Summary: When Calvin creates a more sophisticated Time Machine, it results in a visit from Calvin, Hobbes, Socrates, Andy and Sherman from fifteen years in the future.
And now back to Calvin and Hobbes: The Series
Written by Swing123 and Garfieldodie
R.I.P. Calvin
"Ah what a lovely spring day." Hobbes sighed, walking across a small field. "The birds are chirping, the sun is shining, Baby sparrows are flying through the breeze, staring at me curiously, and Calvin hasn't invented anything in over a month! Yes, life is good."
Hobbes sat down at the base of a tree, and leaned back, the shade covering him.
He took an apple out of his pocket, and began chewing on it, admiring the field around him.
Just then, he spotted something.
His eyes burst open.
Calvin was walking towards him.
He had a wild grin on his face, and he was holding what looked like a small silver stop watch, which was gleaming in the sunlight.
ZOOOM!!!
Suddenly, Hobbes vanished into thin air.
Calvin stopped, and looked around.
He scowled, and started back towards the house, muttering to himself.
Hobbes raced upstairs, into Calvin's room, and dove underneath the bed.
He grabbed a small remote control, and hit a big red button in the middle.
Socrates was laying on his bed, on his stomach, and mapping out another prank onto a large blueprint.
"OK," he said, chewing on his pencil eraser. "If I can lure him onto the platform with a comic book or something... I'll have to work on that, then the water balloon trap may..."
Suddenly, a siren began going off, ringing throughout the mansion, and a red light on Socrates' ceiling began flashing.
Socrates' head came up.
"Uh oh," He began. "It's the 'Calvin's made another invention' alarm!"
He leaped to his feet, and grabbed an army helmet and a gag Civil War rifle off his dresser.
"Prepare for the battle for the Earth!" He said, holding the plastic rifle up, and acquiring a serious expression.
Meanwhile, Sherman was in his lab, operating a tiny wrench against a large machine.
Everything was going normal for him until suddenly, a loud siren went off, and a red light on Sherman's ceiling lit up.
Sherman looked up.
He groaned.
Andy came in.
"Shermie, what is it?" He asked, looking around.
"That dumb Socrates installed an alarm in here." Sherman growled. "It goes off whenever Calvin's made anything."
"Calvin's made a invention?" Andy gasped. "We have to hurry and get to his house!"
Sherman stared at him.
"Why?" He demanded.
"Help destroy it, of course." Andy replied, picking a protesting Sherman off his desk, and walking out.
Calvin walked up the driveway towards his house, still holding the stopwatch.
Just then, he stopped.
Socrates was already over at Calvin's house, and he had already thrown up a barb wire fence around the house, and he and Hobbes were currently crouching behind a line of flour bags, glaring at Calvin. They were both wearing war helmets.
"The way you two act whenever I make something, you'd think the apocalypse is coming or something." Calvin complained at them.
"It is." Hobbes said. "The apocalypse has happened several times, now."
"How many?" Calvin asked, raising an eyebrow.
There was a pause.
"How many inventions have you made, now?" Socrates asked, rubbing his chin.
Calvin glared at them.
"You don't even know what this one does, either, do you?" He demanded, holding up the invention, and pointing at it.
"OK, I'm going to guess it's a mass disintegrator that could wipe humanity off the map with a single button push." Hobbes said.
"Yeah, I'm going to go with Hobbes' guess." Socrates said. "We're not that far off, are we?"
Calvin scowled.
At that very moment, Andy came running up, Sherman in his pocket.
"What I miss?" He panted, looking around. "Humans aren't extinct, yet, right? Is there still hope?!"
"Oh for crying out loud!!" Calvin shouted, throwing his hands to the sky. "This invention is totally harmless!! What the heck is wrong with you people?! It's a stopwatch for Pete's sake!!!"
There was a long moment of silence.
Hobbes and Socrates exchanged nervous glances.
"OK, we'll bite." Socrates said, standing up, and stretching. "What does this one do?"
"Well come into the house, and I'll show you." Calvin said, proudly. "And Socrates?"
"Hmm, yes?" Socrates asked, taking his helmet off.
"If you don't take this barb wire fence down, and get those bags out of my way, I am going to crush you to a fine powder." Calvin said, casually.
"Oh, very well," Socrates yawned.
"I call it The Time Plucker!" Calvin said, holding his invention out for everyone to see.
Hobbes, Socrates, Andy and Sherman were sitting on the couch in the living room, and Calvin was standing in front of them.
"What it does, is that it can take anything and everything out of any point in time and space, and bring it here to me!"
Hobbes and Socrates looked at each other nervously.
"Allow me to demonstrate." Calvin said.
He pulled up a stool, and placed it front of the couch.
Everyone remained silent.
Calvin stepped back, and held the stopwatch out.
He pushed the silver timer button on top.
Suddenly, the timer's arm began moving.
Very slowly, it turned around the screen.
Then it began picking up speed.
Hobbes, Socrates, Andy and Sherman watched as the timer flew around in circles, making a loud buzzing noise, then suddenly the machine began glowing white.
KA-ZAAAAP!!
Suddenly, there was a blast of light, and a suddenly, a DVD appeared on the stool.
There was a moment of silence.
Andy reached forward, and picked it up.
His eyes popped open.
"No... way..." He said.
"Yes way, my dear Andrew." Calvin chuckled.
