Disclaimer: I do not own Frozen
A/n: Well, this is the second chapter. A good sight longer than the first but hopefully not unbearably so (the first chapter originally ended about halfway through this one but it spoilt the rhythm somewhat so now I've got some normal-length chapters and some rather long chapters). Thank you all for reading along so far and I hope you enjoy!
2) The Formulating
She only covers the desk in frost, although she shouldn't even do that. Once calm, she starts to wipe it off. She won't be able to sleep for another hour or two. Not with the stimulant running through her veins.
Once the frost is gone, she sits on her bed. She contemplates reading reports but Anna told her to sleep and even though there's no way Anna could know what Elsa spent her energised state doing, she'd feel guilty lying to her.
Anna. She closes her eyes, her feet jittering slightly against the floor. There are some things about her little sister that haven't changed in the last thirteen years. Her inability to remember where questions should be asked. Her disregard for the idea that some questions, however innocent, are painful more than they are improper. Her overriding desire to make sure everyone she loves is happy and well.
Elsa stands and paces the room, thinking about the evening's conversation. She feels as though they've found out some things about each other but towards the end, she noticed a wariness in Anna. She can't think what she could have said to get that reaction. But then, her own abrupt ending to the conversation may have confused Anna. Maybe. Her conversations with Anna suggest that the younger girl is more perceptive than Elsa has hitherto given her credit for. Maybe she's always been this way. Or maybe it's recent.
How can one conversation with Anna lead to so much confusion? How is she supposed to be Anna's sister when she barely knows her?
When, to be honest, she doesn't even know herself.
She makes ice sculptures until she's finally dozy enough to sleep. A few hours later, she wakes up, wishing she could burn the image of Anna, still and icy, out of her mind. She sees that often these days. But she hasn't been a steady sleeper for years now.
By the time Anna comes to collect the Corona missive, Elsa has already listened to the morning's pleas and met with the economics minister. Anna glances at Elsa guiltily.
"Morning, sleepyhead," Elsa says, putting good humour into her voice. "Sleep well?"
Anna nods. "How about you?"
"Well enough," she says.
Which is true.
Anna looks as though she wants to say something but then she spots a steward. Her expression becomes one of someone making an effort to stay silent. Elsa could ask but if Anna, who's normally so fearless and open, wants to stay silent, she must have a good reason. Right?
"Are you still happy to look at the missive?" she says, trying not to look at Anna's expression.
Anna nods. "I want to help. Should … maybe I should get up earlier?"
"It's fine," Elsa says quickly. "I always wake up early. Although some things do take place earlier in the day. But this is fine to be done now." She hands the missive over. "Let me know what you think."
Anna takes it. She glances at the steward again before disappearing. In truth, Elsa is almost certain what her response to the missive will be – agreement to the terms but as a loan because they can't ride Corona's goodwill forever – but she's curious as to Anna's response. From dinnertime meals, and passing comments from their parents, she knows Anna didn't often pay attention in class and did poorly in many things. But when they were looking at the house-building reports, Anna had some insightful comments and she clearly can concentrate if she likes to read.
And the amount of willpower, strength and smarts it must have taken her to escape onto the frozen lake with her heart slowly freezing her, even with Olaf's help, must have been phenomenal.
Anna returns an hour later, just before Elsa is due to speak to the foreign relations minister. She isn't smiling but there's still that spring in her step that she's had for as long as Elsa can remember.
"It's kinda tricky," she says without preamble. "I mean, they sound like nice people. Well, not sound, since they're writing, but they look like … oh, you know what I mean. I think they do just wanna help. I guess they're still feeling guilty that it was their meeting Mother and Father were going to when they died." Elsa's heart still skips a beat every time someone reminds her of that. She doesn't hate their Corona cousins but it's hard. "But then we'll look bad if we keep taking their help. People prey on weaker people like that. And we need the money and crops, don't we?"
It hurts to admit it but Elsa says, "Yes. Badly."
"So we're gonna have to take it but we need to repay them somehow. Corona's pretty warm, isn't it? They might need-"
"Ice export isn't that lucrative a trade," Elsa says tiredly.
Anna thinks for a moment. "OK, but ice is just frozen water. They might need the water as well. Extra supplies, you know, in case there's a drought."
"I don't think Corona's about to have a drought."
