A Month of Potter
Disclaimer: Harry Potter and everything related belongs first, and foremost, to JK Rowling, and then to her partnerships with Bloomsbury, Scholastics, Warner Bros., etc.
Better Summary: When sixth year James Potter realizes Lily Evans doubts the sincerity of his feelings for her, he constructs a plan to ask Lily out every day for an entire month in hopes that she will finally understand the truth about his very real and very strong feelings.
Posted: 11/14/14
Author's Note: Here is the pseudo-epilogue. I didn't intend to write it, then the idea came all at once so here it is. It's not terribly long, and the formatting is different than the rest of the story, but I'm just really glad that it is complete now. (Come find me on tumblr – mppmaraudergirl.)
April
When Lily Evans awoke on the first of April, she expected the day to be like any other, and in a way she was not disappointed. As she sleepily ate breakfast in the Great Hall with Marlene and Mary quiet at her side, a loud groan in the Entrance Hall drew everyone's attention. Lily leaned back on the bench to watch an exasperated Argus Filch striding through the doors and up to the Head's table. Following lackluster behind him were the four Marauders.
James and Remus were in a heated discussion as they walked past the girls, so Lily reached out to grab Sirius' passing wrist. He stopped, looking down at her.
"What's going on?"
"April Fools, of course," Sirius said jovially, evidently unconcerned that Filch was irate. "We vanished Mrs. Norris' tail."
"You did what?" the cat-lover in Lily cried.
Sirius rolled his eyes, "Don't fret, Evans, it was a lark. We just casted a partial invisibility charm on the end of her tail, then Pro—James transfigured a bit of parchment to look like we really had cut it off." He sounded so proud and Lily just sat there, aware of her friend's eyes on her. "But we've already set it right, so I don't understand what he's so upset about."
Sirius winked before jogging up the rest of the way to the Head's table to join his friends.
"Well it appears Potter is back in full fighting form, despite the apparent devastation of yesterday," Lily told her friends dryly. Mary rolled her eyes at this, and Marlene shrugged before shoving another spoonful of eggs into her mouth.
Lily had told them very little about the events of the previous day, despite their interest. Although she did casually mention the possibility of her and James becoming friends now that he understood she really was rejecting his feelings instead of just him. Yet as the rest of the day went on, Lily found her eyes traveling to James more than usual, and though she told herself and her friends she was watching out for potential April Fools pranks, none of the girls believed her – herself included.
But she needn't have worried. James showed no interest in playing pranks on her, nor did he seem to have much interest in looking at her or talking to her. He didn't appear cold or angry, just distant – rather like he had been before March. As she realized this, curling up in her bed on Day 32, she felt a knot at the pit of her stomach, and she didn't know why. Attributing it to the nerves of getting their Transfiguration's exams back the next day, she willed herself to sleep.
The days that followed were much the same, though James began to cordially greet Lily whenever he saw her, and even cracked a few jokes with her and her friends. The next week James and Lily were again partnered in Transfiguration for an assignment but they worked diligently side-by-side in silence. And Lily found herself positively hating it, and positively annoyed with herself for hating it. As a result, she spent the rest of the month ignoring the clenching of her stomach whenever James passed by with only a nod or a polite hello. She also ignored her heart when it pattered unevenly when he actually did say things to her.
On the whole, she tried to ignore James Potter while still being polite, because she held on to the notion that they could be friends, and told herself the swooping feelings in her stomach were attributed to this desire and her silly misperception that a friendship could have developed so quickly. She never once considered that the pulls and knots and clenching of her stomach had little to do with James' feelings, and more to do with her own. That was, until the day of the Ravenclaw versus Slytherin Quidditch match.
The grounds were bright and pleasantly warm under the sun, as she, Marlene, and Mary headed out of the castle. Spectators from all houses walked alongside them, the familiar excitement for Quidditch palpable in their joyful conversations. Despite herself, as she climbed into her seat in the Gryffindor stands, her eyes went searching.
He sat between Remus and Peter, all in t-shirts, enjoying the weather. After a moment she watched him extract a rectangular object from his pocket. Her stare did not go unnoticed.
"Wonder what that is," Marlene said beside her, drawing Lily's eyes to her friend's then back toward the boys.
"Sirius is in detention," Mary answered, unprompted. "That's a two-way mirror they use to chat. James must be keeping him updated about the match."
"They have a two-way mirror?" Marlene asked with interest. Lily watched as James spoke into it, still listening to her friends.
"Yes. I had detention with Sirius once last year, remember? He sort of showed it to me when James called him on it. I think it's a secret."