"This movie has been out of print for over ten years!" Andy said. "This is brand new! It's still in its wrapping!"
"Yep. You can keep it." Calvin nodded. "Anyway, with this device, we can bring anythingback from the past, and anything from the future!"
"How does it work?" Sherman asked, raising an eyebrow.
"I used the same telepathy technology that The Transmogrifier Gun uses." Calvin said. "All I have to do is keep the image of what I want in my head, and push the button. It will then appear on whatever surface is available. In this case, the kitchen stool, which I borrowed from Mom."
"What if someone is using what your transporting when you transport it?" Hobbes asked.
"I thought of that, too!" Calvin grinned. "The Time Plucker doesn't bring the actual item here to us. It brings a duplicate of it! A complete mirror image."
"Huh." Socrates said. "And, uh, what exactly did you have in mind for this Time Plucker?"
Calvin paused.
Then, a wide grin spread across his face.
"HEEEEEEELLP!!!" Hobbes screamed, as Calvin dragged him outside by the tail.
He had his claws hooked into the carpet, and it was being ripped totally apart, as Calvin dragged him out of the house.
Andy, Sherman, and Socrates were standing outside, staring at Calvin dully, as he walked up to them.
"Come on, Hobbes, this will be fun!" Calvin said, as Hobbes tore up a line of sod, while Calvin dragged him along. "Here, hold this."
Calvin handed Socrates Hobbes' tail.
Socrates uncrossed his arms, and took hold of it, staring at Calvin, expressionlessly.
"Now, here's the plan," Calvin said, taking a few steps back. "I'm going to use the Time Plucker to produce a futuristic space ship, which can cruise the various galaxies in our universe! Exploring the deepest regions of space! Cool, huh?"
"Why do you do want to do that?" Andy asked.
"Because it is now possible for me to do so." Calvin said, holding the stop watch up.
"Why do we have to take part in it?" Socrates demanded holding his chest.
"Because I want you to." Calvin said plainly.
Everyone groaned.
Slowly, Hobbes stood up.
Calvin reached into his pocket.
Then, he pulled out three silver discs.
He threw one to Andy, Hobbes, and Socrates.
"What are these?" Andy asked.
"Time discs." Calvin replied. "You're weren't here, when I made those, Andy. They're designed to bring you into Time Stop along with whoever's using the Time Pauser. In this case, me. I don't want multiple people gripping my head every single time I pause time."
"Oh." Andy said, examining the disc.
Calvin pulled his Time Pauser out of his pocket.
"OK, this is to keep people from noticing the sudden appearance of a space craft in my back yard." He said, pushing the button.
BOOM!!
A white, spiraling shockwave exploded from the sides of the yellow device, engulfing everything in its path, and causing it to freeze in place.
At the same time the Time Pauser was activated, the Time Discs Hobbes, Socrates, and Andy were holding began humming loudly, and glowing a bright yellow.
As the shockwave neared the four it split in two, went past them, reconnected, then continued on it's light speed path across the Earth, causing time to come to a sudden stop.
Calvin grinned, and slipped the Time Pauser back into his pocket, and at the same time pulled his Time Plucker out of the other.
"You may want to step back." He chuckled.
Hobbes, Socrates, and Andy all began backing up.
They backed into the fence, and waited.
Calvin pushed the button on the Time Plucker.
The one hand on the timer began spinning. Slowly at first, and then picking up speed.
Then, it began glowing, once again.
KA-ZAAAAP!!
There was another flash of light, and suddenly, a large spaceship appeared in front of five.
It was sort of roundish ship with red and blue wires running all across it. It had circular windows all around the front, and it had one of those escalators that futuristic ships have.
Calvin grinned.
"Here it is, guys!" He said. "And now, we enter upon it, and begin our adventure!"
"Are you sure this is a good idea?" Andy asked, nervously.
"Of course not." Calvin said, stepping on the escalator. "You coming or what?"
There was a pause.
Then, Andy slowly began walking onto the ship, holding Sherman.
Socrates casually followed him, humming some random tune.
Hobbes stared at the ship.
He turned around, and began walking in the other direction.
Socrates ran back down, grabbed his arm, and lead him up to the ship.
Calvin looked around the ship with excitement.
"Oh, this is so great!" He grinned, running over to the main panel.
Hobbes, Socrates, Andy and Sherman looked around, nervously.
Calvin reached into his pocket, and pulled out another Time Disc.
He began flipping switches on the panel, then opened up a small compartment.
He threw the Time Disc in, and slammed it shut, then he turned to his two worried friends.
And Socrates and Sherman.
"OK, guys." He said. "I know how to start the ship up, so I'll get it running, and then we'll be off to explore the universe! Ready?"
Hobbes, Socrates, Andy and Sherman shook their heads.
"Great! That's the spirit!"
Calvin whirled around, and began pushing buttons and flipping switches on the panels before him.
The ship's engines suddenly roared to life.
Calvin took a lever, and pushed it forward.
Socrates looked out the window.
Dust was being thrown everywhere, as the ship slowly began to rise from the ground.
Calvin then took hold of a large wind-up like object, and began cranking it.
The ship rose off the ground, threw some leafs around as they topped the trees, and continued rising.
Once it was high up above everything else, Calvin reached into his pocket, and pulled the Time Pauser back out.
BOOM!!!
Calvin then stood back, put the Time Pauser back, and reached into his pockets, again.
