Summary: Calvin and Susie receive chain letters in the mail.
And now back to Calvin and Hobbes: The Series
Written by Swing123 and Garfieldodie
Chains
It was a bright day in early August.
Everything was peaceful in the neighborhood of Calvin and Hobbes.
For the time being.
"Calvin, would you go get the mail for me, please?" Mom asked, looking up from a book she was reading.
Calvin, who was sitting on the couch next to her watching TV, looked up.
"Why?" He asked. "I'm not expecting anything in the mail."
Mom rolled her eyes.
"Just go, please." She sighed. "The mail truck is pulling up to our mailbox."
Calvin sighed.
He stood up from his chair, grumbling to himself, and grabbed Hobbes off the seat next to him.
"Wait no! The tiger's getting ready to pounce!!" Hobbes yelled, trying to get back to his seat, his eyes fixed on the TV.
"Come on," Calvin growled.
Just as the truck pulled away, Calvin and Hobbes stepped out on the front porch.
At that particular moment, Susie also stepped out of her house, next door.
Calvin ignored her as he walked forward with Hobbes draped around his shoulder, towards the mailbox.
Susie went to her mailbox, too.
"Hi, Calvin," She said, cheerfully.
Calvin ignored her, and opened the mailbox up.
Susie glared at him.
"I see your in a real good mood." She said, reaching into her box, and pulling out the mail.
"Yes, and your putting me in an even better mood." Calvin grumbled.
Susie glared at him as she shifted through the mail.
Calvin did also.
"Bills, bills, magazine, catalogue, advertisement..." Susie listed to herself filing through it.
"Not for me, not for me, not for me, not for me..." Calvin listed to himself, also filing through the mail.
"Huh, this is odd." Susie said, suddenly, holding up an envelope. "This one's addressed to me."
"Not for me... not for me... not for me..." Calvin paused. "Hey! This one's for me!"
Hobbes rolled his eyes.
Calvin and Susie began opening the envelopes.
Calvin took out a small piece of paper, and started reading it. Susie did also.
"Dear Calvin," He read to himself. "The following is a true story. Do you buy that?"
"...Five years ago, a man in eastern Colorado received this same letter and promptly misplaced it." Susie read to herself the same letter.
"...Unfortunately, this caused a chain reaction, and lead to him having devastatingly bad luck for the rest of his miserable little life." Calvin read.
"...He eventually went insane, and began investing in peanut butter mines." Susie read.
"...Don't let this happen to you." Calvin continued. "Forward this letter to ten people you know within 24 hours, and you will have happy, leprechaun goody-goody luck for the rest of your meaningless existence. Or for a while, at least."
There was a long moment of silence.
Calvin and Susie stared at the letter for a long time.
Hobbes sat beside Calvin, quietly, waiting for someone to say something.
Finally, Susie spoke.
"That is the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard in my life." She said, glaring at the letter.
Calvin looked up.
"You're not going to forward it?" He asked.
"Of course not!" Susie said. "Chain letters are just gimmicks from the freaks who made them, so they can see if their letters ever get back to them. It's bunch of junk!"
"Well..." Calvin said, quietly. "Bad luck, forever... That's a long time..."
"Well, here's how much I believe it." Susie said.
RIIIIIIIIIP!!
Calvin and Hobbes looked around.
Susie had ripped the letter right down the middle.
She then proceeded to rip up the rest of it, and threw it back into the mailbox.
"That's what I have to say about chain letters."
Calvin blinked.
Susie was getting ready to turn around to go back to the house, when suddenly...
VROOOM!!!
SPLASH!!!
"AAAUGH!!"
A large truck roared by, the wheels striking a mud puddle, and sending it flying up at Susie.
Calvin jumped.
Susie was now covered in mud.
"Ooooh!" She moaned, throwing some mud off her hands. "It's going to take me hours to get all this out of my hair..."
Calvin's mouth dropped open.
Susie noticed.
"That doesn't have anything to do with the letter." She said, pulling some mud out of her hair. "That was a coincidence."
"Big coincidence." Calvin commented.
Susie ignored him.
"I'm not going to have bad luck, just because I didn't forward a stupid letter. I'm fine."
And with that, Susie turned around, and started walking back towards her house.
Suddenly, her foot struck a rock on the sidewalk.
"AAAUGGH!!" Susie screamed in alarm, tripping, and falling forward.
Calvin eyes popped open and his teeth gritted.
