where you're sleeping tonight, after all."

Kate grabbed his hand. "Stop it," she said, fiercely. "You know better. Didn't you pay any attention to what I just said to you? Sirius, love, you didn't mean to do this and you're not going to hurt me in my sleep. Unless you'd like to kick me out, I'm staying."

He shook his head and Kate brought his hand to her lips and kissed the palm. "Come to bed, darling," she said.

"In a moment," he said and, pulling his wand from the pocket of his robe, he pointed it at Kate's arms one, then the other, and murmured a healing charm. Immediately, the bruises and small scratches disappeared.

Without another word, Sirius stood and walked around to the other side of the bed. He shed his robe then took Kate's from her and laid them at the foot of his bed. Leaving the candle burning, Sirius then slid into bed, settled the covers over them both and drew Kate into his arms.

"Thank you," she whispered against his shoulder, dropping a kiss on the smooth flesh and wrapping her arm around his waist.

Sirius dropped his cheek to rest against the top of her head. They were quiet for some time and Kate thought he might have fallen asleep again when she felt the rise of his chest as he took a deep breath and his low, hoarse voice began to fill her ears.

"I know the place I see in the dream. I can't place how I know it, but I've been there. I keep thinking it has to do with the time before Azkaban, but I can't remember anything more clearly than that. There's a hallway with black, highly polished floors. The space is huge and it almost seems like a tunnel that leads to a huge double door. A side door bursts open and Harry comes through, running down the hallway toward the door. You and I Apparate into the hallway, ahead of Harry, but he slips past us. I can't get to him quickly enough. Three black clouds pass right through us and become three Death Eaters. They're bearing down on Harry, but he's not aware of their presence. You run to try to catch up with him as I cannot seem to move quickly at all. It's like my feet are made of lead. I reach into my robes to draw my wand, but it's not there. The Death Eaters are closer to Harry now and you're running along side of him. Both of you are running for the door. I beg you to take Harry and leave before they can reach him but it's as if you can't hear me. The Death Eaters are almost upon you. One of them raises her wand, pointing it at you and beginning to cast some type of spell. Harry sees and blocks it, but they just keep coming. There's a mist coming from beneath the door and it begins to block your vision. You won't take Harry and leave. I beg you but you just…won't … you won't listen and…." Sirius was almost panting and his voice was raw.

Kate tightened her hold on the overwrought wizard beside her, stroking his shoulder and murmuring in what she hoped was a soothing voice. "Darling, it's alright. Harry's alright; he's safe at school and no one can get to him there. I'm right here and no one who shouldn't be in this house can get in. We're safe, love." Kate continued to stroke his shoulder gently and gradually his breathing slowed and the trembling in his body ceased.

"I'm so afraid I'll lose you both," Sirius whispered, stilling her hand and lacing her fingers with his. "I'll be locked up here, totally unable to do anything to help protect either of you – and I'll lose you, again."

"Sirius, don't," Kate said, kissing his shoulder. "Back in the first War, I used to worry every time you went on assignment, do you remember?"

Sirius shook his head. "Only vague impressions."

"I used to fret the night before you left, worried that something would happen to you and that I wouldn't be there. Sirius, you used to tell me that we were at war over something that was bigger than any of us. Our world was at risk and, if something happened to you, at least you would have died trying to protect it. It didn't make me worry any less, but it gave me some perspective. If we don't fight – in any way we're able to – we'll lose everything. You and Remus will have assignments from Dumbledore that will ultimately help Harry and the Order," Kate leaned over Sirius to see into his face. "I know it's not the same as being in the thick of the fight – I'm not naïve, but the last thing Harry needs right now is to have you out there, at risk of being caught. That would distract him, perhaps make him careless. You don't want that."

Sirius looked back at her, intently. "No, I don't. But, Katie, I need you to promise me something. If it comes to a point where Harry needs me and that need could make the difference for his safety, promise me that you'll help me get to him."

Kate shook her head. "Sirius, I can't promise that and it's unfair of you to ask me. First of all, it's not my decision to make. Secondly, Harry may need you but be the worse for your presence because he'd be distracted by the need to have you safe. Sirius, please, don't ask me to promise something I can't deliver to you."

