Fragments of Us

Disclaimer: This story is based on characters and situations created and owned by JK Rowling, various publishers including but not limited to Bloomsbury Books, Scholastic Books and Raincoast Books, and Warner Bros., Inc. No money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended.

Warnings: Suggestive behavior, nothing graphic

Chapter 58 – Once and For All

Kate walked through the hospital area of the Annex, through the Great Room and into one of the unoccupied bedrooms without seeing or speaking to anyone. She closed the door behind her then walked into the adjoining bathroom. Mechanically, without thought or feeling, she removed her clothing, tossed everything into the hamper, and stepped into the shower. When the hot water hit her body, so did the emotions she had held in check since her final comments to Sirius. Kate put one hand against the tiled wall to steady herself and stood under the pulsing stream and sobbed. She had no idea of the eventual outcome of her comments to Sirius; she knew what she wanted it to be, but knew also that there were no guarantees. Kate knew that she had been harsh – particularly in threatening their relationship – but she also knew Sirius better than anyone else and he was headstrong, stubborn and would not yield in his decisions if they involved protecting people he loved. Kate knew that her only hope was to get him to see that his plan for protection would do more harm than good. She only hoped she had succeeded. As the water began to cool, Kate reached for the shampoo and quickly went through the motions of completing her shower. It wasn't long before she was walking toward the bed in a robe conjured from a large, fluffy bath towel. Pulling back the covers, Kate slipped out of the robe, tossing it onto the bottom of the bed. She slipped into bed, pulling the warm bedclothes over herself and immediately fell asleep.

XXXXXXXX

Out on the balcony, Sirius stood staring at the window through which Kate had just disappeared. The uncontrollable shaking coursing through his body had more to do with the words she had spoken than the chilling breezes of March; that much he knew. Slowly, Sirius turned back to the railing and looked out at the deserted grounds. The memory of Kate's voice wove a cold, painful litany in his head.

"If you do this – if you leave – our relationship is over". Sirius hung his head. How could she say that to him? Haven't we already been here and back, Katie-girl? Can't you see that the only way I can protect you – or at least not expose you to risk – is by taking myself away from you? I can draw them away from you. If I get far enough away and let myself be seen, they'll know that we're not together. Maybe they'll think that we never were together.

"You are putting me in the same position you were in when James and Lily were murdered." Sirius' head snapped up. Was he? Yes, he had made the decision to switch Secret Keepers and had convinced James it was the right thing to do … for their own protection. It hadn't been, though, had it? He'd been so sure and he'd lived with the guilt ever since. He closed his eyes, remembering her words.

"You are making me responsible for what happens to you. If you are caught and Kissed, it will be my fault. If you are killed, that will be my fault as well. If you are injured, tortured, if you freeze or starve to death, it will be my fault. Because you are willing to sacrifice yourself in a misguided and unnecessary attempt to protect me, you are putting me in the same position you were in when James and Lily were murdered. You are putting the mantle of guilt and responsibility squarely on my shoulders, without thinking about what it will do to me to carry it. Azkaban will be nothing to me compared to what you will have done." Sirius gritted his teeth as he realized the truth of her words. He was making a rash decision, the consequence for which would not be his alone to bear. She was right: by making the decision to leave again and telling her that it was for her protection, he was laying all that could happen in her lap. He thought of all the days and nights in Azkaban when all he could picture was Godric's Hollow the night James and Lily were killed. The sound of Harry's cries ripped through his tortured mind and he could smell the burned wood, the acrid odor of melted and scorched fabric and plastics. These were the elements of his nightmares, less frequent now that he was relatively secure. He shuddered as he recalled how Kate's face had slipped into those nightmares after she had returned to London. How could I have thought to put her in that same hell? Worse, actually; because she'd ordered him not to contact her and therefore, she would never know where he was or what had happened to him. Sirius sighed again. It would eat away at her as little else could because she would hold herself responsible for all of it.

"It will be my fault…Azkaban will be nothing to me compared to what you will have done … it will be my fault … my fault." Sirius clenched his fists where they rested on top of the stone railing. It wouldn't be your fault, Katie-girl. It. Would. Be. Mine. Sirius felt the hot tears tracking down his cold cheeks. "I could keep the Ministry away from you, Kate, but I couldn't do a bloody thing about what you could do to yourself over this, could I?" he muttered through clenched teeth.

"Sirius, I love you with everything I am." And in that moment, his understanding was complete. He knew that she did love him and that Kate had realized that it would take this kind of threat to get through his thick head. And Harry and Remus – having to tell them would not have been pretty, and Kate knew it. Talk about a 3-deep plan, he thought. If he had continued his rash decision to go back on the run, Kate had built in two additional opportunities for him to be stopped – in the only two people who might have been able to wear him down or make him see reason - if Kate could not.