"Now I'll just use the MTM here to set our coordinates."
He pulled out the CD player and pushed 'Play'.
A hologram popped out.
What?
Calvin rolled his eyes, and pointed it at the ship's controls.
He pushed a couple of buttons, and suddenly a red light shot out of the CD player, and hit a small sensor on the computer.
This went on for a moment, and then, Calvin switched it off, and put it back into his pocket.
He turned a grin onto the gang.
"Hold on." He chuckled.
There was a pause.
Then...
BOOOOM!!!
Suddenly fire exploded out of the ship's engines, and it blasted forward.
Calvin sat down in a red swivel chair before him, propped his legs onto the panel, and put his hands behind his head.
There was a moment of silence.
"So, how many suicide missions does this make, now?" Hobbes asked, turning to Socrates.
"Ooh... say... about five hundred forty two." Socrates said, tapping his chin.
"Sounds about right." Andy nodded.
Calvin rolled his eyes.
Fire blasted around the ship, as it rocketed out of Earth's atmosphere.
"OK, guys have a seat." Calvin said. "Sherman you're the whiz on all this, so you discus the various planets we're passing."
"No." Sherman said, grumpily.
"Whatever. You can just stare at them as we pass." Calvin yawned.
Hobbes, Socrates and Andy all sat down in some seats next to Calvin.
They stared out the window, as Mars flew by them and then out of sight.
Then, several asteroids flew by them as they entered the asteroid belt.
The ship kept picking up speed.
It wasn't long before the ship left the galaxy completely, and everything fell into darkness.
"Oo-kay." Calvin said, flipping some switches, and examining a small screen. "We have the Andromeda galaxy, which Rupert and Earl are from. That's a little far off, so we won't bother with that one. We have a couple of other galaxies here, in which the scientists who named them were lazy, unimaginative freaks, so they just gave them a bunch of random letters and numbers, and this other galaxy that appears to ridden with black holes."
"You didn't mention the Milky Way." Hobbes said.
"Hobbes, that's where we live." Calvin said, glaring at the tiger.
"Yeah, I know."
Calvin rolled his eyes.
"OK, we'll try this one." He said, grabbing the controls, and aiming the ship at another galaxy off to the side of the others.
The hyperdrive burst into life, and it rocketed forward towards the galaxy.
"Calvin, we really don't know what's in there." Sherman said, as the ship approached.
Calvin heaved a sigh.
"Would you all just relax? This is a totally harmless exploration of a different galaxy! We're the first people to do this, you know."
"Every time you tell me to relax, I panic." Hobbes moaned.
"Oh just be quiet." Calvin grumbled.
Suddenly, blue clouds rushed against the windows, then dispersed, and suddenly the ship reentered a starry background.
Calvin sighed.
"Ah, isn't this great?" He said, looking around.
There was a pause.
"Well? Isn't it?" Calvin demanded, turning around.
"Oh, yeah, sure. Whatever." Socrates nodded, grinning.
Calvin glared at them.
"Oh come on, we're just in another galaxy it's not like..."
Just then, the radar began beeping.
Calvin, Hobbes, Socrates, Andy and Sherman all jumped.
Then, they turned around, and stared at the small screen before them.
On the green background, only about three miles away from them was a dot, moving at a high rate of speed towards them.
Something was approaching the ship.
Something big.
Hobbes began moaning.
"I knew it!" he cried. "We're being attacked by some kind of aliens! We're all gonna die, and it's all Calvin's fault!!"
Calvin rolled his eyes.
He leaned forward, and began typing into his keyboard.
Sherman hopped out of Andy's pocket, and onto the panel, too, pushing some buttons.
The radar screen went blank, and in its place, some numbers flashed across it.
Sherman examined it, rubbing his chin.
"How big is it?" Calvin asked.
"It's about as big as our ship." Sherman replied.
"Very nice. Does it have any weapons?" Calvin asked, talking over Hobbes' groans.
There was a pause.
"Uhhh... no." Sherman said, confused. "They either have no weapons or they're all offline. This is... weird..."
"What is it, Shermie?" Andy asked, leaning forward and squinting at the screen.
"The ship's scanners don't want to recognize this other ship." Sherman said. "It's as if it doesn't exist or something."
There was a moment of silence.
"How...mysterious!" Socrates said, in a creepy voice.
Sherman ignored him, and continued.
"From what I can see, the radar is picking up, but the scanners are only telling me the bare minimum." He said, scratching his head.
Just then, a low humming reached Hobbes' ears.
He stopped moaning, and listened.
Slowly, the chair and looked out the window.
"Oh my..." He began, his eyes growing.
"Did you check all the instruments?" Sherman asked, turning to Calvin.
"I just got the stupid ship. Of course I didn't check them all!" Calvin spat.
"Calvin?" Hobbes said.
"Well, there must be something wrong with the main hardware. I'll take a quick look at it. You keep an eye on that ship."
"Caaaaaalvin." Hobbes hissed.
"The ship is brand new!" Calvin shouted, throwing his hands to the sky. "There can't be anything wrong with the hardware!"
"Well apparently there is." Andy said.
"CALVIN!!!" Hobbes shouted, finally.
"What?" Calvin asked, turning around.
Hobbes pointed out the window.
Calvin looked around.
His eyes popped open.
"Hmm?" Socrates asked, looking up, "Did I miss something?"
