Summary:When Socrates begins acting strangely, Calvin and Hobbes begin to spy on him to figure out what he's up to.

And now back to Calvin and Hobbes: The Series
Written by Garfieldodie and Swing123

Mission Socrates

Andy and Sherman were in their garage. Andy was holding a tape measurer and running it along a piece of wood he wanted to cut. Sherman was watching him.

"Hey, Shermie," he said. "Write these measurements down for me."

"Sure," said Sherman, pulling out a pencil and paper.

Andy started to measure. He stretched the measurer to the length of the board.

"Okay," he said. "Two feet three inches by…"

Sherman wrote it down.

Then Andy measured the width.

"Six inches and…three thirty-seconds of an inch," he said.

There was a pause as Andy looked closely at it.

"Or, um…five sixty-fourths?" he said, squinting his eyes at it.

There was another pause.

Sherman waited with the pencil.

"No, no, it's…yeah…three thirty-seconds…I think," he said unsurely.

Sighing, Andy glanced up at Sherman.

"Tell me again why we don't use metric?" he sighed.

"I'm just gonna make up a number," Sherman said, writing something down.

Then they saw someone walking down the street.

It was Socrates. He was walking along, looking innocent and whistling a random tune like he always did.

"Hello, Socrates!" Andy called. He waved at him.

Socrates jumped in surprise and stared over them.

"Oh, hi, Andy," he said nervously. "I was just going… I was on my way to… I was planning… I… Uh… BYE!"

VROOM!

In a puff of smoke, Socrates vanished down the sidewalk as fast as he could.

Andy and Sherman stared.

Then Sherman got bored and went back to reading a book.

Andy arched an eyebrow.

"What'd I say?" he asked.

"Don't blame yourself," Sherman sighed. "It's not your fault he's a chunkhead."

Andy nodded and resumed what he was doing.

Hobbes was resting in the field when Calvin suddenly ran up carrying volleyball.

"Hey, wanna play Calvinball, Hobbes?" he asked.

"No," Hobbes replied. "I'm getting in some quality sitting."

There was a pause.

Calvin stared as Hobbes continued to sit.

This lasted for five seconds.

"…You're kidding, right?" he asked.

Hobbes glared at him.

"What?" he demanded. "I can't have hobbies?!"

Calvin rolled his eyes.

"Why the sudden interest in Calvinball anyway?" Hobbes continued. "We haven't got any games scheduled today."

"I dunno," Calvin said. "March Madness, I guess."

There was another pause.

"Okay," Hobbes said. "First, it's April, and second, that's basketball."

"Details, details," Calvin sighed. "Are we gonna play or not?"

Hobbes sighed.

"Fine," he muttered, getting to his feet.

Calvin grinned and pulled the masks out of his pocket. As Hobbes was putting his on, he saw Socrates walking up the sidewalk.

"Hey, Socrates!" he called. "Wanna play Calvinball?!"

Socrates stopped suddenly and stared at them.

"Oh…," he said. "I…er…I…uh…"

"Yeah, come on," said Calvin, holding up a third mask. "You always have the best rule ideas!"

Socrates paused.

"Uh, I'd like to, but I…er…I have to go…uh…I GOTTA GO!" he shrieked.

VROOM!

Socrates was gone in a flash.

Calvin and Hobbes watched him flee. There was a pause. Calvin sighed.

"You know, the more I meet people, the more I like my dog," he said.

Hobbes glanced at him.

"Um, you don't have a dog."

There was a pause.

Calvin thought about this.

"I don't see how that should change my views on people," he said.

Hobbes nodded in agreement and tossed the ball in the air.

"Okay, whoever catches this gets to make the other a tuna fish sandwich," he said, watching the ball.

Calvin rolled his eyes.

That afternoon, Hobbes was making his way up to Socrates' mansion. He was carrying a box with a cable dangling behind him. He arrived at the giant doors and knocked on them.

There was a brief pause before Socrates appeared at the doors.

"Oh, hi, Hobbes!" he said quickly. "Can we make this quick?"

Hobbes raised his eyebrows.

"Uh, sure, I'm just returning your DVD player," he said, handing it to him.