"Katie-girl, I don't know why you put up with me sometimes," Sirius said, sadly, using the edges of his cloak to clear his face.

"Neither do I," a hoarse voice said from behind him. "It can't be because of your fashion sense, though." Remus' smile disappeared from his face when his friend turned around to face him. "Padfoot," he said sadly. "What has happened?"

Sirius shook his head. "It's a long story, Mooney and I'm freezing my bits off out here. I need a hot shower, then I'll tell you all about it." He paused before stepping through the open window to the welcome warmth of the Annex. Turning to Remus he said, "I think I might have finally learned to think before I speak, Mooney. To think about what I'm planning to do and how it will impact other people. I'm really getting tired of making that woman cry, Mooney."

"I should hope so, Padfoot. And I'm anxious to hear about whatever brought on this epiphany of yours," Remus looked carefully at his friend. "Whatever it was, it doesn't look like you had an easy time of it, either."

Sirius shook his head as he stepped over the windowsill. "The difference was that I deserved to have a tough time. Katie didn't."

"Ah, there you are," Molly came into the room and gestured toward the cloak. "I'll have that back, if you please."

As Sirius handed her the cloak, she continued, "Would you boys like some tea? I thought you were going to stay out there until Spring thaw."

Sirius managed a small smile and stepped in to hug the older woman. As he did so, he felt his emotions well up again and he shivered. "Fortunately, it didn't take that long to come to my senses, Mum," he said, pulling away and kissing her cheek. "I'm going to grab a shower and some warm clothes first, then I'll have some tea. Maybe Mooney here would rather not wait for me, yeah?"

As his best friend headed through the door, Remus looked down at Molly and smiled, "Mum?" he asked quietly.

Molly nodded, lifting up her chin a bit. "Mum," she confirmed. "I'm proud to think he'd call me that."

Remus squeezed her arm. "And I'm thrilled he finally has one. That harridan who birthed him certainly wasn't a mother to him." The normally placid werewolf had more than a little bitterness in his tone.

Molly smiled. "So I've been led to believe. Well, he won't have those problems with me. Since we seem to have chosen each other, I think we'll get along just fine. He does look a bit worse for wear at the moment, though."

Remus nodded. "I've been promised a full update once he's all washed and ironed."

Molly laughed. "Well, then, let's get some tea into you and perhaps I'll get to hear the story from him later on as well."

As they settled themselves before the fire in the Great Room, Remus gestured toward the closed bedroom door on the opposite wall. "New occupant?"

Molly followed his gaze. "Kate," she said, simply. "This morning was tiring for her and since she's well enough to be out of the hospital room now, I suppose she just picked out a room for herself."

Remus nodded, thoughtfully and accepted his tea from Molly with a smile. They chatted about Kate's recovery and what they knew about the morning's interrogation. It wasn't long before Sirius reappeared and sat in one of the chairs before the fire. Dressed in Muggle jeans, heavy boots and the sweater Kate had given him for Christmas, he gratefully accepted a steaming mug of tea from Molly with a smile that broadened a bit when she patted his cheek affectionately. Remus gave his friend a teasing roll of the eyes, and chuckled to himself when Sirius' cheeks flushed a bit.

"Tell me," Remus leaned forward to take a biscuit from the tea tray then sat back to listen to his friend relay the events of the day, filling in nicely all the interrogation details Remus had been missing from Tonks' second-hand version.

When he had finished his narrative, Sirius refilled his mug and looked his friend squarely in the eye. "So, Mooney, tell me everything you know about breaking a Wizard Oath…"

Remus raised his eyebrows. "Perhaps it isn't breaking the Oath we need to consider. Let's talk about ways to side-step the truth, shall we?"

With a sly smile, Sirius nodded his head and the two men began to strategize.

XXXXXXXX

Kate awakened to find the room in total darkness, which gave her a moment of pause until the day began flooding back to her. As she lay in the warmth of the bed, she could hear a soft rise and fall of voices outside the door and wondered if the robe could take one more transfiguration that might allow her to make it to Sirius' room and her suitcase, with her dignity intact. Sirius. A deep sense of sadness washed over Kate as she thought of him. If her talk didn't work, he was probably long gone by now. She took a deep breath and pushed back the covers then lit the gaslights with a wave of her hand. Her stomach growled, reminding Kate that she'd not eaten since breakfast and, judging by the view from her window, it was already evening. Kate walked into the bathroom and splashed water on her face, noting the faint pink puffiness beneath her eyes. She sighed and returned to the bedroom and donned and belted her robe, searching for and finding her wand in the deep pocket. Kate thought for a moment and conjured her Patronus – a lioness with huge paws, a beautiful, tawny coat and golden eyes. She knelt down and scratched the beautiful animal beneath her chin while whispering a message in her ear. After Kate straightened, the large cat disappeared through the wall and few moments later, there was a knock on her door.