"Not now. But we do loads of fishing as well, we can trade that. And house-building materials, like in those reports. I know, I know, we need that stuff here more. But what … OK, so let's say they give us the money and crops in exchange for, like, a certain amount of ice, fish, materials – or melted ice and everything I just said – at some point in the future? Say they have to take it in the next ten years. But they can pick when as long as it's not, say, in the next six months. So it's like, we get what we need now and they have the rest for when they need it. And, I mean, the price won't matter 'cause if they need it then, it'd be expensive but they'll be getting it cheap probably 'cause it's based on the price now although I guess there's a chance price'll go down in future and they'll get mad 'cause they overpaid. That might work though. So all we owe is what we're trading in and maybe that'll be bad in future but we can deal with that then." She sees Elsa staring at her. "What? You don't like my idea? Come on, it was my first try, it's not like it's like jumping off cliffs when trees are thrown at you or-"
"Anna, have you been reading economics books as well as stories?"
"What? No. Geez, I liked to have some fun when I was younger. Um, Elsa, in the nicest way possible, you're freaking me out now."
"Do you know what you just described?"
"…A kickass plan to save Arendelle?"
Elsa blinks. "No. Well, yes. That might work actually. In fact, I like it. I'll have someone draft it later."
"Wait, what? You're going to do it?"
"Yes. It's a good idea."
"But I-"
Elsa smiles because it seems like the right thing to do. "Don't underestimate yourself, Anna." As Anna opens her mouth, undoubtedly to make some joking reply, Elsa looks down at her papers thoughtfully. "In fact, would you like to look at some more papers? Only while I'm meeting the foreign minister."
"Um, I was going to take Olaf to the mountain village…" Anna shrugs but she's smiling a shy smile. "I guess I can do this. And Olaf'd probably like to help." She hesitates. "But, um, can I meet Kristoff later?"
"Yes, of course. Thanks so much." She gathers her remaining papers and makes her way to the door. "When I get back, feel free to go wherever you want." Anna's words catch up to her as she pulls open the door. She turns back. "Anna, a favour?" Anna nods. "Whatever you do, don't tell anyone we have a talking snowman sorting out our foreign policy problems."
"Ooh, foreign policy? I love sorting out foreign policy problems. What's foreign policy?"
Olaf and his snow storm sit at Anna's feet. He has an amazing ability to sneak through doors like that.
"I'll explain," Anna says. "See you later, Elsa."
"Yeah, don't worry, Elsa. We'll get rid of the foreign policy for you."
Elsa bites back a grin as she hears Anna say, "Um … not quite."
When she returns, Anna is still working with Olaf. She glances at Elsa and the smile is gone, replaced with anger in her eyes. Elsa tries to walk forwards but the anger pierces her. Something wrong. She's done something wrong. She's hurt Anna. She promised she wouldn't do that but she's messed up. As always.
Anna's expression flickers – she doesn't shout at Elsa, although she looks as though she wants to. Instead, she says, stiffly, "We're gonna go now. My work's on the table."
Elsa manages to nod. "I'll see you later, Anna. Thanks for this."
Anna leaves. Elsa looks over the first page of writing – some of Anna's ideas are terrible but others are good. Anna may get up to speed as an heir quicker than Elsa would have thought. She means to look through Anna's work in detail but other work has to be done first and things crop up and soon she has to rush off to more meetings, or hear more petitions and there isn't enough time. There never is. In fact, she almost cancels her evening dinner with Anna but the moment the thought crosses her mind, she crushes it. She will give up many things for Arendelle but not her sister. Not anymore.
She wonders if Anna will come to dinner. Her first thought is that if Anna is angry, she may pretend to be sick. But she doubts that will happen. Anna rarely bottles things up – she charges into them. And she knows that her little sister is as dedicated to being a family again as Elsa is.
Still, she doesn't want Anna's anger or Elsa's terror to be on display in a dining room. She goes to the kitchens to request the food on a tray. Balancing dinner precariously, she makes her way to Anna's room. With one foot, she taps the door.
After a few seconds, the door opens. Surprise flashes across Anna's face. "Elsa, what-"
"I thought we could eat somewhere else today. Olaf told me you were in your room. Can I come in?"
Olaf wouldn't tell her why Anna was mad. For all that Elsa created him, it's Anna he adores and Anna who he would do anything for. She has that effect on a lot of people.