Socrates snatched it away.

"Good, good!" he said, looking both ways.

"Uh, can I come in?"

Socrates' eyes bugged out. "NO! NO! NO ONE MAY ENTER!" he shouted.

Hobbes jumped back in surprise.

"Why not?" he asked.

Socrates paused to think.

"Uh…we're…stinky," he said pathetically.

There was a pause.

"Well, see ya!"

SLAM!

The door, despite being only open a crack, slammed shut so hard that Hobbes fell over.

"What the heck is he up to?" Hobbes muttered suspiciously.

Calvin and Andy were in Sherman's lab along with the genius hamster. They were all wearing lab coats and goggles. Calvin was holding a beaker full of fizzing liquid while Andy held another one full of another fizzing formula.

Sherman was documenting the whole thing one a tiny clipboard.

"Okay," he said. "Calvin, when I say so, you pour the chemicals into Andy's beaker. Got it?"

"Check," Calvin said, holding the liquid over Andy's.

Andy covered his eyes.

"Can we make this quick? My arms are falling asleep," he groaned.

Sherman glared at him.

"Hey, this has to be done carefully and exactly accurately," he said sternly. "One wrong move and the whole thing could destroy us all!"

"Uh-huh," said Calvin. "Can we move it along now?"

"Wait for it… Wait for it…," said Sherman, holding up a paw and watching his watch closely.

WHAM!

The door suddenly swung open, revealing Hobbes at the doorway at the top of the stairs.

This caused Calvin to jump in surprise, and the liquid in his beaker landed in Andy's.

"Take cover!" Sherman cried, ducking behind some supplies.

BLAM!

The liquids reacted in a huge fireball that knocked Calvin and Andy off their feet.

When they got up again, they were blackened by the blast, and their hair was forced back. There was a pause.

Finally, Calvin ruffled his hair, putting back to normal.

Andy brushed his face off. "Well, we got that done," he sighed.

Sherman grumbled at Hobbes, who now coming down the stairs.

"You're interrupting important work here, you idiot!" he shouted. "What could you possibly want?"

"Just to be loved," Hobbes sighed.

Everyone rolled their eyes.

"Anyway, Socrates is acting weirder than usual," he continued. "He wouldn't let me in the mansion today."

"He's probably wised up and decided to never let us in there again," Sherman sighed. "We've destroyed that place several times."

"Nah, he's pretty easy going about that," said Hobbes.

Calvin paused and thought.

"Hmm, he turned down a game of Calvinball earlier today," he said. "He never turns that game down. It's his perfect chance to humiliate me with his rules."

"And he ran off when I said 'hi' to him this morning," said Andy. "You don't suppose he's up to something, do you?"

"When is he not?" Sherman demanded.

Calvin nodded.

"He's right," he said. "Socrates is never to be trusted. We need to get to the bottom of this."

"Right," said Hobbes.

There was a pause.

"…How do we do that?" Hobbes asked at last.

A few minutes later, they were in Andy's kitchen, and they were all gathered around the phone.

"So…the plan is…?" Sherman asked.

"Simple," said Calvin. "Hobbes, you call Socrates and ask to know what he's up to. He'll probably let you in on the scam, and you can work from the inside and report back information."

"Right," Hobbes replied. He took the phone and dialed the number for Socrates' mansion. There was a pause as he waited for him to pick up.

Finally, at the other end, a voice was heard.

"Hello?" Socrates asked.

"Socrates, it's Hobbes," Hobbes said.

"Oh!" He sounded surprised. "Uh, what's up?"

"I was just checking to see if you had any pranks scheduled for this week. It's a little boring around here and I need some excitement."

There was a pause at the other end of the line.

"Er, um, there's nothing going on, I'm afraid," Socrates said, chuckling nervously.

Hobbes was surprised.

"Seriously?" he asked.

"Uh-huh! Sorry. I'll let you know if anything happens, though."

Hobbes paused.

"Um, Socrates, what's going on at your house, exactly?" he asked.

There was a pause and brushing against the phone.

Hobbes glanced at the others, who merely shrugged. He returned to the phone.