Kate stepped to the door and opened it a crack to see Molly standing before her, suitcase in hand. Kate accepted it with thanks and Molly left her alone again.

The briefly opened door did not give Kate any insight as to who might belong to the voices she heard when she first awakened. All had been silent beyond the doorway.

Kate quickly dressed in heavy socks, leggings and a large woolen sweater and dragged a brush briskly through her hair before opening the door and stepping into the Great Room.

"Kate, how are you?" Remus' warm voice greeted her, but she couldn't take her eyes off the occupant of the other chair – a fact not lost on the werewolf.

"I'm fine, thank you," she murmured.

Sirius was equally reluctant to divert his attention from Kate, but a loud cough from the sofa did the trick for them both as Kate finally turned to see Dumbledore and Kingsley seated there.

Remus levitated a chair from the other side of the room and dropped it gently next to his own. He wasn't sure how things were to transpire between his friends, so he thought perhaps placing her in more neutral territory might, for the moment, be a good idea.

"Remus and I have been discussing alternatives to breaking a Wizard Oath," Sirius said, his voice slightly strained.

"Sirius has come up with quite a brilliant plan to ensure your safety in giving testimony against Mr. Malfoy, once his trial date has been established," Albus said, handing Kate a cup of tea. "Would you like to hear it?"

Kate nodded, sipping the tea gratefully and turning her attention to Sirius once again.

"It's really quite simple; I'm ashamed I didn't think of it before," he began. "You wouldn't risk a lie if you couldn't answer the question, correct?"

Kate's brows drew together in confusion, but she nodded. "I suppose. But, how could I not answer their questions? I know the truth."

Remus leaned toward her. "This evening, yes. But if we took your memories and put them in a Pensieve, you would not have any incriminating details to give the Wizengamot. Your safety against both Veritaserum and a Wizard Oath would be guaranteed!"

Kate looked from Remus to Sirius. "It is brilliant - and so simple. But, I would have to remove all of my memories of Sirius from the time I returned to London until …"

"Until the trial," Sirius finished. "But, we wouldn't have to remove the memories until just before you went to the Wizengamot to testify and we would replace them immediately upon your return."

"How would we explain my pregnancy?" Kate asked.

Remus stepped in. "We would need to invent a relationship here to support it. If pressed, we could come up with a story about a love affair that ended tragically at the hands of Death Eaters. It would certainly be believable."

Kate nodded. "What about an identity for the poor bloke?"

It was Kingsley's turn to answer. "We're in the MLE, Kate. I'm sure there's a file lying about somewhere that would give us the name of an appropriate partner for you."

Kate smiled. "Well, it certainly seems like you've done your research." She looked at Sirius with an odd expression on her face. "All of you."

Albus smiled and rose. "Well, then, it seems that we're agreed. We shall wait until the morning of the trial and I will bring a Pensieve here for you to use, Kate. You are familiar with the spell that is required?"

"I am – and I appreciate your help."

"My pleasure, my dear. I shall plan to see you again very soon. Perhaps young Mr. Potter could be spirited in to visit with his Godparents for a time," Albus' eyes twinkled merrily.

Sirius smiled broadly. "Albus, thank you. I miss the boy and would love the chance to speak with him."

"I suspect he feels the same," Albus replied, moving toward the door. "Alas, I cannot remain behind to have dinner with you. Things are … unsettled here at the moment."

Shortly after the Headmaster left, Remus, too, made his excuses, giving Kate a warm hug before letting her walk him to the door. "Good night, Remus. Thank you," she said, standing on tiptoe to kiss his cheek.

With a smile and another hug, Remus left.

"Kate?" Molly's voice carried across the room. "Come, dear. You must be starving."

Kate turned and walked to the kitchen. Sirius was nowhere to be found and her heart sank when she saw the table set for two people. Molly sat down in one of the two chairs. Kate forced a smile on her face and made herself comfortable in the other.

"Sirius won't be joining us?" Kate asked, hoping her voice sounded casual.

Molly ladled stew into Kate's bowl and handed it to her. "No. He said he had something to do and would probably eat later."

Kate nodded, turning her attention to the dinner in front of her. She tried valiantly to quell the nerves rising within her as she forced herself to swallow each mouthful until the dish was empty. "Sirius didn't mention where he was going, did he?"

Molly turned from the sink where she had just placed their dishes. "No, I don't believe he did. But I wouldn't worry, sweet. After all, there aren't many places the child can go, are there?"

