Tappa tappa tap tap. Tappa tap tap tappa tap tap tap. Tappa tappa tappa tap tap tap tappa.
The sound of fingers furiously typing away at computer keys was the only sound that could be heard as the door to the forbidden room slowly opened.
"Again?"
As she entered Neptune's "office," which was seemingly less and less like an "office" and more and more like a "use the anniversary chapter to screw around room," Noire shook her head. Every time she had been in a scene so far where Neptune was using a computer, only trouble had followed. Had another new game been announced? Had Neptune found the pictures Cave had taken of her — or worse, Blanc's story? Weren't these scenes not supposed to be connected to each other? Sighing, the black haired CPU decided she might as well get it over with and headed on over to her wife.
"Okay, Neptune, what have you found this time? Did they announce a new sequel, maybe?"
As Noire continued her approach, Neptune slowly turned from her desk to face the other CPU, a wide... guilty smile spreading across her lips. Noire already knew she wasn't going to like where this was going, but now that she had gotten the ball rolling, she didn't have a choice. She'd have to see this madness out to the end — and probably fix it too, more than likely.
"I did a bad, bad thing, Noire."
An admission right from the start? One that, unlike the one from that big old fight of theirs in the last chapters of Part 2, couldn't be misunderstood in any way at all? Now that got Noire's attention. Eyes narrowing, Noire approached her wife with such speed that it was a surprise she hadn't transformed into some kind of super speedy superhero to pull off such a quick maneuver.
"Neptune, if it was you who was sending those e-mails earlier, you'll be finding yourself on the couch faster than..." On the bright side, it looked like Neptune seemed to be somewhat clueless as to what Noire was referring to here, so she could feel a little relieved about that. Though realistically, she doubted even Neptune could be particularly happy about the content of those e-mails, now that she remembered what had been in them. "N-Never mind. Forget I said anything and don't go looking at the last few scenes like you were earlier. So what is it that you did?"
Noire knew that Neptune was already making a mental note to do the exact thing that Noire had explicitly just told her not to do, and while this normally might have been concerning, Noire also knew, and could take a little bit of smug satisfaction in the fact, that the anniversary special was finally almost over. That meant that there was no way Neptune could sneak in another chance to look over what had progressed thus far — especially since reusing a joke like that would be so passe.
Deciding that she wouldn't give Neptune a chance to railroad her into talking about those earlier scenes herself, Noire crossed her arms and put on her most defiant face of the chapter — after all, jokes aside, if Neptune did something bad, Noire needed to know, didn't she? Darn right she did! So that meant that Neptune was going to talk whether she liked it or not.
Judging by that smile, though... Despite it apparently being a "bad, bad thing," she didn't seem too ashamed about whatever it was.
Still smiling, Neptune motioned to the computer she had been typing on. Now that Noire looked at it... It wasn't Neptune's. It wasn't one she had ever seen before at all, actually. Maybe she had seen the e-mails earlier and had a reaction similar to the one Uni had had? That would almost be kind of sweet... Even if it meant Neptune had seen those things in the first place, which meant Noire had no choice but to force amnesia on her so that she could never speak of them or even think of them ever again.
Alas, if only it had been that simple.
"I stole the computer that our story is being written on. Our entire universe exists right here, on this computer. I could look up all the spoilers for the story or be super duper morbid and end everything right now if I-"
"You what!?" Noire looked from the computer to Neptune and back and forth again a few times for good measure. The expression on Neptune's face said it all — this was legit. "How could you do something so reckless...?!"
Looking fearful, Noire began frantically looking around the room for sources of danger, as if she was afraid that she would get struck down by some sort of higher power at a moment's notice. However, it was Neptune who was struck by something in this moment — with inspiration, that is. As Noire continued to look around the room, as if she expected that book to come to life and assault her at any moment or that chair to decide she looked good enough to eat, Neptune began typing away at the computer again.