"Uh, listen, Hobbes, this is sort of a bad time," Socrates said quickly. "I haven't got time to talk, but we'll get back to later and we'll do lunch. Tootles!"

"Wait, I…!"

The phone on the other end was hung up, and the dial tone was all he could here now. He looked back up at the others as he put the phone down.

"Well…?" Calvin asked.

"He said there was nothing planned," Hobbes said.

Calvin thought.

"This must be bigger than we thought!" he said, thinking hard. "Socrates must be planning something huge!"

"Yeah, but what could it be?" Andy asked, rubbing his chin.

"Well, there's only one thing to do!"

"What's that?" Sherman asked.

"We must form an investigation!"

There was a pause.

"Must we?" Andy asked.

Calvin glared at him. "Come on! We'll be like spies! We'll monitor Socrates' every move and see what he plans on doing, and then we'll outsmart him!" he said.

"Uh-huh," Hobbes sighed. "I can only imagine how this is going to end."

"Oh stop being so negative. It'll go fine! Come on, guys! Mission: Socrates is now in affect!" he said.

In their treehouse, Calvin and Hobbes were sitting around. Calvin was keeping a sharp lookout through a pair of binoculars while Hobbes napped.

"Still no sign of him," Calvin muttered. He was holding his position pretty well. In fact, a bird had now touched down on his head.

There was a long pause until…

"FOUND HIM!" Calvin shouted, scaring away the bird.

Hobbes jumped up in surprise.

"Who?! What?! When?! Where?!" he shouted, looking in all directions.

"The target has been located!" Calvin said triumphantly. "Socrates is coming up the sidewalk."

Hobbes looked down the sidewalk. He could see Socrates. He was walking down the street, looking in several directions as he walked. He was going at a moderate speed.

"Hobbes, now's your cue," Calvin whispered.

"Right," said Hobbes.

Very stealthily, Hobbes climbed down the tree and snuck carefully through the grass like a snake. Then he slunk into some bushes and waited for Socrates to get close enough. Once he was, he popped out of the bush.

Socrates stopped when he saw him.

"Hi, Socrates!" Hobbes said cheerfully. "Where're you going?"

Socrates paused and looked around himself carefully.

"Uh…nowhere," he said.

"Nonsense! We're all going somewhere! Where did you plan on going?"

"Uh…," Socrates said unsurely. "Home."

"Ah, how nice. Say, Socrates, I've noticed that you look more nervous than usual. Why is that?"

Socrates quickly glanced around himself.

"Oh, no reason," he said quickly. "Nothing's wrong. I don't know what you're talking about!"

"Well, it just seems that…"

"Look, Hobbes, I've gotta go. I'll see you later," he said quickly.

Socrates immediately pelted down the sidewalk.

Hobbes watched him leave, and then pulled out a walkie-talkie.

"Status report," he said into it. "Suspect is acting very stand-offish and nervous. He continues to look around while I speak to him. Over."

There was a brief crackle on the other end before Calvin was heard.

"Roger that. Report back to base. Over and out."

Hobbes put the walkie-talkie away and hurried up to the treehouse again.

Andy and Sherman were stationed behind some bushes on the sidewalk.

Andy was holding the MTM.

"OK, guys," Calvin said through the MTM's walki talki. "Socrates is acting weirder than ever. Are guys into position? Over."

"Really, is it necessary to say 'over' whenever your done talking?" MTM asked. "When you do the math right, it really costs you a lot of time in the long run."

Andy shrugged.

"Sounds cool," He said.

Then, he turned to the speakers.

"Yes, Calvin, we're in position. We'll be here if you need anything. Over."

MTM sighed.

"Alright," Sherman said, peeking over the bush. "Where is that sneaky little tiger?"

"He'll be rounding the corner of the sidewalk in T-12 seconds." MTM replied, in a bored tone.

"Oooh, Sherman, get down!" Andy hissed.

The two ducked behind the bush, and froze.

Suddenly, Socrates rounded the corner.

He was grinning like mad and humming the Red Dwarf theme song to himself.

He strolled past Andy, Sherman and MTM, not noticing them.

They watched him vanish behind another corner.

