ABC's of Christmas, Slayer Style

2. B is for Believe

"You never believed in Santa Claus?!" Buffy asked incredulously, staring at the younger Slayer with something approaching horror spread across her features. "Are you SERIOUS?!"

"Of course I didn't," Faith replied, shrugging, and her tone made it sound as if Buffy were the strange one to find a thing so shocking. "Okay, beyond the likelihood of an old man in a red suit having any interest in me who isn't a kiddy perve- a possibility that's probably more impossible than flying reindeer and fat men stuffing down chimneys and all- there was the whole-never-getting-what-I-asked-for thing. And sometimes nothing, if Mom forgot…and besides, she TOLD me there was no Santa. Let her off the hook with things, I guess."

Buffy stared at her, her hazel eyes wide as she searched Faith's face. The other girl's voice had been completely casual, her tone nonchalant, but there was a quick flash of…something…in her eyes that made Buffy think she wasn't quite as indifferent as she wanted to appear.

"Faith," she said slowly, stepping closer to her, and she wanted to touch her, to caress her cheek, slide her arms around her…but she kept still, respecting Faith's seeming need for space. "That's so sad…I'm sorry you couldn't have…"

"It's five by five, B," Faith cut her off quickly, and though there was a slight edge to her tone, she also seemed to genuinely believe it, or at least to want to. "Better than getting your hopes up over something fake and being all crushed when morning comes and you realize you were lied to…"

"But Faith," Buffy said gently, and she did touch her now, laying a hand softly on her shoulder as she looked into her eyes. "That's what Christmas is all about…hope, and belief, and, and-"

"Faith?" Faith said helpfully, a wry smile twisting her lips. "Isn't it about little Baby Jesusor something, too, B? Or so the story goes anyway…"

Buffy waved a hand somewhat dismissively. "Didn't see a God when I was in Heaven, so it kind of makes me doubt the validity of the whole Jesus thing to. But Faith, seriously…Santa was one of my best childhood memories. Reading all those poems and stories and singing those songs about him, visiting him in the mall putting out milk and cookies and waiting for morning to come so I could go in the living room and know he'd come…I can't believe you didn't have any of that," she said, shaking her head in continued disbelief. "I believed until I was twelve years old and they finally had to tell me. I was kind of devastated by that point…it was like my entire life had been a lie, " Buffy recounted, and she was by this point half smiling, half grimacing, some embarrassment in her tone, but also some sadness.

Faith, however, seemed to entirely miss the subtlety of her different emotions; she just stared, her eyes wide with disbelief, before laughing incredulously.

"Are you SERIOUS?! TWELVE?!"

"Yeah, I was somewhat sheltered, okay?" Buffy replied, a little more embarrassed at Faith's reaction. "When I was a little girl, anyway…"

Faith continued to snicker, her eyes sparkling with amusement, and Buffy had to wait for her to sober a little before she spoke to her again, her voice soft and serious.

"Faith…what did you believe in, as a little girl? Didn't you believe in anything at all?"

"No," Faith replied, her voice growing serious as well, and she shook her head a little, finally meeting Buffy's eyes. "No, B…I really didn't."

Hearing the honesty in her voice, wanting to deny its existence but knowing she could not, Buffy felt her heart squeeze with sadness, and tears priced her eyes. She wanted to be able to change Faith's past somehow, to go back to the little girl she had been and to give her everything she'd never had…never been allowed to have.

Seeing her expression change and seeming to finally realize what Buffy was feeling and thinking, Faith slipped her arms around her, hugging her gently and yet tightly. Pulling Buffy's head to her shoulder, she stroked it slowly, resting her cheek on her head. When she spoke, her voice was soft, but serious.

"I believe now, B. I believe in you. And when I'm with you…I believe in me too."

Buffy's heart squeezed, and she hugged her back harder; just saying those words, just being there with her, was the best gift she could be given.