"Neptune, now is not the time to be messing around!" Noire cried out indignantly. With Neptune not paying any attention to her, she knew that drastic times called for drastic measures. Luckily, she had come in here with this sort of activity in mind anyway — so without further delay, she grabbed the sides of Neptune's chair and shifted it around so that Neptune was looking at her and her alone, before she grabbed her dress and ripped it open to allow Neptune full access. "Now is the time for this!"
Strangely enough, Neptune didn't look surprised that Noire was staring at her with such a ravenous expression, undergarments exposed and looking as though she was ready to pounce at a moment's notice. In fact, Neptune looked pretty pleased about the whole thing. In fact... She looked like she had been expecting that to happen.
In fact... In fact... If anything, Noire was the one who was starting to feel more and more surprised, because... She hadn't come in here for that reason at all, had she...? As her cheeks began to turn a lovely shade of pink, Noire stumbled backwards and tried in vain to close her torn top — where had this lingerie underneath come from!? she hadn't been wearing anything like that a few minutes ago! — when she caught a glimpse of the text on the computer screen.
Even though Noire wanted her honey's attention sooooo much, Neptune (aka Sexy Heart) was hard at work on the computer like a good little muffin. As Noire looked around alllll over the place to find something to catch her Neptuney-Pie's attention, she found that nothing would fit the bill! Good thing she always had just the things on her that would do the trick.
"Neptune, now is not the time to be messing around!" Noire cried out indignantly, her voice dripping with innuendo and honey mustard. With Neptune not paying any attention to her sexy self, she knew that drastic times called for drastic measures. Luckily, she had come in here with sexy time in mind anyway — so without further delay, she grabbed the sides of Neptune's chair and shifted it around so that Neptune was looking at her and her alone, before she grabbed her dress and ripped it open to allow Neptune full access to the goods. "Now is the time for this!"
"Okay, so before you get mad, I also wrote that you usually leave a change of clothes in the cabinet over there for when you can't control yourself and feel like jumping me when I'm hard at-"
"I can't believe you, Neptune!" Covering herself, Noire finally settled on glaring at her wife — abusing the power of the... well... god-computer like that! This was even worse than the stunt her other self had pulled with Plutia! At least that had been an accident and mostly outside of her control — Neptune could have done so much good here, and instead she just wanted a peep show? What happened to all that "stuff you get in real life" junk from the scene they had been looking at the new games? "And why did you use honey mustard instead of just regular old honey?! What kind of voice drips with that?"
"W-Well I'm hungry! And I already used honey!" Of all the things for Neptune to get defensive about, Noire should have expected that it would have been her choice in food descriptors rather than what she had done to her. At least this exchange meant that she had probably escaped whatever trap Neptune had laid out for her in the "story" that she had written and had full control of herself again... Thank goodness.
Though... hold on. If Neptune was so hungry...
"Why didn't you write yourself a burger or something then?" Noire gave Neptune a scrutinizing look as she watched her wife's gears turn. Had Noire flashing her a little been a more logical and interesting way to see how much power that computer had over their world than solving a more realistic problem like sating her hunger? Seriously, Neptune!
"That's... a really good idea, actually." Truth be told, the idea that she might be able to create things like that hadn't even remotely occurred to Neptune at all, but considering she'd totally changed Noire's mood (and her underwear)... That definitely made sense as a possibility, looking back on it. She smiled brightly at her wife, hoping she could smooth this over by "cooking up" some of their favorites. "Wow, Noire, you're a genius! Want something too?"
Noire rolled her eyes. Neptune could be a little too obvious sometimes... N-Not that that was always a bad thing.
"Sucking up isn't going to do you any good now." Even with her words, Noire was starting to smile again. It was hard not to when Neptune got her going like this — and she didn't mean through crazy computer brainwashing either. "I'll give you five points for at least considering it, but let's just say you don't want to know out of how many that is."
The purple haired girl sighed woefully.