"Report," Andy said into the MTM. "No strange behavior, currently. I need more time. Hold on, a second..."

Andy stood up, and ran after Socrates.

"HEY, SOCRATES!!" He yelled, holding his hand up.

Socrates jumped in surprise and whipped around.

"I DIDN'T DO IT!!!" He screamed, frantically.

Andy stopped and stared at him.

"What?" He asked.

Socrates blinked.

"Uhh... I mean, I didn't do it!!"

He paused.

"I didn't do it!" He yelled, gripping his chest.

Andy raised an eyebrow.

"I didn't do it!" Socrates exclaimed. "I didn't do it!! I didn't do it!!"

There was a long moment of silence.

Andy, Sherman and MTM all stared at Socrates, silently.

Socrates rubbed his chin.

"I need to work on that," He considered.

Andy and Sherman rolled their eyes.

"Well, anyway," Socrates said, throwing a glance at a nearby bush. "I need to go. I've got stuff to do! GOTTA GO!!!"

And with that, Socrates bolted off down the sidewalk.

There was a pause.

"MTM, did you catch that?" Andy asked.

"Mm-hmmm," MTM replied.

"Send it off to Calvin, please," Andy said.

"Mmm-hmmm," MTM said.

"OK," Calvin said a little later once they had all met back at the tree house. "Andy, Sherman, MTM, I need you guys to scout the area around Socrates' house. Check all the windows to see if there's some kind giant prank machine in his livingroom or something."

"Roger!" Andy said, doing a salute.

"Hobbes and I will follow Socrates. He's currently heading into town so we'll see what we can find out." Calvin said.

"Good," Hobbes said.

"What if Socrates catches us at the house?" Sherman asked, suddenly.

"MTM has Socrates' location locked." Calvin replied. "If he comes to close to you guys, he'll let you know."

There was a moment of silence.

"Right, MTM?" Calvin growled.

"What?" MTM asked, as if just noticing everyone. "Oh, yeah, sure... Why not?"

"Good!" Calvin nodded. "MOVE OUT, MEN!!"

Calvin and Hobbes then ran off.

Andy and Sherman exchanged glances.

Socrates strolled casually down the sidewalk.

Calvin and Hobbes watched him from a nearby bush.

"OK, Hobbes," Calvin hissed. "What's he doing?"

Hobbes peered through the branches.

"He's just... walking." He whispered back.

Socrates walked past them, and seemed to not notice them.

Just then, he stopped.

Calvin and Hobbes froze.

Socrates whipped around.

"WHO GOES THERE!!" He shouted, holding his arms up in defense.

Calvin and Hobbes remained silent.

Socrates' head shot from side to side.

Then, his eyes fell on the bush.

He stared straight at Calvin for a long moment, his eyes wide.

Calvin didn't move a hair.

Then, Socrates' eyes moved away and he put his arms down.

"Whew..." He sighed. "False alarm."

He turned, and started to leave.

But not before throwing another nervous glance over his shoulder.

Calvin and Hobbes remained still for a moment to make sure Socrates was gone.

Then, they stood up.

"Oh, god, Hobbes this is more urgent than I thought!" Calvin hissed. "This prank is so complex and dangerous that even Socrates is upset about it!"

"He's the one who planned it out," Hobbes said.

"That's my point," Calvin growled. "He could have the entire town rigged!"

Calvin and Hobbes began looking around, nervously.

"We have to keep following him," Hobbes said. "Maybe if we find out what he's planning we can prevent it before it happens."

Calvin glared.

"That's what we're doing right now." He said.

Hobbes blinked.

"Oh... It is?"

"What did you think we were doing?" Calvin demanded.

Hobbes paused.

"Uhh.. I don't know..." He said, finally.

Calvin slapped his forehead.

Meanwhile, Andy and Sherman were making their way to Socrates' mansion.

"Hmmm... this isn't good," MTM commented, suddenly as they all approached the mansion.

"What is it?" Andy asked.

"According to my sensors, Socrates has every single booby trap around his yard set for anyone who tries to get in." MTM said.

Andy's eyes burst open.

"He's set all the traps?" He asked.

"Mmm-hmmm," MTM said. "All four hundred and twenty three of them."