"Um. Sure. Yeah. Um, d'you want a hand?"
"I'm fine," she says. Anna holds the door open wider and she scoots in, placing the tray on Anna's desk. Then she looks around.
She's never seen Anna's room before. It's a strange thought, one she hadn't considered, but she was never allowed in here after Anna was given her own room. And since then, she and Anna have been to each other's doors but never inside.
It's big. The walls are yellow but she can see pictures and hangings, coloured red, orange, green. Colours which make her think of heat and summer. But, of course, Anna would like summer. Wouldn't she? She always liked to build snowmen in winter so maybe that's what she prefers.
"Hey, uh, Elsa, should we eat?"
She turns to Anna who has moved the tray to the floor. There isn't enough space at the desk to eat.
"Anna," she says, "What's your favourite season?"
Anna shoots her an odd look. "Um … not fall, I guess. That's miserable. And spring's a paler version of summer. I like winter 'cause that's when it snows but in summer, everything glows with life, and it's warm and you can be outside. And summer doesn't make me think…" She trails off, shooting a sidelong glance at Elsa and it hurts. Because Anna definitely thinks before she speaks now, and she knows it's a now and not an always did. "Summer," Anna says definitively. "Um, how about you? Winter?"
She remembers that they're supposed to be eating so she sits down, legs bending awkwardly in her dress. Anna stifles a giggle as she sits as well. Elsa leans forward to take a bite of her food. Then her mind turns to the question. She hasn't been outside as often as she goes now since she was eight. Occasional trips with her father while growing up but most meetings took place in the castle. Her main experience of seasons has been through the window.
"Not summer," she says. "Too hot." She thinks some more. "Not fall either. And winter… No, it has to be spring, I think."
"Really? But you're an ice witch." Anna's mind catches up. "Sorry."
Elsa smiles. "I know. Ice and snow and winter and cold are me. But spring … it's about new life. Things start to happen in spring. And it's not too hot and it's…"
Not her.
"How about colour?" she says before Anna can question her further. She looks around the room again. "For some reason, I always think of you as liking red but I don't think you ever wear it."
"If I wore red, no one would be able to tell where the clothes end and my head begins," Anna says. Elsa laughs. "Green, though. Yours has gotta be blue, you always wear some."
Elsa smiles. "Guilty."
Anna grins. For a few seconds, they chew in companionable silence and Elsa can almost forget that Anna is mad at her.
"Elsa?" Elsa looks up. "Why did you…" She closes her mouth. "Nothing. Ignore me."
"Anna?"
"Seriously. It was a stupid question." There's something in her expression, something pleading, and Elsa knows she's serious again. Whatever the question was, Anna doesn't want to ask it. Elsa is curious – no, more than curious, she's worried – about what Anna wanted to ask. Why did Elsa what?
She said that Anna can ask her anything. That means Anna can not ask if she wants.
The silence is awkward now. Anna's fingers twitch. She probably wants to make noise.
She takes a breath. "Anna," she says. It's quiet but Anna instantly focuses. "Why were you angry earlier?"
"Angry? Pfft, I wasn't angry. I was calm as a lake in summer with fish swimming around it." She glances at Elsa and seems to deflate. "OK, I was angry. I … why didn't you tell me?"
"Tell you what?"
"That the king of the Southern Isles wrote to you."
It's not what she thought it would be but it's possibly even worse. She hadn't realised that letter was in the pile. She's barely read it herself – not because she doesn't have time but because she can't bring herself to look at it. What does it contain? Apologies? Sneers? Offers of help? Threats of destruction? A staggering figure and Elsa, you can't run from this and she said that you froze her heart?
She meant to burn it. But she couldn't do it because if it offered any help at all then maybe she would need to look at it.
But that isn't Anna's question. And she said that she would answer anything Anna asked.
"I couldn't do that to you. I was going to throw it away. I haven't even read it. I want nothing to do with them and I … should have told you." She crosses her arms, feeling naked fingers touching her sides, lending her support. "I'm sorry, Anna. You have as much right as I do to know if they contact us. But when I saw it, I wanted it to be as far away from me as possible."
"But you kept it?"
"Maybe … one day…"
Anna's eyes flash. "No. No way. I don't care what happens, we can't accept anything off them. I … I won't let you."
