20. Blackout
"Don't kid yourself and don't fool yourself. This love's too good to last and I'm too old to dream." - Muse, "Blackout"
I sat lifelessly on a metal bench in Esme's small garden in the back yard. I felt wet droplets of rain run down on my brunette hair and ivory face; I didn't put on a jacket when I came outside, I really didn't give a damn. The river near by was making rushing watery sounds as I was getting soaked with cold wetness. There was a hole in my chest that was growing deeper gradually each minute while I stared at the pretty flowerbeds that Esme grew all on her own. It was as if I thought that looking at the beauitful pink roses would cause me to feel better about myself. Looking back on that moment, I am not sure exactly what I really was thinking...maybe about the times Ryan Middleton and I had shared together...
Why was I mourning over this? It was sad, immensely pathetic and even dismal. Ryan was no good for me, I knew that for a long time. And didn't I already know who I really did love?
No. After all this time, I didn't truly know.
Still, I was in love with two boys.
"Cecilia?"
I heard my mother's ringing, worried voice from an open window upstairs. I ignored her, focusing only on the gorgeous ruined flowers and the sound of the river.
"Miracolo?"
Father that time.
"Cecilia?"
Carlisle.
"I hear her hearbeat. She is outside," whispered Esme's silent, fretful voice.
"Human girl?"
Conrad or Will. I didn't know which.
"девочка?"
Tanya showing off her old Russian tongue. Annoying, dumb...
"I've found her."
Jasper was in front of me suddenly, his face expressionless as the rain poured down on us harder. Instantly, my whole being felt alive again. My eyes popped a little, too. A cool trickle of calmness washed over me. Jasper held out his hand, reaching out towards my figure.
"Come inside, Little Lady," he whispered, using his nickname for me. "Tell us why you are troubled."
"Cecilia!"
In a blink of an eye, Mother was in front of me, her cool, marble like hands touching my already cold face. Her unnatural beauty looked positively beleagured. Rain dripped off the tips of my hair and parts of my face. Dad was right behind her, distraught. He touched my right shoulder.
"What's wrong?" he mused, his usual calm tone now completely overwrought. "What's happened?"
"Are you alright?" Mom asked, panicky.
"What's wrong, darling?" repeated Father with more alarm.
"Let her dry off, Edward. She'll get sick if she wears those soaked clothes."
Rosalie was the one who spoke. She sat in an armchair, her slender arms folded, her perfectly shaped legs crossed. I was shocked that she, Rosalie, was the one to suggest that. Emmett, who stood next to the chair which she sat, nodded in agreement. But before I left to change, I explained in only six words what was troubling me.
"Ryan has left. Because I'm human."