"He only does that on special occasions," Sherman said.

"Or when he has something big in his house that he doesn't want people to see." Andy said.

"And the plot thinnens!" MTM said.

"Oh knock it off," Andy spat. "We need to find a way around the traps."

"Oh I can get you around the traps," MTM said. "I'm more worried about the house,"

"Why?" Sherman asked.

"Socrates also has his security system on full power. I can't scan the interior." MTM replied.

There was another pause.

"Wow," Andy said, quietly, staring at the giant mansion. "What could he be planning that he would go through so much trouble to do?"

Calvin darted from tree to tree, following Socrates into town.

He was whistling a tune to himself, but still nervously throwing glances over his shoulder as he walked.

Calvin and Hobbes glared after him.

"OK, Hobbes," Calvin hissed. "We're getting into town, so we're running out of trees. Any ideas?"

Hobbes looked around.

"There! The mailbox!" He said, pointing at the blue box on the side of the road.

Socrates strolled past it, throwing a suspicious glance at it.

Calvin and Hobbes darted behind it.

Socrates looked over his shoulders, and walked into the Blockbuster nearby.

Calvin and Hobbes looked out from behind the mailbox.

"What could he be doing in there?" Calvin hissed.

"Buy a whole bunch of movies to dump on top of us, later today?" Hobbes suggested.

Calvin glared at him.

"Come on, Hobbes, be serious," he muttered.

"I am," Hobbes said.

Just then, Socrates came skipping happily out of Blockbuster, grinning like mad.

Calvin and Hobbes ducked behind the mailbox.

Socrates ran past them, and started heading back towards his neighborhood.

Calvin and Hobbes watched him.

"Hobbes, did you see him get anything in there?" Calvin asked.

Hobbes shook his head.

"He wasn't in long enough." He said.

"What was he doing?" Calvin asked.

"I dunno, but he's heading back for the mansion. Should we alert Andy and Vermin?" Hobbes asked.

"Nah, they can handle it," Calvin said. "Let's keep following him and see where else he goes."

Calvin and Hobbes rushed off after him.

Meanwhile Andy and Sherman had barely even made it through Socrates' front gate as MTM was maneuvering hem past all the traps.

Andy was currently standing on one foot with his arms held out in front of him, and the other leg held up to his stomach. He was sweating.

"OK," MTM said. "Now veeeeerrry carefully put your foot on that square there."

Slowly, Andy placed his foot down on the next sidewalk square.

"You've just set off a banana creme pie trap. You'd better duck." MTM said.

Andy ducked.

ZZZZZZIP!!

A banana creme pie suddenly flew over Andy's head, and splattered all over the fence.

"Good," MTM said. "Now take your other foot off that square before the next seventeen seconds pass, or the automatic quicksand trap will spring up all over you."

Andy lifted his foot off the sidewalk and moved it forward.

"Very nice. Where are we?" MTM asked.

"We're three inches from the front gate." Sherman growled.

"Good, only fifteen feet to go." MTM said.

Andy and Sherman groaned.

"OK, Andy," MTM said. "You're about to step on a string, don't move your hand anywhere to the left, there's a bunch of paint filled water balloons aimed at you head, and oooh... look's like Socrates is coming."

Andy and Sherman's eyes burst open.

"WHAT?!" Andy yelled.

"Probably a bad time for him to be coming, huh?" MTM asked.

Andy panicked, and dropped his foot.

TWANG!!!!

Suddenly a truck load of paint balloons hurled for Andy.

Andy leaped away from them, snapping a string that was stationed around the perimeter of the yard.

SNAPP!!

SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!

Paint cans which were taped to the fence suddenly went off, spraying in all directions.

Andy ducked, and covered his head, and started pelting through the yard. Sherman held on to Andy's shoulder for dear life.

FOOOM!! FOOOM!! FOOOM!! FOOOOM!! FOOOM!!! FOOOM!! FOOM!!!

As Andy ran across the grass, smoke bombs suddenly went off wherever he stepped, leaving a large black cloud behind him.

Andy then ducked behind the house, dodging a net, which suddenly sprang up out of nowhere, and stood panting behind the house.