"You won't let me?" Elsa's head rises. "Anna, I am the Queen of Arendelle. I know it's horrible – I want nothing to do with the Southern Isles – but, sometimes … sometimes, a queen has to do things for the good of the country. I will not let Arendelle fall."
"But they tried to kill me. You. Us. They're evil!"
"I know what Hans did, not the Southern Isles. Sometimes, you have to do something horrible for the greater good. I would do anything if it meant saving Arendelle."
"That's exactly what he would've said. He would have killed us and pretended it was for Arendelle. You can't do it. Not them. If you cared about me at all, you wouldn't do it."
Anna glares at her and she glares right back. Anna is angry. Anna is furious. She hasn't seen anger like this directed at her since...
She's in a too-bright ballroom, with too-loud music, and her little sister, who was so beautiful and happy just minutes before, yells at her, and she's telling her to leave and she reaches for her glove and-
"Elsa?"
She nearly kills her.
And she's in a palace of ice and she's furious and she hurts Anna, shoots ice at her, and Anna staggers but refuses to give up on her and…
Your sister is dead because of you.
"Elsa? Elsa, please don't … I'm sorry. I didn't mean it. Please don't cry."
She raises a hand to her cheek and feels a tear sliding down.
"I'm sorry, Anna," she whispers. "I never wanted to hurt you."
Arms wrap around her as snow softly falls to the ground. "I know."
Anna doesn't sleep that night. Every time she closes her eyes, she remembers.
That day may have led to something wonderful but she still thinks of it as one of the worst days of her life. She remembers many unpleasant parts. Cold spreading through her body, slowing her, killing her; a blizzard raging on frozen water; feet moving too slowly; a sword descending. But those are nothing compared to the other memories. A cruel smirk and oh, Anna. If only there was someone out there who loved you feature often in her dreams and waking moments. And when they don't, she remembers Elsa, small and kneeling, snow freezing in place, following words she doesn't hear which break Elsa.
And then. In the depths of her sleepless nights, she sometimes closes her eyes and it's still not as dark as that moment of … nothing. Just the colour of black.
And amongst all that, she's never forgotten that first breath and the sound of Elsa's sobs. Even though that was good because it meant she'd done it, she'd saved her sister, the pure, helpless, broken, lost sound in those sobs echoes throughout her mind.
She doesn't know what happened this evening. She argued with Elsa and then Elsa looked lost. And then she cried. Anna isn't sure that it was because of the argument.
Elsa is as fragile as the ice she wields.
It's a terrifying thought.
So she doesn't sleep because how can you sleep when your own anger nearly breaks your sister in the same way your own anger nearly broke her the first time? She's still angry because Elsa should have told her but once the tears were dried, Elsa promised her that any contact with the Southern Isles would be an absolute last resort.
Anna's also still angry because of the other letters but she couldn't confront Elsa – she couldn't shout at her after the tears. She still can't think of a way to address it but she can't do it this way again. She can't hurt Elsa again. She just can't.
But she doesn't know what to say.
That's never happened to her before.
The next day, she doesn't see Elsa until the evening. She doesn't know who is avoiding who. Elsa hasn't suggested that Anna help her with any of her work but Anna certainly isn't volunteering to do it. She wonders if she's a bad sister when Olaf volunteers to sit with Elsa all day. He says it's because he likes sorting out foreign policy but she suspects that he knows Elsa needs the support. He has an uncanny ability to know who needs someone there.
That evening, their talk is stilted. It reminds her of that conversation they had in the ballroom, before the Duke of Weselton showed up. For the first time since they started eating dinner together, she's glad when it's over.
The next day, she only remembers that Kristoff is supposed to eat with them that night when he reminds her.
"You OK?" he says.
"Oh yeah, I was just thinking. Yeah, totally fine. Very fine. Amazing."
"You know, every time you ramble like that just makes me think you're not OK."
She smiles as he gently caresses her hand. Even though there are a hundred ways this meal could go wrong, she's glad that he will be there. She never was good at facing up to things on her own. She just liked to think she was.
When evening rolls around, they walk up to the castle together. Anna has convinced Kristoff that he doesn't need to wear a suit but does need to wear something cleaner than his usual ice cutter gear. She has also convinced him that Sven will need to stay. She doesn't think he was serious about that but it's hard to tell with Kristoff.