Susie lay there for a moment, muttering, then slowly began to get up.
"That had nothing to do with the letter," she said, sternly.
And with that, she walked back into her house, slamming the door behind her.
There was a pause.
Calvin turned to Hobbes.
"Uuuuuuh..." He began.
Hobbes rolled his eyes.
"Oh come on, Calvin, don't tell me you're going to believe this stuff?" He demanded.
"You don't believe in it, either?" Calvin asked.
"No," Hobbes shook his head. "It's all just a bunch of junk. I say you should ignore it."
"But... what about what just happened to Susie...?" Calvin demanded. "She ripped her letter up and..."
"Calvin, call me a skeptic, but I seriously doubt it had anything to do with the letter." Hobbes said.
Calvin paused.
"I dunno..." He began, looking around, nervously. "Maybe I should ask someone."
"What? I'm not someone?" Hobbes demanded.
"You know what I mean," Calvin said, rolling his eyes. "Someone highly intelligent. Someone who would know how to handle this situation."
Calvin eyes fell on a house several blocks down with a fancy satellite dish on it.
"Someone... LIKE SHERMAN!!" He shouted, suddenly.
Hobbes groaned.
"Oh come on, Hobbes!" Calvin said, enthusiastically. "Sherman's logical! The little rodent is bursting with knowledge!"
Hobbes crossed his arms, and rolled his eyes.
"Oh, very well," He grumbled.
"Oh man, my problems are solved!" Calvin said, grabbing Hobbes' arm, and rushing down the sidewalk with him. "Precious Hamster will defiantly know what to do!"
"I don't know." Sherman said.
Calvin stared at him.
"What do you mean, you don't know?" He demanded.
Sherman set the letter down on his desk, and turned to Calvin and Hobbes, who were standing in front of him in his lab.
"I mean I don't know." The hamster said. "I don't know what to think about chain letters."
"Why?" Calvin asked.
"Well, a lot of weird things have happened with them in the past." Sherman said. "Some of them, I know are just stupid prank letters that people mail for fun, yes, but then there are some that actually stay to their word."
"You mean..." Hobbes began.
"Yeah, there have been a few people have been experiencing bad luck when not forwarding the letters." Sherman nodded. "It's basically a 50 / 50 chance, so I suggest you do what it says."
"You think I should forward it to ten people?" Calvin demanded.
"I wasn't aware Calvin even knew that many people." Hobbes commented.
"I wouldn't take any chances." Sherman said.
"Oh come on," Hobbes scoffed. "You can't tell me that you believe this,"
"I don't," Sherman said. "I only go with what I see happening. Now get out of my lab!"
The hamster pointed at the EXIT door.
Calvin and Hobbes stared at him.
Then, Calvin heaved a sigh, and started towards the door.
Hobbes glared at Sherman, and followed him.
"Come on, Calvin, you can't believe Vermin!" The tiger assured Calvin as they walked out. "The rat can't even keep track of his own inventions!"
"You're only saying this for the sake of disagreeing with him, aren't you?" Calvin growled, turning to Hobbes.
Hobbes blinked.
Before he could answer, Andy came walking up.
"Hi Calvin," He said. "Hobbes. How did your meeting with Sherman go?"
"Fine," Calvin said, quickly. "Andy, quick! If you got a chain letter mailed to you saying you were going die a horrible death if you didn't forward it, WHAT WOULD YOU DO?!?!"
Andy stared at Calvin, and Hobbes rolled his eyes.
"Uuuuuh..." Andy began.
"Hypothetically, of course!" Calvin added, quickly.
Andy stared at the boy in confusion.
Calvin's eye twitched.
"I... don't really know, Calvin," Andy said, finally. "I've never really gotten a chain letter, before."
Calvin and Hobbes stared at him.
"Well, I don't know... I guess I'd forward it if I had too much time on my hands." Andy shrugged.
Calvin and Hobbes stared at him.
Andy sighed.
"Look, I don't believe in them, if that's what your asking."
Calvin and Hobbes stared at him.
"Why are you staring at me?" Andy asked, unsurely.
Calvin and Hobbes stared at him.
"OK, I wouldn't know what to do if I got a chain letter! I don't know!" Andy said.
Calvin blinked.
"Uh... thanks, Andy..." He said, slowly.
"Sure," Andy said. "Do you want to stick around? Mom's fixing dinner up in a minute."