"Smooooooooth." MTM said.

Andy and Sherman glared at him.

Socrates walked up to his front gate, whistling to himself.

He seemed to not even notice the several prank traps that had gone off, as he strolled across his sidewalk and up to his front door.

He calmly ducked as a bunch of flying books went over his head, then calmly put his keys into the lock.

He opened the door up, watched as a bucket of water fell down onto the floor, kicked the bucket aside, and walked into the house.

Slamming the door, behind him.

SLAMM!!!

Andy and Sherman exchanged glances.

"He sure does have a good memory to where he put up all his traps." Sherman commented.

Andy nodded.

Suddenly, an electrical voice rang out throughout the mansion and outside

"SECURITY SYSTEM ACTIVATED! CODE RED! CODE RED!"

"You might want to step away from the house," MTM commented.

Andy jumped and backed away from the mansion.

Just then, a siren went off, and a large steel wall fell down in front of the front and back doors. Steel bars curled down over all the windows, and the shades were all automatically closed. The back out the house opened up, and giant chains burst from it, spreading across the entire mansion. A big barb wire fence burst from the ground around the yard, a giant sign popped out of the ground with big red letters saying 'GO AWAY', and all the prank traps were automatically reset.

Socrates peeked out from behind the blinds and cut his eyes from side to side, then, he disappeared behind it.

Andy, Sherman, and MTM watched, silently.

"I think we could classify this as mildly curious." MTM said, finally.

Andy and Sherman rolled their eyes.

It took Andy and Sherman fifteen minutes to get past all the traps, again, and to the front gate.

There, they found, Calvin and Hobbes waiting for them.

"Well, what did you find out?" Calvin asked.

"Nothing," Andy sighed. "Socrates had so many traps set up in there, we couldn't even get to the door."

Calvin and Hobbes stared at them.

"You mean, he has all his traps up?" Hobbes asked, finally.

Andy and Sherman nodded.

"Anyway, what did you find out?" Andy asked.

"Not much," Hobbes said. "He walked into a Blockbuster in town, stayed there for about fifteen seconds, then left."

They all turned and stared at Socrates' mansion.

"He's probably watching us right now," Calvin growled. "That stupid cat enjoys tormenting us before he gets us!"

"I dunno, maybe he's using that popular prank where he does nothing at all, and drives us insane by wondering what he was going to do." Hobbes said.

"He's already done that three times," Andy said. "That can't be it."

There was a long moment of silence.

Then, Calvin decided to take action.

"OK, that does it!" He growled. "MTM, bring Socrates here, right now! We're finding out he's doing, right now!"

"Uh huh," MTM said.

There was a pause.

Then...

ZZZZZZZZZZZZZT!!!!!

Suddenly, Socrates appeared in a blast of electricity.

From his position, he was apparently holding something in front of his face staring at it, while sitting in a chair.

He looked around for a second, then collapsed onto the ground.

"Oof!" he grunted.

"OK, kitty!" Calvin growled. "You're going to tell us what you've been planning and you're gonna do it now!! NOW BUDDY!!!"

Socrates stared around, confused for a moment, then stood up.

"I know not what your talking about," He said, finally.

"Don't give us that!" Sherman spat. "You've been acting like the end of the world is coming! Your constantly looking over your shoulder, you always have to be somewhere, and you won't let us in your house!"

"Yes, that's correct." Socrates nodded, casting a nervous glance down the road.

"You went into Blockbuster and spent maybe twenty seconds in there before leaving!" Hobbes said.

"Uh huh," Socrates said, rocking up and down on his heels, anxiously.

"You have every single prank trap set up for anyone who comes near your house." Andy said.

"Yep, sure do." Socrates agreed.

There was a pause.

"WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU!!!" Calvin screamed, finally. "WHAT ARE YOU PLANNING?!?!? TELL US!!!"

"I tell you, I'm not planning anything," Socrates said. "And I am outraged that you would be of so little faith that I am!"

Calvin, Hobbes, Andy and Sherman all gave Socrates a 'give us a break' look.

Socrates cut his eyes around the block.

"OK, guys, I'll tell you," He said, finally.