They are eating in the small dining room. Elsa is the gracious host and Kristoff is nervous and clearly trying not to say anything she might perceive as rude. Anna had asked him earlier why he was worried about talking to Elsa. He said it was because she's the Queen. When Anna pointed out that she is the Crown Princess, he shrugged and said she's Anna.
They're both trying not to mess it up for her, even though Kristoff hates formal events and Elsa is … unhappy. But she doesn't want this. She wants Kristoff to smile his secret smile and make sarcastic comments which make her laugh. She wants Elsa to snort and make those dry comments while her eyes sparkle with amusement.
"So, I was thinking, I might go hike in the mountains tomorrow evening," she says, interrupting their subdued question and answer about different types of ice (and really, who knows or cares about different types of ice?) (Except Kristoff) (And maybe Elsa, actually). "Thought I'd go camping."
"You've gotta be kidding," Kristoff says.
"Please tell me you're joking," Elsa says at the same time.
She fights back the smile. "No. I heard it's really pretty up there and I thought, you know, everyone says royalty is never in touch with, like, the common people and nature and stuff so I thought maybe I'd go experience it."
"They said you're not in touch, not that you should get yourself killed."
She holds her breath because a comment like that-
"Sitting on a mountain doesn't mean you get to know people," Elsa says and she can see that sparkle in her eyes. "Unless you're looking to become queen of the reindeer."
"C'mon, Feisty Pants, if you're that desperate for reindeer love, you can go talk to Sven."
"Well. That's a dimension of your relationship I didn't want to know about. When I gave you two permission to court, I didn't include Kristoff's pet reindeer. The laws on bestiality are strict, you know." Kristoff's mouth is wide open. "Don't look so surprised. It's been a crime for yea-"
His face burns red. "No, no, that's not … that was the last thing I expected you to come out with, your Majesty."
"Be glad I commented on that and not the feistiness of her pants. Which you would know about how?"
Kristoff splutters even more. Then he catches Anna's eye before looking at Elsa. "You're … you're joking, aren't you?"
Elsa smiles. "Not about the illegality of bestiality. But otherwise, yes. I'm sorry, Kristoff. I couldn't resist the chance to embarrass my little sister."
"That's … understandable, your Majesty."
Elsa studies him for a few seconds. "You don't have to call me your Majesty. If you're courting Anna – or if Anna's courting you, I don't know which one of you is doing the courting – then I imagine we'll see each other often." She smiles. "Elsa."
He smiles hesitantly. "Kristoff." He looks down quickly before turning to Anna. "You're still not camping overnight on the mountain. Without an experienced mountaineer-"
"Why don't you come with me then?"
She means because he's lived and worked in mountains all his life but as soon as it's out, she realises what she's said. As Kristoff scrambles for an answer, Anna turns to Elsa guiltily.
Elsa only smiles. "I'm going to pretend that what Anna said is, I'd better stay here then."
"That is exactly what she said," Kristoff says quickly.
"Oh, you two never let me have any fun."
"Given the question I didn't hear you ask, I'm going to say, with good reason. So, Kristoff, where do you live when you're not in the city?"
As Kristoff answers – hesitantly at first but then with more confidence as he realises that Elsa has a sense of humour – Anna gives herself a sneaky pat on the back. She knew the ice could be broken. They just needed a reminder about how.
Later, Anna says, "So?"
"Hmm?"
"You … you like him, right?"
"I do. He won't let you run wild." Elsa smiles. "And he's nice."
"I know."
"Of course, if he ever even thinks about hurting you, no place on Earth will keep him safe."
Anna eyes her for a few seconds and then, suddenly, hugs her, burying her nose into Elsa's shoulder. "Thank you."
"For what?"
"For … for being my sister."
Hands lightly pat Anna's back. "Go to bed, Anna. Time for being sentimental later."
The next few days are peaceful. Elsa finds things for Anna to do which involve being outside, meeting people. She wonders if that's because no one will trust her with paperwork but then Elsa puts Anna in charge of tracking ice export, on the basis that Kristoff is Official Arendelle Ice Master and Deliverer and they are therefore in a perfect position to work that out. She's not exactly sure what she's supposed to be doing but at least the reports are less voluminous than they were for house-building.