He looked out the window, and his mouth fell open, and his eyes bulged.
Andy looked out too.
"There's nothing wrong with the hardware." Sherman said, stepping out a small compartment. "Maybe some wiring is off. I need to..."
The hamster turned around.
His eyes fell on the window before him.
"Huh?" He yelled, his mouth dropping.
Outside of Calvin's ship, floating only a few hundred feet away was... Calvin's ship!
The exact same ship, and three dark figures were standing in the windows, staring down at them.
"Well, this is unexpected." Socrates said.
"That's... that's..." Hobbes stammered.
"That's my ship!" Calvin yelled, pointing at the window. "What are those freaks doing in my ship!"
"Calvin, that' us!" Sherman growled.
"Huh?" Calvin asked, turning.
"Calvin, don't you see who those people are?" Sherman demanded. "That's us!"
Calvin turned, and squinted at the ship.
"That's not possible." Calvin said. "Those people are adults. Looks like our show's been spliced in with Star Trek or something."
There was a pause.
Then, a light came on in Calvin's eyes.
"Oooh..." He began.
"That's the futuristic us." Sherman said, expressionlessly.
"I see."
"What are they doing here?" Andy yelled. "Surely we're not going to be in this ship that long!"
"Looks like a really long time, too." Hobbes said. "Look how beat up the ship is."
The ship was, in fact, in bad shape. Several of the windows were cracked, wires had been ripped off of the front, and the whole bottom part was missing.
It looked like something really bad had happened.
There was a pause, in which Calvin, Hobbes, Socrates, Andy and Sherman just stared at the ship.
"Well," Socrates said, suddenly standing. "They have the answers. Let's go meet the neighbors!"
Socrates began walking over towards another part of the ship.
"NO!!" Sherman squeaked, holding his hand out.
Socrates stopped, and looked around.
"Hmmm?" He asked, raising an eyebrow.
"We can't go out there!" Sherman said. "The brain can't cope with knowing its own future! You'd go insane!"
"Well, send him out, anyway." Calvin said. "He's already insane."
"Can't argue with him, there." Socrates grinned.
Sherman rolled his eyes.
"Look, I'll go over to the cockpit, and talk with them myself." He said, jumping off the panel.
"Oh,you get to go see our future, but wecan't?" Socrates said, crossing his arms.
Sherman sighed.
"Look, just wait here for a second so I can go talk with them." He said. "I'll be able to see what they're doing here."
"Whatever." Socrates sighed.
He yawned, and walked over to his seat.
He sat down, and stared at the ship next to him, playing with a slinky he had in his pocket.
Sherman made his way towards the cockpit.
He threw a nervous glance at the ship, took a deep breath, then moved forward.
Off to speak with his futuristic self, and Calvin, Hobbes, Socrates and Andy.
Calvin, Hobbes and Andy were now playing a game of poker in the mid-section of the ship. They were simply bored by the whole thing now.
Socrates was trying to keep busy, but he kept wondering.
"I don't see why the rat gets to see our future!" he complained. "I just want to know who I become and what I've made of my life!"
"Do you think that's wise, Socrates?" Hobbes asked. "What if it turns out that your future self is a space-crazy psychopath bumbling through the course of history with no sense of cause or ambition."
"Or worse, Socrates, you could've changed," said Calvin, not looking up from his cards.
Socrates grunted.
"You guys are telling me you aren't the least bit interested?" he asked.
"Curiosity killed the cat," Hobbes replied.
Before Socrates could rant any further, the door slid open.
Out stepped Sherman.
Everyone stared at him.
Sherman looked a little shell-shocked.
"Hey, Shermie? How'd it go?" Andy asked.
Sherman simply walked towards them, not saying a word. He quietly hopped up on the table.
Everyone looked at him.
"Well…?" Calvin asked.
Sherman looked at Calvin for a long time.
Then, he little hamster hugged Calvin's arm.
"Calvin, I love you!" he wailed.
Everyone jumped back in surprise at Sherman's sudden show of affection for Calvin.
Calvin was very creeped out by the fact that this hamster had a death grip on his arm.
"Sherman…?" he asked unsurely.
"I'd hate for you to go anywhere, not knowing that," Sherman continued.
"Calvin, there's a hamster hugging you," Hobbes said. "You want me to get the swatter?"
Sherman glared at Hobbes as he let Calvin go.
Calvin unsurely looked at the genius hamster.
"So, what's the deal, Sherman? What are they doing here?" he asked.
"Well, they are our future selves. Fifteen years into the future, to be exact. Apparently we become time travelers in the future, living in space and using the Time Plucker to get whatever they need. Unfortunately, their Time Plucker has a fault, so they jumped to this point in time where they knew we'd be," Sherman explained.
"Wow, so I'm actually gonna meet me?" Andy asked. "Man, I didn't think I get all tongue-tied about meeting anyone until my first date!"
"No one is meeting anyone," Sherman said sternly. "I've been given orders to keep you all in the ship's sleeping quarters. You'll have your meals served there."
Then Sherman turned to Calvin.
"I found a box of Chocolate Frosted Sugar Bombs in the supply bins in the cockpit. I'll let you have that," he said.
"Hey, cool! My favorite!" said Calvin.
Sherman began to tear up.
"I know!" he whimpered, walking away.
Calvin watched him go, confused.
"Why am I having cereal for breakfast?" he asked.