"No, no, we had better get going." Calvin sighed. "Besides, I have some thinking to do."
There was a pause.
"You got a chain letter?" Andy asked.
Calvin glared at him.
"Who have you been talking to!" He demanded.
Andy rolled his eyes.
"Oooh man!" Calvin groaned, as he and Hobbes walked down the sidewalk. "What am I supposed to do? If I don't forward that letter before time's up, I might have bad luck for the rest of my life!"
"I'm telling you, you should ignore it!" Hobbes said, sternly. "None of its true!"
"How do you know?" Calvin asked.
Hobbes paused.
"Well..." He began.
Just then, they walked up to Socrates' mansion.
Hobbes' eyes lit up.
"Here, why don't you ask Socrates!" He urged. "Being a master on pranks and hoaxes, he should know all about chain letters!"
Calvin pondered that for a moment.
"Alright," He decided. "Let's go see what Socrates has to say about it."
And so, very carefully, as to not set off one of Socrates' booby traps, Calvin and Hobbes made their way across the walk, towards Socrates' house.
Hobbes walked up to the door, checked for traps, and pushed his finger into the doorbell.
DING, DING, DING, DING... DING... DING...DONG!!
A musical, novelty, door bell ring rang out through the mansion
Calvin rolled his eyes.
"I can't stand that..." He growled.
There was a pause, in which Calvin and Hobbes waited behind the door.
Then, suddenly it swung wide open, revealing Socrates' grinning face.
"Cally! Hobbo! What a pleasure it is to see you on this wonderful day!" He shouted, cheerfully.
He stepped aside.
"PLEASE, come in!" He urged.
"Uh, we can't stay, Socrates," Hobbes said. "Calvin just wanted to ask your opinion."
"Very well!" Socrates said. "Shoot!"
"Socrates, when you receive chain letters in the mail," Calvin began. "What do you do with them?"
"You mean those pieces of paper threatening to produce bad luck to me and or my family if I don't forward it to ten people in a day?" Socrates asked, that same grin still plastered all over his face.
"Yeah." Calvin said, blandly.
"I copy them on my computer and send them off to about forty or fifty people!" The red tailed tiger announced.
Calvin and Hobbes stared at him.
Hobbes groaned.
"Oh, Socrates! Don't tell me you, of all people, believe in that stuff!" He moaned.
Socrates grinned.
"Who says I believe in it?" He questioned. "I only forward them for the sole purpose of driving people mad!!"
There was a pause.
Calvin and Hobbes sighed, heavily.
"Socrates, you're crazy," Calvin sighed.
Socrates grinned back at them.
"Yes, I know!" He said. "Anything else I can assist you with?"
"Socrates, have you received any chain letters, recently?" Calvin demanded. "And did you, by chance, send one copy off to me?!"
"No, actually, I haven't gotten a chain letter in little over a month, now," Socrates sighed. "Things have been pretty boring, without them."
Calvin and Hobbes stared at him.
"Socrates, you're never bored." Hobbes said.
"True!" Socrates grinned. "Well, I'm sure I've covered everything! Good luck with whatever it was you were doing!"
And with that, Socrates slammed the door in Calvin and Hobbes' faces.
SLAAAMMM!!!
Calvin glared after him.
"I don't trust him," He growled.
"Socrates didn't send the letter, Calvin," Hobbes sighed.
They stepped off the porch, and started back towards the sidewalk.
"I still think you should just get rid of it." Hobbes said. "Nothings going to come from it. It's just..."
Just then, Susie came walking up.
As she did, Hobbes quickly shut up.
Because, she looked really beat up.
Calvin stared at her.
Her hair was all messed up, there were rips in her clothes, she was missing one of her shoes, and she had a bad limp in her right leg.
"Uh... Susie?" He began.
Susie glared at him.
"What do you want, Calvin!" She demanded, angrily.
Calvin reeled back.
"Whoa! She's insane, again!!" He shouted in horror.
Hobbes and Susie rolled their eyes.
Susie sighed.
"I'm sorry, Calvin, I'm just not in a very good mood." She explained.
"Cool, I don't want to hear about it!" Calvin said.
Susie glared at him.
"Yes, you do!" She growled, dangerously.
"Let's hear your problems, Susie!" Calvin shouted, happily. "Nothing I love better, than people whining about their lives!"
Hobbes rolled his eyes.
Susie sighed.