"Awww shucks." Grinning sheepishly, Neptune began scooting her chair back to its proper position, as it was still facing Noire, before she turned back to the computer, getting ready to make them the feast of a lifetime. The only problem was... "Um... Wowzers, I don't think I've ever had this kinda power before! Noire, what should I get? I've never been able to order off a menu that had everything before!"
"It's not a restaurant, Neptune!" Noire was this close to slapping herself on the forehead, but she knew that too would elicit some kind of tease from Neptune, and why do that when she was supposed to be the productive one in the relationship? R-Recent events nonwithstanding, that is. "Just move over. You'll probably write yourself something that tastes terrible without even realizing it. At least I know what I'm doing."
"Really?" Neptune blinked a few times, before slowly rising from her seat and gesturing for Noire to sit, a wide smile on her face. The idea of a super meal like this "made" by Noire was even more enticing than it being "made" by her! "That's awfully swell of you. I hereby upvote this comment and will grant you access to the super computer so that you can write us up some lunch!"
"Yeah, yeah..." Sighing, Noire shook her head as she ran a hand through her hair and settled into the seat. She still hadn't gotten to change how of the clothes Neptune had torn up (because she sure wasn't taking the blame for that), and now she was "making" Neptune a meal? Somehow, this didn't seem like it was very fair. "Go sit down over there or something and give me a minute to figure this out. We'll probably only get to do this once, so I want to make it count... unlike some people."
Making sure to look directly at Neptune as she said that last part, Noire turned to the computer screen and cracked her knuckles while Neptune retreated into the back of the room to find something to mess with while she waited. Looking at the document, it seemed simple enough — hard to believe it had had the power to make Noire do what she had done earlier. Did she really just need to type on this and things would happen? Was it that easy?
"I guess a test is in order..." Noire shot a glance over her shoulder at Neptune. The other CPU had already found a game to amuse herself with and was quickly becoming absorbed in the opening cinematic. Good. That meant doing this wouldn't be too embarrassing. "Okay, here we go..."
As Noire sat down to type on the computer, she remembered that she had had a spare set of clothes in her inventory all along, meaning there was no need for her to go through the motions of changing the old fashioned way. The CPU let out a sigh of relief as she simply selected the item in question from the rest and found herself wearing a perfect set of clothes once again, without rips or tears or any unsightly lingerie best left for special occasions only to speak of.
Not a moment after finishing the final sentence, as if it were the most natural thing in the world, Noire found herself being possessed by some kind of... force — no, not even that. Like she had decided to do everything that she had just written on her own all along, she opened up her inventory and switched her torn set of clothes for the fresh one that she had just "created" through the computer. In no time at all, Noire's outfit was back to normal, as was she once the "scene" that she had just written ended.
Needless to say, the CPU was pretty impressed. To think that Neptune had wasted such power on something so... trivial! There was so much the two of them could do with something like this, so much more than just making food appear or getting each other to do silly, nonsensical things like Neptune had!
But... Since Neptune had done something like that...
"Turnabout is fair play, right?" Noire commented quietly to herself, shooting a quick look behind her to make sure Neptune wasn't watching. Luckily for her, Neptune had gotten past her selected game's opening sequence and was already playing from wherever she had left off previously — in other words, until Noire presented the food or some other pressing matter came along, Neptune was dead to the world. "W-Well... Here goes nothing."
Noire took a deep breath. She could just forget about this and just make Neptune her food, then take the computer and go do all the amazing things she just knew she could with it... Really, there was no reason to do something so petty and silly, was there? It would just be childish to do something like that. And wouldn't it mean Noire was sinking to Neptune's level? It would, wouldn't it? There were so many better things she could do, like creating world peace, solving the share problem, or...
"It's so hot... Better take this off... There we go...! All better!" The sound of Neptune's voice from behind her made Noire swallow... and also realize that despite her conflicting thoughts on the subject, she had already gone and typed out a few paragraphs of what she really wanted to do with that power. T-This was just a test, that was all! She had to see how far it went, that was all this was!
... Well... No sense in ending the scene when it was only halfway over. Right?