"Oh, I just thought since today had…no special meaning…and since you only have special meals on…not special days…I thought…"
Sherman began to tear up again.
"Oh, just go," Calvin said quickly.
"Thank you."
Sherman hurried into the next room.
Everyone sat there, stunned.
Suddenly, they heard Sherman sobbing in the next room.
It was incredibly awkward.
Sherman was soon preparing a bowl of Chocolate Frosted Sugar Bombs. As he did so, he couldn't help but sniffle every once in a while.
Calvin snuck in.
"Sherman?" he asked.
"ACK!" Sherman cried, jumping in the air. "Don't do that!"
"Sorry, sorry!" Calvin said quickly. "Listen, I want to talk about my future."
"There's nothing to tell," Sherman said, not facing him.
"Sherman, don't pull a Nixon on me!" Calvin said, eyeing the hamster closely. "I didn't survive, did I? I died, didn't I? One of my inventions finally blew? Rupert and Earl finally got me? My plans to prove the theory behind Bigfoot worked? What happened?"
"Calvin, I can't say. All I can say is that there were five of them," Sherman said.
"Yeah, but clearly I'm not amongst them, right?"
"One member of their party is named Calvin! Now please, I've already said too much!"
Calvin narrowed his eyes.
"Wait a minute! What are you trying to say? I survive? I'm alive?!" he asked.
"Calvin, please! Not on this, our most sacred of days, should we squabble!" Sherman yelled.
Calvin stared at him.
"Uh…okay. By the way, take it easy with the cereal. Otherwise, there'll be none left for tomorrow."
And he left.
Sherman watched him go, and then glanced at the box of cereal. He poured all the contents into the bowl.
In the bunk room, Calvin and Andy were working with a fuse box and a small TV.
Hobbes and Socrates were nearby.
"Look, fate's fate. It's set in stone," said Hobbes.
"Yeah, let's face it," said Socrates, enjoying Calvin's confusion. "If you died, we'll just have to move on and accept it…and I'll take good care of your stuff."
"Hobbes, if I do die, you're not letting him set a paw on my stuff," Calvin ordered.
Hobbes rolled his eyes.
"What are you trying to do?" he asked.
"We're going to spy on our future selves," said Andy. "I'm trying to rig this old TV we got with the Time Plucker with the security camera's wires."
"Whereis the Time Plucker?" asked Socrates. "I haven't seen it since we boarded."
"I hooked it up to the ship," Calvin said, holding some wires for Andy. "It's down in the lower decks hooked up to the control panel in the cockpit so we could use it from there. How's it coming, Andy?"
"Just give me a few more minutes," said Andy.
Back down below, Sherman was helping the future crew dock with present day ship.
"Docking process completed," he said into a transmitter. "Gentlemen, welcome aboard."
An airlock opened up, and three sets of feet came walking through.
The first was Andy.
The boy was in his early-twenties now. His hair was shorter; he wore a yellow, padded jacket, red Dockers, black shoes and had an eye patch on what was once his left eye.
Sherman stared at his friend in surprise.
Future Andy was looking around the ship in disgust.
"Did we actually used to live like this?" he asked with a much deeper voice. "Goodness, it's hard to believe anyone could live like this!"
As he continued on into the cockpit and through to the midsection, in walked the Future Hobbes.
Hobbes hadn't fared too badly. He had gray hairs in his fur and was a lot thinner, but in lot of ways, he was the same.
"Yeah, we're used to the better life now," he said. "Nice to see the young Vermin again."
"Some things never change," Sherman growled.
Then, last but not least, Future Socrates entered behind Hobbes.
Socrates had actually put on a few pounds, and looked a bit wimpier than before. Other than that, he looked about the same. He was also carrying two containers.
"Man, oh man," he said. "Back to my pranking days! Man, all the cruel things I did to you guys."
Sherman glared at him.
"Where am I?" he asked.
Socrates lowered the first container and pressed a button.
Sherman gawked at what he saw.
It was the Future Sherman. He was an elderly hamster who was a bit thinner, but he was inside a computerized ball.
"Oh my days…," Sherman moaned.
"Yeah," said Future Sherman. "As you know, there's no way in heck the average hamster can live more than fifteen years. So, to keep up with the others, I reprogrammed my plastic ball to be a chamber of ageless wonder. I remain at this point in my life and go no further."
"Frankly, I think you went a bit whacky," Future Socrates whispered to Sherman.
Future Sherman glared.
"I think we're overstepping the boundaries for appropriate conversation," Sherman said. "Is…Calvin…here?"
Socrates lowered the second container and lifted the sheet off of it.
It was a brain in a jar with a speaker on the side and wires hooked into it.
"Ah, Future Calvin!" said Sherman, trying to sound relieved. "You look terrific. I was expecting something much worse!"
"Like what?" the automated voice of Calvin said.
"Like a head in a jar, maybe."
"Aw, don't worry about me, Sherman. I'm fine! It's nice to get a bit of air!"
Sherman laughed nervously.
"Well, look at you! You've hardly changed at all! Why, if I hadn't been told about the accident, I don't think I'd even have noticed!"
Then he glared at the other Futures.
"Why couldn't you just let him die?!" he whispered angrily.
The others rolled their eyes.
Back in the sleeping quarters, Andy finished hooking up the screen.
"Yep! We're in!" he said.