Lily couldn't tear her eyes away from James, especially as his words filled her ears, "I have secrets, Evans." Yes, he was the type to have secrets. And he was also the type to spend his time at a Quidditch match only half paying attention because his best mate was unable to come.
She wondered why her mind and eyes lingered, but when she looked back on this day, she may have considered it the beginning. The beginning of her changing, of her noticing the things about James Potter that he had undoubtedly noticed about her long before now.
She found her eyes wandering to where he sat even more often in the days following the match – the match he had wanted to spend with her – particularly in the library. Her eyes seemed drawn to the way his eyebrows stitched together, and the way his jaw set in concentration, as he scribbled away on his school work. It was as if his brain was moving faster than his hand possibly could and he raced to catch up. When she suddenly became aware of her prolonged stare, she tore her eyes from his face only to be drawn back in as Sirius leaned over to say something, and James' concentration broke instantly. In the blink of an eye, his features transformed from serious to exuberant, and though she was too far to hear it, she found herself wishing she had heard the joke as well.
Once again Mary and Marlene couldn't help but notice their friend's actions, and they asked her about it before bed that particular day. Lily had no answer for them – she couldn't quite articulate why James drew her attention these days – so she told them she realized James was funny, and found herself much keener to be friends with him now that he wasn't asking her out anymore.
"Only friends," she assured them.
April was the month Lily decided she really did want to be friends with James Potter, though she wasn't sure why.
May
May went by in a similar fashion, though Lily found herself and her friends integrated into the Marauders group more often, and it was during this month that she and James actually held real conversations again. Of course they weren't akin to Astronomy Tower or late-night common room chats. The exchanges often involved coursework, Quidditch, music, novels, and political and current events; and James and Lily were never once alone... But it was still progress.
She marveled at the dynamic between the four boys, most especially James and Sirius who appeared to share a brain. They understood each other far better than the other boys did, and could often communicate with just a look. And although they were quite the duo, especially when sending quips toward one another, it was nothing compared to how they were when the four boys were together and Sirius and James were on a team against the other two. She always knew James was intelligent, but now found herself taken aback by his wit.
She also learned that James' parents were old purebloods, and that he was last in the line of Potters, which meant very little to him. He said Voldemort's name when speaking about him, and as he and his friends callously discussed the potential Death Eaters at Hogwarts, she noticed he skirted around one particular name after a cautious look at her, and she was grateful for it.
His passionate words hung in her ears as she went to bed at night. She wasn't particularly surprised he felt this way – anti-Voldemort and willing to fight for it – she just supposed she hadn't given it much thought before, perhaps always assuming that James' interest in Quidditch would override any other career desire. She was delighted to find she was wrong, though it pulled at her stomach even worse than usual. Why that was didn't become apparent to her until the end of May when their last Hogsmeade trip of sixth year came.
She hadn't given the trip much thought, but it seemed her new friendship with the Marauders (especially James) deterred other boys from asking her out - not that she minded. Part of her assumed she would spend the day with Mary and Marlene and at least meet up with the boys at some point; but the reality that this assumption existed only occurred to her after she heard Sirius talking to Peter about James' date. She realized she was disappointed to hear James wouldn't be hanging out with the rest of the Marauders, because it meant he wouldn't be hanging out with her.
"Are we meeting up with James after lunch?" Peter asked Sirius, as if trying to clarify the plans for the following day.
"Doubt it. He and Clearwater will probably make a whole day of it."
Jennifer Clearwater was a seventh year Gryffindor Chaser, and she and James had spent the better part of the last three years working together to lead Gryffindor to the Quidditch Cup. They had won two out of those three years, and they were going for their third out of four years this year, fairly confident in their upcoming defeat of Ravenclaw for the title.
Lily, who had overheard the conversation from the next table over in the library, pretended to be particularly busy in her bag while the words hit her. She was only drawn back into a sitting position when Sirius turned his attention to her, Mary, and Marlene.
"Hey! Do you birds have any plans for tomorrow? Want to have lunch with us?"
"Okay," Marlene answered for Mary and Lily, who looked at each other and shrugged. "Wonder if they'll have enough room to sit the seven of us."
"Six," Peter corrected. "James will be out with—"
But he cut himself off from the look Sirius sent him. "I'm sure it'll be fine. Rosie loves me, she'll move some tables together for us, for cert." Sirius gave the girls a cheeky smirk before picking up his quill again.
Lily avoided Mary and Marlene's eyes for the next half hour or so while she pretended to read her Charms textbook. And the following day she forced herself to not think about the seventh seat at the table that remained empty, but that proved difficult as James and Clearwater walked into the pub and took a two-person table a few seats down from them.
May was the month Lily realized she didn't like Jennifer Clearwater, though she didn't know why.
