Chapter 5

Karen...of all the things that could bring Olivia back into his life. It was his daughter. It turns out that Karen isn't something that he a Mellie talked about either but she was an easy topic to talk about with Olivia. Olivia were genuinely concerned with giving his daughter a future that is not defined by one mistake.

If his daughter shouldn't be defined by one mistake, why was he feeling so betrayed by her admission that she went away with Jake? Why did it hurt so much? Olivia he was came back for her. He was alive today because of her. He wanted the pain to end by he saw her in his drug induced haze and came back. He came back for her.

Olivia walked into her apartment and threw her back down. He keys landed in the dish on the table beside the door. She walked into her bedroom and stripped out of her clothes and stepped into the shower. Jake wouldn't be joining her this evening. There would be no booty call. She had too much on her mind. Fitz's words played over and over in her mind. "Don't ever leave like that again. I almost didn't survive. I almost died without you." There was something about the way he said that to her that made her gut twist. She never trusted her gut when she was around Fitz but this time. The way he talked to her, the way he held on to her and the way he kissed. She knew that something had happened and she needed to find out what.

Olivia didn't sleep that night. Fitz words were on repeat in her head. She walked into the White House to meet with Karen the next morning and started looking around for anyone to ask. She talked to everyone she could think of. Tom, Hal, Abbey, Lesley and Cyrus and they all told her the same thing. They didn't know what she was talking about. Her gut was telling her they were keeping something from her.

OOO

Cyrus walked into the Olivia office. "Mr. President."

"Cyrus." Fitz looked up from his briefing book. "What do you need?"

"We need to talk, Fitz."

The use of his first name was not lost on him. He threw the briefing book to the side and stood up. He poured himself a drink and handed one to Cyrus as well. "What on your mind, Cy."

"Olivia's been asking question about...that night" Cyrus completed his thought after a pause.

"I see. Did you tell her anything?" Fitz asked as he took sip of his drink and put it down. He wasn't ready to have this conversation with Olivia but it appeared it would happen sooner rather than later.

"I haven't said anything. None of the people she's asked have said anything. Fitz, this is Olivia we are talking about. She like a dog with bone. She won't let it go. I know you don't want to talk about it, least of all with her.

"But I rather she heard it from me then someone else."

"She's in Lesley's office right now.''

Fitz stood up. "I'll go and talk to her."

OOO

"Lesley, I know something went on. He's different and it's not just about the loss of his son."

"You're right, it's not just about Gerry but I can't and won't violate his confidence."

I just can't shake what he said to me the other night. "Don't ever leave like that again. I almost didn't survive. I almost died without you." Liv repeated quietly to her. "I wish I knew what he meant by it."

"I can't tell you. Lesley whispered while focusing on the brief in front of her and not Olivia.

"She can't tell you but I can." Fitz said quietly while leaning against the door

Olivia stood quickly and turned to the sound of his soft, broken voice."Fitz." Olivia whispered

Lesley stood as well. "Sir."

Fitz approached the two women Lesley, you didn't tell anything, did you?"

"Of course not. It's not my story to tell." Lesley collected some papers on her desk. "I have a meeting you're welcome to use my office. Liv if you need anything after... I'll be around.'

Olivia looked into Fitz's broken eyes. She was going to get the truth now and the thought of that suddenly scared her. "Thank you."

Fitz sat down next to Liv and looked into her eyes. He took her hand. "I haven't talked to anyone since it happened. Mellie and I don't talk about it. She was there that night but I don't talk about it with her." Fitz squeezed her hand and Olivia felt her heart stop. "I almost died without you."

"You keep saying that. What exactly do you mean?" Liv asked in almost a whisper.

Fitz let go of her hand and stared at the floor. "I didn't want to go on. I couldn't find you. You disappeared. Gerry was gone. I tried to focus on work but it didn't seem to help, not a first. I focused on Mellie but she was even more lost then I was. One night after a day in the Oval I went upstairs and started drinking. I didn't want to be in pain anymore. I didn't want my heart to ache anymore. The alcohol helped numb the pain. I would think about Gerry or you and then the pain would come back. I can't sleep without you, I can't breathe without you. I wait for you. I watch for you. My whole life is you and you left me. I lost my will to live."

Liv placed a hand under his chin and lift his chin so they met eye to eye. She was absolutely white with fear did you?" She struggle to find the words.

"I took a bunch of pills. I drank a lot and passed out. I wanted the pain to end. I wanted to see your face."

"You tried to kill..." Olivia's breath caught in her throat. "Fitz..." She whispered.

Fitz took her hand quickly and squeezed it. "I need you Liv. I couldn't live without you. I survived Lesley saw to that. I saved her once. She saved me then. I didn't become the first President to commit suicide while in office. No one even knows.

"Lesley knows."

"She's not going to say anything." Fitz assured Olivia who was turning in his fixer.

"You. I can't believe you would..."

"I had a bad night."

"Fitz, you tried to kill yourself." The secret service."

"They can't say a thing."

"Your doctors."

"Bound by privilege and it was Evan."

"Fitz this isn't just going to go away."

Livvie you can't fix this. There is nothing for you to fix. My people took care of it."

"I should fix this." Liv stared straight at Fitz as she stood and began to pace the room. "I caused this."

Fitz stood and blocked her path. He stopped her in her tracks and wrapped her in an embrace. "You did not cause this. This...my choice to try and end my pain was not your fault. " Fitz held her face in his hands. "It's true, you own me. You control me. I belong to you. It true but you did not cause this."

"I need to know you won't try it again. Fitz please?"

"I won't. I've found a proper outlet and you are here. Are you going to run away again? Are you going to get on a plane with Jake again?

"No." Olivia answered without hesitation. "I didn't want to get on the plane with him to begin with. I told him I was in love with another man." Olivia smiled knowingly at Fitz. Fitz smiled back. "You own me you control me I belong to you." Liv whispered as she kissed him softly and then again with more need. "Don't try and leave me again. I can't survive without you."

Fitz kissed her with equal need. "I don't intend to leave you. You are the most important person in my life Livvie. Stay with me. Help me through it. We are in this together.

Liv returned the kiss. "We are in this together."

A/N: Thanks for reading and all the support. I hope you enjoyed this short little story. There will be more to come soon. No Exit should be finished by the fall finale.