Calvin immediately pushed him aside and looked over the image.
"How's it looking?" Hobbes asked.
"Whoa…," said Calvin. "Sherman's in his plastic ball and it's got little computers in it!"
"What about me?"
"Um…you aged…somewhat gracefully," Calvin commented.
Hobbes looked at his withered self.
"Ick," he muttered.
"What about me?" Andy asked eagerly.
Calvin searched for Andy in the picture until he saw him.
"Oh…," he said, wincing. "Andy? You weren't a big fan of your left eye, were you?"
"What?!" Andy cried. "Let me see!"
"Wait, hold on! I'm still looking!"
"What about me?" Socrates asked.
Calvin could only start laughing.
"Hold on," he chuckled. "I want to see if I'm there!"
There was a pause.
"Well…?" Andy asked.
"I don't seem to be there," Calvin commented. "It's just you guys, Sherman…"
Then Calvin saw the jar. His eyes bugged out and his mouth hung open as realization dawned on him.
Hobbes quickly looked at the screen.
"Oh…dear…," he said, staring.
"What? Is he fat?" Socrates asked, laughing.
"Far from it," said Hobbes. "He's lost a bit of weight, actually. In fact, he's lost a bit of everything."
Socrates rolled his eyes and pushed Hobbes aside.
Then he gawked at the screen.
"What did I do to deserve that?" Calvin asked quietly.
"That is tragic," Socrates said sadly. "That is the saddest thing I have ever seen in my life. What the heck happened to my butt?! You could hide the entire United Nations behind me!"
"So what?" Calvin asked angrily. "You're fat! That happens! Look atme! I'm just a brain in a jar!"
"Oh, you, you, you, self, self, self!" Socrates said angrily.
"Socrates, you're stuttering," Andy observed.
Calvin pushed them all aside.
"We've gotta find out what's happened to us!" he said, turning up the volume.
The conversations came through loud and clear.
Sherman was having a hard time with their future selves.
So far, they had complained that everything was so second rate.
"This soda is diet soda!" Future Andy complained.
"It's disgusting!" Future Socrates complained. "How do you even get away with drinking this stuff?!"
"Well, pardon me!" Sherman retorted. "We don't have access to the finest beverages time has to offer! Want to have a marshmallow?"
"We did!" Future Hobbes objected. "All you have are those pathetic miniature marshmallows! You're trying to put us off with second best! It's an insult."
Future Sherman rolled over to Sherman.
"Sherman, we're businessmen now," he explained calmly. "We've been traveling throughout the whole of history, and we've been associating with those who have the best things in life, and then we use the Time Plucker to make copies for ourselves."
"I see," Sherman said unsurely. "And who is it that has these wonderful things?"
"Oh, Julius Caesar, the Hitlers, Vlad the Impaler, Nero, Louis the XVI, and many more…," said Future Sherman.
"Ah, Louis," said Future Hobbes fondly.
"He's a complete delight!" Future Andy agreed. "He's witty, charming…"
"He was an idiotic treasonous dictator who lavished in luxury while the working class starved in abject poverty!" Sherman roared angrily.
"Huh, really?" asked Future Hobbes. "We didn't see any of that!"
"Yeah," said Future Calvin from his jar. "We've been hanging out with these people for years, and they've treated us quite well."
"Yep, we've lived the good life," said Future Socrates. "Just last week, we had poker night with Hermann Goering!"
Sherman was staring now, horrified.
"Look," said Future Sherman, noticing his expression. "You have to understand. We travel throughout the whole of history, and naturally we wanted to sample the best in everything."
"Right," said Future Andy. "It's just a bit unfortunate that the finest things tend to be the hands of those you might consider a bit dishonest."
Sherman laughed hollowly.
"Dishonest?" he asked. "You think Hermann Goering is a bit dishonest?! What's happened to all of you?! You've all abandoned your good will and morals! All you care about now is fulfilling your every desire!"
"And could we tell you some stories about that!" Future Andy laughed slimily.
They all laughed horribly.
Sherman growled angrily.
"I don't recognize any of you!" he snorted. "You're all self-serving amoral scum freeloading your way through life!"
Just then, there was a loud BAM from up above.
Everyone looked up and saw that Calvin had blasted out of the sleeping quarters, using the MTM. Hobbes, Andy and Socrates were behind him.
They all had dark expressions on their faces.
"Okay, that's it," said Calvin, holding the MTM high. "You've got two minutes to get the heck out of here! I don't know how we became you, but there's no we'll help you keep doing what you're doing!"
Future Socrates promptly began to move towards the airlock.
"But we need to examine the telepathy programs on your Time Plucker!" Future Andy objected.
Calvin checked his watch.
"That's one minute forty," he said.
Now their future selves looked nervous.
"Shooting us would be like killing himself in the future," Future Hobbes sneered. "He won't do it."
Calvin grinned darkly.
"What have I got to lose? My jar?" he asked.
Immediately, Future Andy ushered the others to the airlock.
Future Hobbes picked up Future Calvin and Future Sherman.
"Okay, okay, we're going," said Future Andy.
"But without that data, we'll be stranded!" Future Sherman objected.
"Fifty seconds," Calvin said, checking his watch again.
Future Hobbes took the two containers and ducked down the airlock.
Future Andy paused for a moment.
"You'll change your mind. I guarantee it," he said. "It's your destiny."
ZAP!