June
June flew by in a rush of heat and exams. Lily and her fellow sixth years worked seamlessly together during their last minute cram sessions. With help from James and Sirius, she went into the end of year Transfiguration exam with an unclenched stomach for the first time in all her years at Hogwarts.
This was the month she became Lily, and he became James, although looking back neither would be able to tell when the exact moment happened when they shed their surnames.
The most thrilling part of the month came early on in the first week, however, when Gryffindor won the Quidditch Cup. The girls sat next to the Marauders for the match, holding up signs declaring their obvious allegiance to Gryffindor and their unwavering support of James. Lily, who had always been a fan of the sport, turned absolutely radiant in the stands next to Sirius, Remus, and Peter. Their fervor was contagious and she nearly lost her voice alongside Sirius.
She ran alongside the boys as they stormed the field after the Gryffindor victory. Once she caught sight of James, her eyes stayed glued to him as he hoisted the Quidditch Cup. She wasn't sure whether she was breathless from the excitement or from the sight of him. She supposed he always looked like this – determined, happy, handsome – when he was celebrating a huge victory, and perhaps it was something she was willfully ignorant of. But now she found the sight to be breathtaking. And somehow she found herself disappointed when he gave her the same generic celebratory hug he had given Marlene and Mary, before turning to Jennifer Clearwater and pulling her onto his shoulders.
Two weeks later when Lily was packing up her trunk for the summer holidays, she opened her bedside table and froze.
"You almost done?" Mary called from the doorway. "We're heading down to dinner."
"Yeah, go," Lily said, her voice higher pitched than she would have liked. "I'm nearly done, no need to wait."
"All right, see you down there."
"See you."
Lily exhaled in relief as she dug through the drawer. It mostly held broken quills, empty inkwells, and ripped candy wrappers, but also shoved haphazardly to the bottom was a familiar face – the Quidditch photograph James had sent her back in March with his date proposal. She sat down softly on her bed as she pulled the photograph up to examine it.
Photograph James smiled kindly at her, in a way that was now familiar to her. Her eyes lingered on his face for a longer time than she'd admit before she finally dragged them to reread the words again. "To my future girlfriend" he once said about her. She, Lily Evans, as James Potter's girlfriend. Shaking her head of these thoughts, she stuck the photograph delicately into her Transfiguration's book and then back into her trunk. Finally finished packing, she closed the trunk with a snap and headed down to the Great Hall where her friends – all six of them – were waiting for her.
June was the month Lily felt awkward hugging James Potter goodbye on Platform 9 and ¾, though she wouldn't admit why.
July
The heat of July suffocated Lily, but it was nothing compared to the sinking feeling she got in her stomach when thinking about a certain boy. Luckily distraction came in the form of engagement parties and wedding planning as her sister Petunia prepared for her upcoming nuptials. She determinedly ignored any thoughts beside helping her ungrateful sister and meeting up with Mary and Marlene a few times a week. Another distraction came in the form of her Hogwarts letter, which she received two weeks earlier than usual. The letter explanation from Professor Dumbledore inside indicated she had been made Head Girl.
Throughout the rest of July, she received the occasional letter from Remus and Peter, and even a few from Sirius, but then one letter from James at the end of the month tore down the don't-think-about-James barrier she has placed in her mind.
"Sirius," she said happily, opening the window to allow the tawny bird entrance. "I haven't seen you in ages."
In her excitement she ran downstairs to procure a treat for Owl Sirius then hastily opened the roll of parchment.
Lily,
Hello. I hope your summer is going well. It's almost unbearably hot here, not sure how you're fairing in Cokesworth. I was writing to let you know that I received my Hogwarts letter and Dumbledore's gone and made me Head Boy. Sirius mentioned you had gotten Head Girl – congratulations, by the way, not surprising, though — and I thought to write you so there weren't any unpleasant surprises. I know we're mates and all now but I figured you'd still like to know.
I suppose I'll see you soon,
James
She reread the letter a few times, and, after noticing Sirius remained perched on her desk, she decided he was probably expecting a reply.
James,
Congratulations! I'm glad to hear you've been made Head Boy. I bet Sirius is beside himself with pleasure, and probably quite a few teasing remarks. It should make for an interesting year, but I think we should work well together. It is also unbearably hot here, and my mum and sister have got me busy with wedding planning. My sister's marrying this horrid bloke Vernon, but anyway I'm sure I'll find time to tell you all about it later at some point or another.