Sirius sighed in frustration. "Then promise me that if I find an acceptable way to help him that you won't stop me."

Kate was silent for a moment, watching Sirius' face and considering what he had asked. Finally, she spoke. "If there is a way that you can help Harry in battle without endangering yourself – or him – that's acceptable to everyone involved, then I will not stop you." But that doesn't mean that Dumbledore or Remus – or both – will go along with it.

Sirius exhaled. "Thank you."

Kate lay back down, putting her head on his shoulder once again. "You know, Sirius, I don't want to lose you again, either."

Sirius kissed the top of her head. "I know, love. I know."

"You know, but you don't make it easy for any of us. I know just how difficult it is for you to be in this house again, let alone being unable to leave it at all. Harry would be devastated should anything happen to you; protecting you is, in a very real way, protecting him as well," Kate whispered. "Please try to remember that."

Sirius reached over and lifted her chin, then turned his head to see her face. "I will, Katie. I promise. It's just so hard. I can finally be a Godfather to the boy, but I can't be his Godfather in the ways that count."

Kate nodded. "You can't be his Godfather in the way that you think matters. Harry loves you like a father and keeping you safe is the only way that counts."

Sirius leaned down and kissed her lips tenderly. "Ok, Katie-girl, I give. What is it the Muggles say? 'You can't beat the house'? Apparently, that's doubly true in my case."

Kate smiled. "Clever, my love."

"You'd best get some sleep," Sirius replied, settling the covers over her shoulders more securely and resting his head against hers once again. "I love you, Katie – with all my heart."

Kate snuggled tightly against him. "I love you, darling."

It wasn't long before Kate was asleep; Sirius watched her until the first faint light of dawn slipped through the heavy draperies then he, too, closed his eyes and slept.

XXXXXXXX

The next morning, Kate awoke to find Sirius in a deep sleep, his face untroubled. She slipped out of bed, donned her robe and silently made her way back to her own room to shower and dress for work. A short time later, Kate entered the kitchen to find Remus already seated at the table, the Daily Prophet open before him, a steaming mug of tea in his hand.

"Good morning," Kate said, smiling. "Anything interesting?" she asked, nodding at the paper as she prepared a cup of coffee.

Remus smiled in return. "Good morning to you – and, no, nothing spectacular in the paper this morning." He paused. "Ready to go back to work, are you?"

Kate shook her head, ruefully. "If I had my way, I'd still be sleeping." She sipped the steaming coffee appreciatively "It's going to take a lot of this to keep me going today."

"Bad night?" Remus asked, his face concerned.

Kate looked up at him. "Sirius had a nightmare," she said.

"He's been doing so well," Remus observed. "Perhaps Harry's return to school triggered it?"

Kate nodded. "Maybe. I suggested that he talk to you if he has it again."

Remus looked at her thoughtfully. "Did he remember it?"

"Yes. He described it to me in as much detail as he could recall. Unsurprisingly, Harry features prominently," Kate replied. "He thinks he's been in the place where the nightmare takes place, but he can't remember where it is. I know it's bothering him that he can't recall it. I thought that if he spoke with you, together, you might remember."

"Possibly," Remus nodded. "But, you know that we were infrequently assigned to the same mission."

"There's something else," Kate said. "He made me promise that if he could come up with an acceptable way to help Harry without endangering himself, that I wouldn't stop him." At Remus' raised eyebrows, Kate repeated the conversation in more detail for her friend. "I thought it might be wise for you to keep an eye out," she finished.

Remus smiled. "Will do," he replied.

Kate glanced at her watch. "I need to go. Listen, tell Sirius I didn't want to disturb him before I left, will you? I'll be home for dinner, I expect."

"I'll tell him," Remus said, tilting his head when Kate leaned down to kiss his cheek. He laughed. "Isn't this just the scene of domestic bliss?"

Kate returned his grin. "And who would have ever believed it was found in the Black family kitchen?"

With that, Kate picked up her briefcase and headed for the door.