"R-Right..." Swallowing once more — and fighting back the urge to turn around and see how things were progressing — Noire dove right back into the keyboard. If her observations were correct, Neptune would still feel like all of what she was doing was perfectly natural, and her indignation — if she even would have any — wouldn't even kick in until Noire was done with her, which seemed pretty fair to her considering that Neptune had pulled the same stunt with her just a little while ago. "Okay... Maybe not the exact same stunt, but who's keeping score?"
It wasn't like Noire "keeping score" was what had gotten her typing this in the first place or anything.
Soon, Noire found that her fingers were flying from key to key, her imagination running wild. At some point, her own outfit had transformed into that of a fantastic, over the top version of the traditional chef outfit, complete an abnormally tall toque, flashy jacket, stunning pants; the works. She did her best to ignore the sounds coming from behind her, because she knew that if she looked, she'd either feel bad or feel something... else, but either way, it would mean she wouldn't get to finish typing, and that would probably end in nothing but disaster.
"And here... we... go...!" As the final sentence flowed from her fingertips to the screen before her, Noire knew that there was no turning back now. Neptune had played a mean trick on her, so now — in addition to her lunch — she was going to get a nice helping of payback to boot. Exhaling (that had been a lot more work than she thought it would have been!), Noire leaned back in her seat. She had purposely not included herself in what she had written, meaning she basically had free reign over her own actions... though the same wasn't exactly the case for Neptune.
"Wow Noire... This looks great. Why don't you come and join me? I'll even let you have the first taste." There was Neptune, right on time. From the huskier, sultry tone of voice she was using, not to mention the exact words, even the pauses... Noire's "plot" had definitely taken effect. She couldn't believe her ears!
Standing up to face the music, Noire wondered if now it was she who was reusing material — her other self's material no less! Nothing she could do about it now, though... At least, unlike her other self, she was more than prepared for what she was about to find when she turned around — after all, it was only happening because she had described it in detail. This wasn't anything like what her other self had gone through, because she was prepared. She had even left appropriate "blank" moments for herself to react and for Neptune to have proper reactions without breaking the scene. She had written this in such a way that no matter what she did, Neptune would react just perfectly. She had thought over everythi...
"W-W-W-W-What are you doing?!"
... On the other hand, as the saying goes, seeing is believing, and despite everything that had happened to this point, seeing a fruit-snack-bikini-clad Neptune on top of a table "dressing" herself in whipped dream and fixings was an entirely different experience compared to writing about it.
"I'm making you your lunch, obviously. Oh, I guess I'm gonna be more like your dessert here, huh?" Acting as though this was the most obvious thing in the world, Neptune laughed at Noire's confusion and her own joke as she continued "dressing" herself with all sorts of sweet food stuffs — and boy was Noire thankful she had included that bikini, edible as it may have been. "Now are you going to eat me or what?"
Sure that she was going to have a stereotypical nosebleed any second now considering how much blood had rushed to her face, Noire found herself torn. All in all, once she got to return to normal, Neptune's biggest complaint about this would probably just be that she hadn't gotten to eat any of the "food" (and actual food) herself. On the other hand... On the other hand...!
"I-I-I'm sorry! I'm so sorry! I'm not ready after all!" Shaking her head so fast and furiously that her twintails began to whip up a storm, Noire rushed back to the computer and tried to type away what was going on behind her — but to no avail. She still had to reach that point, after all! Nothing new she wrote now wouldn't take effect until after her own clothes spontaneously turned into sprinkles! Why had she chosen now to be so creative? "What do I do, what do I do, what do I do..."
Neptune, being Neptune as well as the helpful tool of Noire's handiwork, was more than happy to offer a suggestion.
"You get over here and put this chocolate sauce to good use, that's what."
Noire gulped, squeezing her eyes shut and shaking her head some more. She wasn't ready for that! And she wasn't ready for the kind of power this computer held! Even using it for good was too much! If only there was a way to get rid of all of this and make it as though it had never happened...