"Well, first I got chased by a bunch of stray dogs in town, then, right after escaping from them, I fell down into the sewer, then, when I got out, I realized the library was closed, so now I have an overdue book, then I got lost on my way home, somehow, and got stuck in some thorn bushes on the way, and I just realized that I'm late for dinner." She said.
Calvin stared at her.
"...The letter..." He said, quietly, his eyes growing wide.
Susie's eyes came up.
"Calvin, it was not the letter! I'm not having bad luck!" She said.
"Seems pretty bad, to me." Calvin said. "Would you call it, good luck?"
"I don't call it luck at all!" Susie shouted.
"Right. Absolutely no luck, whatsoever." Calvin said.
"Get out of my way," Susie growled.
She pushed past Calvin, and stormed off towards her house.
Just as she rounded the corner, a wild teenager sped across the road in a red sedan, hitting another mud puddle.
SPLASH!!!
"AAAAUGH!!!!" Susie screamed.
Calvin stood in the sidewalk, staring ahead in sheer terror.
"Hobbes..." He began. "What do I do?"
"Throw the letter out!" Hobbes urged. "Susie's misfortunes have nothing to do with that chain letter."
Calvin's eyes went back and forth between Hobbes and then to the letter in his shaking hands.
He was totally stumped. Sherman suggested he forwarded it, Andy didn't know what to do with it, Socrates forwarded his just for the annoying purposes, Hobbes told him not to forward it, and Susie was experiencing extreme bad luck, starting at when she ripped the letter up.
Calvin had no idea what he was going to do.
Calvin sat in his room at his desk. Hobbes was napping on the bed. Calvin was staring at the chain letter that sat before him.
"It's mocking me…," he whispered. "It's mocking me… It's mocking…ME!"
Dad entered.
"Hey, Calvin, have you—?"
"MOCKING, I TELL YOU!" Calvin screamed.
Dad stared at him for a moment.
"Uh…that's too bad," Dad said unsurely.
Calvin finally noticed him.
"Oh, hi, Dad," he said. "Sorry, I've just been flipping out over this chain letter. If I don't send it out by tomorrow, then I'll have bad luck and get killed!"
Dad snorted.
"Oh, Calvin, there's nothing to worry about," he said, placing a reassuring hand on Calvin's shoulder. "Chain letters are just harmless pranks! Only an immature jerk would send one out."
Calvin sighed.
"That's another problem. I don't know who sent it to me! Susie got one too, and she's been having a bad luck rain storm poured on her…and pummeling her and spitting on her and kicking her and throwing her off a cliff…"
"Look, Calvin, I'm sure it's just coincidence," Dad said. "It's nothing. Chain letters are just harmless pieces of paper!"
"Oh, are they?" Mom asked, coming up from behind. "Do you remember what happened to my cousin?"
"Dear…," Dad sighed, holding his forehead.
"What happened to your cousin?" Calvin asked.
"She got a chain letter. She promptly threw it away, and the very next day, she had a near-death experience with a juicer," Mom said, her arms folded.
Calvin stared at her.
Dad snorted. "That's just because she didn't read the label on the side about plungers."
"Calvin," Mom said, "you just fill it out, send it to ten people and be done with it, alright?"
"No, just throw it away," Dad said sternly.
"Dear, are you trying to kill our son?" Mom asked angrily.
"Don't do it, Calvin!"
"DO IT!"
"DON'T!"
"DO!"
"DON'T!"
"DO!"
"DON'T!"
"STOP!" Calvin screamed, jumping to the floor. "YOU'RE TEARING ME APART!"
And with that, he ran out the door.
There was a pause.
"I'm throwing out the juicer just in case," Mom said.
"Honey…," Dad sighed.
Calvin ran outside the house and looked around frantically.
"HELP ME!" he screamed. "VICTIM OF BAD KARMA OVER HERE! I NEED A PSYCHIC! I NEED A DECK OF CARDS! I NEED A MAGIC EIGHT BALL!!"
Scared out of his mind, Calvin ran down the sidewalk.
"HELP ME! HELP ME! I DON'T WANNA BE ATTACKED BY THIRTEEN BLACK CATS! I DON'T WANNA GET EATEN BY A JUICER! HELP!!"
Finally, Calvin crashed into a Stop Sign.
WHAM!
He got up off the ground.
"Oh no!" he wailed. "I'M GETTING A SNEAK PREVIEW!"
Then he remembered.
"But wait! I still have a chance! I must find ten people I know right away! But how?!?"