Calvin had fired a warning shot.
"Thirty seconds. Get going," he said angrily.
Future Andy glared at Calvin and left quickly.
Soon, they managed to undock from the future ship, and they piloted themselves back towards the Milky Way.
They failed to notice that the future ship was slowly turning around towards them…
"I knew it would be a mistake to see the future," Sherman spoke up, his voice leaden. "Now our whole lives will be coloured by the fact that we're gonna end up becoming people we despise."
Hobbes glanced over at Sherman. However, before he could respond to the hamster's opinion, a soft double-beep issued from the panel in front of him, and he swung his eyes back to determine its source.
"Threat warning," Hobbes informed the others. "It's the vessel off the stern; they've got a missile lock on us."
Calvin half turned in his seat.
"What?!" he cried. "Sherman, I thought you said they weren't armed!"
"No," Sherman replied. "I said they were either unarmed or offline."
Then it dawned on Calvin what was happening.
"Our future selves are attacking us!" he said, his voice rising in disbelief.
"They're nuts!" Socrates fired the ship's thrusters. His desperate eyes vainly searched the empty space in front of them as it sluggishly pulled itself forwards.
WHAM!
It was a direct hit.
"The gyroscope's out!" Socrates reported, wrenching the suddenly treacle-mired control yoke almost ineffectually.
Hobbes reported, "Another lock!"
"Wait a minute!" Calvin cried. "If they have weapons, shouldn't that mean…?"
Calvin quickly searched the control panel and soon found what he was looking for. He pressed a button and a new set of controls appeared.
Outside the ship, a pair of laser-cannons appeared.
"Yes!" Calvin cheered.
Then there was a noise.
"Incoming message," Calvin offered in translation and punched buttons on his console.
A monitor screen resolved to a picture of the Future Andy.
"Gentlemen," the older Andy began, "we have no meaning of being deprived of the opulence and luxury the Time Plucker provides. Either you give us access to the data we need, or be ready to be blasted out of the sky."
"But if you kill us then you'llkillyourselves!" Andy countered.
Future Andy sneered out of the monitor screen. "Better that than be forced to live like you," he said scornfully. "Your answer: thirty seconds."
The video image flickered and vanished and the channel closed, leaving the threat hanging in the air.
Socrates' eyes flitted between his friends anxiously. "So what do we do?" he prompted.
A pause carried out. Planets were born. Stars died. No one spoke.
Abruptly, Hobbes glanced over at Sherman. "Have we got any chance of winning?" he asked.
"Their craft is greatly upgraded," Sherman spoke clearly and without hesitation, holding Hobbes' gaze.
"We have no chance whatsoever," Andy put in.
Hobbes' first reaction, naturally, was to cower under the table until the bad men went away. Hobbes wasn't proud. However, even he caught the note of finality: no way out.
His vanishing act for once could not save him now.
"Then I say 'fight'," Hobbes stated, with certainty.
Everyone stared at him.
"Hobbes?" Socrates asked.
"Better dead than a jerk," Hobbes told them, almost cheerfully.
"Yes!" Calvin exulted.
He'd had pretty much the same thought himself. There was no way this collection of geriatrics was going to push him around. Having it confirmed by Hobbes of all people, however, was something you just didn't stop to question.
"Socrates?" Calvin glanced to his right.
"Better dead than a wimp," Socrates grumbled.
"Andy?"
"Better dead than without both eyes," said Andy.
"Sherman?"
"Betteranything than that ball." Sherman shuddered at the memory.
"Shields up," Calvin called, punching buttons on the weapons console. "Arming lasers!"
"Bringing her around…," Socrates announced, skillfully compensating for the subdued response of the ship.
Andy and Sherman worked feverishly at the logistics console. "Target acquired," Andy called to Calvin, transferring the targeting data to the weapons console.
"Locking on…" Calvin held the last syllable as he aligned the ship's still-unfamiliar laser targeting system. "Firing!"
BRZAP!
WHAM!
"Direct hit, starboard thrusters," Andy reported. "Nice shooting!"
"Bringing her around for dessert!" Socrates laughed.
Hobbes wasn't so jubilant, however. "Threat warning!" he called. "They've got a lock-on!"
Calvin heard him, but knew they had neither the time nor maneuverability to do anything about it.
"I'm going for the main fuel tanks," Calvin informed Sherman, and the hamster began grappling with the necessary calculations. The math portion of his brain groaned in protest.
"They're in your sights!" Andy said after a moment's computation, patching the data through to Calvin's targeting computer.
"Locked on… Fire—"
Calvin didn't finish the word. As his lips prepared to form the closing 'ing', his finger a hair's breadth from touching the laser firing switch, the shot from the future crew found its mark, impacting upon the underside of their ship and ripping into its primary computer cores.
Thirty-two milliseconds later, the weapons control console went into a build-up of power that grew and grew with nowhere to discharge until the entire panel exploded in a concentrated burst of fiery sparks, red-hot metal and flaming electrical components. The deadly blast threw Calvin's body out of its seat and on to the floor between Hobbes and Andy.
"Calvin!" Andy cried, leaping from his seat to crouch beside Calvin and gently pressing his fingers to the side of the boy's neck.
"Is he okay?!" Socrates asked, his attention torn between wrestling with the increasing unresponsive controls and looking to see what had happened to his… well… for want of a better word, 'friend'.