Yes I suppose you will,
Lily
It pained her slightly to sit the letters side-by-side and read them. His tone was casual and unassuming, almost cordial, whereas she wrote kindly as if they were friends. She didn't allow herself to wonder if they were friends. Of course they were. He just wasn't going to write an extravagant letter like he had in the past. He wasn't likely to tease her like he had in March, or write a long letter talking about all the things they discussed during term with their friends. He didn't owe her a great show of affection; he had offered it once and she didn't want it. She bitterly reminded herself this is what she wanted. Friendship with James Potter, and now as Head students they could spend the entire year being friends.
July was the month she realized she might not just want to be friends with James Potter, though she wouldn't admit it.
August
August dragged on, warmer and more nuptial-planning-filled than July was. Lily spent much of her free time reading or visiting the cinema with Mary and Marlene. Her correspondence with three of the four Marauders continued, but she found herself keeping a sharp eye while reading in hopes of hearing anything about James, for he had not responded to her letter about his Head Boy-ship.
For a week the Quidditch photograph of James laid upon her desk, scattered among the letters and books, until her mother found it and asked her impetuously about it. Then it got shoved hastily back into her trunk, and another word was not spoken about it.
Mary and Marlene indicated that they, too, hadn't heard much from James this summer and that she shouldn't take it personally. They smiled knowingly when she told them that she did not take it personally, and that she was just curious. She herself almost believed it after the two month reprieve from the boy, but that all changed when she encountered him in Diagon Alley.
As she moved through the shelves of Flourish and Blotts, she nearly knocked an old witch over in shock at the sight of him. He looked like he had grown a few inches over the summer, but the untamable mop remained the same. He was casually leaning against an exposed part of the brick wall, where there was no shelf, and even from the distance she could see his brow creased in concentration. Unwilling to disturb him she turned on her heel as if to leave, but hesitated as she realized something. She wanted to see him. She wanted to see him. And although part of her might have known that in early July, all of her understood it now.
"James!" she called to him as she approached.
He looked up subconsciously at the sound of his name, and found her quickly. Without much thought, a broad smile appeared on his face. "Hey Lily."
"Hi," she said, slightly breathless as she came to his side. He pushed himself off the wall and stood toweringly over her – yes, he had certainly gained at least an inch. "It's nice to see you."
His smile stayed intact as he leaned forward for a quick one-armed hug. "Definitely. Are you doing your school shopping?"
"Bits and pieces, yeah. I've been getting a few things every time I come here now that I can Apparate legally. Gets me out of the house."
"So you're tired of planning the wedding, then? I thought every girl loved arranging all that rubbish."
Lily laughed, "Not this girl, apparently. How about you, though? Need to shop? I don't mean to keep you from it."
"Oh, nah. Already have everything for the term."
"You're here alone, are you?"
"Yes, Sirius wasn't invited, on account of him being a berk. Every time we've come here since I got the letter from Dumbledore, he insists on getting me things to match the badge. Blighter never shuts up about it!"
Lily's loud laughter caused James to lose his annoyed tone almost immediately. After a few minutes and a couple of obvious glares from the shop-keep, Lily and James made their way out of the shop, stifling their laughter.
"He's going to get worse before he gets better, isn't he?" Lily asked empathetically as they stood off to the side of the busy street.
"You have no idea. The first few weeks of term will be intolerable, I expect. But he'll get bored of it soon enough, I think. Especially if you help me shut him up."
"I'll do what I can," Lily said solemnly. James grinned appreciatively at her, and her stomach swooped in response.
"All things considered, Lily, I'm glad you don't seem too put out at my appointment."
Lily blanched, "Put out? I'm not put out at all, James. We're mates now, I'll happily work alongside you." And happily do many other things with you as well, her mind added.
This seemed to relax James immensely. "Good. So you do need help?"
"Help?" she asked. But as she stood looking up at him, his hazel eyes mesmerizing, she thought, breathlessly, yes, I certainly need help.
"Getting your last few things, that is. Do you want a hand with it?"
"If you've got nothing better to do."
"Nope," he said, before leading her down the road toward the other shops.
And at one time, she knew, he would have answered "Nothing is better than spending time with you, Evans," but not now. The James Potter that chased her in March did not stand before her now, and she didn't think he ever again would.
August was the month where Lily realized, helplessly, that James Potter really would never ask her out again, though she wouldn't admit that she wanted him to…yet.
September
September brought the excitement of a new school year, their last school year. Lily pinned her Head Girl badge proudly to her school uniform as soon as she boarded the train. Impeccable as her timing was, James was already waiting in the compartment for her and they began discussing their duties. The entire trip there she fought off butterflies and flushing cheeks, and she found in the days to follow that they scarcely went away when dealing with the Head Boy.