Then he spotted a phone booth. He immediately ducked inside and pulled out the phone book. As he flipped through the pages he frowned.
"Huh," he said. "Most of these people live trailer parks. Oh, the bad luck gets worse! I LIVE IN REDNECK COUNTY!!"
Hobbes paced back and forth behind Calvin at his desk.
"So…you've decided to send out to ten people?" he asked.
"Yeah. It's a shame that cop pulled me out of that phone booth. This is gonna be harder than I thought. Do you know how many people I actually know?"
Hobbes started to answer, but Calvin stopped him.
"How many actually have an address?"
Hobbes then stopped to think about it.
"Uh…," he said, unsurely.
Calvin put his head in his hands and sighed.
"I'm dead meat," he moaned.
Hobbes got up and looked at the list.
"Well, let's see what you have here," he said. He began reading it. "Calvin." He stared back at Calvin. "You could only come up with yourself?"
Calvin grinned sheepishly. "Mine's the only address I can ever remember. We live in a very ambiguous neighborhood. The phone book was practically worthless."
"Can you think of anyone else? Maybe we can find some stuff out later."
Calvin thought for a moment.
"Well, I could always send one to Andy. He's my friend. He'd understand," Calvin said, writing his name down.
Hobbes nodded.
"Who else?"
"Hmmm… There are always Mom and Dad," Calvin said, continuing to write. "I already know their addresses."
"Good, good."
Then Calvin realized something.
"Hobbes! I think this could work! I mean, let's say that the superstitions are true! This is a chance for some world-class revenge!"
Hobbes rolled his eyes.
"Calvin, it's ridiculous! There's no such thing as bad luck or good luck!"
"Well, we'll soon find out!" Calvin said, grinning evilly. "I'm sending one to Miss Wormwood. We'll know for sure if there's no class on Friday. Three day weekend!"
Hobbes sighed.
"Alright, who else?"
"Well, Moe, obviously, so that makes five… Rosalyn makes six… Hmmm…who else do I hate?"
"Why not send one to that weird kid with the buck teeth?" Hobbes asked.
"What for?"
"For being so vague!"
Calvin shrugged, and he added "Weird buck-toothed kid" to the list.
"Okay, that's seven. I could have eight if I send one to Uncle Max. I'll just ask Dad for his address."
"You don't hate Uncle Max," Hobbes reminded him.
"Yeah, but I'm running low on ideas."
Then Calvin turned back to his sheet of paper.
"Two more, two more…," he mumbled. "Hmmm… Oh! Mr Spittle! That's nine!"
"Who's going to be number ten?" Hobbes asked.
Calvin paused to think for a moment.
Then he got an evil grin.
Later that day, Calvin pulled out the Mini-Duplicator and aimed it at the letter.
BOINK! BOINK! BOINK! BOINK! BOINK! BOINK! BOINK! BOINK! BOINK! BOINK!
"There!" he said. "Ten copies, all set for action! Now I just have to mail them! Hobbes? Bring me the phone book!"
There was a pause.
Hobbes didn't move from the bed.
"Hobbes? Bring me the phone book!" Calvin repeated.
Still no movement.
"Hobbes…?" Calvin asked, finally looking at him.
Hobbes had fallen asleep.
Calvin grumbled.
"Fine, don't serve me! See if I care!"
Grumbling, Calvin finally had the good sense to pick up the MTM and open up all the files.
"Pull up all the files on the following people," Calvin ordered, pulling out the sheet of paper with the list of people on it.
A hologram shot out of the MTM.
Access denied.
Calvin stared at it.
"What? What are you talking about?"
What are you, blind? Access denied. Or do you need the brail hologram?
Calvin glared at it.
"Don't give me that!" he grumbled. "You know it's me! I'm Calvin! Give me access!"
Access denied.
"GIVE ME ACCESS!!"
Access denied. Go away and don't come back.
Calvin growled angrily and shoved the MTM aside.
"Why's it doing this?!" he grumbled.
Then he began to worry again.
"Oh no!" he gasped. "What if it means that the bad luck is setting in? They fates must have decided that I won't make it in time, and so, they're bombarding me with bad luck!"
Then he had a look of determination.
"Ha!" he cried. "The fates don't frighten me! I'll rescue my good luck, or get a lot of paper cuts trying! In fact, this looks like a job for…"
Calvin ducked into the closet.
After a moment, he jumped back out.