Following the meal with Kristoff, their meals move slowly from stilted to pleasant. They both talk about what they do during the day, agreeing silently that this is safe ground. In the second meal after Kristoff's, they talk about a memory from before Anna's accident but they know without needing to say it that this is too much; Elsa quickly switches the topic to food instead. After that, sometimes, they discuss problems in the kingdom or people in the castle. And when the tension is low enough, one of them will ask the other a question about themselves. What is Anna's favourite story? What did Elsa love to study when she was younger? How fast can Anna run? Does Elsa have a favourite outfit? One conversation ends with both of them trying to wriggle their ears and collapsing in a fit of giggles. It's nice. Even when Anna misjudges the question and asks a can ask instead of a should ask, they usually get the conversation back to safe ground quickly.
But even in the good conversations, there's something missing. Anna supposes that Elsa's as aware as she is of how little they know about each other but maybe she's humouring Anna's turn of conversation. After all, they never talk about the big things. Their opinion on their parents. What led Anna to believe a man could fall in love with her after a couple of hours. What Elsa sees in those moments when Anna catches her staring at Anna, her expression haunted and her arms crossed. The way Olaf favours Anna even though Elsa created him (for that matter, the creation of Olaf at all). The occasional outbursts of ice and snow from Elsa. Elsa's fear of other people; Anna's drive to be with anyone. What Hans said to Anna in the castle. What Hans said to Elsa on the frozen fjord. Why Anna was heading for Kristoff, not Elsa; why Elsa stopped fighting for her life.
And those letters.
Elsa told her that Anna could ask whatever she wanted and Elsa would answer. But Anna can't ask – not after that conversation – and Elsa won't answer unless forced to.
She thinks.
But then one week after Kristoff's visit, Elsa says, "I need to have a word with you. Would you mind accompanying me to my room?"
"Elsa?"
"It's … I think it's a conversation we don't want to have in public."
The dining room isn't public but there are servants. No one, not even servants, is allowed into Elsa's room without express permission. She'd always found that confusing before she knew about Elsa's powers because she'd thought Elsa's issue was dirt and surely a servant would be better at cleaning than Elsa. Anna asked once why Elsa still enforces the ban. Elsa was quiet for a few seconds before saying that her room is the only place she can still be herself.
Anna follows her sister and finds herself jabbering about something; she's not sure what. When they reach Elsa's room, Elsa pushes the door and holds it open for Anna. Stepping in, the room is dark, but Anna can feel wood underfoot. Behind her, Elsa lights a candle and then lights the torches on the wall. Now Anna can see a plain room with broken furniture. Lilac walls covered in damp marks and one old portrait that either portrays a noble-looking man or a black and red streak. A bed. A desk. A window. A chest of drawers with a rotten broken drawer. Two old armchairs, one of which looks as though the contents of the fjord might somehow navigate its way through its workings. A broken table. The only other personal adornments are books, which lie everywhere. Some are soggy. Suddenly, Anna is very sure that if Elsa ever loses control of her powers now, she does it in here.
She turns back to see Elsa with her arms crossed. Her face is emotionless but there's worry in her eyes.
"You ever think about putting a painting up? I mean, one where the paint hasn't run? Or a tapestry or a hanging or … or something? Give this room a more homely feel? I guess it already feels homely since it is your home but it's so…"
"Broken," Elsa finishes. She shrugs and gestures for Anna to sit in the non-broken armchair. Anna does so as Elsa sits in the chair at the desk. "I thought about it. I used to put things up actually, when I was younger, but I kept destroying them by accident. The rug had a similar issue. So I stopped. I'd have taken the painting down too but it's about my size. Anything I want to look at is in that drawer over there. And the furniture's hard to explain away so I just make sure I dry as much of it as I can." Seeing Anna's expression, she says, "You get used to a room like this after a while."
Maybe so, Anna thinks, but being used to something unpleasant doesn't make it nice.
"Anyway," Elsa says softly, "there's something else I need to talk to you about. Anna, I don't want you to get upset – it won't affect you. Not immediately. And I want you to understand that I wouldn't be thinking about this if it weren't important."
"It's the letters, isn't it?" Anna blurts out. Elsa's face turns pale. "It's … those princes who want to court you."
"You saw the letters? Why didn't you say?"
"You're going to let them court you, aren't you?"