Kate gave the Healer a small smile, but her heart was no lighter. Although earlier in the evening, Sirius had not given the appearance of someone preparing to flee, he also would not have wanted Molly to know what he was planning to do. It was doubtful that he would have told her. And, both Remus and Albus were in the Great Room when she awakened earlier in the evening; hadn't she told Sirius that he would have to speak with Remus … and Harry before he left. Kate felt a chill go through her as she remembered Albus' comment about Harry coming to the Annex to visit his Godfather. Perhaps plans had changed and Sirius had decided to meet with Harry in Dumbledore's office instead.

"Care for some tea, Kate?" Molly was asking.

Kate shook her head. "Thanks, but I think I'll just sit in front of the fire for awhile. I have some things to think about."

Molly walked over to Kate and gave her a hug. "Don't stay up late dwelling about what happened at the Ministry this morning, sweet. And if you're worried about Sirius, don't be. Everything's fine, love."

Kate was grateful Molly couldn't see her face when she mentioned Sirius' name. For he was, indeed, where her anxiety was focused. After a moment, Kate released the older woman and gave her a smile. "And don't you worry about me, Molly. I'm fine – really. You've been taking such good care of me, how could I not be?"

Molly looked at her appraisingly. "Well, if you're sure you don't want company, perhaps I'll go write some letters. Now that things have settled down a bit, I need to catch up on some correspondence with old friends."

Kate kissed her cheek. "Good night, Molly…and thank you – for everything."

Molly squeezed her shoulder. "It's my pleasure, sweet girl. Good night."

Kate watched until Molly had entered her room and closed the door behind her. With a sigh, she made her way to the sofa and curled up in one corner, her feet tucked beneath her. Ah, Molly, I fear that we are both in for some very hard times, if Sirius has, indeed, done what I think he has done. Kate's vision blurred as she considered her life without him – again. It's going to be harder this time around, my love, she thought to herself. We've worked through so much to get here…and now, well…now you're not here and I don't know if I can see it through this time…I'm the reason you're…

"Katie."

She started slightly; roused from her thoughts by a voice she would recognize anywhere. Kate turned her head slowly until her gaze rested on Sirius, leaning against the doorway. His face registered so many emotions, chief among them sadness, as he noted the tears that glittered on her cheeks. As Kate watched, Sirius set the package he was carrying on the side table and walked toward her.

"I thought you'd left," Kate whispered as he knelt in front of her.

Sirius shook his head and reached for her hands. "No, and I'm not going to, either. You gave me a lot to think about, Katie-girl and I realized that you were right: I was opening you up for all the guilt and misery I suffered after James and Lily died. How could I ever think of doing that to you? Then, when you told me that we were finished if I ran, I found that I couldn't face a life without any part of you in it. To know that you were somewhere but not to be allowed to see you or even contact you is too much to bear." He brought her hands to his lips and kissed them softly then continued, "It wouldn't simply destroy you, but me, as well. I love you too much, Katie." Sirius looked up at her face. "Forgive me?"

Kate nodded, whispering, "Come here."

Sirius rose then leaned down and picked Kate up, seating himself in her place and securing her in his lap. "Here?" he whispered back.

Kate shook her head, tilting her head and bringing her lips to his. "Here," she whispered against them then kissed him. It took less than a moment for Sirius to respond, deepening the kiss and bringing his hands to tangle in her hair. He flicked his tongue against her lower lip, whispering, "and here?" He felt her nod. "Oh, yes – there," Kate breathed, opening to allow him entrance and, for a time, there were no more words.

After awhile, Kate broke their kiss and lifted her head to look into his eyes, which were now heavily lidded and dark with passion. "I love you," she said quietly, running her hand through his hair and rubbing his scalp gently.

"Mmm," Sirius breathed. "I love you so much, Kate; so much."

Kate placed a gentle kiss on his forehead then moved to rise but Sirius tightened his grip on her waist. "Here," he said, one corner of his mouth turning up slightly.

Kate leaned forward and ran her tongue along his lower lip then pulled back. Lifting her chin in the direction of the bedrooms, she whispered, "There" and followed it up with a deep kiss. When they broke apart, Sirius raised his eyebrows and gave her a confused look.

"But, you can't…I mean, you said you weren't…" he stammered but fell silent when Kate kissed him again. This time, when she broke their kiss and stood, Sirius allowed her to do so and took the hand she extended to help him rise, as well.

Wrapping her arms around his neck, Kate kissed the corners of his mouth, then his lips. "I'm fine," she whispered against his lips then nibbled on the wiry hair of his mustache before pulling away and looking him in the eye. "Let me show you," she murmured, releasing his neck and recapturing his hand.

They walked slowly toward Sirius' bedroom door, pausing every now and again to kiss, to embrace each other. Finally, they reached the doorway and Sirius scooped her up in his arms and carried her inside. Once there, Kate kissed his cheek then smiled as she extended her hand and gave the door a firm push and, with a "click" they were closed off from everything but each other.