"STUPENDOUS MAN!!" he cheered.
Calvin shot out of the house, his cape blowing in the wind.
Well, not really wind. More like fast-moving air.
Calvin ran out of the house and looked around with his hands on his hips.
"The ever heroic Stupendous Man has been trapped in the evil clutches of The Fate Groups! They have a hypnotic power over our hero that must be broken! Our hero must find all ten members of the Group in order to restore order to him and then return to the job of defending the galaxies!"
Calvin ran off into the evening.
Hobbes was in the middle of a nice long nap. As he slept, he started to roll around in his dream, purring and sniffing.
At that moment, he heard a low rumbling sound coming from outside that woke him up.
"Zzzz… Huh? Is Calvin's Dad using the toilet again?" he mumbled, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes.
Then he looked outside.
Susie was walking down the sidewalk.
Well, walking wouldn't exactly describe it properly. It was more of a limp. Plus, she was added by a crutch.
Right now, her hair was a mess, her clothes were ripped, she was wearing an eye patch, and her left arm was in a sling.
As she was limping, Candace walked up.
"Susie, are you okay?" she asked.
"Oh…I'm fine…," she moaned. "I just slipped on a freshly waxed floor, part of the ceiling fell on me, I got smacked in the eye by a runaway hockey puck, I got hit in the face by a falling branch, and my bicycle got smashed by a giant rock!"
"Wow…," said Candace. "Are you okay?"
Susie glared at her.
"Ask me that again. I dare you," she growled.
Candace backed away.
"I'm sorry! I was just checking!"
Susie grumbled.
"I can't believe the day I've had," she muttered.
"Well, what'd you do? Throw out a chain letter?"
Susie's eye popped open and stared at her.
"IT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH IT!" she insisted. "IT'S JUST COINCIDENCE! THERE'S NO SUCH THING AS LUCK!!"
Candace began to back away.
"Susie, you're scaring me," she whimpered.
"I'M FINE! SHUT UP!!"
Just then, a truck drove by.
VROOOOMM!!
SPLASH!
"AUGH!" Susie screamed.
When the truck disappeared, Candace was nice and dry, but Susie was drenched.
"I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS!" Susie shrieked.
"Me neither," said Candace. "There wasn't a puddle there."
Susie growled and screamed and limped slowly home.
Candace shook her head and walked in the opposite direction.
Back at the window, Hobbes just stared, having watched the whole thing.
Then he glanced at the chain letter sitting on the desk.
"It's just a letter, right?" he gulped. "I mean, it's not like its evil or anything, right? Heh, heh."
He continued to stare at the letter.
"You're not convincing anyone, you know?" he continued, now talking to the letter. "You're just playing with peoples' emotions! You tug and pull at our superstitions until we suddenly find ourselves wrapped in them, unable to escape!"
Then he realized what he was doing.
"I'm talking to a piece of paper!" he cried. "Is this what a chain letter does? It drives people insane?! I HAVE TO GET OUT OF HERE!"
Hobbes exploded from the house and shot down the street as fast as he could.
He finally reached Socrates' mansion.
DING, DING, DING, DING... DING... DING... DONG!!
Hobbes rolled his eyes.
After a brief pause, Socrates finally opened the door.
"Hey, Hobbo," he said cheerfully. "What's going—?"
Hobbes immediately grabbed Socrates.
"EVIL CHAIN LETTER!" he shouted.
Socrates stood there for a moment.
"So, how was your day?" he asked casually.
"It's the chain letter!" Hobbes wailed. "It's caused me to go insane! I actually talked to it!"
Socrates finally pried Hobbes off of him.
"Hobbo, relax," he said, patting his shoulder. "It's just a piece of paper! It's not like it's going to suddenly spring to life and attack you."
Hobbes nodded nervously.
"But…but what if it… What if it's true? What if a chain letter really can cause bad luck?!"
Socrates simply grinned.
"Well, we'll soon find out, now won't we?" he said. "Calvin should have until mail time tomorrow to get it sent out."
"Do you think he'll make it?" Hobbes asked.
"STUPENDOUS MAN, AWAY!!"
They both looked up and saw Calvin run past.
"OUR STUPENDOUS HERO HAS ATTACKED HALF OF THE FATE GROUP! ONLY FIVE MORE TO GO! UP, UP AND AWAY!!"
Calvin disappeared down the street.
There was a long pause.
"Huh," said Socrates. "I'd stock up on lucky charms, if I were you."