Elsa looks Anna in the eye but it looks as though it's an effort to do so. "Yes."
She can't imagine it. Elsa who will barely touch her own sister, marrying someone. Sharing her living space with him when she's spent most of her life on her own. Holding him. Talking with him. Bearing his children.
"Why?"
Elsa still hasn't broken eye contact. "Arendelle can't survive unless we ally with someone else. It's a miracle that Father kept the country going as long as he did. We rely heavily on trade but after what happened … we've made enemies of Weselton and the Southern Isles. What few crops we grew died. We're a small country with limited resources and we can't rely on our other trade agreements – we don't even have that many: lots of countries broke it off over time because it was so difficult to contact Father. Arendelle would have been fine for maybe ten more years but it would have begun to strain. Now … I accelerated that." She pauses. "To be honest, the only thing we have in our favour, right now, is that every other country we know of is terrified of us."
The words are bitter. Anna feels as though she's missed a step while climbing stairs. "Terrified?" she says even though that's not the first question she has.
Elsa holds a palm up and creates a lump of snow. "In less than five minutes, I created what could well have been an eternal winter and nearly killed an entire country, with plenty of people there to witness it. Right now, I'm the most dangerous ruler in the world. All it would take is for me to decide I want to conquer our neighbours. Never mind whether I could actually do it; they think I could probably do it in less than an hour. They're scared of angering me too much."
She remembers the letter from the Southern Isles. It had been so apologetic that she'd half-thought the king there was being sarcastic. But … terror. He was terrified that Elsa would turn her wrath on the Southern Isles.
That's ridiculous. Elsa wouldn't hurt anyone.
You said she'd never hurt you.
I was wrong.
She can't think of that.
"Couldn't you use that? If everyone's scared of you, couldn't you-"
Elsa's eyes flash. "I will not rule Arendelle by fear. Anna, tell me this: if I were to start intimidating other countries, how long before I do it to people here? How long before someone calls my bluff and I have to fight? How long before other countries send soldiers to kill me, before I become too much of a danger? I will not use my powers like that – not even the threat of them."
Guilt fills Anna. Elsa has spent thirteen years terrified of hurting anyone. Anna knows that. As soon as Elsa revealed her powers, people wanted to kill her. Anna knows that. And yet she still doesn't think about how Elsa feels about any of these things.
"I'm sorry, Elsa. That was stupid of me. Really stupid. Like, if there was a prize for stupidity and insensitivity and horribleness in one big go, they'd give it to me, right now."
Elsa is breathing hard but she manages to smile. "That's OK, Anna. I must admit, the same thought crossed my mind."
"But won't these princes think the same? That they could use your powers-" She realises how that must sound. "Not that you're not someone people don't want to marry because you are. Loads of people would. If I weren't your sister-"
"Anna!"
"Sorry." She pulls a face. "I think I need to think before I speak sometimes."
"If you did, you wouldn't be you." They smile at each other. Then Elsa sighs. "I see your point. I imagine many of the newer offers are made with controlling me as a goal. But…" She slumps. "I just don't see another option."
Something Hans said in that slowly darkening room slips into Anna's mind. "But if Arendelle's always been in trouble, were you going to marry? I … I heard that people made offers to you before but…" Something in Elsa's expression tells Anna what the answer is. She almost remains silent, to make Elsa say it, but she can't do it to her. "Me," she says. "You were going to arrange a marriage for me."
It's not a question but Elsa says, "Yes." Finally, finally, she breaks eye contact. "I'm sorry, Anna. It was … Mother tried finding a suitable husband for me when I was younger but they thought – I thought – it would be too dangerous. They were going to arrange one for you when you were about sixteen but then… well. After that, I was too busy with other things and I didn't want to start talking to you about it." She looks up. "But you have to believe that I would never, ever have forced you to do it. I'd have asked you to consider it. I'd have tried to persuade you. Maybe I would have ordered you to meet at least one suitor. But if you'd said no afterwards, that would have been the end of it."
"I believe you," Anna says but her mind is numb. Love isn't something you can force people into. You don't stick them together and say, hey, you're a good pair, please procreate. "Elsa, you can't do it."
"I have to. Anna, it's common for people of our rank. Father married Mother and that's why we have links to Corona. We need another alliance. Besides, the first prince arrives in two weeks."
"But do you want to do it?"