"Of course...!" It was so obvious! Noire opened her eyes, as if a shining light was making it impossible to keep them closed... And in a way, one was — the shining light of the backspace button. Breathing a sigh of relief, Noire cast one last look behind her at what she had brought Neptune to doing, before she shook her head one more time. Definitely definitely definitely not ready to do that. "Sorry everybody, but this scene is going straight into the recycle bin."
Noire couldn't believe how easy it was. Highlight the offending text, look behind her to save a mental picture of Neptune like that one last time (f-for... for reasons, that's why! sh-shut up!), then turn back to the computer to hit backspace and save the document.
"Noooiiiire, what's taking so long? It feels like it's been a lot longer than it takes to type out 'giant pool of pudding appears in the yard'!" Noire let out a sigh of relief as she heard the familiar voice of her wife from across the room. A quick look confirmed that Neptune was once again fully dressed and playing her game, none the wiser to what Noire had pulled.
"I'm working on it! And you're not getting a pool of pudding!" Calling back a quick response to Neptune in the hopes of appeasing her, Noire shrugged. As she began typing out the description for a nice lunch appearing out of thin air, she decided that she probably shouldn't pay too much attention to things like this. "I guess since it never finished, she doesn't remember, but since I wrote it, I do even if it didn't make it in. Weird. I wonder if that's what the real story is like too... Nah. There isn't anything like that in there, is there...?"
Noire shrugged. Even if there had been, there wasn't anything she could really do about it, was there? And more importantly... Even though the crisis had been averted and no record of the text existed, Noire could still feel her heart racing at the thought of what she had done despite the fact that the only food she was describing now was the kind that would be horrible on top of another person. She hoped. Boy did she hope. That, or she still had some innocence left in her despite how being associated with Neptune was clearly corrupting her, which would be a nice thing (read: excuse) to consider. Whatever the case was...
This computer was dangerous. They had to end this scene quickly and let it cease to exist within the story before it was too late. What if someone like... like... like Blanc got a hold of it? Imagine if she so much as opened the story she had already written on it...
Noire shuddered at the thought. At least Vert was distracting her... or was in the process of... or was going to... When was this scene taking place again...? What if Vert was still with Uni right now...? Or were all four of them playing games somewhere too...? Agh, whatever! Either way, this definitely was one thing that absolutely could not leave this scene.
"Aaaand... There. Get it while it's hot!" Noire leaned back as she hit the final period and saved, feeling a sense of relief and satisfaction filling her as she heard Neptune cry out in surprise at the appearance of all of her favorite foods — and, of course, not an eggplant in sight. She didn't need to turn around to know she had made the right call this time. "How is it? Good?"
"Wow Noire... This looks great. Why don't you come and join me? I'll even let you have the first taste."
Noire's eyes widened in horror. Had something gone wrong? Why was Neptune talking like that? Had she made a mistake...? Was this going to go just like it had for her other self...? Slowly but surely, the CPU got out of the seat to see just what she had to deal with now. She hoped Neptune at least was still decent.
To her surprise, the reason for Neptune speaking like she had was that she was hovering over the food and wiping away drool. Her eyes were sparkling and she looked positively taken with the spread. Noire could have fallen over from the relief at seeing such an average sight rather than what she had been expecting.
"Noire?" Frowning, Neptune managed to pull herself away from the food to approach her wife, hands on her hips as she looked at the black haired goddess. Why was Noire acting so weird? "If you don't hurry, you won't even get the tenth taste. I may be a super generous CPU, but with all that just begging to move out of their parents' plates and into My Tummy Apartments, I can't promise I'll be willing to wait for you to finish having an inner monologue about how perfect I am!"
If nothing else, Noire supposed that, for better or for worse, she could always count on Neptune to get her back on her feet.
"Hah! In your dreams! Oh, and I'll be taking you up on that first through tenth taste."
"Whaaaat?! I only said first! Only the first!"