Hobbes continued to watch Calvin run.
That night, Hobbes was sitting in bed, waiting for Calvin to get back.
Suddenly, the door burst open, and Calvin ran inside.
"Our hero is triumphant!" he announced. "With the Fate Group finally identified, our stupendous hero may now change back to his alter-ego, mild-mannered Calvin!"
Calvin ducked into the closet, and then came back out in his normal attire.
"How'd it go?" Hobbes asked.
"Didn't you just hear Stupendous Man?!" Calvin demanded.
Hobbes glared at him.
"Oh. Well, it went okay. I think Rosalyn was mad when I destroyed her mom's rose garden," he said.
Hobbes rolled his eyes.
"Okay," said Calvin. "Let's get started! I got all the envelopes I need! Let's get a jump on this."
Hobbes picked up a pencil and started writing out the addresses Calvin had gathered.
Late in the night, Calvin and Hobbes snuck out of the house with the ten envelopes.
"Okay, hopefully, we can put an end to this madness," he said.
"Yeah," Hobbes agreed. "Who would've thought that a letter would cause this much trouble."
As they were putting the chain letters in the mailbox, they noticed something in the sky.
"What's that?" Calvin asked.
"Looks like a shooting star!" said Hobbes. "Make a wish!"
Calvin immediately started wishing.
Then they noticed something odd.
"That's odd," said Hobbes. "It seems to be coming closer."
Calvin then began to realize something.
"It's not a shooting star! It's a meteor!" he wailed.
"RUN!" Hobbes shrieked.
They both ran towards the house.
But as they ran, the meteor suddenly struck…
…the house next door.
They stared at it in shock.
"Isn't that Susie's room?" Hobbes asked.
"AAAAAUUUUUGGGHHH!!!" they heard Susie scream.
"Evidently," said Calvin.
A few days later, Calvin, Hobbes and Socrates were fooling around in the front yard.
Next door at the Derkins house, construction workers were trying to repair the hole in the house.
Just then Andy walked up with Sherman on his shoulder.
"Say, Calvin," he said, glaring at him.
"Yes?" Calvin asked innocently.
"Care to explain this?" he asked, holding up the chain letter.
Calvin grinned.
"Eh, don't worry about it," he said. "Just send it to ten relatives you can't stand and be done with it! You'll benefit from it!"
"Yeah," said Hobbes. "Ever since Calvin sent out that chain letter, he's been benefitting like crazy."
"Yep," said Socrates. "Just yesterday, I pulled a prank on him, and he landed in the back of a truck."
"How's that good luck?" asked Sherman.
"It was the ice cream truck!" said Calvin.
Andy sighed and looked at the letter.
"Well, I guess I can finally get some revenge on my little sister," he sighed.
"There you go!" said Calvin.
Just then, the door next door swung open.
Susie came staggering out.
Calvin and Andy stared at her.
She looked about the same as before, but now she also had a bandaged head.
"Uh, Susie…?" Calvin asked.
"I FIGURED IT OUT!" she shouted.
"Figured what out?" asked Andy.
"I have an inner-ear infection!" she cried. "It threw me off-balance!"
Calvin and Andy exchanged glances.
"It had nothing to do with the letter!" she continued, opening the mailbox.
But when she pulled out her mail, she immediately found another chain letter.
"What the…?" she asked. She looked up at Calvin.
Calvin simply grinned.
"I'm giving you another chance, Susie," he explained. "I figured after all you've been through, you deserve it."
Susie stared at the letter. Then she glared at him.
"I'll think about it," she grumbled, sticking it in her pocket.
Calvin could only chuckle.
"So how're the repairs to your house coming?" Andy asked.
"It's fine," Susie said, walking away. "I just can't believe some kid throwing a rock at it could do so much damage."
Calvin stared.
"Susie, it was a meteor," he said.
"THEY CAN'T PROVE THAT!" she shouted. "NASA IS STILL RUNNING TESTS ON IT!"
And she staggered away.
Calvin simply rolled his eyes.
The End
Voice Work:
Pamela Segall Adlon: Calvin
Tom Hanks: Hobbes
Dakota Fanning: Susie
Bill Murray: Dad
Jennifer Love Hewitt: Mom
Ryan Stiles: Socrates
Andrew Lawrence: Andy
Colin Mochrie: Sherman
Lauren Tom: Candace
Coming up Next: Mirror rorriM