Elsa is silent for so long that Anna thinks that this is the time she won't answer.
"No," she says, her voice so quiet that Anna could almost think she's imagining it. "But I am the Queen first and Elsa second."
Which is how Elsa has always thought, Anna realises. Elsa always, always puts the needs of everyone else before her. If Anna hadn't run to the North Mountain or gotten Hans involved, Elsa would probably have hidden away from all human contact for the rest of her life.
Why is it that Anna knew that about Elsa yet forgot it until now?
"Elsa, is this because I asked to court Kristoff?" The words hurt to say but she has to know. "If you want, I'll mar-"
"No." Elsa is out of her chair, hands on Anna's shoulders, in an instant. The hands are cold but Anna doesn't say anything. "The only thing I would like less than to court these princes is for you to be forced into something like that. I want you to be happy, Anna."
"It's not fair on you to always sacrifice yourself. Elsa, don't you want to be happy?"
"I would be happy knowing you were happy."
"And you think I'd be happy knowing you're not?"
Elsa looks away and it makes Anna realise something.
"Elsa," she says softly, "have you ever been happy?"
Elsa's hands still grip Anna's shoulders but less strongly. Suddenly, she lets go and a torch snuffs out as ice covers it. Elsa closes her eyes, breathing deeply.
"I would be happier doing this than you," she says softly, eyes still closed. "Marriages like these … love isn't a requirement. He may not even stay here. It would be for politics. And if we secured an heir, I suppose he'd have no real need to see me. I could live with that. You need love."
It sounds chilling but Anna makes herself say, "You didn't answer my question." Silence. "Elsa." More silence. "You said, Elsa." She can feel tears well up but she forces them down. "You said."
And maybe Elsa sees the tears that Anna refuses to shed because she turns to her sister, eyes now open, as though to hug her. But the darkness from the frozen torch stretches between them and Anna knows that Elsa doesn't trust herself to touch her.
Elsa's fists clench and she crosses them across herself as she bites her lip. Her eyes squeeze shut, like a small child, terrified of monsters in the cupboard. Then she opens them. "I have been happy before," she says. "When we were small, I don't remember a single day I was unhappy. Until."
Anna doesn't remember the day everything changed, only the aftermath. No one has ever told her precisely what happened. There was an accident. Elsa nearly killed her. And it all changed.
"And since then?"
"I was happy for the short time between making my ice castle and you finding me," she says and it hurts almost as much as the ice shard in her heart did. "Almost happy," she amends. "I was close to it. I was … I was free up there. Nothing to worry about. No limits." Her fists have unclenched now. "And after … seeing you alive, I was relieved. And happy. The day we turned the courtyard into an ice rink. I was happy. I've been closer to happy since the Great Thaw."
"That's it? Since you were eight, you can count exactly three times you've been happy? Not even happy but close to it?"
"Anna-"
"Being happy is more important than being in love, Elsa. You can be happy but never be in love. But I don't think you can ever experience love without being happy. Even if only for a second."
"Anna, do not throw Kristoff away like this." Those eyes, usually so cold, almost burn. "Don't you see, Anna? You can have both. Love and happiness. I told you, I would be far less happy if you were unhappy than if I was. Don't let us both be miserable."
Anna squeezes her eyes shut then. Her nails are painful as they dig into her palm.
"It … it just sucks, you know?"
"Father told me once that you know you're an adult when you realise that life's not the happy, easy place you always thought it was."
Anna bites her lip.
"You can cry, you know," Elsa says softly. "Sometimes … it helps."
That's another thing she can't talk about. So many topics she won't touch and so many things which hurt Elsa too much to voice. Is it any wonder they're still learning about each other? She breathes deeply until she's calm and opens her eyes. She almost makes herself smile but it would feel too much like a mockery.
"I don't want you to do this, Elsa."
"I have to."
Anna looks at her then. Elsa, so prim, so proper, so calm, so regal. Eyes burning, fists clenched, hair out of place. This is Elsa deciding to do what's best for Arendelle and what's best for Anna.
Who are you, Elsa?
This is Elsa being a queen. This is Elsa being Anna's sister and guardian.
This is Elsa ignoring Elsa.
She bites her lip again.
It hurts far more than ice rising into darkness.
Anna is beginning to understand Elsa and she's going to lose her.