Throughout the month, James and Lily spent an exorbitant amount of time together managing their Head's Duties along with their studies, but the hours did little to wane the growing crush she had on James. If anything, her feelings grew stronger every time he smiled that lopsided smile at her, and she let herself wonder if her smile did the same for him. Or if it once had, perhaps, but no longer did.
She finally found the courage to talk to Marlene and Mary about her growing feeling for James, and her disappointment in how things had turned out.
"How things have turned out? Lily, you're not dead," Marlene told her.
"But it is."
"It's not," Mary assured, "James and his feelings haven't gone anywhere. He's just been waiting for you. Ask him out, he'll say yes."
"But I'm such a fool."
"You're not a fool."
"I am."
"Lily. Quit sulking about it and do something."
Silence.
"All right."
"All right?"
"Yes. I have an idea."
September was the last month Lily Evans would ever live without kissing James Potter, though she wasn't aware of that yet.
October
Lily sat bundled in her cloak and scarf even in front of the roaring fire in the Head's office. The cold rushed through her bones, and she found herself shaking although she was uncertain whether it was the cold or the nervousness that was chilling her bones.
James sat across from her, relaxed as he usually was, scratching away at some schedule or another. Lily stopped paying attention to what exactly they were supposed to be doing as her mind got carried away. Tonight was the night she would finally ask James Potter out, but she had teetered back and forth about the decision several times over the previous hour. What if his feelings had changed, like she previously desired them to?
Mary and Marlene remained firm in their belief that all was not lost, and they even offered to inquire about it, to Lily's horror and objection. She herself thought about asking one of the other boys about it, but never found the time or courage to muster up a conversation, and now she sat wondering if she was about to make a fool of herself.
As she watched him, absently twisting her quill around in her fingers, she felt resolve build up inside her. She had to ask James out – she had to know either way, had to know if his feelings had waned. She had to know if she was in this alone now, after all the months that had gone by since her last March rejection. Her time sulking over the previous two months was enough to drive her crazy, and it was the first time she felt herself empathize with the James Potter of March who often went to extremes to showcase his feelings. If he could do it thirty-one times in a row with no success, then certainly she could handle one attempt that she wasn't even sure would be unsuccessful.
Softly clearing her throat and exhaling, she set her face to look casually down at the parchment in front of her. "James?"
"Yeah?"
"Did you happen to see when the first Hogsmeade trip of the year was scheduled? Professor McGonagall told me it and I wrote it down somewhere."
"No I can't say I have," James answered, only bringing his eyes up to look at her momentarily before he went back to work on his parchment.
"I'm sure it's around here somewhere," Lily muttered, her fingers fumbling through the parchment as if she didn't know what she was looking for. "Ah, here."
She extracted the small piece of parchment she had written the date on, and slowly slid it across the table to him. She watched anxiously as he reached out to grab it with his free hand, while his writing continued uninterrupted. She realized she was biting her lips and fidgeting her hands nervously, as his hazel eyes finally lifted to the parchment. The words she had nervously written on the parchment crossed over her mind's eye as she waited for a response,
"First Hogsmeade weekend: 8 November 1977.
Go with me? – LE"
His eyes snapped up to meet hers, a smile slowly arching his lips.
"What's this?"
"It's a… it is… you know what it is, James," she sputtered embarrassedly.
"Enlighten me anyway," he said, the smile on his face bigger than she'd ever seen it. She suddenly felt very stupid for a lot of reasons.
When he looked unrelenting, she sighed, "I was thinking about spelling it out in your peas at dinner, or during a presentation in Transfiguration, or writing you a poem, or during your first Quidditch match, or charming the sink in the loo, or forcing a few third years to do it for me, or hexing library books, or—"
"Just say it, Evans," James commanded, rolling his eyes with his grin still intact.
Lily laughed, her nervousness dissipating, "Point is, you've asked me out in some interesting ways, and this was the best I could come up with to reciprocate. So, will you? Go to Hogsmeade with me, that is."
But James didn't answer. Instead he rose to his feet and walked around the table until he was next to her. He held out his hand to her, "C'mere," he beckoned softly.
And for as long as she would live, she would never forget the blazing look in his eyes as he cupped her face in his hands and enveloped her lips in his. She nearly sighed into his mouth as his hands released her face and entangled themselves in her hair. He kissed her with fervor, as if he had been waiting years for this moment.
Finally, when they broke apart in need for air, slightly panting and flushed pink, Lily asked, "So is that a yes then?"
James let out a humorless laugh, rolling his eyes once more, as if to say, "Don't be daft" before capturing her lips once more.
October was the month that the students of Hogwarts realized something had changed between Lily and James, though they had no way of knowing that the change had actually occurred in the month of March.