Andy looked up numbly. "He's…dead…," he heard himself say.
Hobbes heard the words clearly enough, but somehow he couldn't see how they applied to the present situation. A sudden chill made him shiver. Calvin had been thrown to the ground. That was all. What was the melodramatic boy talking about? Obviously trying to make jokes. Yes, that was it.
An urgent flashing from console in front of Hobbes distracted him. He glanced down, and his heart flipped over. "The hull's gonna go," he blurted. "We'll all be dead in a minute."
Perhaps using his words as a gruesome cue, the ship's ruined electronic subsystems concentrated their attention on Socrates' pilot's controls.
Socrates had barely torn his stunned gaze away from Calvin's body before the world around him suddenly seemed to turn white. Melted circuitry and hot shards of the control console blew out from the concentrated energy concussion explosion, blasting Socrates backwards to sprawl over Andy and Sherman's stand-up panel.
"Socrates!" Hobbes shouted, his mind reeling, and Sherman leaned forward and placed his fingers over the feline's pulse point.
"Dead…," the hamster said and sat down heavily.
Hobbes' mind suddenly stopped its self-defensive merry-go-round and decided to give his brain a chance, leaving him facing cold hard facts. Calvin and Socrates were dead. Those old jerks from the future had wiped them out! Hobbes felt his chest and throat tighten, confused and unfamiliar of the emotion causing it and glanced over at Andy and Sherman.
The hamster's eyes widened slightly, and he turned to look at Hobbes.
"But there may be a—," Sherman began intently, but that was as far as he got.
The complex, delicate equipment in the logistics wall-console behind Andy's head overloaded and exploded in an angry burst of fire, and a remedial implosive solidity slammed Andy's head back into the wrecked controls, and Sherman was blown by the explosion. Andy and Sherman slumped backwards, lifeless.
"Andy…," Hobbes gripped the corner of his own station, his fingers leaving grooves in the metal. "Sherman!"
Hobbes, in soul-consuming shock, scrambled over to the hamster and looked at him, unable or unwilling to accept the truth.
"There may be a what?" he pressed, ignoring the hamster's closed eyes. "A way out of this? Is that what you were gonna say?? Vermin!" Hobbes stammered. "How can we change what's happening?!"
Through his despair, something hit Hobbes. He turned and stumbled from the blasted cockpit and into the mid-section, and his eyes picked out Calvin's MTM. He grabbed the weapon, kicked open the hatch in the side wall and charged forward and barreled down to the ship's lower levels.
(Wake me up) Wake me up inside…
Through corridors he ran, the tortured ship shuddering and tearing it apart around him.
(I can't wake up) Wake me up inside…
A corridor section collapsed and a huge bulkhead crashed down onto his back, but Hobbes was oblivious to the pain.
(Save me) Call my name and save me from the dark…
One thought blotting out all consciousness: he must reach the Time Plucker.
(Wake me up) Bid my blood to run…
Suddenly, he found himself standing in front of it.
(I can't wake up) Before I come undone…
Hobbes raised the MTM.
(Save me) Save me from the nothing I've become…
Loaded.
(Bring me to life)
Fired.
I've been living a lie, there's nothing inside.
Bright light blasted from the ruptured watch, and at the exact same time, seen from space, a streak of red fire launched from the twin ship ploughed into the battered ship.
With the impact of that final missile, no resistance remained. The ship lost its fragile grip on coherency and detonated completely, with an explosion that matched a thousand Death Stars. When the debris cleared, and the light faded, the ship was gone. There was no indication that there was ever anything there…
(Bring me to life)
Mom and Dad were sitting at the kitchen table sipping tea and reading.
Mom suddenly looked up.
"Have you seen Calvin at all today?" she asked.
Just then the door burst open.
Mom and Dad looked up in surprise.
They saw five figures standing in the doorway.
It was Calvin, Hobbes, Socrates, Andy and Sherman. Their present day forms were alive.
"Oh, there you are, Calvin," said Dad. "Where have you been?"
"Oh, just fooling around," said Calvin innocently, with Hobbes slung over his shoulder. "We're just going up to my room. Come on, guys."
They quickly scurried up to Calvin's bedroom.
Once they got there, Calvin reached into the hypercube and started pulling out sodas.
"Soda pops all around, boys!" he said. "It's time to celebrate! Good ol' Hobbes destroyed the Time Plucker, therefore deleting our future selves and saving us all!"
Hobbes took his soda.
"Yes, no good deed goes unpunished I suppose," he said.
Calvin held his soda up high.
"Let us agree right here to never let the life of luxury hit us so hard we forget everything we stand for!" he said.
"Agreed!" everyone said, holding their cans high.
"And now, I propose a toast," Calvin said, opening his can.
Everyone did the same.
"To the present!" Calvin said, putting his can forward.
"To the present!" the others said while clinking their cans.
Then they all took a big swig, followed by one big spit-take.
"ICK!" said Andy. "This is diet soda!"
The End
Voice Work
Pamela
Segall Adlon
Calvin / Future Calvin
Tom
Hanks
Hobbes / Future Hobbes
Ryan
Stiles
Socrates / Future Socrates
Andrew
Lawrence
Andy
Colin
Mochrie
Sherman / Future Sherman
Bill
Murray
Dad / Future Andy
Jennifer
Love Hewitt
Mom
Coming up Next: Pranking the Ghosts