Everyone perked up.

Socrates cut his eyes back and forth.

"But we can't do it, here. There are too many people!"

There was a pause.

Calvin, Hobbes, Andy and Sherman looked all around in search of someone.

"Uh... Socrates," Andy began. "There aren't any..."

"That's nice, Andy!" Socrates grinned. "MTM, let's all go to the house, shall we?"

"Sure, just use me for everything," MTM said. "Don't bother walking or anything."

"I knew you'd understand!" Socrates grinned.

ZZZZZZZZT!!!!

Suddenly, in a blast of electricity, Calvin, Hobbes, Socrates, Andy and Sherman disappeared from the sidewalk, and reappeared in Socrates' mansion.

ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZT!!!

Calvin, Hobbes, Andy and Sherman looked around the livingroom.

Everything seemed normal.

Socrates pranced across the floor over to a chest by the chair.

He reached into his pocket, and pulled out a key.

He placed it into the lock, and turned it.

He opened up the chest up, and pulled out a large box.

He threw the other key aside and took another one from his pocket.

He unlocked that box, and pulled out a third box.

Calvin, Hobbes, Andy and Sherman exchanged glances.

Socrates unlocked the third box, and pulled out something wrapped up in bubble wrap.

He pulled the rubber band off and took bubble wrap away.

Calvin, Hobbes, Andy and Sherman stared at the item in Socrates' hands.

Calvin and Hobbes exchanged confused glances and Andy and Sherman continued staring at it.

Socrates was holding a DVD. It had the title, Double feature: Pranking: A Documentary and Pranking: THE MOVIE

There was a long moment of silence.

"Well?" He asked, grinning. "Isn't it great?!"

"Uhhh... yeah..." Hobbes said, finally.

"Socrates?" Calvin asked.

"Hmmm, yes?" Socrates asked.

"This is what you've been acting so oddly about?"

"Yep," Socrates nodded.

"You've been obsessing over a stupid movie?" Calvin demanded.

"Two movies," Socrates corrected.

"We thought you getting ready to prank the entire United States," Andy said.

Socrates made a sound with his lips.

"You guys act like I'm not trustworthy!" He scoffed.

Calvin, Hobbes, Andy and Sherman stared at Socrates for a long moment.

"Plus, you know this is a super rare DVD!" Socrates said, ignoring them. "I've been looking for it for months! It's not even listed on amazon!"

Calvin and Hobbes exchanged glances.

"When I finally found it on this pranking website, I had to pay a pretty penny for it. I maxed out Elliot's parent's Visa. And when I got it, I had to put it under MAXIMUM security! Do you know what people would go through to get this thing?! I've been really tense lately, because I want to keep it to myself!!"

"Whatis it, anyway?" Sherman asked.

"Why a guide to best pranks in the universe, of course!" Socrates said. "I went into Blockbuster to see if they had it, because I forgot to check there."

Calvin, Hobbes, Andy and Sherman rolled their eyes.

"So let me get this straight, Socrates," Calvin said. "We've spent this whole time wondering what you were doing, and all you were doing was obsessing over a stupid DVD?!"

"Yeah, pretty much," Socrates nodded.

Calvin, Hobbes, Andy and Sherman groaned.

"Well, anyway, I have to get back to guarding it!" Socrates sat down.

"Socrates, no one even knows you have it," Sherman sighed.

Socrates shrugged.

"Eh, then I'll just keep it up to bug you guys!" He said.

Calvin, Hobbes, Andy and Sherman glared at him.

So, after saying their goodbyes, Calvin, Hobbes, Andy and Sherman left the mansion and went their separate ways.

Socrates gradually stopped obsessing over the movie so much. Especially after watching it, and finding out it wasn't all it was cracked up to be.

Then he got in trouble with Elliot after he found out how much he paid for it.

So in other words it was just a regular day in the neighborhood of Calvin and Hobbes.

The End

Voice Work

Pamela Segal Adlon Calvin
Tom Hanks Hobbes
Ryan Stiles Socrates
Andrew Lawrence Andy
Colin Mochrie Sherman
Norman Lovett MTM

Coming up Next: New Year, New Disasters!